No Cry Sleeping or Letting a Baby Cry Itself to Sleep?

Hi R.-
I am a Mom to two boys - 2 1/2 yrs, & 6 months. My oldest was a little premature, & he slept in the room with us for several months. He was the same way, wanted to be rocked to sleep, then needed more rocking once he woke up. I received lots of advice from friends/family & was given several books to read by people who told me I was making it harder for myself by not letting him cry it out. Bottom line, I too opted for a "no cry" approach to sleeping. I was working Mon-Fri; son was kept @ home by grandmother. I gave him all the time & snuggling he wanted from me at night since I was gone so much during the day. He generally did well once I rocked him, & he's happy, thriving, and doing awesome today. He started sleeping through the night around 9 months, & only occasionally would wake up & need some snuggle time. It was also around 9 months that he began weaning. I don't know if your wife is nursing, but if so, this may have something to do with it. Also, babies have separation anxiety toward the 9mo mark, so the transition from your room may also have something to do with it.
All that said, here's what I would tell you:
1. Babies will sleep through the night - eventually! :-)
2. Follow your instinct, if it's not right for you to let your baby cry it out, don't.
3. Comparing your baby to others may make you crazy. Unless you observe serious developmental delays, (i.e. baby doesn't sit up & others do, etc.), let her go at her own pace. Consult your pediatrician if you have concerns.
4. All babies are different, & they have no idea what other babies their age are doing, so they may not do what "other babies do" as far as sleep patterns, eating, etc. My 6 month old started sleeping 6-7 hrs at a stretch, & he's also a breastfed baby who I again opted for the 'no cry' approach to sleeping.
5. Is your 7 mo old teething, on solids, etc? We've tried rice cereal, & we try it in the evening - having a full tummy may help w/sleep. Also, baths, stories, other night time routines help.
6. Last, I work night shift 2 days/week as an RN - baby has a little 'snuggle blanket' that I sleep with a night before I go to work - my scent on the snuggle item seems to help as well.
As far as "harm" in having baby sleep w/you; I dont' know any high school kids, or adults, who still sleep w/their parents. :-) Routines are important for babies to feel secure & safe, so it may take some time & reassurance to complete the transition.
Sorry for the long post - was kind of a hot button issue for me when everyone was telling me I was wrong for not letting my son cry. I don't necessarily think it's wrong to employ different methods to help babies get to sleep; however, I do think that bottom line, you have to do what you're comfortable with....good luck!

Cry vs no-cry is always a sensitive topic! I have 19mo twin boys so sleep was extremely important to me so that I could function during the day. One of my boys was a very good sleeper and the other was (is) more difficult. During the first 9 months I had to rock him to sleep. I was convinced I was ruining his ability to fall asleep on his own! Around 10 months is when I noticed his cry was a little different at bedtime and it was becoming a game to him to see how long he could keep me in the room. That is when I started to let him cry it out. It took a couple of nights, but soon he was going to bed on his own.

In the end you have to do what is comfortable for you. Every baby is different. Just keep in mind that even if your baby does start sleeping through the night, you will probably have periods when she doesn't sleep because she is either teething or going through a growth spurt. I would just recommend that you have a bedtime routine and always respond in a consistent way.

We feel for you! My husband and I were the opposite. I wouldn't let my daughter cry and he felt she could cry it out. Here's how we found middle ground; we did it in increments. For the 1st week we let her cry for 5 min before going in, 2nd week 10 min etc. until we got to 20 min. Quite frankly I think we made it to 3 weeks before she slept on her own.
But you should prepare yourself that your wife will hate you during this period ;-). I literally set the timer and wouldn't let her cry 1 sec past our agreed upon time during the week. But as you can see, we are MUCH happier and willing to share this method w/ anyone willing to listen.
Other things that helped her were having other indestructable toys in her crib that she could use to entertain herself; board/cloth books, crib mirrors, crib piano, lovey etc. She is 3 now and even though she doesn't go to bed IMMEDIATELY when we put her down, she is very self sufficient in entertaining herself and putting herself to sleep. Good luck!

I am a family child care provider and I was raised by a womn with a master's degree in early childhood who has worked in the field at the level of implementing national child care policy for 25 years. We do not believe in refusing to respond to a baby's crying at night, or any other time. If you do a survey of actual experts, respected pediatricians and educated, experienced early childhood educators, they agree that infants do not cry to manipulate. They cry when they have needs, and if you fail to respond to their needs, you can cause the baby to become emotionally witdrawn, and/or overanxious.
Your baby is totally reliant on you for food, comfort, and protection, and all she has to express it is her cry. When she wakes up - really wakes up in the night - and cries, she needs something, whether it is food, comfort, or protection. The idea that babies should be left to cry at night is worse than bad advice. It is dangerous to ignore the needs of an infant, as is the idea that babies should be convenient and conform to youir schedule. You need to listen to your daughter, and expect have to give up sleep. There's a lot we parents give up from sleep at night to energy during the day, but the more you give up, the more your child is getting.
There's also a lot of misconception about the expectation of an infant "sleeping through the night." For your daughter's age it refers to 6, no more than eight hours. So if she's going to bed at 9 and waking up at 3 or 4, she is sleeping through the night, and now she's hungry, and you need to get up and feed her.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to get preachy. It's just that the idea that you should let your baby "cry it out" is one that needs to die.

