No Gift/charity Donation for First Birthday Party

Well, those who think it's rude confuse me, because I generally assume I will get someone a gift (even if it's small) if I'm invited to their party.

Perhaps mentioning in a lighhearted way how happy you are to be celebrating, how grateful you are to the children's hospital, and that in lieu of a gift, donations to the hospital would be appreciated.

If there is a link to the donation website or something like that, you could make up a little note to include in the envelope so people can make the donation easily if they choose. Just accept physical gifts gratefully as well because some people just like to give something physical.

Tacky? What? Are gift registries tacky? All you are saying is that the donation is a suggestion not a requirement. You got a lot of great suggestions on wording below. What a nice idea.

I think it's a great idea. How very thoughtful!

This may be kind of wordy, but something like this inserted with the invitation might work:

"Thank you for celebrating this wonderful milestone with us. Your presence is present enough. Should you feel a need to mark this occasion with a gift, our family would be honored if, instead of giving something to (insert child's name here) directly, you'd join us in making a donation to YYY Children's Hospital, whose wonderful care made this birthday possible for all of us."

I think it's lovely. We have been invited to parties like that before, and usually the wording is something like, "Please consider a donation to Children's Hospital in Joey's honor, in lieu of gifts." Knowing what you went through, and how hard those doctors and nurses must have fought for your son to get him to this point, I'm sure your guests will be thrilled to make a donation! Congratulations, mama, on making it through the first year. ;)

I don't think it's tacky or rude at all. People sometimes request no gifts, and this wouldn't be different then, say, a wedding registry, IMHO.

Wording could be something along the line of "if you were planning on a gift for our son, we would appreciate you considering a donation of any amount to such and such hospital, in honor of the care he received there..." I personally wouldn't see this as pushy, and being that all your friends and family know what you went through, I don't think they would either.

While I totally appreciate what you are saying....
I think people that know how much of a struggle it was will WANT to buy your son something because he made it!
I know I would.

I think it's a wonderful, selfless idea. Who cares what other people think, if it's what you and your family want to do, then that's what you go with. People that think it's rude or pushy don't have to come. And more times than not, you're going to get people that not only donate but will still bring a gift. But you got the best gift of all, your beautiful son.
Happy early birthday to your baby!

How to request directed giving without being tacky about it is the question. Such direction is done frequently when someone dies, though: "In lieu of flowers, the family requests you send a donation to XXX charity." That isn't considered tacky.

In this case, I'd go for it carefully. "Ricky wants you to know that he's thankful to be celebrating his first birthday and, if you plan to give a present, he'd like it to be a contribution to Children's Hospital as a way to tell them thank you!" (Be sure to get your son's "permission" to do this so that you'll be telling the truth!) :^)

To be really non-tacky, you get a couple of friends to pass the word to the invited guests instead of writing it on the invitation. But that's up to you.

I will warn you that your son may get a few toys anyhow - from folks who can't imagine *not* giving a little boy a toy for his birthday. You'll need to be gracious about that.

Here's the thing. This baby is a super blessing to everyone because he is an answer to prayers. Everyone that knows you that has faith said at least one prayer for him while he was in crisis.

SO they are going to want to be part of his celebration. Let them bring gifts and bless him back.

He will grow into the toys when he gets there. The toys that are for 9-18 months are made to grow with them. I think that if I got an invitation that said "we don't want your toys" I'd be annoyed.

SO, that said. If you really want to do this then you'll do it anyway so why not word it like this.

***************************************
"We know that everyone loves XXX and want to show him your love we are letting you know that IF you'd like to make a donation to the Nic-U unit that was such a blessing to us when he lived there instead of a gift to XXX we'd like to thank you".

The doctors, nurses, and staff at XXX Hospital Nic-U were kind and helpful and they went out of their way to make sure XXX did the best he could so this is our way of thanking them, giving to their program so they can help even more families.

Here's the address for donations to be sent."
***********************************************

That might make me feel differently about not giving him a gift but still, I might make a donation and give him a gift too.

What about calling the children's hospital and asking if they need any new toys? My Mom was a nurse on a pediatric ward and they were always looking for new toys for the kids to play with.

You could let people know that instead of presents for your son (who has everything he needs) to please bring a gift to donate to the hospital.

There is a big difference between following proper etiquette and being tacky. It is not following proper etiquette to mention gifts in any way in an invitation. That is just "The Rule." There are also rules about things like how you should place your silverware during dinner if you are merely pausing or done with your meal. But unless you are dining with the Queen, does anyone really care if you screw that one up? Your heart is in the right place and you are looking for a tactful way to suggest a donation. Your result won't be "tacky," it may just break the rule.
If you want to Emily Post it, make no mention of gifts in the invitation. You can spread the word through friends, when people ask for gift suggestions, etc.
It would also be very appropriate for you to give out small donation acknowledgements as favors, like these:
http://www.dexknows.com/local/weddings/guides_and_videos/...

normally i think that it is odd that people do a no gifts/charity donation thing for a party. In many cases it comes across as being too good for a gift anyone else could give them. BUT i totally see where you are coming from here. Especially because those that would be attending KNOW the situation I think it would be fine. Write something like: "we are so blessed to have (our son) reach this milestone and we are so grateful to the hospital for making this possible. In lieu of gifts for (our son) we will be making a donation to the hospital that cared for him so others may be cared for as we were during a difficult time. We would love for you to join us if you wish." and then you can list items that are good for donation or a website to make the donation. Happy birthday to your sweet little boy!

Yes, it's tacky. The reason is that while we all know people will give gifts at a birthday party, it's wrong to ever assume that gifts will be given. If you write asking for a specific thing, that's assuming that there will be a gift, and would be considered rude according to traditional etiquette. Now, if someone gets the invitation, calls/emails you to say that they are coming and asks what they little guy would like, then it would be appropriate to let them know your request.

We have simply put "No gifts please, however if you would like to do something please consider making a donation to XYZ Charity instead. www.xyzcharity.org" at the bottom of the invitation. We have done this for both of our children's first birthdays and will continue the tradition for baby #3.

You can register his party with the Peter Pan Children's Fund!

http://www.peterpanchildrensfund.org/birthdayClub.php

It's not at all tacky. It's a lovely idea.

I think it's a wonderful idea, but I certainly hope you plan on getting your son a gift. Believe me, when you look back, you'll want to have at least that ONE special thing you gave him for his first birthday...something of a keepsake.

Otherwise, you've had some great suggestions below on how to go about it.