Nightmares, Family Bed, Spitup, Oh My!

Until my son was 4 months old I kept him in his bassinet right next to my side of the bed...at 4 months he was in his crib in his room...then at 18 months he went to a toddler bed.

My son just started night terrors at 20 months- I heard that kids don't really have nightmares until close to age 2. My ped said it was a stage that he would outgrow.

I guess I was lucky- my son never spit up at all.

I did the co-sleeping with my babies and it was wonderful. I would start them out in their bed, and the first they woke up, I would bring them to my bed, and they would stay there the rest of the night. As they got older they would sleep longer and longer until they slept the whole night in their beds. At least that worked with the older two. The youngest woke up earlier and earlier and would probably still be sleeping with us today if my husband hadn't help break him of it at 11 months. Then as soon as he was big enough, he would crawl in bed with his big brother! Such a snuggler!

If I had to guess I would say your baby may be crying due to painful acid reflux rather than nightmares. Acid reflux increases greatly when lying down and it can happen to babies too. I would certainly ask your pediatrician about the possibility. SIDS is a risk with cosleeping. I can say it is very tempting to do especially when you are desperate for sleep. The short term benefits are not worth it! Get him use to sleeping in his own bed or you may still be battling it a year from now. It literally took weeks of crying to get my son to sleep in his own crib and he was almost two before we won.

Good Luck!

I had great success sleeping in family bed with baby. It is merely a matter of what makes you comfortable, etc. All the freaking out about it is a bit silly. In "olden times" do you think babies had their own little room off by themselves and parents got up in the middle of the night to go care for them? No. It's much easier for Mom to get some rest too if baby is right there. It's a much more natural thing, you are both comforted by the presence of the other. If it's working for you- do it. When he gets older you will gradually change when the time is right for everybody.

I second what Amanda said. Do you really care what others think? Your child is better off any day sleeping with you. I pity moms who miss out on that blessing and enjoy it as much as those of us who do. You also shouldn't feel ashamed, rather proud that you have the opportunity to be so close to your baby during this precious time in his and your life. You never get it back. PS - the first child is hardest to make this choice with, afterwards you know its right and won't think twice about doing it.
Enjoy! I'm off to sleep with my babies (3yrs old and 1 yr old!) Merry Christmas!

I have not ever and would not ever co-sleep because it is something that would be a bad idea...for *my* family. If it is working for your family - great! No need for you to change if it is going well.

We chose not to co-sleep for a variety of reasons, but mostly because of my husband's job. He is on-call 24-7 and it is essential that he gets as much rest as possible (trust me, the peoples' lives who are in his hands truly appreciate it, I'm sure), and there's no way that could have happened with a baby in the bed. We also never wanted our son to feel as if he was going to be 'kicked out' of our bed and we didn't want him in the bed when he was older. For the first 2 months, our son slept in a vibrating bouncy seat in his room then he transitioned to a crib. At 2 months he was 'sleeping through the night' for 7+ hour stretches and when we moved him to the crib, the time extended. We had to do sleep training at 6 months because his nap schedule was a disaster, and it literally took 3 days. Basically whatever sleep expectations you have for your child will be what your child learns, so in other words if he thinks co-sleeping is normal and that's what he needs to fall asleep, that's what he will need. Conversely, like with our son he grew up learning that he falls asleep in his crib and couldn't fall asleep in our bed unless he were completely wiped out!

The bottom line is that you need to take a look at what is best for your baby and your family, and if your current situation is working well for you then no need to change it. But...you did ask if people slept with their baby or not, so I thought I'd offer that view!

Hi there!
I have two children - a 17 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. They both slept with me pretty much for the first six months. I nursed them and in the middle of the night it just seemed easier. They slept through the night very early on - six to eight weeks, which was a life saver for me because I worked full time and never really took time off.

I know and understand why some people feel it's bad. I have a friend who lost her son (who was born the same day as my daughter) to sids at six weeks. He passed away in his bassinet.

My children always seemed comforted by the touch/warmth/smell of my skin. They also traveled around strapped to me in a sling - maybe that made a difference.

