I have a 4 week old little girl. She is easy going for the most part but head strong. She knows what she wants and is just waiting for us to figure it out. She has a pretty good routine at night except that in the last couple days she has to be touching me to sleep. She slept in her bassinet for the first three weeks without problems but then the last week or so I have had her in our bed because she is congested and having trouble breathing. The last four nights she must touch me to sleep. I even tested it late last night by putting her in the middle of the bed and she squirnmed until she had her hand on my face then she went right to sleep. When I move she will move until she is touching me again. It makes it really hard to sleep like that because I am always worried baout my shirt suffocating her or squashing her. I would really like her to go bacjk to the bassinet. Any advice please?
Thank you to everyone who offered advice. It was very much appreciated. I did a couple of things. I bought a king size bedroom suite because I know that it is not logical to think that she will never sleep with us. Her sleeping with us full time though is not an option. My husband has almost rolled over on her twice and I'm not comfortable putting her on the outside of the bed. My husband is so scared he is going to hurt her in his sleep and it is his bed too. I looked into one of those sleep snuggler or secure sleeper things. We plan on getting on but the stores around us don't carry them. I also wrapped my shirt around the wedge she sleeps on in her bassinet. It worked for two nights. However, now it has progressed and she doesn't even want to be put down to sleep. So I have been cradling her in my arms while I sleep on my side. It is super sweet but I will have to use more advice options to change it in the next couple weeks because I am going back to work. I don't sleep well like this and we (baby and me) have to sleep until 10 or so for me to feel rested. Not an option when I go back to work. I really do appreciate all the advice. I will see how it goes.
T.,
Don't feel alone, my daughter who is 6 mos does the same thing. She has been doing it since she was just a month or two old. I think it's just a comfort thing. She likes to be next to me and touch my face to go to sleep. I breastfed also so I think this may have something to do with it.
--J. C
Hi T.! I can relate...my daughter (now 7 months) did the same thing at that age...I promise she will grow out of it! What worked for us at that age was to put the baby in her car seat to sleep (sounds crazy I know). We just put a blanket over it and snuggled her in there! Lullabye music as part of the bedtime routine helps too...eventually, she'll (magically) grow out of it! Best of luck and many blessings~ A.
She sounds not head-strong but like a very normal baby!
You're doing a great job. It's really sweet that she needs the security of touching Mom to fall asleep. If you do like having her in bed with you, you don't have to worry about her suffocating or getting squashed. Babies have slept in beds with their parents for as many generations as there've been humans on the earth sleeping in beds. There's always risk, of course; things do happen no matter *where* they sleep, but as long as you take the necessary precautions (not drinking, smoking or doing drugs; not being overly tired when you go to bed; not using sheets or blankets for her, etc. - you can learn more by searching "family bed" and "sleep sharing" online, and checking out askdrsears.com), the risk is about the same as, or smaller than, that of SIDS from sleeping separately without Mom being close enough to catch dangerous situations (baby overheating, feverish, not catching on to that whole breathing thing - newborns do have some figuring out to do when it comes to the basics! - baby vomiting and suffocating on it, etc.). It's also great for creating a secure attachment between parents and baby, so that baby ends up crying less and being less clingy, less whiny, and behaviorally easier to handle later on.
That said, if sleep sharing doesn't feel workable to you, you might have to make use of the 20-minutes rule. I read this in the Dr. Sears Baby Book. Babies take about 20 minutes to fall into deep enough sleep for you to move them around, lay them down, etc. Some are just more tolerant of being put down while in that light sleep. You are blessed with a baby who knows what she needs and this is good, because it ensures that you and she work together to find a way that she'll get it. You might have to, for a few nights, walk around with her in your arms, dance with her in your arms, or just go ahead and lay down with her touching you for those 20 minutes before you can put her back into her bassinet. (Doing this has been a sanity saver for my husband and me! At first we thought we could never just put our baby to bed!) Keeping the bassinet near your bed should help; this way she can still smell you, hear you breathing, and other signals that Mom and Dad are nearby and she is safe.
