Making the Family Bed?

I co-slept with both of my babies, I was scared at first because they were so tiny but they got big quick being breastfed. It did make nighttime feedings easier. Blankets were never a problem with my 1st son. I covered up to my waist and it never got in the way. I never used too many blankets or pillows and I am a very light sleeper so I was never too concerned. My second son hated the feel of blankets on his skin. He refused to sleep if there was a blanked near him so I just dressed us warm. We also used a bedside bassinet, which was helpful when they were very small. It is worth the money.

With my youngest I co-slept...I used the covers and craddled him in one arm....everytime he moved I was awake anyways....when he began sleeping through the night the transition was hard but he got use to it after the first couple of night having to sleep in his own bed...

Hi M. - I just read through the list of books you reccommended and I've read through all of them so we probably have similar parenting philosopies. My son is 10 mos. and I had him at home, in the water, in Boulder, CO (although we've since moved to Columbus). You'll do great in labor. I had a lot of 'back labor' so it was pretty sore, but aside from that my labor was very smooth. Contractions are a bitch, but there is Zen in the NOWNESS of the experience. You've never been more alive in a way! Have you seen Ricki Lake's documentary "The Business of Being Born?" It is a Netflix production, so I don't know if you can get it elsewhere besides buying it. It is wonderful - we watched it last night.
How are you feeling about the arrival of your baby? I know you don't know me, so I don't mean to be weird, but I really believe that mothers need peer support. Especially mothers who are making "unconventional" choices. It is good to dialogue! Kudos to you for being an advocate of natural childbirth, I believe it is just what women should be doing. Childbirth is not a medical procedure! The hospital you describe sounds very progressive, you will have a good experience there. Boulder hospitals are similar. Oh! And your due date is the day after my birth day! I love St. Patricks day.
I wanted to respond to the 'family bed' question. David has his own room now, but he slept with us for 8 months. I didn't worry about the blankets, in all honesty. You will most likely become a MUCH lighter sleeper, so your babies little movements will wake you. I think the danger of putting blankets in bed with babies is that they wold get entangled and suffocate. Because her movements will wake you, I'd say there is about a .00000000000001% chance that a suffocating baby wouldn't catch your attention. She would be thrashing and fighting. But dress her in lightweight sleepers so she doesn't get too hot. Don't let that concern you either, though because when the baby is between you and your partners, since your bodies are bigger, the blankets probably won't be right ON her if you can imagine the logistics of that.
Okay! I am going to steal a shower while David naps. Ask me anything about labor, I'll give you an honest answer. Good luck! Breathe and eat lots of protein!!
Cheers
P.

Ive had my now 6 month old sleep in my bed since she was a month old. It made it so much easier to nurse her. I put her in a sleep sack and have no covers on her. Other than that I dont do anything else. I use covers on myself though. Im a super light sleeper so I wake up if she moves even a little so I know exactly how she is sleeping at all times. I also dont move when I sleep. I sleep in one position and if I have to turn I wake up so I know she is pretty safe. I plan on having her in my bed for a couple more months before I shift her to her crib. I actually feel safer with her right next to me. I had my son in his own bed pretty early and I would wake up panicking and checking on him constantly but I dont do that with my daughter as all I need to do is open my eyes to check on her. My mother actually suggested co-sleeping with my baby. She told me since I dont plan on having any more I should enjoy her and keep her close as long as I can as they grow up so fast. So true! Good luck with your decision. For the record she still doesnt sleep through the night and wakes up twice to nurse. I dont know if that is because she can smell me right next to her or what?

BEST BOOK I EVER READ ON PARENTING is "NIGHTTIME PARENTING" by William SEARS...
Hi there!
congrats on expecting your first baby...yes, you will find the majority of the world telling you it is WRONG to sleep with your baby. But, barring any substance abuse/ alcohol/ sleeping pills there are a school of us that believe it is SAFER and better for mom and baby to co sleep. I have done it with both of my girls until they are almost a year and a half and I 'wean' them from both nursing and co-sleeping...by then, both were ready to assert their "independence" and move on...but you will know when it is time for you...
anyway, it does work very very well for nursing- i do the ecological breastfeeding- no bottles, no pumping, no pacifiers, nurse on demand as long as they want....so they DO nurse through the night and i can sleep through it...my littlest is 17 months and she STILL nurses a few times most nights...mostly for comfort, I think.
anyway, in answer to your question...there are little "baby moses baskets" that you can put in bed with you when they are little so that they are more protected...they also sell co-sleeper bassinets, etc...plenty out there
personally i didn't use any of the above and just kept the baby on TOP of the blankets and away from pillows
best of luck to you!
trust your instincts and use common sense and you will figure it all out and be a wonderful parent!
God bless

I have a 6 month old son, who sleeps with me and my hubby. We still use our comfortor. and our son does just fine. it is easier for the midnight feedings...and usually you feel their every move and hear their every sound. Well I hope this advice helps. In my own opinion I think the more you worry about the sids is when something is going to happen...Just relax and enjoy the bundle of joy.

Believe me when I say, you should never let the baby sleep with you! It may seem mean but I did it & I didn't get any rest for 8 years!! You will never have a sex life with your hubby. you can put the baby bed in your room that's good. So that everytime you move wont wake the child. Good luck & congrats!!

Our 1st and 3rd children would not sleep in their crib. My first actually cried until she threw up. So our 1st and 3rd (now ages 1,7) co slept. Yes, it makes night feedings a breeze!
I believe the issue with a blanket and the baby is the baby getting caught in the blanket and strangling themselves.
This is not really possible when the baby is with you because you are using a large blanket and covering yourselves.
I was worried about rolling over onto the baby, but there is a special consciousness as a parent and that never happened either.
I hope this helps answer your questions.
All the Best!

We always had our babies sleep with us. We personally had a co-sleeper next to the bed so the baby could be on the outside of the bed and not worry about falling or getting lodged in between a guard rail. Now, we have a guard rail for our toddler who often ends up in bed.

I would put the baby on top of the covers or just cover with a sheet- but when they are very small- over the covers. I guess I don't remember this being an ssue.

From a disclaimer stand- they say that you should never have the baby in the bed if you have had alcohol, medication that would make you tired or have a medical condition that could be a risk (ie: seizures, etc.)

Good Luck.

M.,
First, congratulations! Second, no matter what you do with Baby 1, she/he will be safe, wonderful, and happy. Please do not worry about the little things, including the bedspread. I have had both children withme in our queen when they were babies and that was never an issue. I think the reason it was never a concern is because I had the baby laying in the crook of my arm. She/he will nurse then fall asleep while you are on your side, facing her, eventually letting go of your nipple. By this time, you probably will have already fallen asleep as well. You will learn what works and what doesn't. (By the way, when she is in bed with you, she will not truly wake up because you will notice her need almost immediately so she will kind of "sleep-nurse".)
As an aside, I was concerned about the babe rolling off the bed when I fed her on the other side. So, I put my babies on a pillow to raise them up to reach the higher breast. Still though, I kept my arm around the babe so that nothing would happen.
One thing my friends (who did not share a bed) said was, "Wow, you are always so rested!" Of course the other moms that shared a bed laughed along with me. Check out the LaLeche site. Lots of info.

No bedspread/cover worries ever again,
E.
www.marykay.com/elissaward
____@____.com

M.,

I read your response to all the responses--you go girl!

A book I liked was "The Family Bed" by Tine Thevenin.

We put the baby on top of the covers, and I put a blanket over my shoulders. Sometimes I would sleep with the baby at nap time if I needed the nap too (can't do this with your second, unfortunately!), and we'd lie down on the made bed, with me on my side, and I would just roll the covers up around my legs and torso if I got cold (usually). The top of your bedcover is what winds up next to you--hope that description made sense.

I loved co-sleeping! If your heart points you in that direction, go for it! It's good you and your husband seem to be in agreement. Congats and best wishes, enjoy your little one! ;-)

K. Z.

A little about me:

mom to 2 boys, 13 and 16; musician, substitute teacher, married 21 years

Our three year old slept with us for a year after he was born, and our four month old sleeps with us now. I find it so much easier with being able to breastfeed her and I know every sound she makes. I have a bedrail on my side of the bed, and she sleeps between me and the bedrail, with just a sheet covering her feet. You and your husband can stay covered, but she can sleep with no covers or just a little. I have never even come close to rolling over on her or accidentally covering her face with blankets. It has worked out very well for us! The only problem is that my husband thinks she gets too much of the bed!

I personnaly would not start sleeping with your child. I have 3 childrena dn I made that MISTAKE with my 1st and last child. My youngest is 3 and it is still a battle to get him to sleep in his own bed. It is not healthy for you or your baby. You will not sleep that weel thinking you may roll on the baby. It also can make it hard for you and your husbad to find time to be alone together. That is my opinion...if I had to do it all over again...I would NOT allow my child in my bed!