Co-sleeping worked for me and my children. They are happy and well adjusted kids who still like to spend time with their mom! :) It was a great experience for me, but it is a very personal decision. Good luck! R.

M.;
More people should talk about this. I sleep with my daughter in bed with me, and have since the day she was born. I even kept her in bed with me at the hospital. It started from just not having the energy to get up in my hospital bed to get her and not wanting to wake my husband. Then we got home and we tried the co-sleepers and bassinet's but she just didn't sleep as well and neither did I when she was on her own. Eventually I scooped her up into bed with me and we stayed like that all night. Now at almost 2 months she sleeps through the night waking to eat but breastfeeding when she's next to me is so easy I don't have to completely wake up. I've read a ton and I like Dr. Sears' take on it. I love co-sleeping it makes me my husband and our daughter better people throughout the day we are all in better moods and have slept better at night.

My daughter also spits up if she's on her own but not when she is in bed with me I think it's the slight elevation, and I also wonder sometimes if it is because she doesn't gulp as much when she is eating because she knows she can go back for more whenever she wants.

It seems like my 2 month old has nightmares but my mom told me that all babies she knows make those sounds like they are having a nightmare, I don't know about that but I just ignore the sounds now, since she is still sleeping in my arms. Or she will wake up really upset because she slept so long she forgot to wake up to tell us her diaper was overfull.

Good luck and if co-sleeping works for you do not worry about it, just follow the safety guidelines for doing it safely and enjoy that precious time with your baby.

Hi M.,

My family shares a bed. Our daughter is almost 20 months old and has only slept in her own bed on a few occasions. My husband and I feel more comfortable having her in our bed, plus we all sleep better. If she is in our bed she usually sleeps through the night, but if she is in hers she usually wakes up at least once if not more. I think you need to do what is right for YOUR family. Do not let other people criticize you for doing what you feel is best. Just remember a well rested mother is a better mother!!

E.

I am also a family of co-sleepers. I freaked out the first time with my older son, but when he started sleeping through the night and I did too, I couldn't complain. Both my husband and I were raised in families that co-slept. It's normal in our cultures to do so. And we still do now with our 2 boys. I've become a very light sleeper since my boys were born so any sudden movement would wake me up. And as soon as they were able to lift their own heads I didn't worry as much. And it was so much easier since I nursed my sons, actually still nursing my youngest. The whole family sleeps and it just makes us happier in the morning when we are all rested, especially since both my husband and I work. We plan to move the boys as soon as the youngest is old enough to sleep in his own bed. Then they will both move out together into a shared room. Really if it works for you then great. You have to do what is best for your family. But make sure you talk to your husband about it. Everyone has got to be on board since it does change some things obviously when you no longer just sharethe bed with your hubbie.

The gagging and spitting up does sound more like a reflux problem. I personnaly don't have the experience but had some friends who did so you may want to get that checked.

Hope you had a great Holiday.

I've slept with all 4 of my kids (ages 2, 4, 6, and 3 months). My 3-month old still sleeps with me. I find it the best way for me to be a good mom because I get sleep and therefore can be patient and there for my kids during the day. I've started putting Danny in his crib at night, and lately he's managed to sleep in there on his own until at least midnight and even 3am! Then he comes in my bed until morning.

1 - I feel great about sleeping with my babies, but I have noticed that others are judgmental about it and believe it's unsafe. I feel safer having my son with me. I can feel him breathing and know he's ok.

2 - Sorry, no answers for this one. It makes sense to me, though, that if he's on his side the spitup rolls out of his mouth whereas when he's on his back it would just stay in his throat and gag him. Poor guy.

3 - I've never heard of a newborn having nightmares and am curious how you know he's having nightmares. It must be awful for you to feel that your son is afraid like that. I'm so sorry.

Hang in there, Mom! I'm no expert about anything at all, but having had 4 kids, the one thing I know is that all phases pass. It's hard to see at the moment, but there will be a day not too far in the future where you're putting him in a bed at night and closing the door. It's out there! I promise!