Here is a welcome short-cut that we have found, too: when our daughter is sleepy, or likely to become sleepy because she's been up for a while, we hold her, while sitting in bed, for about 5-10 minutes. Then, we gently scoot down so that we're lying down with her and place her on the bed right next to us. Putting her on her side usually works best, and is acceptable in terms of the SIDS rules (and is usually temporary, anyway). Usually I'll place a pillow at her back and snuggle up to her front, sometimes placing an arm around her for extra comfort if she needs it. Wearing a shirt that isn't too loose keeps her safe from suffocating in it. Then, over the course of a minute or two, I'll slowly edge away. Then she can spend the rest of those 20 minutes of light sleep easing her way toward that really deep sleep on her own, while I do a couple of chores around the house or whatever else I need to do, keeping an eye on her to make sure she isn't moving around on the bed or rolling over or anything like that.
We keep her in our bed with us, most of the time, and it works very well for night feedings (if you nurse your baby, all you have to do is the side-lying position: get yourself and your daughter arranged, and fall back to sleep - while she nurses!) It's also great because she sleeps so well with us, but not anywhere else, and we're fine with keeping her with us and working on gradually weaning her out of our bed later. It's also super snuggly :) and we're enjoying a really close bond, which I don't think we would have had otherwise. So you might find that this is a blessing in disguise!
However, if you want to transition your daughter back to her bassinet, this method should work for you, too. After 20 minutes have passed, just pick her up gently and move her to her bassinet. After a few nights of this, she should re-acclimate to her bassinet. It might help to lay a shirt you've been wearing under her, securing it by tucking it under the sides of her mattress.
L.
I know, sleep is WONDERFUL and the lack of it can by so exhausting. However, if you must keep her in your bed, don't worry about squashing her. I think we have all heard about these worries but I've never yet heard of it happening. You are the most comforting thing she has and if she hasn't felt well, you are better than any medicine or blanket she could be close to. Try to relax and then it may take some sleepless night getting her back in to her bassinet because they learn early that they like mom/dad's bed better and she'll fight to keep herself there. Good luck! Enjoy this time and sleep together as often as possible.
That's what is called 'bonding', very important for the rest of your lives, don't try to stop it, there will come a day when you'll miss it. And know you shouldn't sleep with the baby bad habit to start and hard, hard to break. But you should be doing lots of holding and try 'petting' her to sleep. Congratulations
B.
My little boy, 2.5, still sleeps with me. I now have a hard time getting to sleep if he isn't in the bed! I would like to warn you, though, that it CAN cause death to the baby. My ex-husband manages a vault company in tennessee (it is for burial) and told me that they see alot of babies that die in bed with their mom. what i did when he was so little is took the mattress and box spring and placed them on the floor, I also put the baby against the wall and wedged a pillow against him (below his head) so that we would keep our distance. Once he got a little older I put the frame back on and now he moves the pillow and cuddles all night. If you breast feed you should be warned that your child will probobly be in bed with you, if she is on the bottle, it is much more simple just to put her in the crib.
for the congestion, I recommend using saline and the bulb seringe. She won't like it, but will sleep better.
Being congested may mean she doesn't feel well and your skin is comforting. Have you thought of putting her in her bassinet and letting her hold your finger till she falls asleep? It's not comfortable, but I think you will sleep better if she's in her bed instead of yours. Mine both slept on mine or my husband's chest for the first couple of weeks the one night I put her between us I felt like she kept getting 'lost' so I didn't do that again. When ours were tiny we would warm the bassinet with a heating pad (of course taking it out before putting them in bed)so the sheet would be comfortable warm, we also at this age had the bassinet tilted they both liked that better than being flat (our bassinet had a built in tilting mechanism.) I also tried putting a cloth diaper in bed with me for a few nights and then putting it in bed with her. For her congestion the saline and nasal aspirator are good, also using a humidifier or vaporizer while she sleeps and-she may not be old enough yet but you may check the label of Baby Vicks Vapo-Rub, I used that on mine when they were pretty young, I can't remember exactly how young. You're doing a great job, she's not ruined because yet let her sleep with you for a few nights. She may cry when you transistion her back to her bed, but she'll be ok-but she's a newborn so you don't need to let her cry for more than a couple minutes. Just keep putting her in her bed and eventually she'll do ok. Lots of blessings to you!
