Questions/opinions on Co-sleeping

Updated on March 17, 2008
H.D. asks from Sacramento, CA
10 answers

My son is 7 weeks old and up to this point he has slept in a bassinet right next to the bed. My son wakes up through the night wanting to eat (I am breastfeeing) and it's become pretty overwhelming having to get out of bed, pick him up, put the boppy pillow on to sit up and feed him, wait till he's done then burp him and then put him back to bed with out waking him up (that's been our routine up to this point). By the time I actually get back to sleep he's awake wanting to eat again. Last night I tried co-sleeping for the first time. I propped myself up a bit with 2 pillows and held him in the cradle hold with a pillow under my arm to secure him from going anywhere. He finished and fell asleep on me and I was able to get some sleep. When he woke up to feed, I just switched him to the other side and he was fine. My questions and worries are, of course, safety. I've read so many things about co-sleeping, good and bad, and I would love to get a mother's point of view. I know there's the concern of SIDS and suffocation but I've also read it helps baby bond to mother, sleep better at night and form to mother's sleeping schedule over time. Thank you so much for your time!

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C.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I co-slept with both of my teenage children and am now co-sleeping with my 5 1/2 mth old. Although I love it, one drawback is that it can be very difficult to get them out of the bed even when they are past breastfeeding and waking at night. You have both camps....yes to cosleeping and not to cosleeping. With the right precautions you should be okay if that is what you choose. My 5 1/2 mth old started cosleeping with me at the hospital...He simply wouldn't sleep any other way. I was even more cautious with him though...dad had to sleep on the couch. Dad is just now back in the bed regularly...I was a bit scared of him squishing the baby. ;)

Good luck..

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

i'm a co-sleeper too. did it from birth with 2 kids. it makes breastfeeding soooo much easier. baby sleeps better, mama sleeps better. just do it safely. get a safety rail to put on your side of the bed. the baby should sleep between you and the rail. mama's, especially breastfeeding co-sleeping mama's, are in tune with the baby and wont roll over on him, but daddy's don't have that same baby "sense" so you have to be careful if the baby is on daddy's side.

and the baby wont be in your bed forever. but you'll have to transition him out. kind of like weaning breastfeeding. it doesn't happen all at once, but it DOES happen. :)

hope that helps!
good luck!

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A.E.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi Heather! I also had your same problem and realized that co-sleeping was a huge help in getting more rest. Cosleeping made midnight feedings a whole lot easier since I used the sidelying position I agree that we have maternal instinct and are constantly conscious of our baby. She would make the slightest move, and it would wake me up. We put our baby in a secure sleeper that goes in the bed. After awhile, I stopped using it since it took up a lot of space. I made sure that she was swaddled tightly and that her face wasn't near our pillows, also making sure we wouldn't accidentally cover her face with our blanket. I also slept in a position where I'd make sure my husband wouldn't roll over on her. She's now 5 mos and sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed, so don't worry, she won't be in your bed forever!

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C.L.

answers from Fresno on

I don't think that co-sleeping is healthy for kids and their is no research that shows that it increases bonding. My daughter is a year old and slept in our room (bassinet) for the 1st 3 months and then we transitioned her to a crib in her own room. I didn't feed her to put her to sleep, but instead bathed her and rocked her. I didn't want her to get the food/sleep association. She was sleeping from about 10-5 at 3 months old and by 5 months old she was sleeping 8-6 straight and she was breastfeed and fed rice cereal. 7 weeks is too young to put on a feeding schedule, but at 3-4 months old you can and this will allow you to get a comfortable nights sleep. My husband would usually leave for work around 7:30 and he would put her in our bed and we sould lay around for an hour before getting up, so we had our bonding time then. I have friends that did the co-sleeping thing, because their kid would wake up in the night and they were so tired. They didn't want to do the co-sleeping thing and it took a long time to break the habit. I don't know if it works for everyone, but my daughter sleeps from 7:30 PM-6:30 AM and we put her to bed awake and we say goodnight and walk out the door. She also takes a 2 naps a day for 2 hours.

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T.B.

answers from San Francisco on

We co-slept with our son till he was 3.5, it was such a precious time, one that we will always treasure :)

I didn't read all the responses so forgive me if I am repeating... you are right the information floating around on this subject is overwhelming and contradictory. You really need to just follow your heart and trust your instincts.

Here is a great article from Harvard on the Subject:
http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNe...

And here is Dr. Sears Website, he is a huge supporter of The Family Bed.

Oh, and here are a couple of product ideas:

http://shop.nurturecenter.com/snnesuwiin.html

http://shop.nurturecenter.com/dexseslul3in.html

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M.H.

answers from Fresno on

I think it's an issue of preference. The risk of Sids and things are heightened when say, a parent has had a sedetive to help sleep, or alcohol and doesn't respond to a crying or moving baby.

