Mamas & Papas-
DS, now 3.5 might have had a nightmare last night. He was crying at 3:15 am. I went to him and hugged him and asked what was wrong. I thought he said I want a popscicle, so I told him we can't have popscicles, it's time for bed, maybe a popscicle tomorrow. Apparently, I had misheard between the sobs. No mommy, I want my bicycle. Why is my bicycle broken? Your bicycle isn't broken darling. It's right where you left it. Let's hug some more, then you can go see your bicycle, and then back to bed. We established bicycle wasn't broken, tucked him back in, and then within 5 minutes more crying. Mommy, I can't sleep, can we hug in your bed?
Hubs and I took him in and none of us got any sleep with the wriggle monster between us. Then starting at 5:30 am, at about 10 minute intervals, "mommy is it wake up time?" Needless to say, none of us are at out best today.
Any thoughts on how to handle this better/ differently?
Thanks,
F. B.
I would have taken 5 minutes right away to show him his bicycle.
Them I would have explained, over a Popsicle (silly mommy!) that dreams aren't real and now he knows that by seeing the bike.
Lord knows I love my babies but I also need my sleep. So as a rule, they never come to sleep for the night in my bed. We can nap during the day in my bed but never at night.
You did a great job up til the part where you invited him to come into the bed. You could have gone back to his bed with him and confort him some more or hubby could have done it. I think it may have been better for hubby to go in there and give the little guy some confidence about falling back to sleep.
It's not easy when they are little but our role as parents is to encourage and nurture them toward confidence and independence. We do that by loving them and letting them know they can conquer fears.
This worked for my daughter. While out without her I found a pretty light bender. When I got home I told her it was from a magic shop and the person told me that if you hang it in your room, it will keep monsters away and nightmares from scaring us when we wake up. It worked like a charm, and it's still hanging in her room, 3 years later.
Mine would just come get into bed with me. I was okay with her doing that any time she felt the need. She outgrew it.
I think expecting a kid to go back to sleep quickly after a nightmare is unrealistic. I have nightmares so realistic that I wake screaming and crying, and even though I know it was only a dream, I can't get back to sleep for hours because of the adrenaline rush from the fear.
... so with my kids, when/if they had nightmares when they were younger, I explained to them it is a nightmare. A bad dream, it is not real. But sure, it can be upsetting. I would ask what their dream was about, they would tell me, and then that's it. I wouldn't try and make sense of it but just let them tell me about it.
They knew it was just a bad dream. I would not make a big deal of it. But I would hug/comfort them and they would go back to sleep.
If my kids wanted to sleep with us, fine.
Or we had a futon on the floor in our room, and they could go there.
Fine.
Get ready for a few more years of this.
We were pretty exhausted for awhile.
Eventually our son got smart.
He figured out if he woke us up, we'd comfort him but always put him back into his own bed - and he wanted to stay with us.
So he stopped waking us up and just came and tucked himself in at the foot of our bed.
We'd wake up in the morning and he'd be fast asleep holding onto my foot.
We all got a lot more sleep once he started doing that.
Try putting a sleeping bag next to your bed.
If he wakes in the night and can't get back to sleep tell him he can come to the sleeping bag and sleep there.
For bad dreams, tell him if he doesn't like the show he can change the channel.
It's sort of like directed dreaming - it lets him take control and make it better.
I personally would not start the trend of letting them sleep with me when they have trouble sleeping. If they are sick, then by all means, but not just because. But, unless this is a reoccurring event you probably don't have anything to worry about, we all have bad dreams from time to time.
A few things which have worked for us:
1. "monster/nightmare" spray: we do lavender drops on some special pieces of cloth, but many moms have also used lavender drops in a spray bottle, diluted with water. This is for before bedtime, and only offered when requested (because I don't want my son to think that I anticipate his having bad dreams, this is more to assuage any fears which come from the child themselves).
2. Talk about how we can tackle problems in dreams. My son was having nightmares about a fierce TRex killing/eating people. We talked about how, in his dream, he could use any sort of weapon or fighting skill/strategy HE wanted to because HE was in charge of his dreams. He would tell me 'stories' about how he would 'defeat' the nighttime bad guys, as it were. It was also good to talk about real/pretend, too.
3. Once we moved Kiddo out of our bed, we weren't moving him back in. When bad dreams happen which make him want company, one of us would lay with him until he went back to sleep and then return to bed. I found that he really needed to be secure and asleep before I left when he was younger, or more upset ensued.
My son has never had nightmares. He'd tell you he has his T-Rex to chase away all the demons and monsters.
I bought him that oversized Melissa and Doug TREX when he was 2. I highly recommend a giant stuffed something for protection. My oldest has a giant panda.
My oldest daughter had really bad dreams- it was period when hubby was doing a lot of international travel. I would try to wake her up, and then I'd reassure her and talk to her. I don't bring kids to bed, I don't get enough sleep as is, and I even hate sharing a bed with hubby! I look forward to the day I can buy a king mattress!
Sorry I don't have better advice. But try a stuffed friend.
I usually do hugs and kisses and then try to lay them back down. If they need more I stroke their hair or rub their back. But my goal is to go back to sleep as soon as I can (I can get quite grumpy), so if they want to tell me about their dream I usually barely listen and just say, "Uh huh," a few times. I've also been known to say, "It's just a dream. It's not real. Please go back to sleep."
I'm a much better listener during the day :-)
A long time ago I learned about "dream coins". To me and you they look like Quarters, but they have magical powers, when placed under your pillow they keep the "Bad dreams" away.
One time when I was taking the sheets off our daughters bed, I found a pile of coins under her pillow. Later I asked her about it, she said she had a "really, really bad dream", so she put lots and lots of coins there I asked if it worked. She said yes! She was about 4 yrs old.
My mother once told me," When you have a bad dream, if you will roll over to your other side, the bad dream will go away!" She is right, it still works for me.
If it's a true nightmare, we'll go in and get the child up. Daddy first to scare the "mosnster" away then I take over and take the little one out to the living room to watch something for a few minutes to clear the images from their mind. Then back to bed, no fuss, no whining allowed. If there is a fuss, then I'll go in and do the bedtime routine only. Hug, kiss, and good night and I leave. No one sleeps in our bed but us. It may sound cruel but it's best. Dad has a long commute and gets up early.
We take him to the living room, cuddle/rock a few mins. Then back to bed. My husband will lay with him in his bed.
Next day, if still upset. We draw a picture of our nightmare, ball it up, stomp on it and toss it in the garbage. ( my son hangs on to nightmares for about a week or better).
Good luck.