We co-sleep with our daughter, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Some moms are so lucky they get to stay home with their babies, and since I don't this is my way of geting that "extra" bonding time!! I know, may sound weird, but that's how it is. Anyway. We tried the Arms Reach co-sleeper for a couple of months. We got it off of WalMart's website for @ $100 plus shipping. Since she had already been in our bed for a couple of weeks before we found it and ordered it, she ended up not sleeping too well in it, and I was up most of the night putting her back to sleep. So, we finally decided that it was best to just let her sleep in the big bed. What we have now is that we have taken the side of her crib off and pushed our bed up next to that. That way... 1) she is in her own space 2) she is getting comfortable with her bed, so that maybe soon, we will be able to move her to it. Everyone has their opinions about co-sleeping, but you have to do what is right for you. Trust me, it all works out, and you can never replace that special bond that you will get! That's what mattered the most to me. My daughter likes to hold onto one or both of our hands as she is falling asleep, and it just wouldn't be the same through the bars of a crib! The other thing I just thought of, is that once my daughter was born, I became a super light sleeper, so that made me feel pretty good about letting her sleep with us. Good luck, and congrats are your new little sweetie!

Hi! We had infant twins co-sleep with us. Since you just have one, you can put the baby between you in a contour changing pad (Babies R Us has them) as a cheaper alternative to a formal bed co-sleeper. If you're not familiar with contour changing pads, they're the big, vinyl covered, thick foam "cradles" that you can put on top of a changing table.

Put a suitable baby blanket/covering on baby and then use separate blankets for you and your husband. This way no one's blankets cover anyone but themselves.

I loved having our twins sleep with us. I felt so much more relaxed knowing they were right there with me if there was a problem. Good luck!

We had a family bed with both of our boys. We never had any issues with it. You are exactly right in the fact that you'll be right there and will hear any sound the baby makes. We were always covered w/ blankets and there was never a problem. Most of the time babies kick the covers off anyway. I don't think you'll ever regret the family bed! It makes nighttime nursing easier, hearing the baby easier, and it's so wonderful to wake up next to your little sweetie! best of luck to you! :-)

-mamalisa

Hi M..

I know you've already gotten quite a response but I wanted to share my story with you as well. My husband and I have a "family bed." We have two sons 24 mos. and 7 mos. and they both sleep with us. We love it! Especially for my husband who is working all day, it's nice for him to have that special cuddle time with our little guys. I am a nursing mom and it really has made night time feedings so much easier. When my second son, Xander, was born, I slept on the couch with him for the first week or so because he was so tiny and I was a little worried about his brother at night but that soon passed. I sleep on my side with my baby next to me and my arm cradled around him to "protect him." I make sure that he is not too close to pillows and don't put the blanket over his face. I purchased a bed rail from Wal-mart for less than $20 that I put on my side of the bed when he started rolling over. I generally keep him between myself and the bedrail because my husband is a heavy sleeper and my son tends to move around a lot in his sleep. I have had many disapproving friends and family members try to scare me out of having our boys in the bed with us, but it has been what works best for us. My older son is two now and he takes his naps in his bed but wants to sleep with mommy and daddy at night. Sometimes he will sleep half the night in his bed and half in ours. We don't mind. They are only little for such a short time. They have most of there life to be "a big boy." :) I think that society has these "ideas" of how things should be but you will find that there are many co-sleeping families out there. I wish you the best of luck. When your baby is born you will find what works for you. Congratulations on becoming a mommy!

hi- i see this discussion/advice may be closed but i just wanted to send you my 2 cents :)
we have 2 children and they both slept with us and i have NO REGRETS!!!!!! we nursed and i tried for a bit to keep first in a cradle by the bed but he hated it- we just used it because a family member had made it for us. never had a problem with covers- daughter never liked many covers so i just let her kick them off or she had her own...
also i worked with a beautiful young single mom who had a son who was 6 or so when i knew her---her BEAUtiful son died in a car with his grandfather not very long after i had known them. God Bless Them. ....while he was still on the earth, she told me the story of how he slept with her and she wanted to spend time with a friend but son would not sleep without her laying down with him first and her speaking with him and explaining his new bed he was getting soon or he was in his new bed-she was not upset about it but just took it in stride---i know she must be only thankful that she ever let him sleep with her life is short and each one has their own way. Do what you do and that needs no defence.
Everyone's situation is different. Some people find it hard to get the kids to sleep without them and some not. We had our issues but that is life- going through it! The kids still sleep in our big bed and sometimes we feel crowded but we have not felt the need to change it and when we do, we will. i slept in my own bed as a child and that was good for me -i remember laying in bed and thinking and thinking before i fell asleep....do what you do it's only wrong if you aren't doing what is your way. and the only time i hear anything negative about it is from people who do not do it.
That has to be an answer right there.

M.,

We took one side off the crib, secured it to my side of the bed and put a body pillow in the small "crack" to work as those new, expensive co-sleepers. I felt completely safe doing this (and still using my own blankets) because I had slept with a tiny Chihuahua for many years, and I awoke at every little sound the baby made. Both my sons are growing strong--ages 4 and 6, so I did not smother them. They could nurse all night whenever they wanted, and I could rest a bit more. I'll just mention for those nervous nellies that I never took any kind of prescription drugs, or anything else that would cause me to not be alert to the needs of my infant, and I NEVER smoke.

Best wishes,
K.

We've co-slept with our now 18 month old son since he was born and LOVE IT! He has learned how to sleep in his crib, his pack and play and at his grandparents houses, so we're not obligated to share our bed with him every night, but we do, about 90% of the time. He's now cool with using blankets, but what we've found to work is SEPARATE blankets for you and your husband with baby in the middle right at the top of the bed (so that your heads are all at the same level on the bed). They make "sleep positioners" like this one http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2266116
(this is the one we used). We used it until he was about 3 months old. It helps to ease your mind if you're worried about having him in bed with you. email me at ____@____.com if you have any questions. People will tell you repeatedly about how you shouldn't co-sleep, but if done right, it's wonderful. Just educate them on the facts and follow your intstincts!
E.

I have 3 children. My oldest son is 6. My daughter is 4 and my youngest son is 22 months. They each slept with us as babies and my youngest still does. My husband and I both like having them there. They are only that little once. It also made it so much easier to nurse and still get our sleep.
As for the covers... I did keep the house warmer when they were little enough to worry about smothering under covers. We also all dressed warm at night. The baby would be closest to me. I would put the baby up a little higher in the bed and I would slide down toward the bottom a little. I am 5'7" and had plenty of room to slide down without hanging off the bed. However, you have to remember that if the room is warm enough for the baby to go without covers it should be warm enough for you to be without also. I did like to have at least a sheet to snuggle up with.
Good luck. You have a very sweet time ahead of you!

I co-sleep with my son. My husband didn't feel comfortable about it, and ended up putting a twin bed next to the full size bed and that is where he sleeps. We did try to all sleep in the same bed with a barrier for the baby to keep him safe, but it took up too much room. I found that keeping the covers lower on the bed was the safest, and the way to keep me warm. I usually had him on his back, and I would kind of wrap myself around him (think spooning) and I did wake to just about every noise to start, but it is so easy to nurse and take care of them when they are right there. You can usually doze back off, while they are nursing or while you sooth him/her back to sleep.

I do believe that it can be safe for everyone to sleep in the same bed, and I do think you can do it without having to have a king size bed. My son who is now 14 months, still co-sleeps, and now that he is very mobile my husband feels comfortable sharing the bed again, and there is plenty of room in our full size bed.

Also, keep pillows out of the way of the baby. I would keep mine pulled way to the side, just enough of it under my head to keep my comfortable. A few times I woke to a pillow being dangerously near the baby's face, but I always awoke in plenty of time and would move the pillow. Tuck the blankets in tightly enough, and the baby shouldn't slip too far beneath. You could also place the baby on top of the blankets, and put the baby in one of those sleepers that is also a blanket.

Co-sleeping has worked very well for our family and I think that the child becomes more confident in the love of the parent, knowing that his/her needs will be met and they don't have to 'cry it out'. Congrats and good luck!

P.S. Check out this link for some helpful info about co-sleeping. http://www.attachmentparenting.org/artbenefitscosleep.shtml

ALSO, ANOTHER THING TO KEEP IN MIND- THE SIDS STUDIES WERE SPONSORED BY THE CRIB MANUFACTURERS. THEY WANT MOTHERS TO BE SCARED FOR THEIR CHILDREN'S LIVES SO THEY WILL RUSH OUT AND BUY A CRIB AND NOT KEEP THEIR CHILDREN CLOSE TO THEM. CHILDREN ARE ONLY THAT SMALL FOR A VERY SHORT TIME- ENJOY THEM :)

Hi, M. If this is somethin you and your husband want to do then nothing anyone says will change your mind. My 9 year old slept with us from birth and our 4 yeard old did too. I think back and can't even remember about the bedspread and how we kept them safe from it. I do remember that we always had the baby in the middle of us and he always seemed to be higher than us in the bed, so we just had to make sure the top of the bed was pertected from him falling. I think when the babies born you are going to know whats the right way for you guys. Every babies diff and once he/she comes you guys will know whats the best way. Don't stress about it. I will tell you that the only downfall to having my babies in my bed is that I still have them in my bed. My 9 year old not too much but my 4 year old goes to bed in his own bed and comes to mine after a couple hours. But the mornings waking up next him is the best thing ever. Good luck!!

M. -

Congratulations on your baby. We had our first last July. There is nothing to compare!

