1St Bday Etiquette Question

As for the actual etiquette of it...yes you can request no gifts but I have found that it does not matter. Those who wish to bring gifts will do so regardless of what you put on the invitation.

I'm confused? "Because we are doing her naming at the same time" Are you doing a baby naming for your next one or for the 1 year old? Am I missing something?

I think the combo party is a great idea. You can put "Your presence is gift enough". People are still going to get something anyway, no one wants to come empty handed.

Please explain what you mean by "doing her naming"...does she not have a name? I'm very confused!
I think if you want to mention anything at all, you should just say "Your presense at the party is gift enough" or "your presense is the only present you need to bring".

You can put, no gifts, please on the invitation, but people will mostly still bring gifts. Then, just be thankful - and if you have too much, donate it to the crisis pregnancy center nearby!

I agree that you cannot tell people what to do. They find it offensive. It's up to them what they do. You are inviting them to her naming, and it happens to be her birthday, right? Or are you just inviting them to a party for after the naming ceremony? In any case, it's up to them to decide what you do. Directing them to give money to a charity, while well intended, usually comes off as "we're so well off, we can be high-minded and look really awesome by giving your gifts away to charity" - and people don't like it.

If you feel uncomfortable about having them bring gifts, then you really have to keep the celebration private and small.

I agree with you that people tend to make birthday parties for toddlers into huge deals, and it gets out of hand. I think that's what you are trying to avoid. But by inviting people to celebrate this special event, you are telling them that they are really important in your daughter's life. If they respond with gifts, that's their choice and decision.

Do not put anything on the invitation about gifts. This is a new trend and it flies in the face of every etiquette standard, no matter how many other people do it.

Personally, I think it's tacky to request a donation in lieu of gifts, especially if you're telling people a gift isn't expected.

Just tell them, no gifts please.

I would not mention anything about gifts...Tacky and rude period. If you say no gifts people will still show up with something...I know I would. I ignore all those requests...Asking for donations is rude and telling people indirectly what to do with their money which is none of anyone's business. If you find the gifts you receive are not useful or duplicates of some kind then take those extras and donate them to a daycare, hospital, toys for tots etc...All tax deductible.

W.,
Leave well enough alone, you will receive what you receive and I have a hunch you're going to need more than you thought! Let people do what they wish - if they're like my family they're going to anyway!
Good luck,
M.

If you're inviting the additional people because of the naming ceremony (in temple?), they're likely to bring a gift for that. It's not terrible to request "no gifts, please" but I would not request a donation instead, because that suggests that they SHOULD be gifting. Honestly, if it was me, I'd not mention anything because people will just do what they want anyway.
I know it's different with girls because you can have their naming at any time, and if it's a boy, you do it at the bris and everyone gives their baby gift then, but don't stress over this and enjoy this dually special celebration of your daughter!