I can't shake off what my pre-k son's former Tai Kwan Do instructor told me when I explained that my son refused to go to lessons. It was all my idea to have my son go to lessons. While he seemed ok with the idea, every single time we got to the place I had to force him to participate. I finally got to the point where I didn't like to go either. My son would tell anyone who would listen how much he didn't want to go. My feeling is that if he truly feels like that then I shouldn't force him - this was my idea afterall and he's not really old enough yet for me to say "listen you have to make a committment and keep trying." The woman actually told me that she didn't care if I had to drag him in screaming, I was the parent and he should have no say in the matter. Isn't that a little drastic for something that's supposed to be fun and fulfilling? I fully agree with practice and committment (2nd grade daughter who takes AND practices her piano every day because she loves it!) all but really - he's not even in kindergarden yet for heavens sake. Please share your thoughts.
Just from the responses I've received this afternoon I know I did the right thing by him. He tried it. He didn't like it. Plus, I'm not paying someone $124 a month to tell me about my kiddo. Actually, I'm not paying anyone to raise my child. Period. He's a good little guy and I'm going to have bigger mountains to help get him over soon enough. Thanks you all - to those who wrote and those that just may read this!
I had a daycare teacher tell me that if I let my son dictate which childcare he went to, he would be dictating to me his entire life. She lost her license less than 6 months after I switched my miserable child back to his former center.
No freaking way is someone benefiting from him being miserable going to tell you he doesn't need to be miserable.
S.
I agree wholeheartedly. He's just a wee boy and cannot know what he's interested in until he tries it....he did. It's not his thing at this time. No harm, no foul. And you're 100% right: you're not training him to be a quitter. He never started in the first place. But kudos to you for trying to find something outside the home for him to do. Don't let this discourage either one of you!!!
And just a sidenote: I would be pretty agitated if someone I was paying got on my case about how I raise my son, lol. You're doing the right thing.
My two cents even though this is a bit late. We homeschool and my kids take gymnastics. I won't let them quit because they need some form of PE in my opinion and coach led activity that is good and healthy and I won't let them quit that one activity. They always like it once they are there so it is more they don't want to stop what they are doing to go. They enjoy the other kids and really try their best. But any other sport, they are allowed to try and not return to if they don't like it. But bear in mind, if they are team sports they have to complete the season because the team depends on them. But they don't have to return if they didn't like it. Same with swim team. They finished the practices but we just didn't enter into anymore meets, since they really just didn't care for it. They have to have an activity to help keep them healthy but anything else is their choice to try or not or not return to it. BTW, 13 1/2, `12 1/2, 9, boys all.
At 4 I think you did the right thing. He probably didn't like the teacher. I would not have gone back if someone had talked to me that way, but I would have said way more to his face than that.
Good luck,
L.
G.,
You are doing right, if he doesn't want to do it, then don't make him, maybe he's just not ready for it now. Maybe later he'll love it, but if he gets a bad taste in his mouth he may never want to try it again. Everyone has their own opinion, I think you should stick with your guts and if he doesn't want to do it, don't make him. Maybe if he wants to get involved in something you may make him go thru with it, just so he doesn't feel like he can just quit whenever he wants too, however, I still feel that 5 is too young.
You're doing a great job!
I think children should be able to try out things to see what they like in regards to sports, music, art, etc. Maybe it's something he'll have a natural interest in later, if it isn't forced upon him now. If you don't like going either, maybe it's not the right time or instructor, etc.
I do think there is a great deal of merit in teaching children to stick with something, but right now, it's not something he likes. Additionally, it's taking time away from him finding something he does like.
Just my two cents. I go with your son's inclination--and it sounds like your inclination too.
I agree with you. He tried it and didn't like it so why force it? Especially if it was YOUR idea to sign him up.
I am against a kid wanting to sign up for whatever and after the 1st of 2nd time letting them drop out. However, if he's given it a good try and still has no interest then stick to your guns!
In my opinion, you would just be throwing money away because if he's not interested in it then he won't get anything out of it.
G.,
I work at J. Pat Burlesons - Legends Martial Arts. Our main dojo is in Hurst, however we have satellite schools all over Tarrant County.
I am a mother first,and I work in martial arts..and with that...that instructor is full of it! That is the where some people should not be allowed to teach martial arts!! Those are where we all get a bad name. Martial Arts is to teach discipline, respect, and achievements.. not to be miserable. I'm so sorry that you have had such a bad experience!
Have you considered letting him try a different form with a different instructor? My instructors are fabulous with kids, but they love teaching them. We are an American Karate school. I would be happy to let you and him come in and try our school out for a month free and see if you and he liked it better. I would hate to lose a child in martial arts because they had a bad instructor that was just about the money. Let me know if you would be interested. I would love to try.
J. T.
Legends Martial Arts
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I agree you did the right thing. What an awful school.
Sounds like the martial arts place does not want to lose any money.....
Force a child into an activity is not right in my opinion. It SHOULD be fun, he SHOULD enjoy what he is doing.
My daughter, almost 14, got into martial arts on a whim because she HATED ballet, gymnastics, soccer and everything we tried. Karate came up and this was something she wanted to try. She was about 7 or so when she started. It was COMPLETELY different with martial arts vs the other things we tried. She couldn't wait to go to karate and she dreaded and hated going to the other activities.
She stuck with the karate and achieved her black belt 2 yrs ago. It was a milstone and huge accomplishment she and we are proud of. We did not push her to stay in martial arts. Actually, we were a little disappointed when she chose to back off her karate training when she hit mid 6th grade. She was training 3+ times a week and it was taking a toll on her social life. Also, in 6th grade she was taking the first required music course with her violin. To our amazement.......her music interest zoomed after she backed off karate and she is now in CHamber Orchestra (highest level at her school). Who knew..... We are thankful that we did not push karate and not let her stop because she is a great musician and we never knew it...
Go with your gut....YES you are the parent and I believe you know what is best for your child. Maybe he wants to do something else and when you find that something else, he will shine!!!
I was in similar shoes. We signed my 4 year old daughter up for soccer, she just made the age requirement. She hated it. She would literally stand there on the field and not move. We let her stop going after 6 games.
Here is the article that I read in Parenting magazine that made me realize it was ok:
"12 Parenting Rules You Can Break"
Rule #9:
the rule: Don't let him quit music/ballet/karate lessons in the middle of the year.
the reality: Sticking with it can be torture for everyone involved.
Naturally, you want to instill a sense of perseverance in your kids, and encourage them to finish what they start. But we all make errors in judgment. When 11-year-old Zachary Schofield took up the French horn, mom Janet rethought her policy. "He loved the sound of the instrument, but it was just too difficult," says the Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, mom of three. "After a couple of months, we realized it was a mistake." So Schofield opted for a compromise: a switch to the clarinet, a much easier instrument to learn. "We did it with the understanding that he wasn't going to keep changing instruments every few months or so, and so far he's doing great. We're all much happier."
When faced with the quitting dilemma, ask yourself: Is this a pattern? Has he asked to quit things in the past? If so, am I choosing activities that are too advanced? Before you make a commitment, do some homework to figure out if you're both prepared to make the necessary sacrifices (like getting to the figure-skating arena at 6 A.M. or devoting several hours a week to teaching your preschooler the piano via the Suzuki method).
We are going to try a different activity for my daughter. Good luck and don't let the instructor bully you around, he is your son - you get to decide.
I think if it were his idea to go in the first place, then make him stick it out. But, since it was your idea, he gave it a good try, he doesn't like it, don't force him to go. If he wants to have an activity, let him have a say in what to do and he'll enjoy it more.