We started out with a co sleeper unit in our bed - Snuggle Nest. It worked well until he could wriggle out of it. Then he'd end up next to me. He had trouble sleeping and was diagnosed with reflux. His next sleeping place was his swing, on my side of the bed. After that we set up the bassinet. Now we have the pack and play there. Needless to say, our room is cramped. I have to crawl out the end of my bed to get out. I say all this to say that we have tried in earnest to give our son his own place to sleep and keep him close for comfort as well as middle of the night feedings. He sleeps best when in bed next to me. We didn't set out to have a co-sleeping arrangement but I wouldn't trade it. He may sleep a total of 2 hours in his pack and play and then come to bed with us for the rest of the night. I never start out with him in bed with us...it just ends up that way.

We have a pad on the bed - he has wet through his diaper, sleeper, my nightgown and the sheets. Also protects with spit up. I have gone from sleeping in a long t-shirt (prior to baby) to sleeping in a long sleeved nursing gown (I'm cheap - Goodwill costs way less than new) and a pair of pajama bottoms. Sometimes I'll put socks on if it's too cold. I cover my feet. We push the covers down in the middle of the bed or if I really need covers I get my own. My husband does not feel like I've comprimised our closeness. We love waking up with our baby. No one has ever rolled over on him. He's 7 months old now.

Do I want him in his own bed? Absolutely. But not until it's time. He has the best room in the house with a beautiful crib and mattress set that I set up with multiple layers of sheets and waterproof pads. For now his room is used for diaper changes and storage for all of his toys, diapers and clothes.

As with all of the advice you've received while pregnant. Realize that people mean well but have their own belief systems in place. One thing I learned through my pregnancy was that my way isn't the only way (it used to be lol) and my opinion is just that. It probably isn't appreciated by the other person so I keep it to myself. I'm sorry you've been riddled with information that you didn't ask for. The best advice is use common sense and do what is right for your family!!!

Blessings!
Jacq

p.s. do sleep when the baby sleeps!!! remember you can't do it all - ask for help or let others do for you.

First of all... Congratulations on your first baby! It's such an exciting time, isn't it???

Speaking as a former member of the "I will never co-sleep with my child" camp, I believe there is much misinformation on the subject. I swore that we would never co-sleep... for all of the reasons that some posters have listed. All of them, well frankly, are opinions based upon fear and not truly understanding the dynamics of a family bed.

While I never *thought* I would... it all started the very first night in the hospital after my son was born. It was just the most NATURAL thing in the world -- to have my son sleeping next to me. It facilitated breastfeeding and better sleep -- for BOTH of us. He had immediate access to the "goods" and I was able to escape most of the sleep deprived nights which lots of non co-sleeping parents experience.

The perception that it is NOT a good idea is based upon our society's selfish tendencies. In many countries, it is perfectly natural for the family to sleep together... especially mother and child.

The thought that ... heavy sleepers will roll and crush the infant... well, this could be a possibility in a father's case. But, a mother is usually keyed into a child way more than a father. There is something so magical about the connection between mother and child. Mothers know where their sleeping infant is. My own son used to sleep in the crook of my arm. I ALWAYS knew where he was. Of course... DO NOT co-sleep on nights that you are on medication and/or drink alcohol (this will impair your senses and make you sleep heavier than usual). Also, if the father/partner is a heavy sleeper, then you can put your bed against the wall and sleep in between your child and partner (with the child against the wall or a bed rail).

It is true that the recommendations for safe co-sleeping do state that there should be NO pillows or blankets in the bed whatsoever. Heavy pajamas (or clothing) are recommended. However, the practically of this may not suit some. In our case, we used separate blankets. Dress your infant warmly enough (yet, NOT overdressed) so that they will not need a blanket.

SIDS -- whoever said there was a greater risk of SIDS is... well, is wrong. Research has shown that an infant sleeping next to its mother has better regulated breathing than one sleeping alone. Because of this, the risk of SIDS is NOT more than being in a crib. If anything, it would be less since you are there and would have a greater chance to notice if your child stops breathing. Of course... since the exact cause of SIDS remains unknown, the risk of SIDS still exists no matter what the sleeping arrangement.

Lack of intimacy. HA! I have to laugh at this one. If you and your partner cannot find creative ways to keep the intimacy alive and flowing... well, it probably wasn't as good as it could have been to begin with.

“If you start, you’ll never get the child out of your bed.” Double-HA! Either I’m one lucky person… or the above statement isn’t true. We started transitioning my son into his crib at four months. On the first night, I had such a horrible time sleeping. As soon as he woke up, I ran, grabbed him and brought him back to bed with us. I MISSED him terribly. Every night, he started in his crib and then we brought him in after he woke the first time. This lasted until one night when I went into check on him and he had rolled over onto his FACE! As paranoid as I was about SIDS, that was the last time I put him to sleep in his crib! From then on, he was always with me.

Fast forward to this past January. My son is now 2 ½ years old. He still co-slept with us. I finally thought… well, maybe we’ll try to transition him to his own bed in his own room. So, we set up a bed (full size) and really talked up his own room and BIG boy bed. I thought (after hearing everyone give their opinions) that it would go horribly and he would be in my bed until he turned 10! Well, I can now laugh at everyone who thought that! Aside from a few nights he has been sick… he has slept in his own bed through the night! The first night… I was the one who, once again, had a terrible night trying to sleep without him. He is fine. Better than fine. It has been a wonderful transition! Sometimes if he wakes early, he’ll just come in and cuddle with me in my bed. Yeah… that’s terrible! LOL

Ultimately, you have to do what works for your family. If you and your DH are on the same page and agree upon a family bed… then there is no reason not to do so (provided it is a SAFE family bed). GOOD doctors will know this, as well. If a doctor is NOT knowledgeable, then pass along the info to them.

Anyway, sorry about the book. It’s just that this subject is shrouded in misinformation. I thought it might be helpful to talk to someone who has successfully co-slept. By the way, now that DS is in his own room, I sleep with the monitor on. If I don’t hear him every once in a while, I get nervous. I’ll actually get up and go check on him! He’s nearly 3 years old now… and I’m STILL paranoid of SIDS!

Oh… and there are several great resources on co-sleeping (or the family bed). Dr. Sears is a wonderful resource. Take your time and read up as much as possible. That way when someone “objects” you can set them straight!

Again, congrats and keep us updated!

Michelle

All 4 of mine co-slept from birth till they decided to get their own beds. My two oldest were Germany babies and all the moms there just told me to be sure not to roll over on them. But they didn't get a pillow. I covered all 4 in the blankets we used. We normally just had the one quilt, and mine were just fine.
Congratulations, and have fun with your little blessing.
A.

Not trying to start anything but the baby will be a new born and you can also have a pack-n-play or a bassenet in your room.

why would anyone want to seperate themselves from they husband? (seperate blankets??)

I would just have the baby sleeping in the same room just different sleeping area.

With the blankey thing you said that we are not to cover them up because they can sufficate. Well think honey, You have pillows also. A pillow can do the same thing.

I am not trying to step on anyones toes but the bassenet or pack-n-play would be safer. (I think)

Make the choice that best suites you and your husband. I used to have a rocking chair I would go to for my mid-night feedings. I love it I was still close to the baby.

Hi M.,
I have 4 childern, 11, 9,6 and 20 mo. I have nursed all 4 and slept with all 4. My 20 mo. is still nurseing and still gets in bed with us at night. It seems that a lot of people frown on this but I wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, there have been many nights that all I wanted was just a couple of hours with straight sleep but I love being close to my babies. There are dangers. But every mother that I've spoken with about this topic agrees that they still feel secure, it's a mothers instinct. I don't want to ignore the fact that there are accidents, the fear of rolling over on your baby, not trying to scare you, but I'm sure you've thought about it , or you will. To try and make sure this doesn't happen I would try to get in naps as much as possible during the day within the first few weeks. When I knew I was really tired I would just lay the baby down in his/her crib while they were napping and get some good rest. This gets harder the more childern you have, so if you have family and or friends ask for help. To answer your question about if it's possible to sleep with your baby without a king size bed, I'm sure it is but we've always had a king, I would really try to get a king. Not so much because of when they are small but as they get older, 2-5 yrs , they still like to climb in every chance they get. That's when you get kicked in the head or smacked in the face,lol. Once again, some people frown at this. But I say, " Who cares what some people think, they'er only little once, and it goes by SOOOOO fast." Now if they are 16 and still sleeping with you that might be an issue:) Then again if my now 11 yr. old son wanted to get in bed with me at the age of 16 for what ever reason I might find myself indulging in the fact that he still wants his mom to comfort him. But I doubt that will ever happen.-To answer your main ? I would dress them warm and maybe use a small blanket. I think for the most part you will enjoy this expierence. it makes night time nursing sooo much easier. Your natural God given instincts will just come. I hope this has helped and not scared you away from it. Your the first person that I've responded to. I was 24 when I had my first. Good luck. God Bless, J.

You can get a device called a Co-Sleeper that fits on the side of your bed for the baby to sleep on...
It does not interfere with the covers.
OR
My husband and I have 6 children who all slept with us...our method was to put them to sleep in their own crib/bed, and when they awoke for night feeding, bring them into our bed for the remainder of the night.....this worked well for us as we needed our sleep.
In a king size bed this is easy....the baby can sleep up by your heads...use a smaller pillow for yourselves so as to make room in the middle of the bed for baby.
You will figure it out...