Personally, I co sleep. I NEED sleep :) My babies had cribs, but never slept in them at night (once I went to bed). I not only loved the sleep that everyone seemed to get, but waking up to my sweet babies face and having that time really was special to me. I understand why some people would think it would limit intimacy, but like I said my child was put in a bed, untill we were ready to sleep.
If it works for you, that's what is important, take the precautions to keep the little man from falling off (bed rails are like 20$), and watch big fluffy bedding.

Little confession, I still co sleep, my three year old son climbs in our bed around 5 am or so, and we don't care :) Everyone is different. :)

Good luck to you, and kisses to that sweet little angel!

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L.R.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi Heather,
I co-slept with my daughter sleeping on my chest or next to me with great success until my hubby started waking her up with his snoring and talking in his sleep. I would have moved to the guest room with her but my hubby was feeling a little abandoned so we moved her into her own room with great success. I LOVED co-sleeping especially while breastfeeding as it is SO easy but my daughter is also a restless sleeper so I would be woken up with a swift kick in the stomach! I say go for it! Find a type of co-sleeper you like if you don't want him sleeping on the bed between you and your hubby. (I was always afraid my hubby would roll on her so she shared my half of the bed.) There is another mom here who has great ideas about co-sleeping, I'll email her to see if she will respond.
Congrats on your beautiful boy and remember to sleep when he sleeps!
L.

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L.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi Heather,

Our daughter was born in January 2007. She slept with us sitting up holding her, in our bed, sometimes in the bassinet swaddled. I wanted her close to me but felt scared she would fall out of the bed. It was amazing to me that a 43-year-old stomach sleeper easily learned to sleep on her back, propped up with pillows, holding a baby, staying completely still. (Yes, that would be me). I looked at different co-sleeper thingies that were supposed to go in the bed, but could not find one that seemed cozy for baby. A friend gave me a Moses basket, and I put it in between my husband and I. Eureka! Perfect. She had a cozy, safe spot to sleep, right next to me. She was breastfed with no bottles (still breastfeeding). It was easy to lift her out of the basket when she woke up at night. If I stayed awake, I put her back in. If I did not, I woke later sitting upright holding her and then put her in.
When she outgrew the Moses basket at the end of the summer, we set up a crib at the end of our bed and put the basket inside. After a week, we put her to sleep at night in the crib. Now when she wakes during the night, I get into my bed with her. If she falls asleep before I do, I put her back in the crib, but often we both are asleep before I know it in the bed. She is happy and outgoing, and we are both getting lots of sleep. I am very happy about this and wish I didn't have to go through the trial-and-error thing about the bassinet and co-sleeper thingie in the beginning. Also, re:
bedsharing safety: my husband and I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs (we have both been clean and sober for 22 years). We do dance and swear, however. And we like great restaurants (which are on hold til our baby is older....oh,well....)

Hope this helps.

L. M.
Novato

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P.K.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi,
I'm a co-sleeper too. I have heard both, people tell me it's okay and not okay. I think it's just up to you and what you think feels right. They have these little pillows now that are like a little bed that you can acctually put on your bed for the baby. It has little cushioned walls that are soft to keep you from rolling over on the baby, and to keep the baby in that area. My son is three, it may be "wrong" in some people's opinion, but I feel better with him right next to me at night. I know he's warm and safe. He feels more secure too. The only think I'd really worry about is suffocation. I would just make sure that there aren't too many blankets or pillows and check on the baby through out the night, to make sure everythng is okay. In my opinion, it's so much easier to co-sleep, especially when your breast feeding. I'm sure you're going to get a lot of different oppinions about this, but my advice is to just do what you feel is right. Co-sleeping never hurt anyone :)
Congrats on your little one! and good luck, I wish you sleep soon.

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S.J.

answers from San Francisco on

Heather,
I have to say I co-slept as well. I had the Pac n Play/co-sleeper thing next to our bed when he was 1st born, but then when he had a hard time sleeping I would hold him till he fell asleep again, and now the only way he falls asleep is laying in our bed and once he does I actually place him in his crib (in our room) i just feel safer knowing he is in our room safe and warm.
But once he wakes in the middle of the night (he's 2 yrs old) and still wakes at least 1 time in the middle of the night, it's easier to place him in our bed and he falls asleep. Some nights my husband sleeps in the spare room or falls asleep on the couch, So it's easiers, but I always make sure there are not blankets and pillows near him. Same when he was a baby. I actually didn't do a lot of co-sleeping until he was able to roll over,he slept a few times in bed with us and slept throw the night and neverm moved much, but now he's a crazy kid sleeper.... He has always slept better in our big bed and even at his babysitters he sleeps on the bed and always has..
We have been lucky.
But like the other mother's said Go with your heart and what your feel is comfortable.
I have seen those little soft like beds (Even sell them at Target) that you can have the little ones sleep in on top of your bed, If my son was as young as your son is now, I would use that. Much safer than just laying him on the mattress and hoping not to roll over. as least with this little soft type bed it's known to be there and keeps the little guy in place and you and your husband area to move around too.

Good luck

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