Not Affectionate Enough?

I read both of your posts, and in my opinion... tired, frustrated and resentful doesn't lend itself well towards affectionate, even if you think you are. It sounds like the two off you need a good heart-to-heart when you're both in the right frame of mind (maybe even treat yourselves to a dinner out). Start out by admitting that you may not be doting on him as much, but that you feel overwhelmed right now. Try to use "I... " statements like "I am not getting enough sleep, waking up with the new one, can't nap because of the older ones, etc." Try to avoid "You... " statements like "You never help around the house". Instead turn it into "It would help me tremendously if you could help with...". Use the opportunity to ask what he wants you to do more of - kissing, surprising him with little treats, whatever he defines as affection. If you don't think it will become a competition or something to throw in each other's face, you could even come up with two lists - one for the things that he will try harder to do, one for the things that you will try harder to do. Try to get your head around a meet in the middle approach, even if some of the things that you're each asking are not things that you or he might like to do... Let him know that you love him and want to make him happy and ("and" is such a better transition than "but" in conversations where you're trying to tread lightly) you hope that he feels the same for you. Good luck rekindling the loving partnership that you both deserve ;)

Wait a second! This is the same guy who won't help you with housework or the baby because he's too tired? I'm sorry, but he's insane! I would sit him down when you are both calm and explain to him why you are not into being "affectionate" - that you are exhausted, hormonal, and simply irritated!! Explain to him all you do in a a day. Give him a list of things that would take the load off of you so that you would be more rested and therefore want to give a little more affection. If your energy is drained, there is nothing left at the end of the day for him.
If he still doesn't get it, go away for a weekend and let him deal with it all by himself all day for a couple of days... He'll get it.

Affection for women is alot more then hormones, it's emotional. You're other posts states that he's not helping you out with the house and the new baby. So why would you feel affectionate? You are resentful right now, as well as exhausted! Let him know that these things go hand in hand. When you feel like someone's taking you for granted, the last thing you feel like doing is making out with them! MEN!!!!

Ah, new babies and needy husbands.

I am an old woman now, and from the "been there, done that" category, I sure do get the being exhausted, having a kid attached to you 24 hours a day, my work is never done, and husband does not help enough feelings you are having.

I also know that this topic is going to keep coming up over, and over, and over again if you stay married. Nature of the beast.

Men are very simple creatures. They really do need affection and they want the physical expression, or they don't feel loved. They know if you don't mean it too, and they sulk, pout, etc. It is useless to fight them, this is the way men are made, just like we are made up the way we are, and think that they should be reasonable and logical about it. They aren't.

The good news is that it really does not take that much to satisfy them. Men who feel loved, and better yet, think and know that their wife is "hot" for them and wants them (yes, you know exactly what I mean) is a happy man who just might start doing a little more around the house too. Mine did. He is my very first priority, his happiness, which (no matter how much I think it is not logical) is all tied up with sex and affection (which really means sex.)

One thing I have learned over the last 21 years is that I would rather be happy than right. I had to may my husband happy (it is what I set out to do when I married him, afterall!) to find that my life was everything I really wanted...an attentive husband who helps me, follows me around like a puppy and can't do enough to make me happy. It just took understanding this one thing about him, irrational or not.

You might actually enjoy yourself, I know I do!

M.

Try this----"Nothing turns me on more than a man folding laundry!"