get you smell on her blanket (hold it for a while or even put a shirt of your in the bed with her) also you can try to put one of the wind up and put it in the bed with her (like they tell you to do with a puppy)
The other ladies have made some wonderful suggestions. My daughter is almost 5 now and still co-sleeps with me. I love it and have tried to move her out of my bed a few times now. I've found that I can't sleep if she isn't near me either. She is still one that must feel skin at all times in order to sleep as well. My mom tells me that I was the same way when I was little. It's that extra security knowing that mom is near.
Good luck!
The best advice I can offer to you is to put her back in the bassinet ASAP! She will squirm until she finds her comfy spot but will fall asleep eventually. A one month old cannot remain awake all night. it is highly unlikely! And if you allow her to control you now, where will you be in a few months or years??? It is never a good idea to place a child in bed with the parents! never ever ever under any circumstances is it healthy to do that. There are other solutions, you will have to try them until you find what works but never put her back into your bed! An infant doesn't roll over or move around from one position to another, so it is safe to place in her bassinet near enough for her tiny arm to stretch out and touch a soft toy that feels similar to your skin. A tiny rubber doll or teething ring that would not be fluffy way in texture would be best. Keep it far enough away so as not to touch her face but to be able to touch it with a tiny hand outstretched. That should help to comfort her. Be strong! You will be glad you were when she's older.
Good luck and God Bless your new addition to the family!
D.
Swaddling the baby will often help the baby feel more secure and sleep better. Have you tried that?
mine is the same way and is now 18 months but i love him sleeping near me, i guess i have to touch him too! Have you tried wrapping or swaddling her. i know mine loved to be wrapped when he was little b/c they feel so secure like in the womb. also, just sleep in a bra, its more convenient for nursing so you dont have to worry about the shirt thing. they make this thing called snuggle nest that they can sleep in in your bed to that is protective. I put a rail up on my side and put the snuggle nest up beside the rail and he had his part of the bed when he was that little and when he outgrew it he is just in the bed and snuggled up close to me now.
It is OK to put her back in her bed ... she will cry and you won't get much sleep at first but it won't last forever and once she is in her bed and not crying you will get better sleep and so will she! I have four children three girls and they only slept with me if they were sick and I went to their room and now the girls are on their own and doing great! I think it is important for kids to leran to sleep on their own. I didn't want mine to get older and wonder now who should I sleep with.... Good luck with your baby girl!
My daughter was born premature and while in the nicu, I was given a little cloth to where inside my clothing. The cloth would pick up my scent and then at night when I wasnt at the NICU we would place the cloth in the isolete with her. You might want to try that. It could be anything , like maybe a burp cloth. Just stuff it in your bra and where it for a good part of the day and then at night give it to her to hang onto when she goes to sleep. Good luck. Let me know if it works.
Of course she wants to touch you. She wants to be near her mommy. Buy 1 of those snuggler things,here's the link
http://www.yourbabysupply.com/shop.php/infant-pillow-supp...
My daughter is 4 yrs. old and still sleeps with us. We have 4 children and our oldest is almost 20 yrs. old. Cherish these moments because she'll be off to college before you know it. This day & time, people are "rushing kids to grow up"..let her be a baby and stay close her parents. I know you are not getting the sleep you used to get before she came along, but that's all part of being a parent. God Bless!
Try rocking her to sleep, this will give her the touch she needs to sleep. Once she is asleep put her in her bassinet, then you can go to bed with out worring about her in your bed.
I rocked both my little ones, from the first day home. This also gave their daddy a time to bond, he would get up and rock them if they were haveing a fussy night.