Merry Christmas. I hope my kids get up soon. I cannot believe I'm the first one up on Christmas morning!

I coslept with my son and I wouldn't have it any other way. It was the most comfortable and natural thing for me and for him. Just like you, my son slept on his side on my arm with his tummy facing me. We also nursed so that made it a lot easier. We both slept well (never had sleep problems) and I was NEVER scared of rolling over on him (I was super aware of him always and always felt rested). I know you will most likely get a lot of people telling you not to, and how dangerous co sleeping is, so let me put it into perspective for you; the other 3/4 of the world (non western cultures) have no problem cosleeping and breastfeeding- and we don't hear about SIDS from these countries like we do here! People have slept with their children since the beginning of man. My son transitioned into his own bed at 2.5 and it worked beautifully.
I say do what is comfortable for you and your family.

Our first daughter slept in our bed until she was 7 or 8 months old. At that time we transitioned her into a crib in our room. Eventually we moved the crib into her own room. All in all it was a pretty smooth transition!

Hi M.
I think I just responded to your other post too, ha.

So my 2nd son is 4 months old and we co-sleep. We do it mainly because we live in a 2 bedroom condo so it a convenience thing really. I believe co-sleeping can be very rewarding if done safely. As long as you keep baby lightly dressed, keep him on his back, make sure he can't fall in between small spaces, and that you and your spouse are okay with it then it is fine. I co-slept with my first child as well.

There is no cure for spit up. It is a laundry issue not a health issue. My son spits up all the time, even when burped. It will end the closer he gets to 1 and when he starts solids.

I don't know if babies this young can have nightmares. It could be the startle reflex that is causing him to wake up. Also my son, if woken before he is ready, is SUPER crabby. So I know he is still tired and I put him back to sleep. I could be wrong about the nightmare thing so see what others say.

Hi M.. I don't think your baby is having nightmares. Children don't have nightmares until they start experiencing fear, usually around 3 years old. There are numerous reasons for his abrupt waking: he prefers to be with you and you let him when he screams that way; he may have some medical reason (reflux, etc.); he is starting to have trouble staying asleep during his sleep phase transitions, etc. Also, most babies go through a major sleep transition after they turn 3 months old from their gestational due date. Perhaps he is starting his transition -- you can expect sleep disruption. If you are concerned, perhaps you should talk to your Pediatrician at his next check-up. Good luck!

Hi M.,

We never planned to do co-sleeping (except using the Arm's Reach co-sleeper), but our daughter was a really bad co-sleeper. As long as you take precautions to make sure your baby is safe, co-sleeping can be a wonderful thing (and a great way to ensure that all of you get a lot more sleep). Make sure you aren't using blankets/quilts or especially not heavy comforters, and having protective rails on the side of the bed (or sleeping on a mattress close to the floor) is a good idea. Elizabeth Pantley has a good list for safe co-sleeping in The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I think the research is mixed on co-sleeping, but the risks are much lower for SIDS if you don't smoke or use alcohol. Our daughter stopped wanting to sleep with us around 7 mos., so enjoy it while it lasts!

Regarding the spit-up, I've read that during the day it's a good idea to keep your baby upright for 20 min after feeding. Not sure why he doesn't spit up when he's with you (unless it's some sort of reflux/stress response).

It was hard to get our daughter to sleep on her back in the co-sleeper, even when swaddled. She slept in her infant seat for a long time, and then started sleeping much of the early morning hours in bed with me.

Best of luck and happy holidays,
R.

I slept with my kids for years...its called a family bed. You said it yourself, this made you and the baby happy. My theory is that babies cannot turn off the I need my mommy thing inside of them even though the books tell you they can. Think about other societies. Babies sleep with their mom. It is the way it should be. Bring him to bed with you, nurse as often as he wants and you will have a happy, self assured, healthy child.

Hear what others have to say and then decide what is best for you.

Listen to yourself.

