My step-son has never been the kid to have many nightmares. I have been with his father since he was a year old so I have been there for most of his life (He will be 7 on Sunday!!) Once, when he was about 3 he had a nightmare and came and to tell us. We were still awake watching TV and he went back to bed fairly quickly. The other night, he had a nightmare. He said he had a dream that an evil clown kicked down the front door and came in to attack us. I have NO idea where that came from. Especially since we monitor his television habits and anything he watches, we watch it with him as a family. The only person in this house afraid of clowns is me. And he teases me to no end about it haha. Am I a terrible person that I was soooo happy he came to the room? I never really had that experience of having him crawl under the covers with us for protection from his nightmare fears. It's something I did as a kid and really looked forward to when becoming a mom someday. Snuggle time and just being there for my little one! He also came into the room asking for ME! Not dad. ME!!! He wanted to snuggle up with me and wanted ME to save him. It just warmed my heart! And I finally got that experience of being the big nightmare hero. So how terrible am I that this made me happy? He had a bad dream! He was scared. And while I was comforting him and snuggling up with him all I could think of was "YAY! I finally get to have this experience and he came to ME for it!" Is that normal? I don't know. I guess it just felt so good to be needed like that. I felt so loved and so important! I feel really guilty for being happy about his nightmare just because of how it benefited me.
Thanks everyone. Yes the post was about me. I guess I was just second guessing myself because it's unfamiliar territory even though he's almost 7. I thought maybe there was another response I should have felt rather than make it feel about me. We have bonded very well but he's never come into our room in the middle of the night. I dunno. Thanks for the input. I feel less guilty now.
This is what bonding with a kid is. It's great that he felt he could come to you and wanted you to protect him.
I have 3 wonderful step sons. 2 of them are very open and loving. The 3rd.. Well he's a little more shy and reserved. One night he had a nightmare. His dad and I were sleeping. When he came into the room, he came to me. He woke me up and wanted me to hold him. So we snuggled and tickled and giggled, and it was the changing point of our relationship. He didn't go to dad as much, he came to me too. And I loved every minute of it. Your not a terrible person. It feels amazing when your stepchild comes to you for comfort!!!! :)
Looks like you and your step son are bonding nicely.
It's great to be able to fill a need - offer comfort and feel needed.
Once in awhile is fine but if the nightmares become a nightly thing and you and he are getting short on sleep - your feeling needed might eventually change to "Oh no, not again! When will he sleep through the night again?".
It would only be terrible if you didn't comfort him and wished he would have more nightmares. Enjoying a snuggle does not make you a bad person.
Of course we are not bad people if we enjoy comforting our children, step or otherwise.
But there's more to this I think.
Your stepson has nightmares because his academic and social life are in a mess - I read your other post. He may have chosen "clowns" to make it sound serious enough to you that you would respond. Kids do that. Maybe he just needed to be comforted and his nightmare wasn't really about clowns. It doesn't matter - he just needed reassurance. But there are other reasons beyond the usual ones in your stepson's case.
This post is starting to sound like it's about YOU. That concerns me a lot, because the other post is all about what a perfect family you have. It may just be that we don't yet know you on this site.
If you've been with this child for years and years, you should be well past the total elation of him asking to snuggle with you vs. his father, to the point that you are spending time putting it on Mamapedia. If your other post is entirely true, you don't have time to put up stuff about consoling your stepson. You should be focusing on his multiple traumas and pressures.
most of us are capable of nuanced feelings and responses. so no, it's not abnormal or terrible.
if you start planting evil clowns under his bed, that'll be a different story.
it does seem as if you're crowing about it just a little much, but that's just me.
ETA having read the next question, i'm kind of in veruca's boat.
khairete
S.
I guess I'm kind of lost on the point of this question. Especially in light of your other post.
The only thing that would be wrong in my book is if you didn't comfort him in his time of need.
The nightmares he is experiencing? I would have him talk them out to you. Dreams, even nightmares, is a way for our subconscious to work through stress, trauma, excitement, the whole gamut of emotions. That you are terrified of clowns and he said a clown broke down the door, that might bother me. I don't know.
Comfort him. Be glad he feels good about coming to your for comfort.
Are you really happy for his nightmare? Of course not! But it took this to happen for you to experience what you've longed for. So be happy about that part. Let yourself bask and enjoy. But now it's time to do the work.
Why the nightmare? He needs to have a feeling of security. He's at an age where that comes into play in a different way. He's beginning to grow away from pure innocence and this often causes inner conflict. Also our children pick up mother's fears, likes, dislikes, loves, honor, goodness, faults, etc. They often mirror what's going on inside of us.
So now do your inner work and know that it affects. Do your motherly things and just love. You obviously love this boy. Mothers come in all kinds of ways. It takes much more than giving physical birth, but then you know that, don't ya.
Live well and joyfully
I think your an amazing mom (step mom or otherwise)! so no I don't think your terrible. I'm a biomom but I can relate to loving the feeling of them coming to snuggle. I'm not happy that they are sick or scared but I do love it when they come in to snuggle and be comforted.
Hugs to you!