For the congestion get a vaporizer it will help her to breath, and use saline drops and a bulb suction to clean her little nose.
If she is still congested, you might want to take her to the pediatrician. Babies are prone to ear infections when the get colds.
T.,
Don't worry to much about her touching you when she sleeps, she just wants to know that someone is there. I know because my nephew didnt used to be able to sleep without someone there. She has to have her hand on your face because she knows who you are. Just try giving it a while and see if anything changes.
My son was the same way. He slept in his bassinet next to our bed the first couple of weeks and then he would not sleep if he was not next to me. We ended up co-sleeping with him until he was about 3 months old and was sleeping a little sounder and then we moved him back into his own bed. During that time period we just kept the house warm enough that myself and my husband would not need anything more than a sheet, which we kept at our waist or below. I would also just wear a sports bra to bed during that time to eliminate the possiblity of him getting caught in my shirt. And having the extra skin exposed made me more aware of him while I was sleeping.
If you are still worried about her being next to you, when you place her in the middle of the bed, turn towards her on your side and place your hand on her so she will still be touching you.
I have 3 children, they have all slept with me. It is very normal and is the custom in many places of the world. Having a baby is a fearful experience, but there are more important things to worry about. If you entered motherhood with the expectation of removing all worry by reading the latest parenting book, it is going to be a LONG road! LOL
No one knows the relationship you have with your child, and if you are planning on having more you will soon relize that each relationship is different. She may just need physical touch to be comforted. My oldest slept with us out of necessity= we didn't have central heat and air and it got COLD. He moved to his bed when we had #2. My middle slept with us out of comfort- closeness though more than skin to skin. He is 10 now and still cuddles, always askes for hugs (even in front of friends), and will still sleep at our feet occasionally. My third, the girl, is a skin to skin one. She'll rub my face, she plays with her belly button; she is constantly finding my legs with her feet. She started 1st grade this week and has begun to go to sleep in her bed first, but she always finds her way back.
I talked to our pediatrician about it and he was actually supportive of it citing the bonding characteristics as well as the increased opportunity for quiet nighttime conversation that is so important as they grow up.
Ultimately you will have to decide what is right for you, but I find it sad to think that me forcing my children to sleep alone can take away their greatest comfort at the end of a long day out in the world.
Good Luck!
My baby girl was the same way. So what I did is I got her a little blankie for her to hold. They have them at Wal-Mart,or any baby store in the baby section. It's a little blankie with a bunny head attached or a bear, etc. She got really attached to this and she still sleeps with it now. Also in her bassinet I found a wedge that lifted her up and held her snugly that way when she was congested it helped her to not be flat. Or,under her bassinet mattress fold a bath towel in four and that will also lift her little head up so she can breathe. And you could also simply give her a small burp daiper to hold as well, until you could get out to the store.
Hope this helps. Please try and not put her in your bed anymore. I know naturally you want to cuddle with your little one, but accidents happen so fast and easy. And also your really don't want to get her in the habit of sleeping with ya'll either because that is a tough habit to break.
Sincerely,
A.
Co-sleeping is a great way to deal with congestion/sickness. My son used to alternate between our bed and the cradle during the winter, and when he's sick. Research supports the many benefits to having her sleeping in your bed. If it's something you are interested in, but fear for the safety, check out this link. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp
My son, who is now 3 months old, slept in his bassinet the first few weeks also...but there were a few times where he had to sleep with us. I notice anytime we put him in bed with us he scoots really close to us. I think it's because the warmth from our bodies and they like feeling snug and secure. To make him feel the same way in his own bed we would put blankets around him like he was being held...he also like to be swaddled real tight until he was about 10 weeks old. You might want to try that. My suggestion is just to continue putting her in her own bed everynight and letting her stay in there as long as possible. I'm not saying let her cry it out b/c honestly, even though my son is 3 months old, I still can't stand to let him cry for to long!! Hope it all goes well!!