Maybe baby is spitting up from too much air in his belly. Some nipples let in too much so maybe a change is in order. Drs. all have their opinion like we do as far as cosleeping. It's always a possibility of being overtired and not realizing that you've rolled over and could potentially suffocate a child, no matter how large he is. At 3 months he knows he wants to be with you and will react however he can to get the attention from you to be closer. They're smart, very young. They can play us like a violin. 3 months old children don't have nightmares. they have no fears yet to have nightmares. Something else is disturbing him. Good luck and merry XMAS.

Yes, we sleep with our baby. He is in our bed usually until his middle-of-the-night feeding and then he goes into a portable crib in our bedroom. He has yet to spend a night in his room in his crib (although he naps there during the day). It is perfectly safe to sleep with him as long as you take the proper precautions (see other posts for details). If you look at child death/accident statistics, a lot more kids die/have accidents in cribs than are crushed by a parent in an adult bed. And you'll find that those situations are usually perpetrated by adults who are impaired by drugs, etc.

Our son is the king of spitting up, but I find that he doesn't do it at all when he nurses while in our bed. I think your "cure" is to have him in bed with you.

I don't think your son actually is having nightmares; I think he physically is too young for them. I think he is a high-need baby who needs to be close to you, and being away from you is freaking him out. This is probably what is causing his "nightmares."

I think your mother's instincts are telling you what is right for your baby. Good luck!

M.:

sleeping with your baby DOES NOT CAUSE SIDS! and yes it can prevent it. doodle James McKenna to learn more about the "truth of co-sleeping".

a. size and weight do not matter.

b. let him be on his side or tummy...

c. put him back in bed with you.. he gets scared when he is separated... all babies do.

P., RLC, IBCLC
Breastfeeding and Parenting Solutions

M.,
Our 6mos old daughter sleeps part of almost every night with us since her birth. We have heard about all the dangers, but my hubby and I don't move (literally) when we know she's between us, and she seems to sleep much more soundly when she's with us. I unfortunately don't have any idea how to combat the spitting up, and neither of our girls had nightmares at that age. Are you sure he isn't gassy? Just a thought.
Good luck!

My son slept much better with me but we didnt start until he was about 6 months old.... we were both sick and after spending 3 days in bed together he wouldnt sleep alone. I finally (he's 16 months now) got him back to sleeping part of the night in his room. I am torn, i sleep better when he's not in bed with me but he is soooo snuggly and warm that I love having him with me.

If you enjoy the family bed then do it. Just keep in mind that if you ever change your mind, the older he gets the harder it will be to kick him out. Good Luck.

M.
I just wanted to add my two cents. My daughter slept in my bed from the time she was 6 weeks old until about 6 months ago. Right after her third birthday we got her a "big girl bed" and she transitioned with no problem. I loved having her sleep with me. When she was still a baby I caught a lot of flack from people (including family members) about co sleeping and I began to feel guilty about it. So we started putting her down in a crib. BIG mistake. She went from sleeping 10 hours straight through to waking every few hours and having HORRIBLE night terrors. (She would still appear to be sleeping (eyes closed, not responding to us saying her name, etc) but would be screaming, crying, shaking, balled up in a corner of the crib, sweating- scary and heartbreaking. And we couldn't touch her or she would freak out even more). I let her fall asleep in my bed and all of that stopped.She went back to being a great sleeper. It was just better for her to sleep next to me. And I loved it because I'm a worrywart Mom and (still) wake several times to check on her at night. It was so much easier to see she was sleeping okay when she was right next to me. Plus,I LOVED snuggling with her. (In fact I miss that now)
Like I said she's three and a half now and has no problem sleeping in her own bed. And transition couldn't have been smoother. If she wakes up in the middle of the night and gets scared she will either come into my room and get in bed with me or go in Daddy's room and get in his bed with him (Daddy and I ended our relationship almost 2 years ago but still live in the same home together- but that's a whole other story). But I think that's pretty normal. She's a happy, well adjusted three year old.
As far as SIDS go, my second cousin is a SIDS expert and when I spoke to him about my concerns about SIDS (when my angel was an infant) he said she was at minimal risk because she was born at a healthy weight, was growing normally (not underweight or anything), in a smoke free home, and we put her to sleep on her back with out blankets or pillows near her. He also said co sleeping does NOT cause SIDS. The concern about co sleeping, he said, is the parent rolling over on the child and sufficating the child or blankets and pillows doing the same thing or the child sleeping near the edge and falling off. But if you take precautions, are not a mover and not a heavy sleeper- I think you should be fine. You have to do what's right for you and your baby. If you are both happy with him sleeping with you then keep on it. I'm one of five and when we were kids we used to all pile in one bed together, like puppies my Mom said. We would wake up to a bed of Mom, five kids, and a border collie. And I think we all turned out fine.
The spitting up part- I would make it a point to discuss it with his doctor and what s/he has to say.
And the nightmares- could they be night terrors? I know they are pretty scary to watch, I can just imagine how they are to go through them. That may be another thing you want to talk to the doctor about.
Good luck and keep up the good work!
Sorry about the long post.

