4 Year Old Does Not Want to Attend Martial Arts Class

I really don't think that he needs to be in a marial arts class at this age. As far as his day care he needs more study time and less play time, he will be in kindergarden next year so now is the time to get his schooling start. There are tomany children that all they want to do is play and not do there school work. I know that it is hard but once they reach 5 and have the bad habits instilled in them all ready that will be for life. So more schooling and less playing is better. While they are young is when they can grasp all the education since their brains will soak it up. that is why when you want to learn a second language it is better to start them at a young age. Hope this gives you some ideas.

I would try to get him to go just to watch. If he is willing to go maybe he would become interested or maybe he could talk about what he doesn't like. Ultimately, kids have to be selfmotivated like adults.

barbara, it's better to not push him than make him do it because he expressed an interest in it. it's ok. actually, childhood is all about play. he will be in school enough years to make anyone sick of it :), dirt play and scooters and bike rides sound pretty awesome to me.
you're not teaching him about quitting, you're giving him the freedom of choice. plus, to be realistic, he's 4, attention is pretty short at his age.
good luck

absolutely let him stop the classes! he is loud and clear saying he is not interested/ready etc. he has a busy day already. see if you can get a refund from the martial arts place, or even a credit that you could use in 6 mo or so. or a credit you could donate to someone who can't afford it? i think it's great to try new things and sometimes they are ready and sometimes they aren't. go with the flow as much as you can!

I agree with the others... you are offering the freedom of choice, which is a very important thing for anyone to have. My son, now 6, started martial arts when he was 5... I had to remind him to get ready, and was nearly always late for class. We continued to attend for 8-9 months (during naptime of my 3-year old child, the other parents were amazed that the other one would sleep through the class). I wanted him to do something he enjoyed... but allowed him the choice of no longer attending once the school year started... for now, that's where we are... not attending and for us it's the right choice. As I told his sensei... we will return when my child asks to return, but not because it's something my husband or I want. BTW, my 6 year-old is *now* just old enough to start understanding the class and be interested in learning... the instructors recognize that each child is different, but want us to have a choice too.

Good luck.

I have a 7 year old in martial arts too, and he recently started and received his white belt, after 2 mos. of classes and a test, of course. That gave him incentive to continue. I see the little ones in there with my son. I don't think all little ones are ready for it, especially after such a long day at the sitter. Your son just wants to go to home and be in his own comfortable environment with his family. I would stop and try again in a few years, perhaps after he is attending public school. It sounds like being at the sitter all day is enough activity for your four year old.

I understand exactly what you are going through. I have a three year old and we had the same problem with him not being able to focus in the martial arts class. So it's not just your son. Maybe it's just not his thing. I think if it were he would want to go. I'm sure you can find an activity that interest him but still offers the discipline, instruction, and will be fun for him. I don't think you are teaching him to quit but letting him figure out for himself what he likes and doesn't like. There are some things in life where quitting is not an option like school but extra-curricular activities I don't think qualify. Plus if he's already tired from daycare and she's set up of things for him to do, then maybe that is enough for him right now. One last thing to consider... it may be that he doesn't like the instructor. It takes a special talent to work with children so maybe he would like it more if he went to a different instructor. Check with the school about getting a refund because I'm sure this kind of thing happens all the time. I hope something I have said helped in some way. Good Luck.

I don't believe in letting your kids quit HOWEVER, most martial arts schools won't teach children under 8 years old. They need to be old enough to understand what it means- a 4 year old may not understand to not use these moves on another child where an older child understands that this is for protection and self improvement, not to hurt others. That is way too much for a 4 year old.

hi barbara, the first thing is that it has to be fun for the kids. we also enrolled our son in a tae kwon doe class. he was 3 at the time. he would cry before class and even during class. however, being persistent and continuing to take him has paid off. now, after a year of classes, he is still sometimes hesitant to enter class, but after the class is started he has the best time, laughing at the antics of the master, running and just having a good time. but don't feel bad about taking your son out...you just found the wrong facility. try a trial class or two appropriate for your child's age group, talk to other parents about how they like it, and watch the interaction of the instructors with the kids. at this age it should be more fun than serious. if it turns out to be his passion he'll get serious about it soon enough. good luck.

I think that you are right about not wanting to let your son think that whenever something gets too hard he should/can quit. However since he is only four years old, and does have a legitimate reason for being tired, I think it is okay for him to stop going.

I honestly wouldn't worry too much. He sounds like he may not be ready for martial arts classes or any extra-curricular activites at this time. He seems to be getting plenty of stimulation and activity at his daycare which is really nice. It is difficult, especially when you hear about so many children attending soccer, martial arts, dance, gymnastics, etc... Maybe he would benefit more with some quiet time with mom or dad at the end of the day. Nothing drastic, just a few minutes of playing a game or reading a book. I know you are busy and when you get home there is dinner, bath time and bed time to consider. Good luck with everything!!

Barbara, I think that a martial arts class after a tiring day is just asking too much of a 4 year old. It's asking a lot of an older child, much less a toddler. Don't push it. There is plenty of time for him to learn discipline. The attention span of that age is a lot shorter than 45 minutes, so the class is probably much too long for his age.

I think your instincts are correct. It's probably not the right class for him--too serious and too long on instruction and short on play for a kid his age. In addition to that, he's exhausted. It's not teaching him a bad lesson to pull him out; but it is teaching him that you're listening to him and respecting his feelings. I would just find something else for him to do that's maybe not as intense, or just some quiet playtime with dad might work.