Make sure her bed is warm and maybe use your tshirt from the day because it will smell like you, as her "sheet". I was using flannel pillow cases as sheets in the bassinet I had cause I couldn't find sheets to fit. Your tshirt would work too. It would have your smell. I love babies! Congrats on yours! My youngest is almost 16 months and my oldest is almost 13 yrs old!
They make the neatest little things for little ones - my daughter had gotten a soft pillow (wedge shape) with what sounds like mom's heartbeat in it and laid it behind my granddaughter. Served two purposes: kept Isabella on her side rather than on her back (she, too, had trouble with congestion for a while), and helped her relax to sleep because she was "near" mom.
Babies are all headstrong. It's the survival thing :)
You might try cosleeping for a few nights, with just accepting it, to see if it works for you. If not, then take a shirt you've worn, that smells like you, wrap it around her when you're rocking her to sleep, then, when she's limb-limp (you can lift an arm or leg a few inches and drop it without waking the baby), put her down, swaddled in a warm shirt that smells like mama. That would be how I finally transitioned my baby (now 15 months) into his toddler bed at night. It's set up like a cosleeper, so he's still close enough to touch, but far enough away that I can stretch out. Funny how it didn't bother me to be snuggled all night by him at 4 or 5 months, but by 6 or 7 it was like "GO AWAY!" :)
I've coslept with both of my babies. With the first one, I was NOT going to be one of those people. She would sleep in her own bed, period. Well, she taught me differently really quickly. I was so desperately sleep-deprived, if she would have slept hanging from my earlobe while I did the cha-cha on the ceiling, I would have found a way to do it! She just didn't require much sleep, so I was willing to do ANYTHING to get all of it that I could! So, since she'd only sleep in contact with me, I got a bedrail, checked on safe cosleeping information (Dr Sears and Dr Jay Gordon both have a lot on the internet), tucked her against my side under my arm or curled against my chest, when I was on my side, and we slept.
Everyone liked to tell me how much of a mistake I was making. She'd never sleep on her own. She'd never night-wean. She'd never sleep through the night...
Well, she slept a solid 6 hour chunk from very early on (the definition of "through the night"), she night-weaned at about 5 months, and, when she was 17 months and I set up a toddler bed in my room, she went right into it. At 2.5 years, she trotted down the hall to her very own room, no problems, no fights. For the first 3 or so months, I nursed her to sleep. Then she stopped going to sleep while nursing. She would unlatch, burp, and then just drift off while I rocked her. By about 6 months, that stopped working. I rocked and rocked and rocked and rocked, no sleep. So, in my exhaustion, I carried her back to the bed and lay down with her, her back to my chest. She was asleep in minutes. So that's how I put her down for about 2 or 3 more months. Then she started rolling over to play with my hair. So I would lay her down and leave. And she went to sleep. On her own.
When you're nursing and sleeping with your baby, your sleep patterns will match up to theirs. With my son, who first slept curled face-first into my chest in my bed at about 4 hours old, I used to wake a moment before he did, so I was ready to nurse him the instant he woke up. If the baby can turn her head (not even have to pick it up), the baby can move far enough away from you to keep from suffocating. That's how we've survived for so long :)
Like I said, with my son, my tolerance was a bit shorter on cosleeping. Every mother-baby dyad has different needs. The key is being certain that BOTH the MOTHER and the BABY are getting all their needs met. After needs come wants. After wants comes a hot supper and a long soak in a bubble bath LOL
Hang in there. She won't be a baby forever, and then you'll wonder where the time went. :)
HA! There are others out there! My 2 yr old son has had to touch my HAIR since he was a couple months old. STILL DOES. I even cut it and he still 'twirled' the short pieces. He pets it all day long. I have tried to get him baby dolls with soft hair, soft furry blankets, nothing works. I just deal with it :)
Can't you just let her fall asleep touching you THEN move her to her bassinett/crib? That's what I did.
Hey, my son was like that for a few weeks. I would put his bassinet right up against my bed and put my hand in there and hold it on his chest, or your daughter may just hold onto one of your fingers. That wat there is contact, but no risk of suffocation. Good Luck!