None of my kids have slept with me just because I don't feel comfortable doing it. I'm not a light sleeper, neither is my husband, and we both move around all night and I don't think either of us would get any sleep worrying about suffocating our babies. With that being said, I certainly wouldn't change whatever is working for you.
I just wanted to give my two cents about SIDS...I'm of the opinion that it's called Sudden Infant Death Syndrome for a reason...that no one really knows what causes it and you can't do anything to prevent it. The babies that die from SIDS in a bed, they could have been accidentally suffocated and no one would know so they are lumped in with some statistics about cosleeping having a higher risk factor for SIDS. Those same babies could have and probably would have died if they were in a crib if it truly was SIDS since nothing causes it in which case they would have been lumped in with the other babies who died in a crib. I could go on and on with more examples of why I have formed the opinion I have, but my point really is that you can't worry about it..there are babies that die from SIDS in a bed, not in a bed, with people who smoke, people who don't, on their bellies, on their backs, etc. etc.
I think babies sense their parents worrying about it and that is upsetting to them. If you believe the research that SIDS is less likely to happen when they are in bed with you, and then you put that baby in a bed with you, that is all that matters and a baby will sense that and you will be more relaxed and thus the baby will be more relaxed. If you believe that research and then you put your baby in a crib, you may find yourself overly anxious about it and your baby will sense that.
About the spitting up, all 4 of my babies did this. I don't think their whatever it is that helps them to not spit up was completely formed yet. So they have all slept somewhat upright until they are better. All of them have slept through the night by around 4 weeks old, but either in a swing or their carseat. If I put them in their crib they would scream and cry (sounds like your nightmares which I don't think your baby is old enough for yet) it's really just that they are in pain. If you had heartburn while pregnant think about that pain but quite a bit worse. I couldn't lie flat while pregnant (or now even, I still take reflux medication) but I am fine on my side (like your baby) or upright with a whole bunch of pillows.
Hope my ramblings make sense. My best advice is to just relax and do what you feel is best, and your baby will feel it too.

I have not read the other responses, so bear with me if I am repeating information you already have :)

Yes, I believe it is best to sleep with your babies. IF you do it safely. That means, no cracks between bed and wall, pillows and blankets safely out of the way of potentially being in baby's face, having bedrails securely up, or baby sleeping in the middle of the bed where they can't fall out. Also, don't sleep with your baby if you have sleep apnea, are an extremely heavy sleeper or if you are on medication or under the influence of alcohol, etc. that would cause you not to wake up or to not be able to respond to your baby's cues.

Having said that, I slept with daughter #1 until she was 3 yrs and then moved her to a mattress alongside mine (on the floor) and then across the room, and finally to her own room when she was 5 yrs. She is a happy, well-adjusted girl. I am currently sleeping with daughter #2 who is 13 months. Co-sleeping allows us to breastfeed at night without me having to lose as much sleep as I would if I got up out of bed, etc.

Co-sleeping CORRECTLY and SAFELY does help reduce the risk of SIDS. The reasons are biological- the baby is very in tune with the mommy's body. This is the SAME principle that the new SIDS info is going on when they say to put the crib IN your room to reduce the rates of SIDS. They aren't giving you the full story though. Not only is the baby just "in tune" with you, but IF the baby is IN your bed and you are facing the baby, and baby stops breathing (apnea) then you exhale, the involuntary rxn is for the baby to INhale your breath, thereby starting the baby respirating normally again. This has been proven.