Hello M., We slept with both our boys when they were breast fed before they would sleep all night. Also that was well before all the issues that everyone seems to want to intrude in your life about. They slept on their bellys no problems. They slept with mom and dad and we never rolled on them. It was certainly simpler to uncover a breast and go right back to sleep. You are right about waking when they get fussy. I would lay them in the crook of my arm and was wakened everytime they needed me. I think in our case them benefits certainly out weighted any cons. I always used blankets. I did put them in blanket sleepers and they will wiggle out when they got too warm.

Congrats on your first baby! And let me say...co-sleeping has been amazing! Our daughter wouldn't sleep for the first 6 months unless one of us was holding her. We used to take turns sitting up with her in the rocking chair so she would sleep. Finally, I decided to do what I felt was right and not what everyone else was telling me we should do. We decided to co-sleep with our daughter. And we are both so happy that we did. We had a co-sleeper bed with the sides that wouldn't collapse down. Once she got older, we removed that. The funny thing is, she cannot stand to be covered up when she sleeps, so covers were never an issue. No matter how many times I'd cover her up, she's find a way to get them off! We let her sleep with us until she was 3 and it worked out perfect. She took her naps in her crib, so she was used to being in her bed and in her room. The transition was a little difficult, but after a couple of nights, it was fine. Good luck and remember...it's always good to listen to what other folks have to say, but follow what your heart tells you is best for your family (keeping all safety issues in mind too).

Hi M.. My husband and I have successfully co-slept with our 4 children. The best advice I can give is to check out Dr. Sears. He has several books to choose from and all of them are great. The safety tips given in his books are easy and practical. He also gives many benefits to co-sleeping and helps parents feel confident about their decision. We could not have made it without co-sleeping. It is perfect for those night feedings! :>)

R.

Everyone has their own opinion about co-sleeping. If it works for you & your family, go for it. We did it a little with our first, and he sleeps really well now. We started it earlier with our 2nd & she's been with us longer. It started because she had a tendency to spit up right after a bottle if layed flat. So, we used the boppy pillow right between us. Yes, we have a king bed. I love having her so close. It really is a nice feeling to wake in the night & feel that little warm body so close. As for safety, people probably won't like this, but I have a tendency to ignore the "research" & use my own common sense. As I said, she slept on the pillow between us. Covered with her own blanket. Both my husband & I are cover hogs, so we use our own separate blankets. We have NEVER been concerned about suffocating or rolling over on her. Now, at 15 months, we start out in her own bed & if she wakes up, she knows where we are. She walks down to our room & sometimes, I put her back, & sometimes, she stays. She has her own small pillow in the middle (no more boppy). She is now the bed hog. One of us always know where she is because she is always touching one of us. I know that there are beds made specially for co-sleeping, that sit on the side of the bed. People have also put the bassinet next to their bed. In my personal opinion, this (like much of parenthood) is all about common sense & what works for your family.
Please, however, don't let people tell you what you HAVE to do, or what you CAN'T do. This is your family. Listen to the advice & take the pieces that fit for you.

EDIT: I can't believe that it's come to this. Using separate blankets doesn't mean that you are separating yourself from your husband. As I stated, we are both blanket hogs & if you'd ever woken up in the middle of the night without a blanket, you'd understand. We have a very happy marriage & as I told M., do what works for your family. This works for us.

i think letting the baby sleep with you is a wonderful idea. i did and it is a great way to bond with you baby, plus it's way easier to nurse at night.

i think if you put your baby in warm sleepers and keep the baby above your heads when you sleep that should be fine.

E.

First I want to say your "What Happened" response was well put!!!! Kudos to you for making the decision and not letting others influence your choice!!!! We are co- sleepers and have been from day one....the funny thing is that I had the same thoughts and my other halfdidnt want it at first for fears something might happen to hurt our little one....but rest assured everything will fall into place and all your worried and thought will work out subconsciously...good luck and god bless

Hello M.: Congratulations on the baby!! Hey, it's due one day after my birthday - St. Patricks Day!! That's great!

Anyway, you needed advise on the baby sleeping with you. I have 6 beautiful children, so I'm a veteran. Will you be breastfeeding? If so, give yourself 3-4 weeks to adjust to that in itself. You might have bleeding - in which case you can use breastmilk - allow it to dry on the problematic area - this helps tremendously. If you are using the bottle, make sure the baby is burped properly - it's also wise to burp the baby after breastfeeding. Because breastfeeding makes you really sleepy, there were many times that I wouldn't burp Josh or Sarah and they'd be fine (it depends on what you eat first). I have always been a relatively light sleeper, I hope that you are the same, however, with motherhood, it's instinctual that you should be on your toes with every need that the baby has. Yes, the covers are an issue, wrap the baby in his/her own baby blanket,and you in your own - keep them away from him/her. Allow the baby to feed and then place the baby on the side of you away from your husband. If you sleep heavily, I wouldn't recommend sleeping with the baby, the dangers are just too relevent - use a bassinet and put it next to your bed. Give yourself adjustment time and be patient you'll do great!!!

Yeah for co-sleeping! It truly does make night-feeding a breeeze (I acutally just roll my daughter to the other side, pull up my shirt and go back to sleep!) and is so great for fostering attachment between parents and children. We co-sleep with both our kids (3.5 yrs and 14mo) and have since birth. We even pushed a twin bed next to our queen so that we have plenty of room for all of us!

If you are looking for good resources on co-sleeping, check out:
--"Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep!)" by Maria Goodavage and Jay Gordon
--"Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep" by Dr William Sears,
--"Sleeping with Your Baby" by Dr James McKenna

All of these books discuss actually how to sleep with your baby, as well as the reasons that it's a positive. These are the basic guidelines from Dr McKenna's book:
--Parents should not sleep with their babies if they are smokers or have ingested alcohol or drugs.
--Bedding should be tight fitting to the mattress.
--The mattress should be tight fitting to the headboard of the bed.
--There should not be any loose pillows or soft blankets near the baby's face.
--There should not be any space between the bed and adjoining wall where the baby could roll and become trapped.
--The baby should not be placed on its stomach.

We know many other co-sleeping families and here's what we and many of them do:
--We put a toddler bed rail (like you would put on a toddler bed to keep them from rolling out) on one side of our bed. When the baby is tiny, we take a beach towel and roll it up and place it against the base of the bedrail to eliminate the small dent that occurs because of the natural curve down at the edge of the matress. By 6mo or so, we haven't found it necessary anymore. It's just a precaution for little ones who are tiny enough to potentially roll against the bedrail. It's probably unncessary, but it worked well for us.
--The baby then sleeps either between me and the bedrail or between me and my husband, depending on which side she is nursing on. You will find mixed recommendations on letting your baby sleep next to dad. Mother's tend to be hyper-alert to their babies, but some people think father's aren't as alert. We have always had our babies sleep next to dad and never had a problem. My husband was so nervous for a first few nights that he didn't sleep well, so we could tell right away that he was going to be aware of the baby, so never had any thoughts about not letting the baby sleep by him. (Also, my husband and I were both VERY heavy sleepers before cosleeping!) I can't really explain how you develop an awareness while you're asleep, but it's like the same way that you don't roll out of bed every night onto the floor. You just don't. You know where the edge of the bed is, the same way you know where your baby is.
--We do use covers (though some parents forgo these and just sleep in warmer PJs/sweatsuits). Our baby sleeps with her head at my breast level, since she normally falls asleep nursing. We just don't pull the covers very high. When our babies were little and didn't move around, we put them under the covers, but only pulled the covers up to their waists. Now that they are bigger and don't like covers, we put them on top of the covers and the covers come up maybe to her armpits on her back. That way she is well away from both the pillows above and the covers below, yet we still get to use both of them. Also, if you want to use covers but are worried about it, you may want to use blankets rather than a fluffy comforter, since there is less chance of smothering that way.
--If you want to cosleep but still don't feel that these precautions are enough for you, you can get a Snuggle Nest that goes in the bed, esentially like a little box for the baby that goes between the parents. We have never used one of these, but had a good friend who did. However, she only used it a few weeks because the hassle of getting the baby in and out of the Snuggle Nest defeated the being able to fall asleep while nursing, making it much less convenient for her. So they just went with the above precautions and slept with the baby right in their bed. Also along the same lines is a "co-sleeper" which is like a 3-sided bassinet that you push against your bed. However, I feel that it has the same downsides as the Snuggle Nest, so I prefer just traditional cosleeping for us.
--Remeber that babies who cosleep are warmer during the night than babies who sleep in their own bed because of the body heat, so they don't tend to need blanket sleepers. Regular cotton PJs tend to work fine for both my kids.

I hope that these ideas helped. As you do it a few times, you'll work out your own system for your family, but you're doing great by your baby by wanting to cosleep!

I would recommend "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She has a whole section on how to safely co-sleep with different options of how to do it.

There are a variety of ways to safely co-sleep. Some are more of a "side car" type arrangement, some are an area in the bed for baby, some are with the baby just in the bed.

My first son was born in the summer, and neither my husband or I was really using covers at the time, so that was not an issue. Later on, my husband would sleep lower in the bed and use the blankets as normal. I had several heavy sweatshirts that I has cut up the sides (so I could nurse) and slept higher up in the bed with my son. This winter, my son is night weaned, but still doesn't like blankets or pillows. So he sleeps higher up in the bed, and my husband and I sleep lower down. Son's feet are sometimes under the blankets, but mostly he kicks until his feet are on top. We have a queen size bed. We did try to have him sleep in his own room for a while around 15 months, and my husband and I decided it did not work for us, and that the only reason we really tried it was outside pressure, and that is not a "good enough" reason for us.