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that 45 minutes (especially with a "very serious" instructor, especially with a tired little boy) is a very long time for a four-year-old. No, you don't want to teach him that he can just quit anytime he doesn't like something; on the other hand, maybe you DO want to teach him that life is one big experiment and that sometimes experiments don't work. Hey, he tried it for a month, didn't he? I say, cut him some slack and write it off as the cost of experience. --T. content
p.s. If the money really bothers you, maybe you could ask the martial arts place if they could put your money in "escrow", so to speak, so you could try this again in a year.

My son is 5 and we just recently went through the same thing with him. Fortunately, we found out after his trial lessons that he wasn't interested. Maybe you can just talk with him more to see if it's just that he is really tired or if he's just not interested. many times children his age are only interested in something because someone else is. Another thing is that they get bored easily. Although I don't belive in quitting every time you don't like something, I wouldn't force him to go if he's that strong willed about not going because it will probably only make matters worse for him and your family.
What you can do is try to put him in things that are not too time consuming and costly just in case he really isn't interested. We have tried soccer, karate, camps etc. It was just a learning experience for all of us.
Also, maybe you can see if the karate lessons can be put on hold for awhile or another parent can take your son's place.

barbara,
he sounds tired....i would drop it and forget about it for now .like someone said....count it as an experience. that ,i think was the best advice you have got from here of what i read. better to have "wasted $" and let your child get what he really needs (rest) than to have paid the $ and he is to tired.
best regards.
K.

I have 2 in martial arts. One is almost 8 and he loves it. His classes are 50min. so it's surprising that a 4 year old class would be that long. My 5 year old is in a class for 4-6 year old and his class is 30 mins. He loves it! I would say that maybe the class is too mature for him. The school we go to won't start kids until 4. The do a lot of stranger danger and coordination games. The class is also on Sat. mornings so the kids are fresh out of bed. Maybe something along these lines might be better for him at his age. I think martial arts are great for children and I have seen so much positive come from the boys experience. Good luck!

Hi Barbara! I feel your frustration!! I am a SAHM to 3 kids (10, 8 & 2). Our oldest would beg to be signed up for activities and then decide after one month that she didn't like them anymore. My husband and I both agree that they can't be allowed to quit things. However!!! We also agree that it is way too hard to force them to go to something at that age. :-) We tried for a few weeks to make her go to gymnastics and explained that we had paid for it and she had made the commitment to the group, etc. But at that age...they don't understand. They just know they are bored and don't want to be there. We gave up enforcing the stick to it policy until they started school. By then, they are better able to understand that if I pay for something because they want to do it....they are going to go until they have fulfilled whatever commitment has been made (paid for 3 months, team sport - end of season, etc.). It is a good lesson for them to learn....but not necessarily at 4. They are just beginning to accept that the world does not revolve around them (although, as moms, ours does!). I think you should take it as a lesson learned (don't pay for anything that lasts more than one - two months) and let him be happy at home.
Best of luck!
T.

Hi , I am not sure where you live, but U.S. Martial Arts on hospital drive in glen burnie has an excellent program. They work well with young children, and have had children as young as four go on to great things. Before you give up, my advice would be to see if there is another class at the school where you are, it may be the teacher. Did you listen to teachers that you didn't like in school? I know that I did not. BTW my friend has twin 14 yo girls, are black belts, the 9y0 is a brown belt, who started young. If after you have tried a different class and he still doesn't want to go, then chalk it up to a learning experience and move on

I am thinking he is just not ready for it yet. At 4 they still want to have fun and it might just be to structured for him at this age. If he is already tired when the class starts then it is going to be even harder for him to concentrate like he needs to for that level of discapline. Since you still have over 4 months left can you transfer it to another kid of maybe see if he want to go every other week or something?

Hi Barbara. I have been where you are. We had this problem with a swimming class. My daughter, 3, liked the class and begged to go for about 6 weeks, then she got a new instructor. All of a sudden she started resisting and throwing tantrums. Come to find out that the instructor had unknownigly taken her under before she was ready and from that point on she would refuse to go. It took a lot to find out what the problem was. A mom there advised me to not let her out of it and make her come to the six week class and sit by the side of the pool. I tried but finally decided it wasn't worth it. Martial arts can be wonderful for certain kids, but I think you would need the right instructor. If this instructor is very serious, he may not be the right one for your child. Is there another class on a different night that you could switch to? The other thing is that 3-4 year olds are very distractable. Your son just may not be ready. It may not be a battle worth fighting if he is already tired from school.

He has his entire life ahead of him where he will have to follow a strict regimented daily routine, begining with school very soon. Some children are ready earlier, some later. Kindergarten is all day most places. Let him be a child just for a second longer. Too many people over-organize their kids. I am not saying you do. I have 5 boys. A couple went to preschool, played soccer, gymnastics...a couple of them had their first "organized" activity in kindergarten. For each child, I know I made the right decision-FOR THEM. I do have a rule that if they choose an activity,like soccer..., they must finish the season. They never have to play again, but must honor their committments. I do think that is a vital life-long lesson. You signed your son up. It wasn't his choice. At age 4, I realize, many things won't be his choice. You make the important decisions. As he gets older, you and your husband will allow you son to also be a part of some of those decisions. For now, he has made his choice known. Choose your battles. This one is just not that important in the whole scheme of things.