Also, funny thing, the US has one of the highest rates of infant mortality in the civilized world and we are one of the only countries in the civilized world who don't sleep with our young. We are pack animals whether we like to believe it or not. Mommies should follow their instincts on this and the ones who actually DO co-sleep should stop hiding it in shame. My pediatrician even knows I co-sleep and he is a very mainstream dr and is totally fine with it.

Okay, one more thing- the spitting up. I have been through 2 daughters, one nephew, and a lot of friends who have this problem. My daughter #2 would spit up at 3 months so badly at night that it was literally choking her with HUGE chunks and she would not be able to breathe sometimes. It scared me silly. After many meds, reading, dr appts, etc. I finally hit on something that WORKED. She is sensitive to dairy. I was breastfeeding (thank goodness not formula feeding- that might have killed the poor child with all the cow proteins) and I completely cut dairy out of my diet. After a few days, I saw a little difference, and after about 3 weeks, she was a totally different child. No more HUGE spit-ups, just the regular baby ones. (You can totally tell- the allergic/sensitive ones are thick, undigested curds and SMELL nasty!) She didn't just outgrow it either, because everytime I would have the slightest bit of dairy, she would start spitting again.

Nightmares thing- I bet it has to do with the heartbeat thing- he feels better nestled next to mama and more secure. Swaddling might help, but being next to you is best. Enjoy it, even though it is sleep-depriving sometimes. In 3 months, believe me, you'll be saying, "OMG, Remember When...."

:)
M.

PS- Don't let anyone tell you you are "spoiling him" or he'll never sleep alone either, that is just bunk! :)

I have had a family bed since my almost 12 year old was born. I have successfully raised 2 out of 3 children out of our bed into thier own. When they were little (infants) I would sleep with them on the outside fo the bed and used a bed rail. I am a lighter sleeper than my hsband and was not worried about endangering them. I keep the babies covered in thier own blankets and I would layer blankets on myself instead of a comforter. I did make this initial decision after I fell asleep in the chair nursing my oldest and almost dropped her. I know it is not for everyone, but it works for us. And, well, don't you sleep better with your son so close to you? There is no better feeling than that little one asleep on your chest or in your arms and you are able to sleep too! Good luck with your journey!

M.,
Its perfectly alright to let your baby sleep in your bed as long as his face is not blocked so he can breathe. I slept with six children and had no problems at all. so if he likes to sleep with you and he rests better , let him sleep with you.
Only thing , not on your chest, if you roll over , he will roll off bed. all my children slept with me , and their dad could get more sleep too, because he did not have to hear a crying baby,keeping him awake. so go for it , F.

M.,

I feel your pain. I've been there. My oldest, now 10, had GERD (gasterointestinal reflux disease)(Sp?) and would spit up while sleeping all the time. This would wake him constantly. HE did end up sleeping with me quite a bit. We never had any issues. He is fine a big and healthy now. I always found that if he was right next to me, I slept better, he slept better and I was immediately alerted if something was wrong. I'm not a horribly heavy sleeper, but in those days I was pretty tired.
I think co-sleeping is fine. People have been doing it for millions of years. I know there are not a lot of advocates out there for it anymore. But all 4 of my children have co-slept for some period of time and all are doing great!
And the reason your little one doesn't spit up as much when on side or tummy, you may want to ask your DR. about at your next check up. Could be that maybe the esophegal sphincter is not as strong as maybe it could be. (no need to panic, very common) Never hurts to ask the Dr.
Hope this helps and you get some sleep!
M.

Hi M.,
The only time I slept with any of my kids was midnight
feedings, I would feed them and the they would fall asleep on me. The transfer was always difficult. I found a way to heat the crib right where I would lay them. A warm water bottle, wrap in a towel, move it over, lay the baby in that spot and let the baby sleep next to it as if it were you.
If you don't want to start out with the water bottle alone, start by putting it between you and the baby (substituting it for you, gradually). There is also a plush product that has a heartbeat, your baby is used to falling asleep with that sound.
As far as the spit up, try burping in between during feeding and make sure he is not getting fed too fast.