I've successfully raised 2 respectful, happy, independent young men. It's my opinion that "crying it out" will not harm your baby girl. Often babies develop behavior habits. She may be waking up out of habit, rather than need. It is not likely that it is manipulative, but it could be, or could develop into that. Most likely it is habit. I would recomment the book "Baby Wise." It has common sense approaches to subjects such as this. Sleeping through the night is medically important for your baby, during this critical brain development, as well as for you and your wife. "Crying it out" is far less harmful than continuing to allow this pattern to continue.

I go in there and check on her. Tuck her in, give a paci or milk, diaper, turn on her light up musical pooh. But if everything is ok, then I would say let her cry (although every night is different and I have been known to stay in there with her). If you get her out of bed and rock her in the middle of the night, you are starting bad sleeping patterns early, you can comfort her without taking her out of the crib. Then you'll never get any sleep later if you take her out...and then you'll have to train her to sleep in her bed alone later, so why not do it early with less resistance? But it all depends on the mother. Some mothers coddle their kids TOO much and they have developmental problems later because they never put the kid down. Other mothers raise independent kids because they need sleep themselves, which could also cause 'emotional' problems so they say. I'm a single mother, I need sleep, I dont ignore my childs needs but I do set rules and routines. Sleep time is sleep time. I know plenty of couples who raised their kids sleeping in their bed and it causes problems in their relationship later. I'm glad I never really did that so I didnt have to worry about weening her off, I need some time to myself sometimes too (even if it is just sleeping)! I spend plenty of time with my baby and give her attention, without her interrupting MY sleep patterns too. Then nobody's happy. This is my opinion and works for me, but you 2 may enjoy sleeping with her, or youre wife might enjoy doing those things...To each his own.

i am so torn on this subject. i have a seven month old as well. i have been trying to let her cry herself to sleep for the last 4 nights with some sucess. she cries for a long time. i go in after about 10 minutes and try not to pick her up. i rub her back and talk quitely to her. then i leave. after another 10 mins of crying i go back in, but have to pick her up. i hold her for a few moments and then put her back down. she still cries but settled herself down within the next 10 or 15 mins. in total the crys last for anywhere from 30 to 45 mins. i am a signle mother and my main concern is safety. i don;t mind that she sleeps with me, but when i get up to shower and get ready for work i am afriad that she may fall out of the bed despite the monitor i have. i really hate doing this. with my other two children i didn't do this because i was a stay at home mom and woke when they did. i am so torn. on one hand her saftey comes first and on the other, my heart breaks. i feel as though i am not giving her the love and comfort that any baby needs.

Dear R.,

Here are some excellent resources for "No Cry" methods and ways to "maximize sleep for everyone in the family while respecting the needs of your child" (as they say on the website.)
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/index.html

There's an awful lot of science to back up your wife, so if she wants to respond to her baby's crying and comfort her, she needs to follow that instinct. This is a VERY controversial area - you can probably tell that just from some of the answers you've gotten. If you try to convince your wife based on what works for friends, I think you could be opening up a can of worms. (That's my friendly way of saying, if my husband tried to convince me to use the CIO method, it would cause a LOT of marital strife.)

Many very well-respected scientists have published research stating that CIO can cause long-term adverse effects on the brain and has been linked with other psychological issues. And many others have endorsed responding to a baby's nighttime awakenings to ensure trust, attachment, and bonding.

(James McKenna, University of Notre Dame; Peter Fleming, considered the top expert in the world on SIDS, University of Bristol; Alvin Powell, Harvard)

http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNe...
http://www.childandme.com/cry-ing-it-out-my-damage-babys-...
http://phdinparenting.wordpress.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-...

There's tons more out there, just google for "Cry it out harmful" and you'll see what I mean.

But, even if science isn't your thing, there was a post from a couple of days ago from a woman who was following the advice in a book by Marc Weisbluth, who endorses a cry-it-out (CIO) method, and her baby girl was crying for over an hour every night for a couple of weeks, sometimes even vomiting. (Not surprisingly, she and her husband were arguing a LOT due to the stress.)
She got a LOT of responses,(from both sides of the issue) which you may find apply to your situation. But... yikes! You DON'T want to go through that!
http://www.mamasource.com/request/8127467741138386945

And keep in mind, the "most effective" way to do things isn't always in the best interests of your baby.
Good luck and sweet dreams.

I have heard that children don't have the ability to "self soothe" until they are past 6 months. Our daughter did not sleep through the night unitl she was 11 months! We made the mistake of swaddling her for too long and she was dependent on her binky as well.
Finally we knew something had to give. We put her in her pack and play and went through two nights of crying and finally we just put her in her crib. The rest is history.
I think you might want to read "Babywise." It talks about children needing around 20 minutes before they actually go to sleep. My daughter usually shuts off at 10 minutes on the nose.