New to Preschool, My Daughter Hates Structure. Any Ideas?

Hi L.,
You said that when you pick her up, she is having fun and a great time at school. My daughter did too and cried every morning that I dropped her off. The teachers reported that she only cried for five minutes or so and then was fine. One day gramma dropped her off and she didn't cry. When gramma asked why, she said, "I only cry for my mommma." I didn't worry after that.

Also, my daughter just started kindergarten which is more structured than her free-choice preschool. It was a difficult transition and took 4-6 weeks for her to acclimate.

If you're sure that this is the preschool for her, my advice is to ignore her when she's fussing about school. Things like, "I really want to read you a bedtime story. I can't until you're happy." This worked with both of my kids (we still do it with my son). In her own way, she's telling you how much she loves you...

Good luck.

What do her teachers say? Is she having a really hard time all day at school, or is she fine 5 minutes after you drop her off? With my youngest daughter, she would cry and cry all the way to school and then would dissolve in hysterics when we dropped her off. I was just beside myself with worry until I learned that she stopped crying before I even left the parking lot! It was all a big show for my benefit, I guess. She did eventually stop crying when we dropped her off. Now she is in Pre-K at the same school her big sister goes to, and we get to school and she races off without a backward glance. So... sometimes it just takes a while for kids to adjust to a new situation.

If the teachers are saying that your daughter is crying and having a hard time all day, then maybe she does need to go back to Grandma's for the rest of the year, and try preschool again next year. Or if that's not possible, then try and find another type of preschool (Montessori, maybe?) that is a little less structured.

Good luck - it's hard to find the right fit for your child, and even when you do, it is easy to second-guess yourself! (Been there! Done that!) Your daughter loves you a lot or she wouldn't be throwing such a fit for you! =)

Hi,
I think you have to stick with it. It is better to deal with these transition difficulties now than when she starts Kindergarten. Now if you are thinking of private school, then you have a choice and can go Montessori and/or Waldorf school which are less structured. However, if you are going public, then she needs to learn to follow the adult directed routine, because Kinder is 3 solid hours of structure with not much wiggle room.

Is Grandma available to volunteer in her class at all? Maybe if she saw G-ma "following" the rules, she would learn to accept that there are different rules to follow in different places. She is still very young, she will be a different girl in 6 months - so be patient, and she will come around.

Blessings....

Is she in a full day program or just a few hours? At this age, two days a week for a couple of hours is sufficient. Taking her from completely unstructured to all day every day is a bit of a transition and can take a long time to make it go smoothly. If it is just a couple of days a week for a couple of hours, maybe you could volunteer in the classroom one day so you can observe what goes on and when so that you can really find out what she likes, who she likes etc. If she has a special friend, maybe arrange a playdate outside of school etc so she can look forward to seeing her friend at school. I would talk to the teacher also to see if they have any ideas about how to ease the transition, since they've done this a million times.

Hi L.,
Well, I guess the first question is, does she HAVE to go to preschool? Some kids just are not ready. We all have to choose our battles and at her age this may not be one you really need to fight. Know what I mean? There is plenty of time before she starts kindergarten to get her ready for structured time. Okay, so if she does have to go (you work or whatever) then you may want to find out what her favorite thing(s) about the preschool are when you pick her up. Then start gradually preparing her by saying, "remember, you get to play duck duck goose tomorrow, hurray!" for example. Try to really focus her on what she enjoys about it. I wish you the best of luck!