I would really recommend "The no cry sleep solution", it really has a lot of good ideas (about co-sleeping and just sleeping in general).

I would say first you have to be very sure that you are not a sound sleeper. There are a lot of babies that die from their parents rolling over on them. I personally let all our children sleep with us and it makes you a lot closer with them. The draw back is, they don't want to ever go to their own room.

I'm not sure exactly what it's called, but basically it looks like a little padded tray/bed you put baby in. It's not very big. It has four sides that are only a couple inches high. I used something like that and put baby between our pillows.

www.myspace.com/staceefrane
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____@____.com

Hi M.,
I am new to Mamasource, but your request caught my eye because I am a co-sleeping mom of 3 children...I have been sleeping with 1 child at a time in our bed for the past 6 years! It is the easiest and the most natural thing for me to do, as a breastfeeding mother, and the only way I could get any sleep in the beginning! I would let my child lay above the covers in their footie pajamas, and they always were warm enough...plus, we were covered up and cozy...as they got older, I would just put them in regular cotton pajamas and a pair of socks, and they snuggle under the covers with us...we never had any roll-over issues. As a parent who is not medicated or intoxicated when they go to sleep, I sleep lightly enough to know if anything would be wrong...I would be happy to discuss in more detail anytime...goodluck and I hope you give it a try...C.

Our sons sort of slept in their own beds. The first one spent half the first night in our bed because he was cold in his crib. We put a crib blanket over him the next night and he was fine.

As for the baby sleeping in your bed, think about how soundly you both sleep and what disturbs your sleep. Are you both fairly quiet sleepers or does one of you thrash around?

They have bassinets that you can hook onto the side of your bed for that kid of situation or just have the baby on top of the covers. Good Luck with your little one. It's truly a blessing

When my last daughter was an infant, I had her bassinet right next to my bed and it was so much easier to nurse in the middle of the night. However, sometimes I would fall asleep nursing her and she did fall out of the bed once. Another time she rolled over beside my husband and he is a heavy sleeper and could've suffocated her. Covers are a whole different issue. Please, take everything into careful consideration before making this decision. I loved having my baby right beside me in her bassinet and when she was a little older, she slept with us more. It was more difficult to get her to eventually sleep in her own bed, but the bonding was wonderful.

There are co-sleeper bassinet that attach to your bed. If you were to go to your search engine and type in baby co sleeper it will give you all the information that you would need to see if this is something that would be good for you.

I had actually looked into one when pregnant with my second child but we were not able to afford one at the time.

This would definitely ease your worries about smothering your new baby with your blankets.

Hope this information helps.

H.

DO NOT...and I repeat...DO NOT put your baby into bed with you! No matter how much you love your child, you are endangering his/her life should you choose to place the baby in bed with you and your spouse. You have no control over your actions while asleep. The probabilities of rolling onto your baby, smothering the child by your body or bedcovers, or even breaking the baby's bones are much greater than you think. I actually was pushed out of my parents' bed and onto the floor as an infant. A young single mother in our community awoke one morning to find she had smothered her three-month old infant overnight...she was at a friend's home and the two girls didn't want to get up in the middle of the night to check on the baby in another room. Neither had consulted with the adult in the house about the possible dangers.

A terrific alternative is to look for a bedside crib that safely houses the baby, keeps the child close at hand, and converts to a free-standing crib when necessary.

First off, congratulations on your first baby!
I had both of my kids sleep with me when they were first born, I felt better and it felt safer to me! It was the thought of not hearing them while they lay in their crib, even with a baby monitor...I treid the bassinet beside they bed, but I still felt more comfortable with them in bed with me. Everyone is different, do whatever makes you more comfortable! I never had a problem with my babies in bed with me and niether did my husband.

I do hope that you get some good advice on safe co-sleeping; however, I would try it after the baby is 6 months old, and the SIDS risk is much less. Adult mattresses are soft, and even without a blanket can present a risk. I had really great luck with using a bassinet beside the bed -- the baby was close but safe. You'll have plenty of wonderful time for cuddling and bonding while feeding, but keep your precious little one safe while he/she sleeps.

Hi M., congrats on your soon to be new born! My perspective will probably different than the others, and I by NO MEANS mean to scare you. All 3 of my kids slept with me,( I also have a 21 yearstep-daughter), my 5 year old still does most nights, all 3 were exclusively breastfed, and I loved ( still do) being close to my kids, as does my husband. Our 2nd one never slept more than 3 hours total in a 24 hour period, sleeping 15-20 minutes at atime, so at least I got to rest if I wasnt actually sleeping. Our 3rd, our daughter Sommer, passed away in our bed at 75 days of age, of SIDS. I only tell you this because if I could have a 4th, I would still co-sleep, and because of your comment, since you are right there, you will hear every sound, sometimes there are no sounds. I truly do not want to scare you, I wonder if I should even send this, but yes, I would still co-sleep. My kids are so well adjusted,my older son is 17 and we have the Best relationship, he tells me everything (I believe, I know more than any other Mom I've talked to). I DO NOT want you to worry about Sids, Sommer would have passed if she was in her crib, or even my arms. I made the bed safe by laying my kids on top of the comforter, with us underneath, between us. Ya, Ive read stories of parents rolling over on their kids, ect, if you are sober ( drugs included), unless you are one heck of a sleeper, you will sleep almost with one eye open. The USA has the highest rate of crib( bassinet, ect) use in the world, and the highest SIDS rate. Most other countries co-sleep, at least the first few months, and they have much lower rates of SIDS. If you would like more info, please email me at ____@____.com I fully endorse co-sleeping, I really apologize if I have upset you, I feel so strongly about this, I do not want you to worry about SIDS because in my studied opinion, it has nothing to do with co-sleeping. Your baby will benefit so much by having you close, just leaving your body, she/he still needs the comfort. Look at nature, animals dont kick their babies to a seperate den, nest, ect. Sorry to go on so long, just my opinion. Ladies, if you are angry with my response, let me know :-) Best Wishes to you, God Bless, A.

This is probably not what you want to hear but I'm just going to give my honest response..I have ran a daycare for 14 yrs and have attended alot of child classes on many different subjects but SIDS is the one that I mostlt relate to ..,,the leading cause of SIDS is when parents allow the children to sleep in bed with them, it triggers something in the brain, which has nothing to do with suffication. I would put a bassinet in your room and do not for any reason let the baby sleep with you it is very very dangerous...I know its hard and you want to cuddle with him/her but you can do this at other times then bed time..unfortunaletly being a parent means getting up in the middle of the night for feedings...but to be safe keep the baby out of the bed.

Thanks
T.

It is a very bad idea to sleep with a infant. My fathers nieghbor rolled over one night and the baby suffocated .Enough said there.
If you want the child near put it's crib or bassenett near your bed but please don't put your child in harms way by sleeping with it.

I just wanted to let you know that I read your update, and that is what I did with my son, too. His bassinet was RIGHT next to the bed so that I could touch him in my sleep if I wanted to, but I couldn't roll over on him or suffocate him, and most importantly, I could sleep comfortably knowing that he was safe and sound and right there all at once. I also brought him into bed with me for naps for a while. We moved him into his own room at 5 months, when he outgrew his bassinet, and he made the adjustment very well. I hope to follow the identical process with our next child. I'm glad it is working out for you!

Co-sleeping for us has been wonderful. Both of my children, 3 & almost 2 nursed often through the night. I can't imagine having to get up out of bed each time. My oldest stayed in bed with us until the little one was about 6 or 8 months. The youngest stayed with us until we moved in December, when we put him right into a toddler bed. Both children still come into our bed in the middle of the night on their own. Sometimes the older one climbs in without us even noticing.

As far as logistics with an infant. Our first slept between us with a separate blanket. Our second slept on the edge beside me, with a sidecar crib on the outside (he didn't like being in it). I tried for a long time to nurse him then push him into the side car, but he never stayed asleep very long. Then when he could move, he crawled back next to me.

You can only do what is best for your family. And as far as intimacy with your husband, which some people have questioned, be creative! Also, for breastfeeding support I recommend going to a La Leche League meeting. (No, they're not really "milk nazis" as I was told when I was pregnant.) You can go even before you have the baby. You will probably find many people there co-sleeping and they can give you even more practical advice.

Best of luck!

I saw do it but with caution. We did. Just get a portable bassinet and lay in bed with you because that's what does the fencing off. Or you could simply put the baby's bed in your room because sleeping by themselves is the most safe. However, if you are going to do it and do it where they sleep in the bed with nothing... make sure no one is on drugs(prescription or otherwise) alcohol or anything that would keep them from waking up. Being exhausted can keep you from knowing you rolled on top of your baby. Also, the caution is get them out of the family bed by 4 -6 months or believe me they remain for quite some time. Our 5 year old still comes over at least once a week. Leaves little personal time for the married grown folks.

Congratulations on your new baby!! There is like anything, pros and cons...

I co-slept with my son and it made eveything so much easier. We started out with him sleeping in a bassinet-but between his acid reflux and sweating at night, it just was easier.