I didn't co-sleep with my son, but I think it's a good option for some moms. The only time I would think it's a safety hazard is if you are a deep sleeper and might not wake up if you roll over onto him (god forbid). Make sure you keep blankets and pillows away from him so he doesn't suffocate, and enjoy the closeness. I personally had nightmares of him refusing to sleep in his own bed when he got older, so he slept in a bassinet next to our bed for 6 weeks, and then went into his own room. There's no right or wrong, but whatever works for your family. As for the nightmares, I bet it's just random firings in his brain since it's still developing so quickly. My son gets night terrors occasionally (not as much as he used to) where he would scream for no reason but wouldn't even wake up. I'd run in to check on him and he'd be sound asleep. After a while I just stopped going in and it didn't seem to affect his sleep really. Best of luck!

M., It sounds like your baby loves sleeping with you and it solves a lot of his sleeping issues. So, if it's not broke, don't fix it! Somewhere down the line this will need to change for various reasons. Sounds like he is smart about what he wants and needs a lot of touch, etc. Your bed has a familiar smell and warmth to it he does not get in his own. In my day doctors were very concerned about mothers laying on top of their babies and smothering them. Yea, maybe if you go to sleep drunk! I didn't move when I fell asleep nursing! If you have a sleep disorder then you might be unaware of rolling over onto your infant, but I would say that most mothers remain vigilant even in their sleep to their babies needs, which includes not being smothered. Maybe old cases of SIDS were diagnosed as smothering by the mother. You reallize that you are going to have to deal with his learning and loving to sleep like this and no doubt he will cry a lot when you finally put him in his own room and bed, because the not uncommon alternative will be to let him continue in your bed for years and years. It is your choice. I would say sleep with him and every month try to get him to sleep on his own and give him lots of cuddling during the day to fill his need for personal closeness.

I didnt read others but i have slept with all 3 of mine when they were babies. They would go right in the middle of my husband and I--never any problems. My 18 month old is still in our bed and it has just been easier. It is like he senses we are there and if I try to put him in his crib he wakes up all night. I dont care what people say or think of it because I am getting good sleep to function the next day. Good luck

I co-sleep with my daughter and have since she is born. She is currently 20 months old. It has been the best option for us. The SIDS increase only applies when parents have been under the influence of alcohol or drugs, are smokers, and/or are extremely tired. You also have to be careful with soft bedding and pillows, just like you would with them in their own beds. Check out any book by Dr. Sears. It has great info on this subject. The most important thing is to do what feels right for you and your family, not to follow what any "expert" says (even your pediatrician). You are the only true expert for your child.

Hi M.! I want to start off like many of the other moms and just say there is no need to change what works for you and your family. We are all different with our own concerns and ideas and it doesn't make any of us more right or wrong than another. I, personally, was very against co-sleeping with my twin boys. One, because I was honestly a freak about SIDS. So, every precaution I could take...I did. My other reason, was because I thought "mommy-daddy" time was very important after adding a baby into the mix. Nothing sexual...just that intimate time together. With a baby, or babies in our case, in the bed that would leave us with no "us" time. I think that is very important when the stress of a new baby is upon a couple. We were very busy with our babies and needed that time for loving contact, even if just a cuddle. I don't think we would have been good parents or partners w/o taking the time for each other. I nursed my twins for 14 months so I know it would have been "easier" to have them right there but my relationship with my husband was more important that a few extra minutes of sleep. The boys slept in a co-sleeper for 6 months next to me, then transfered into their room. The transition was hard on me but they did fine. I have to say, even though they are two now, I am still a huge fan of the monitor..and it has to be turned up full steam so I can hear every breath!! Like I said, what works for your family is between you and your family but I just thought I would add an example of worked for us. Good Luck!!

