Not Listening - Phoenix,AZ

My son is 22 months and definatley an early 2. He listens to me 90% of the time. I do get the occasional stubborn Im not going to look but I make him do it and will stand there till he does. Through trial and error it has been crazy. I tell him "what a good boy" or I clap and say :yeah!" I have never rewarded him with material things or special items because I have always felt that praise is the best reward. I may everynow and then when he is older and understands more but for now I simlpy take him by his hand even if he is having a fit and sit him infront of either the mess he has made or the toy he is to put back and repeat the comand a little sterner. He looks at me bent down in front of him and I will repeat Nicholas please put back for mommy. He then will see we arnt going anywhere till he does this and he will go and do it. Sometimes i help and make it a fun game like mommy helps lets work together. i always tell him how well he did and a hug and kiss are the best rewards. they love to please us more than make us mad. I also had read an article on teaching kids patience by making them complete one task before continuing the one at hand. Like puting a favorite snack next to them and having them complete a task before they can eat it. It proved that these kids became more patient adults and kids growing up. it was really interesting............

You are not alone =0 My 4-year-old son stated this around 2, and my 2-year-old daughter does it too. They just keep going about their business like they don't hear me. This will probably even turn intot hm saying "no"! What I have read and experienced is that this is a normal part of development. They are starting to create an independent self from us and testing the waters of what they can and cannot do. This is where you need to insist on first-time obedience. If you ask her to do something and she ignores you, you must immediately have a negative consequence (take a toy away, time-out, etc). After being consistent with this she will realize she must react to your request immediately or have a negative consequence. I have found this turns into a safety issue. When you tell her to stop when walking out of a store, she will instead of walking out into the parking lot and get hit because she did not listen to you.

Hope this helps...it has worked for us =) I also find that my kids have a much harder time listening when they are tired, we sometimes joke that their ears fell asleep and that they need to go to bed or nap =0)

K.

I don't if I would call it a phase. I honestly can say that if we don't deal with it now with good tactics our children will eventually will never learn to listen. My worst fear will be when my child is a teenager and listening to me will be problem. Anyway, my child is also very stubborn and independent, so I know how you feel. I had to really think about how I would handle this situation. So I use a 3 step rule.
First asking nicely, then using the stern voice and then counting to 5 with a concequence, for example.. time out by the count of 5 or turning off the tv by count of 5, etc. This gives the child a chance to think of they will be losing or the consequences if they don't listen. When I started to use this method with my child, she would usually wait till 3 or 4 but then would react to my request. You are on the track, but give her chance to learn conquences. Soon she will respond quickly.

I am not sure what to do about it either my son has started to tell me to do it Myself. I will ask him to throw something away or pick up something and he says no mommy you do it. I think it mainly has to do with them realizing they have a choice. With that I relized he has privilages that can be taken away favorite movies trips to the store and such. I don't take something away unless he is being bad or disrespectful and I let him know that what he is doing is going to have repercutions. They need to show a little independance just pick where you draw the line

ok, so i have a 28 year old that still doesnt listen and a 16 yr old that never will. also babysit my 2 1/2 yr old neice and she also does this. i tired the counting thing with my oldest and he would just finish counting for me because of course, he was learning how to count. later on when he knew it was wrong, he tired it a few times but after i completely walked away from him and also ingored him when he had a request and his counting game didnt work with me he started to listen. with my 16 yr old, the counting game didnt work because he just continued to ignore me and if i ignored his future requests he would just attempt to get things himslef (mr. independent). if he couldnt get things himslef he just went on to another project. so for him, i interupted what he was doing and took him to where i was asking him to perform whatever. after a while he knew he couldnt ignore me because i would interrupt what he was doing so occassionally he would do what i asked. if he continued to ignore me i would go on as planned. as in, pick up your crayons so we can go somewhere. he doesnt pick up his crayons and continues to play, i go out the frond door with a lot of pomp and circumstance, lock the door and hide out in the side yard where he couldnt find me. he would start picking up his crayons and call out that he was done and ready to go. i know this sounds cruel but each of my boys is different. if i had done that tomyoldest , he would have freaked out, i know my youngest is more independent and he was ok with this. my neice , totally different story. i can convince her to do anything because she is easliy distracted and we bargain a lot. if you pick up your crayons, we can play dolls, ifyou bring me your shoes we can play outside.. and the worst part is that the day they turn 13 you become retarded and dont know anything anmore so you have to start all over again. now that my 16 yr old is a teenager he forgets a lot of thigns i ask him to do. id ont say anything but when he asks me to do things for him "i forget" and now i have a good excuse, im older and im practicing for when i get alzheimers. its a big drama when "i forget" to do what he wants but he doesnt "forget too much after that, but then it starts al over again.