I was always aware where my son was and so was my husband. I do think it is maternal instinct, but my husband also loves his son and wouldn't do anything to hurt him. I only moved my son once when we had a HUGE fourth of july party and my husband was quite intoxicated! Not because I thought anything would happen, but because things can happen especially when alcohol is involved.

My son in now 26 months old and it can be difficult to get him out, but I've found that once I stopped breastfeeding him at night (which just happened), he sleeps practically all night in his bed.

Just use your judgement and what feels right to you. You know the pros and cons, but do what is best for YOU and BABY! Don't worry about what others think. There are always going to be people that disagree with what you are doing.

I have coslept with all three of my children and plan to again when I have my fourth (expecting in September). I sometimes did put a cover over the me and the baby, but I tucked it under the baby's back so it wouldn't slide up over the baby's face. I also sometimes just used a separate baby blanket over the baby.

I thoght these days they recc baby sleep in her bassinet or crib. Its to ease to forget about the wee one & roll over on her. this happened about 2wks ago,,,a mom smothered her infant by passing out & sleeping on her. poor lil lass died.
It's a fun family time to all be in bed when ur all awake* & can snuggle & giggle & enjoy the warmth of eveyone. I felt that was a good bonding expeirence, but @ nite I always put my baby ina crib for his naps, & sleep. http://www.breastfeeding123.com/sids-breastfeeding-and-co...
http://www.topix.com/forum/county/beaver-pa/T1NQK4GDNBGOM...

best wishes on ur new arrival. perhaps these articles help ur decision. U can google more on cnn.com
D.

Hi M.,
I will tell you that the family bed idea is not recommended by the medical community due to the risks to the baby. There are advantages and disadvantages. A good alternative is a cradle right next to your bed or they actually now make a small bed that can attach to your bed I think they call it a co-sleeper. That way you and your husband can be snug under the covers, but the baby can be safe. We had the cradle right next to our bed and it was a perfect solution for us.
Now, our youngest still climbs in bed with us almost every night (he's 5)...and it is like having a tornado in our bed...not so much fun now. No one sleeps well. So keep that in mind as you make your decision.
Good luck with your new baby! Enjoy it to the fullest! This is the most precious time.

I know that you are going to get a ton of responses on this one. Most seem really negative about it so far. I'm sorry for that. Co-sleeping is nothing short of amazing. I did it the first six weeks. Now that my little one is in his crib, I miss him soooo much. We still put him in our bed in the late mornings after his feeding but before we are ready to get up. There is nothing better. Yes, you'll be nervous that you'll crush him/her, but that won't ruin your nights sleep. Seperate blankets is a good idea. It won't be a big deal with your husband. We don't share blankets eithr way. My husband is a "grab and roll" type. LOL.
Give co-sleeping a try. If its not for you, then don't do it anymore. You can't spoil a baby that young. People gave us a hard time because we like to hold our baby while he slept. We slept better that way and so did he. We use two twin size blankets for us and a baby blanket for him. If you like it then go buy the bed that fits between you. Don't let people discourage you just because you were curious about how it worked.

For heavens sakes do not put the babie in your bed. You will lay on it and smother it! that happens all the time. Put it in a bed in your room. I had a small baby bed with wheels That I could roll from room to room. You will hear the babie start smacking it lips you will be a light sleeper and hear the babies every noise and wake up and feed it. And that is a terrible thing to break the kid from sleeping with you. It is bad for all of you

DON'T DO IT!!! I can't tell you how many friends I have who were boo-hoo-ing to the rest of us when their child was two years old and still refused to sleep alone. It is a very slippery slope and if you start you may never sleep alone again! Believe me, you will hear every breath, cough and roll-over on the baby monitor. They are very sensitive now days! You will never get a good night's rest if the baby is right next to you -- every time the baby moves or rolls, you will wake up. You will be waking up so much anyway, why make it worse for yourself? Good luck with this very big decision, just realize that your sleep habits, privacy, and sex life may be affected for YEARS to come!!! Maybe you could compromise and nap with the baby during the day -- that might give you the closeness you are looking for without sacrificing precious night time sleep...

I'm a 40 year old mother of three boys (11,10 and 8). I don't think it would be wise to start the baby off sleeping in your bed. It's something that is hard to break the longer it goes on. My oldest 2 never slept with me and my youngest did. He still asks to sleep with us every so often. He stopped sleeping with us every night two years ago. If you are just wanting to make midnight feedings easier, then just put the bassinet next to your bed. The baby will be close and still have his/her own space.

It is a BAD habit to get into. My sister and brother-in-law put their first kid in bed with them, they just had their 3rd child and all three sleep with them. I would not recommend letting the baby sleep with you at all. I have 2 children of my own I am glad we never let them sleep with us. My sister and brothe-in-law can not even go out for a later dinner and a movie because the kids wont sleep without them in bed with them. Just my thought on the whole thing. Good Luck!!

I would not make a habit out of this practice especially with a newborn. I work at a funeral home and there have been a couple of cases where the mother has smothered her baby by rolling over or a pillow accidentally was pushed on the baby and when you are sleep you can't always know that the baby is in distress and cannot breathe. Please keep your baby in his/her own bed.

We were adamently against co-sleeping before I had my first child. However, he just slept better with us and it worked out wonderfully for our breastfeeding relationship. We put him in the middle between my husband and I and didn't cover him a ton (it was the summer so none of us used much covers). At the time we only had a queen but now have a king and co-sleeping is a lot easier with a king. The studies reporting a link between SIDS and co-sleeping are grossly mis-represented. Most cases where a parent rolls over on a child are when the parent is severly obese (I'm not so that wasn't a risk for me) or heavily intoxicated (again...not an issue for me). If you do a little digging around you'll find that many peds. are in support of co-sleeping. Babies mimic your breathing and co-sleeping often helps with apnea problems.

Our oldest was fine when we transitioned him to a crib and is a great sleeper (in his own bed!) and he's six.
With our 2nd child we planned to co-sleep but he didn't want to and we respected that. He's always slept in his crib. I'm a firm believer in following the cues of your baby.

I say do whatever works best for you and your baby. Co-sleeping has been around longer than the nursery and many other cultures still use the family bed.

Hi M.,

My 2nd son slept with us for about 4 months when he was a baby. I put up one of those bed guard rails on my side of the bed, so he slept b/w me and the railing. As far as covers are concerned, you are correct in saying that you should not put covers on top of the baby. We didn't have to worry about this so much, as the weather was warm at the time so I could just use a light sheet. But with the cold weather right now, your best bet is to layer on the pj's, and maybe keep a blanket over your feet to help. Your little one snuggled up next to you will also help keep you warm! I would always try to put some distance b/w me and baby, but he would always squirm his way over to me, even in his sleep. Be very careful with the pillows too! Good luck!

My doctor was furious with me when she had found out that my baby and I had just napped together. She said if you really must do it there should be no blankets or pillows on the bed. PERIOD! Suffocation is a huge factor especially in sleep-deprived new parents. Is there any reason you could not put a basinett right beside you in bed so that you can keep your baby close to you for feedings, but still keep him/her safe? Just my opinion...I have had a co-sleeping child (my 1st) and 2 who just slept in a basinett beside my bed for about the first 6 months. I have found no benefit to having the child physically in bed with me. I kept the basinett right beside me and would keep my arm in to hold them even. The only thing I found with the baby physically in bed with me was a terrible night sleep bc I was so worried all the time that my husabnd was going to roll over on her. I will say that it did actually happen when she was about 4 months old. As much as you tell yourself it won't happen (I know we did) it can still happen. Why take the risk? Again you are right that there should be no blankets,pillows, toys,etc.,in the crib with them so why would your bed be any different?

I liked having the bassinet right next to the bed. That way the babies were right there but not actually in the bed. Of course, many times, they ended up right there next to me anyway! They do have all kinds of products so that the baby can be in your bed but in their own little thing so that you aren't rolling over on them, your covers aren't getting on them, etc.

A friend of mine took the front wall off her crib and pushed it against her bed, raising the mattress so that it was even with her bed. This made her regular crib just like the cosleeper cribs, keeping the baby close but also allowing the baby to get used to the crib right off the bat.

I personally let my babies sleep with me for the first month, dressing them warmly enough that they didn't need to be under the covers. However, my husband wasn't comfortable with this and usually went to the couch- we have a queen sized bed and he felt that he would rather sleep on the couch than to endanger the baby.

I might suggest you get a pack n play with a bassinet on top or bassinet to put next to your bed. This way, the baby is used to sleeping by him/herself for transitional purposes later (it really will make thing so much easier) and you don't have to worry about the blankets and suffocation. Seriously, you don't know what you do in your sleep, so you could seriously injure your baby. And, with the bassinett next to you, you can easily reach for feeding, etc. Just better peace of mind and good all the way around.

Yikes! Just be careful not to accidently rollover on your baby while sleeping especially if you are a heavy sleeper. Id be careful. I have heard this happened to someone and it killed their baby by accident.

DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR BABY!! For one, it's not safe - there are too many deaths caused by having babies sleep in your bed. Second, you will never get that baby out of your bed - even when he/she is eight years old and going to school! Trust me - I know by experience! My 8 yr old nephew still wets the bed & is still sleeping with his parents! I know you are thinking that this will never happen to you - think again!

they do make co sleepers that looks like a pack and play that sits right next to the bed that are open on the side, something we bought at target that the baby slept in and it had hard plastic sides that were padded to keep from rolling over on them, i cant think of what its called.

just from experiencing once you put your baby in bed with
you it is very hard to break the habit,my nephew was five
before we got him in his own bed.Try putting packnplay in
your room. Just no pillows or alot of blanklets in the play-pen.