It sounds like you're on the right track to try different things to see what he responds to, burping him before lying him down and using the cosleeper... A couple of ideas to try, the warmth of your body might make be the difference to him. Have you tried keeping a heating pad on the lowest setting, and under a blanket so it is not directly on him, in his bed? Also a sound machine with the heartbeat sound. It sounds like he really just wants to be with you. Also if you wear a particular scent or use a particular soap, infants are keenly aware of scent. Putting a t-shirt you have worn over him (like a blanket) might be something to try as well. I treasured the times my daughter fell asleep on my lap or curled up on the couch,we would take short naps together, but after listening to the long term problems friends of mine had after starting a pattern of sleeping with their babies, I did not keep her in my bed at night. In the long run I truly feel that children are better off sleeping in their own bed. Keep trying to find what will comfort him in his own bed, respond even if it is a pat on the back for a few minutes when he cries in his bed. He will learn trust and independence at the same time.
As for spitting up, yes keep checking with the doctor each time, and try to chart things like how long after he eat and how much he spits up, and how often. The more detail you can give the doctor the better they will be able to diagnose any issue. When a mom says my child is spitting up all the time, it could mean hourly or a few times a day. That is a big difference and so accurate information will help the doc. I found that if I held my daughter upright for 15, 20 minutes (cat napping all the way sometimes) after she fed, then lie her down, it helped. As for the nightmares, I have no experience with them at such a young age, but even the birth process might be a frightening enough of an experience for a person to re-live it. My guess is, what helps older children or adults would help an infant. Turn on some comforting music, give the mind something else to consider, try recording your voice reading, or humming a song, and play that for him. (It would be like turning on the tv for an adult who can't sleep). My best wishes and prayers are with you.

It sounds like you have your answer. We bed-share with our son, which is slightly different from co-sleeping and I tried to put him in a crib recently with no luck. I don't know why I even tried. I think because everyone asked if he was sleeping in a crib yet, as if it's some sort of milestone like crawling or something. He sleeps with me and we are both very happy with it. He sleeps so much better and longer this way and can nurse if he needs without waking me up. There was a period a few months ago (he's 10 months now) that he was keeping me up all night and I was exhausted but it's passed now and we're good and happy the way it is. You won't smother your baby! The same instinct that tells you not to roll off the bed is the one that tells you not to roll on top of your child. Other than alcohol, medications etc it is perfectly safe, if not safer than a crib, to sleep with your baby. Enjoy it. I still like to have my 2 1/2 year old in bed with us too sometimes. She sleeps happier that way too. That gets a bit crowded though! I don't know about the nightmares, he seems a little young for that but I'm not sure. I hate the idea of babies crying for no reason so I wouldn't let him cry if you can help it. Merry Christmas and enjoy sleeping with your son!

Hi! Well, I wanted my baby to sleep on her own from the get-go, but I also enjoyed sleeping with her, and she woke up every 2-3 hours to feed all night long. So for quite awhile I put her to bed in the crib at her "bedtime" and fed her when she woke up around midnight, and then at the 2:00 am feeding I was usually so tired I brought her into bed to nurse and she stayed there the rest of the night.

I think it is fine, as long as you are smart and safe about it.

I think I started leaving her in her crib when she stopped nursing (started biting and playing) and when she would wake up early and kick and want to crawl over us. That was when I felt she was a "big girl".... at least enough to sleep on her own all night.

She still wakes up 1-2 times per evening, wanting a bottle to suck on, so maybe it wasn't the best way, but in all other ways she is happy, safe, and wonderful.

As for spit up...I think the baby's body is still maturing and the car seat is a good idea until it's ready.

As for the nightmares, I don't think your baby has them, probably the baby is just frightened when waking up and being alone...and that's okay....the baby will grow out of it in time.

I did let my daughter sleep with us every night when she was a baby...sounds like the same way you sleep with your baby..almost like I was holding her lying down. This worked out the best for us. She was smaller and fussy. The crib was just too big for her and I did not have a bassinet. I never smothered her, or rolled over on her, etc. The only problem in the longrun for me was getting her out of my bed when she got older. After she got bigger and we were fighting for space is when she was o.k with sleeping in her bed