It helps to have the expectation that she will do what you need her to do. If I need my kids to do something, I say just that. If they don't want to, which is rare, I just insist and say that they must. If my 6 year old presents a good argument why she isn't able, I take it into consideration. It is important to me to cultivate their independece and not control their behavior. I have never used rewards or had to resort to consequences or counting or anything like that.

My daughter is 4 and very stubborn as well. Two year olds are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. I started a rewards chart with my daughter. It's simple and I made it on the computer. It lists everything from brushing her teeth to helping clean up from dinner. When she does what she is asked or told she gets a sticker on the chart. When she gets a certain number of stickers (pick an appropriate amount) she gets to watch a special movie or gets a special snack that isn't a normal treat. Rewarding her instead of threatening seemed to help a lot. She does still have her moments though...

My only suggestion with the counting thing is that you count backwards...I start with 5 and go to zero, my husband starts with 3. Zero is a definate end, so you won't be persuaded to drag out your counting and give them that one more chance. My son knows that zero is it and I get what I want!! Plus, he learned how to count backwards before he was 2! Good luck!

I find that I have to remove the "distraction".
1st I will ask in a normal voice.
2nd I will go to them, get their attention by asking again and or removing the toy, pen and paper, turn off the TV / game console.
3rd If this doesn't get things rolling I will physically guide them to the task and coach and encourage their participation. This works with persistence.
I like to keep firm or loud voices for critical, right now, or emergency situations.
Yes, early on negative consequence is the only thing that works.
I've found that taking away without follow through doesn't create a "right thing to do" thinking process. Once they can talk I've moved to a "right thing" environment. This helps when they aren't being supervised to make better decisions on their own. With 4 this reduces the hitting and pushing dramatically.
Also, if they know that they'll end up doing it anyway. They'd rather just do it. With out the other "Stuff."

Oh I so know how this is my son is turning 2 in 3 weeks and is having the same problem he even backs it up at times with a "NO!" I have tried spanking and to your room and no treat and sit in the chair. I am at a loss I suppose just keep trying.

"1-2-3 Magic" by Dr. Phelan (I don't remember his first name). It was a miracle. ON my daughter's 2nd bday, she started doing the same exact thing - my mother calls it selective listening. She DOES hear you, but chooses to ignor you to get a rise (and she usually did!). This book is wonderful. Basically the idea is that there are 2 different kind of behaviors - behaviors you want them to stop & behaviors you want them to start. For behaviors you want them to stop & quick start behaviors (picking up their toys, get dressed, etc.) - you count to 3 without any emotion & if they don't listen, without talking you put them in time-out. My daughter is now 3, but it didn't take very long at all to start working. Now I usually only have to count to 1 (I find if I count to 5 - she waits more until 3, so I only count to 3). Also "catch" them doing behaviors you want them to do & praise praise praise - "Thank you so much for listening to Mommy", "Thank you so much for picking up your toys - that's such a good girl", etc. Good Luck & msg me if you have any questions!

with my kids time out help alot, I would just say(firm and loud) "time out!" and point to the time out corner usually where i could see them(there were several corners, if i was in the kitchen i would put them near etc)i would let them know why i put in time out afterwards, because i wanted them to think about why i put them there( and to tell me), if they didnt know then i would tell them and also explaine what I expected them to do. Also if they asked me if they could get out or try to talk to me before there time was out they would have to start over. I started with 5 min and the older they got the more time i put on. My kids told me they would rather get spanked or sent to there room because then they could lay down and go to sleep,or play with their toys. I also put up a reward chart if they had so many timeouts during the week they would have to do something for me whether it was sweeping something,vaccum,do something in the yard, depending on there age something they dont like to do.If they would do really good that week we would go somewhere(a movie,park,amusement,lunch or dinner there choice or they could pick out a snack,candy,an outfit,shoes etc of their choice. I hope if you try this it works for you. let me know....