____@____.com

Check out the book "Sleeping with Your Baby" by James McKenna. I think he also has a website if you google his name. We co-sleep and it's the best, most rewarding thing we have done and don't regret it for a second. It is easier and my baby is smarter because of the extra touch. He is a better sleeper, and safer from SIDS. Go for it!

There are really good alternatives to having the baby in the bed with you. I had a bed that pulled up and was against mine. There is now a new snuggle nest that allows the baby to sleep protected in the same bed as the parents. www.onestepahead.com I will say that it is easy to get really tired and not remember the baby is in there, especially in the early days. My little girl slept with me and still does off and on. Good luck!

I understand the need and desire to sleep with your baby. I have had all three children in our bed at different times. I want to strongly caution you against sleeping with a newborn. I would wait until it can control its neck muscles, to sit up unsupported, and to let out a loud scream if necessary. I had an experience I almost forgot about until I read your request. I was so exhausted one night, I brought my baby to bed and began nursing, my husband was out like a light, I fell asleep and woke up with her between our pillows, she was alright but it could have been a tragic ending. I kept a bassinet right next to my bed and a flashlight. I could take a peak, listen to their breathing and cooing. I knew they were safe and I could sleep knowing I wouldnt harm them. We did allow them to sleep with us from about 18mos until about age three. There were nights we had them sleep in their own beds too. Neither of them had a problem adjusting to sleeping on their own. I liked the closeness and the security it gave them. I believe you can achieve this with a lot of rocking and reading.

Hi M.,

What is recomended is not to have the baby on the same bed since it runs a risk of suffocation or if you and/or husband are too tired (which you will be) can roll over the baby.

What I did, and worked beatifully, I got a co-sleeper basinet (Burlington or any baby store) which it attaches to the side of your bed but it gives the baby its own space to sleep without the concern of suffocation by adult blankets, or rolling over.

Because the co-sleeper attaches to the side of the bed, you don't need to get out of bed to reach the baby and can even hold the baby's hand all night long if you wanted to.

I hope this helps, but you can also ask the pediatritian you will choose to see your baby, I'm sure they'll be able to recomend something.

Good luck and congratulations about your baby.

First off congratulations.
I had my first child a little over a year age. I put her in a crib next to our bed. But I know there is a baby bed that you can put between you and your husband. I think they are sold at Target. If I were to let my child sleep with me that would probly be the way to go. Hope that helps.
C.

you could start with a cradle or packNplay thing, that would keep the baby out of the bed but close. It can be a pain to get up and down in the night. We found it easiest to have our daughter with us in the bed. Really I think that you as the mom (as long as you aren't under the influence/out of it) will know what's up with your baby, and trust your gut with where you want her/him.
You don't want a bunch of blankets, so I would get some cozy pjs for the grown-ups. While a tiny baby any size bed can work, but even a queen gets crowded with a toddler in there.
Go to the askdrsears.com to get some pros, cons, and general info. The baby book is good too.
How do you like farming or do you do any of the farming?

This is the co-sleeper I have: http://armsreach.com/

But, the baby ends up in bed with me b/c he likes to be close (my daughter didn't). I put him beside me without covers. I just cover my legs and waist. Swaddling will keep the baby warm and a long-sleeved sleeper.

Right now, though, I have plenty of room for the baby b/c my hubby is sleeping in another room. When he comes back the baby won't be in the bed for fear of hubby rolling on him or something.

Recommendations are to avoid having the baby sleep in your bed in order to avoid suffocation.
My daughter had a terrible time getting their first child to graduate to sleeping in her bed. They did not try the family bed with children born later.

Don't let the baby sleep with you in your bed.
For the first few months you can have the baby sleep in bassinette or crib in your room right next to your bed. This would be much more wise.
I had both of my girls in our room in the crib until they were 1 yr. old.

I know you have already heard all kinds of things, but just to throw my two cents out there:

I didn't have to worry about a husband/boyfriend because my sons father has never been around, so there was no added stress of worrying if he would wake up if the baby cried, etc. Just me. I tried the bassinet next to my bed, but he and I just slept so much better together.

I would sleep under the covers, with him right next to me above the covers, and with his head so it was parallel with mine, but on a different pillow. Because I like to sleep with heavy covers but only one pillow, the thickness of the blankets was parallel to the depth of one pillow, and there was never any issue with him getting wrapped up in the covers. I think having a third person there, your husband, might make that a wee bit more difficult, but certainly manageable.

If I could offer a second piece of unsolicited advice, you might want to consider only cosleeping for a little while, like 6 to 8 months. They get very attached to it, and by the time I did get a boyfriend, it was a lot of work getting the baby out of bed so he and I could have some alone time. And the grandparents, all of them, were pretty disgruntled babysitters because they had to sleep with my 3 year old kid. Which is about when I finally broke him of the habit, and I assure you there were a lot of tears at night for some time trying to achieve separation. I think if I would have bitten the bullet and done it sooner, by the time he was 1 anyway, life would have been easier!

Best of luck with your new little one!

Co sleeping is great, but it is something that you end up commited to untill the child is ready to stop, unless you want to fight about it anyways. that being said i would do it all over agin in an instant, my kids 8, 7, 6, and 5 now all sleep in their own beds unless the youngest gets scared then she will pop in with me, but it is rare, and my 7 year old stopped on his own at age 3, he instead took up sleeping with his brother. The way i did it when they were really young, and remember i had more than one at a time with me was to sidecar a crib to the bed, and we have a king as well, you need a good sized bedroom to do this but all you have to do is google side car crib and they can give you all sorts of advice on how to do it and then you don't ahve to worry about your blankets and such, otherwise you can get a bedrail and let baby sleep outside the covers on either side of the bed, rather than in the middle, though it made me feel better to eliminate most of the really heavy covers and just keep the room warmer or dress myself warmer, but i like to sleep with several blankets. they also make cosleepers that are smaller than a crib that go next to your bed as well as small little like basket type things that you sit on your bed and lay baby in. whatever you decide to do don't listen to the hype and arguments and do waht is right for you and your family, if you do that you can't go wrong, this is a hot topic for many but if it's what works for you and yours you can't go wrong IMO. good luck

We had our kiddos sleep with us as infants. It worked out great for us. I don't think we really planned for it to happen that way, it was just easiest for us...breastfeeding, collic, etc. There are baby co-sleeping products on the market. One sort of looks like the changing pad on your changing table, except not as cushy, and the sides are there to prevent smothering...i guess...what you referred to as a fenced-off area? However, we never used anything like this. My babies always slept close to me. Our body heat kept the baby warm, and babies like to be swaddled at such a young age so the baby was fine, WE just needed to dress warmer. You'll know what works best for your little family when the time comes! If you do co-sleep, remember to put a mattress pad under the baby's sleep area...this will protect your bed from diaper leaks, blow-outs and spit up!!!!
Enjoy your new baby...soon!!!

I know it isn't a good idea to co-sleep, but with my first, who is 7 yrs now it helped out with middle of night feedings. She ate every two hours round the clock. We finally got her out of our bed when she was 5yrs old. My second was born, she slept in her own bed, I did lay with her in the spare room alot at night. I worried about blankets and pillows. I am a light sleeper though. Right after we got the oldest out of our bed the second started to sleep in our bed. Now both are 7 and 5 and do start off in their own beds but most of the nights they end up in our bed by morning. I love it, we snuggle. They are only young once. Enjoy it while you can.

its not really a good ideal to put the baby in the same bed at night but put a bassinet in the room instead because the soon to be will get use to that (you dont want that )youll never have a night alone with your partner... and also its so hard to sleep comfortable (been there done that lol) well good luck hope i could help

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER let the baby sleep with you, you'll never get him or her to sleep in his/her own bed!!

You can purchase a cosleeper and put it on top of the comforter between you and your spouse. I would recommend a bassinet next to your bed. Cosleeping at a very young age wasn't a good idea for me.

I have done a type of cosleeping. The baby would stay in our room but in their own bed. At night it helped with being able to keep my bed only for me and my husband. My husband brought me the baby and I fed them, then I would place them back in their beds at night. I didn't really worry about the blanket with babies. you really are able to see once the baby is born how it works out.

Congrats! This is such an exciting time for you! With both of our boys, we used the arms length co-sleeper. It's like a bassinet that fastens to your bed. So, baby is sleeping right there with you but you don't have to worry about the covers, etc. It also works great as a portable crib and we used it for that when we visited grandparents overnight. It made night feedings so much easier for everyone. Best Wishes!

Edit - Sorry, I didn't read the responses before I posted. We had the same problem with a small bedroom/small house. So we used the mini-cosleeper. It's the smallest thing we found. You'll find what works for you. Again, best wishes!

Just one sentence: Don't do it!!!
It's very dangerous for a little one to share a bed with parents. There have been reports of mom/dad crunching the baby to death. You will NOT rest well, and the baby won't either. If you MUST have the baby close by, there are little cribs that you can attach to the side of your bed, I've seen them in catalogs before. I'm sending you a link to one example.
http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...
I hope you decide against having the baby inside your bed. As a new mom, you need your rest as much as the baby, and you need to be as fresh and worry-free as possible, so you can enjoy being a new mom. If you don't sleep well, you can't be up to the task during the day.

i always put my sons in the pack in play like a foot beside my bed and it worked great.

I'd recommend what most doctors do and that is not to co-sleep. It's a hard habit to break and isn't the best for your baby. If it continues beyond the first couple months, then it isn't good for the intimacy relationship between you and your husband. Having your baby close is ideal especially for late night feedings so I'd go with a bassinet so baby is still close, but safe and warm.

Rather than having my littlest sleep in the bed with us, we put him in a basinette right next to the bed. Then he had his own space and we had ours, no chances of us unintentionally hurting him in our sleep, and it was easier to transfer him to his crib then, later.

You're told not to do it because you might roll over on the baby, etc, but as a nursing mom, I admit, my baby has slept in my bed since day one. Two things-first of all, get one of those mesh railings and put it on one or both sides of the bed. My daughter fell out of bed about a month ago. We have a Queen size bed. She was fine, but I felt AWFUL!

Two, I usually have her sleep right up next to me and make sure the covers are below her head. (My husband sleeps heavier than I do and my fear is that he might roll over on her.)

But finally, it is very detrimental to the sex life because now my daughter, 11 mos, thinks she has to be by my side at night. If you can get your baby to sleep alone...I suggest doing it.

The best advice anyone can give you is 'DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD SLEEP WITH YOU'. It doesn't help with feedings- you still have to get up. Buy a monitor, you'll still hear every sound your baby makes from their own room. You can roll a blanket and place it snugly around your baby's sides to give him/her the feeling of security. You'll both (all) sleep better.

I used an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper (available at Babies R Us) for the first 6 months. It allowed my child to be right there during the night feeding and I didn't have to worry about the blankets from the bed covering her up. I plan to use it again if we have another child.

Do not let the baby sleep with you. If you do chances are it is going to be hard to break the baby of the habit when he/she gets older. That is one mistake a lot of parents make nowadays. A baby can be covered by a blanket but only up to the waist. The baby will be both emotionally and physically fine away from you. Should you still choose to sleep with the baby in the bed put him/her on top of your blankets and a baby blanket over him or her. The midnight feedings are a pain because you're waking every few hours but you will get adjusted to it over time. My husband and I never let any of our kids sleep with us in the bed because we didn't want them to get used to sleeping with us and have a struggle when it came time to put them in their own room. Also, there is the possibility of rolling over on the baby. I would not recommend sleeping with the baby in your bed. Congratualtions on the soon to be arrival of your baby! Good Luck!
D.

I am 31 yrs. old. I have been married for going on 12 yrs. in Nov. and my husband and I have 3 boys. Their ages are 10 yrs., 7 yrs. and 4 yrs.

I have co-slept with both of my children since birth.
I know many others who have as well.
As a matter of fact I have a support group of them :) Feel free to join us :)

Go here:
Please visit this site:
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php

DO NOT let that last post scare you.

All to often we usually only hear bad news of co-sleeping out in the parenting community so, of parents that have rolled over their babies BUT no one ever mentions the MAJOR details of those parents having abused drugs, alcohol, were on prescriptions that caused them to sleep to heavily, or overly obese parents, when they are co-sleeping with their babies and the death occurred.

You RARELY hear of the over 300 annual crib deaths of babies left to die in cribs alone.

we co-slept with our 3 kids, and everyone is healthy/ happy...
i haven't read the posts, but i can imagine what has been said:)

my husband would use a sheet, and comforter on his side of the bed, and i used a sheet, and a blanket that wasn't heavy/ or fluffy. we had a warm apt. with apts. all around us except one side, so i think we were insulated fairly well:)

after 4-6 months you don't have much issue with blankets... when they can crawl/ climb on you, then they will wake up if they get in a compromised situation, and if one of you roll on them, they will complaine LOUD enough to wake you up:)

i think we also had the bed tight against the wall with a thin sheet or blanket stuffed down there to close any gaps, on my side when they were little. they mostly slept between me and the wall when they were teeny.

also i did put my newborns in a small bassinet type of thing on their backs for the first speel cycle every night, then brought them to bed with me when they woke up the first time...

M. (birth doula)

They now make bassinets with drop down sides (think of a side car on a motorcycle!)so the baby is right next to you in the bed but has their own space. I was fine with both of my girls sleeping with me but my husband made me worry because he was a restless sleeper. I'm sure you can find one online! Good luck and congrats on your newest family member! ~ Kasey

Dear M.,
Congratulations! I'm so excited for you & your family! We have a family bed. It really wasn't something we planned on at first, but it just seemed soooooo right! We never really thought about the covers. We have had 5 babies in our bed & never had problems. I would nurse throught the night & not even know. I am an extremely deep sleeper & lots of prople tried to share their fears, but my babies were safe happy & GREAT sleepers. I feel so sad for a newborn who only knows the sounds of their momma's heart & body & then are thrown to the cold lonely crib.The first time I laid my first baby in his crib, I bawled! I couldn't stand to be so far away from him. Co sleeping was very comfy. For our first 3 babies we had a double bed & eventually upgraded to a king size. We did adopt a rule to not have a toddler in bed with an infant. When I would get pregnant with the next baby, my husband would sleep in the next room with the toddler, which gave me & my belly extra room. Once the toddler fell asleep, he would either fall asleep & stay with them. If he happened to wake up he would crawl back in bed with me until the toddler adjusted. The toughest child to move out is the first, but consecutive kids get easier, because they have comfort from each other. I guess blanket advice, would be to just keep then well tucked in so there is not a lot of extra material around the baby. I also cradeled my babies in the crook of my arm a lot, but that can be tough on your back. Make sure you are keeping the muscles strong & if things get bad I reccomend a chiropractor. Enjoy your mother hood!

M.,
You can buy a co-sleeper that is kinda like a portacrib that attaches to your bed so your baby has it's own space.
L.

Do you have a basinet? I have 3 children of my own and my youngest is 6 months, I used a basinet with her, now she is in her own bed in our room. She sleeps all through the night. It is not safe at all to have your new born in the bed with you. I think you will sleep better if the baby were in it's own bed. I think it would be safer for your baby to sleep by itself in a basinet or a crib, you don't want to roll over on your baby. My first child slept with me and it was very hard to get him to sleep in his own bed, took about 4 years. Not doing that again. I did not sleep with my second or third child. I got up in the night fed them and put them back in their own bed. Some times I fell asleep in the recliner, but woke back up and put them in bed. It also will not be healthy on your marriage in the future if you have kids in your bed. I hope this helps and I hope you make the safest decision for your baby. God bless.

NO! Don't put a baby in the bed with you. That is a terrible idea. If you want the baby in the same room and you want convenience, get one of those co-sleepers from Arm's Reach. It can work as a stand alone bassinet or you can put it right up against your bed with the one side down far enough where you can touch the baby... but it's made so that you can't roll on to the baby in any way and the baby can't roll into the bed.

http://www.armsreach.com/original_cosleeper.php

Baby's HAVE been killed from people putting them in bed with them. It's not a "wive's tale" It happened here locally and was in the news several months ago.

And no, both of you will not always wake up right away every time the baby sleeps. My hubby sleeps like a log. If he rolled over on to our son, it would have been the end of him.

Choose the safe route. Get a safe co-sleeper. The one I referenced is A LOT smaller than a pack-n-play.

The one I gave a link to is the one that we used.

Although you have clearly gotten a great deal of feedback already, I noticed that noone actually gave you any specific sources of research, etc. on the subject. When I considered this idea in the past, I did a great deal of research- not just from other parents, but from medical journals and more. A quick search just now brought up this article http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/cosleeping...

That I think offers both "sides" of this issue. I was hesitant to co-sleep becuase when I was a babysitter as a teenager, a family I worked with co-slept with their newborn. They took all of the precautions, but when their son was about 3 months old, mom rolled over one night, woke up with a start to realize that she was on top of her son. She woke up becuase he was thrashing around, unable to breathe. That was the last night that he slept in bed with her. Years later, I had a friend who worked in an ER who told me about a family that came in with their 6 month old who had suffered a broken leg when his father rolled over on top of him in the family bed. This is pretty unusual given how pliable baby's bones are- but not impossible.
In the end- it is your decision. Just please bear in mind that there are risks. If you feel strongly that the benefits for you and your baby will outweigh these- then you have made your decision.

It may seem like a complicated thing now but you will figure it out. I always put my son to sleep in his own bed but then I would let him stay in our bed the rest of the night with us for the same reasons you have.... he was bf and it was easier just to let him latch on and stay there the rest of the night. I personally sleep with my knees up and particularly did this when my son was in bed with me too. That way he was able to nurse and I was able to protect him from my husband rolling over on him (I never feared myself rolling on him b/c I was so aware of every little girgle and move he made but my husband is much more of a sound sleeper-not that he ever came close to rolling over him but you know....I'm a mom and of course I worry!). I personally used one blanket that was heavy weight but not fluffy. I pulled it up over my shoulders and let it lay at an angle across me and across my son, while I pushed all the other fluffy bedding over to my husband's side of the bed or down past my waist. Basically like I said at the beginning.... you will figure it out you'll be able to determine what works for you and your family when the time comes.