Hi ladies, I am an avid reader here but have yet to post any questions. So a little about me, I have twin boys that are 6 1/2, a dtr that is going to be 5 this fall and a little boy who just turned 2. The big thing going on in our family and has been for a long time is the behavior of one of our twins. We are on a wait list now for autism testing for him, I am trying to be patient for this date to come. He is a very volitile child with a long list of sensory needs. It breaks my heart that this is a probable diagnosis, but now that is not my only concern. Tonight I took a pregnancy test that states positive....I am very overwhelmed as this was not planned. I love all of my children with all of my heart, but am fearing that I won't have the time and energy to devote to this baby with what we are going through with my older son. This also does not begin to deal with my husband's feelings. I took the test and saw the result and went for a walk, leaving my husband with the kids. He went and saw the test when I walked out the door knowing that it was the plan for me to take it tonight. When I got back I asked him if he wanted to go for a run which he did. But now we have kind of been avoiding each other for the last few hours. This is just so overwhelming. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Time to think overnight has been a big help. I do appreciate everyones encouragement. I don't think I slept more that a few hours as I couldn't turn my brain off. I am realizing the path laid before us isn't always the path we thought we were taking. I just need to realize this and come to terms with it. l know eventually I will and am. A close friend told me that some of the best things in life are surprises and things were weren't planning on. I am hoping that my husband will come to terms with this sooner rather than later as well.
*Terminating is not something I would consider. Yes to those of you that questioned birth control, we were protected supposedly.
Well the way I see it is this:
Now you'll have FIVE kids who are pretty freakin' lucky to have a Mom as awesome as you.
(Honestly, I can tell just by this one post, that in about 10 or 15 years, you'll be saying, "It worked so well it's almost like I'd had a PLAN!"
Congratulations! You have a plate very full (overflowing even) of love!
:)
You guys probably need to sleep on it.
You'll realize you can do it.
I will venture to predict that this little surprise will be one of your most helpful offspring in years to come.
I wish you luck and peace in making a decision. Personally, I would have an abortion. The number of children you already have would send me into orbit, so I couldn't handle the thought of any more. As I said, do what will bring you peace and what you can handle -and remember -this is your decision and it's a very personal one -people on here who implore you to keep your baby and whatnot are not living your life with your feelings.
Whatever you decide, it sounds like it's a good time to get your husband to have a vasectomy or for you to have a tubal or get essure -or at the least an IUD.
As of now you don't know the diagnosis for your son so it could be better than you think, or not. Either way you will love him and make it through. You need to not think about down the road at this point and all the negatives but look at it as a blessing and who knows what this little one will bring into your lives. By the time the baby comes the older son may be well on his way to being less of a problem. I hope you'll go a day at a time and enjoy this time and I'm sure the children will enjoy a baby and help out as they are old enough to do that. You and your husband need to talk and share a closeness now more than ever. Spend time with each other and you will be able to face things together.
First of all I am sorry about your older son. I know everything is probably hard on you right now but I think another baby would be a blessing. My pregnancy was unplanned as well though I don't have any kids already. You and your husband should not avoid eachother. You think you won't have time for all the kids and maybe you won't. You know what's good for you.
GOOD LUCK.
I agree totally with Julie B. although we will likely be in the minority on this site.
You are both feeling overwhelmed right now, between your older son and a new un-planned pregnancy, that is a lot to take on. I bet you guys will both think on it and at some point you will both be able to talk about it. I know with my husband and I when something is overwhelming we both kind of get quiet and dont talk much, but at some point we cant stop talking about it.
As for you older son, who knows what the diagnosis will be, but there are so many therapies out there that are sooo helpful! My son has been in various therapies since he was about 20 months old and now he is almost 5 and is making huge leaps and bounds and is doing really well, even though he still has some odd behaviors! Good luck to you and I will be thinking of you!
As far as your son is concerned, at least you are moving in the right direction to get the help you may need, and it can only get better, right?
As far as the new baby...congrats!! I know you have a lot on your plate, lots of little ones...but it will be beautiful and wonderful all the same. Your husband and you need to give each other a wonderful hug and kiss and congratulate each other on creating yet another wonderful life. :)
ok im not trying to sound mean here-but if you already have 5 kids..didnt want more...BIRTH CONTROL...?????..really im confused on why you both would be upset over this..after 5 kids...BIRTH CONTROL??...good luck
I have a surprise baby number 5. My children were not as young as your's and I was not dealing with anything as difficult as you are with your son. But it was still overwhelming. I was in shock. It took me the whole pregnancy to get from "oh my goodness, how in the world am I going to handle this?" to "I am looking forward to another child joining our family." I wasn't truly happy about it until the moment I first held her in my arms. Now I couldn't imagine life without her. She is a sweet and wonderful little girl and all her siblings adore her.
I guess what I'm saying is don't feel bad for feeling overwhelmed and not excited about this baby. You are dealing with a rough situation and it's ok to be worried.
I hope you and your husband are able to talk soon so you can support each other through the challenges with your son and the pregnancy.
And feel free to ignore the rude comment about birth control. It's not 100% effective. I had an iud when I got pregnant with my surprise baby.
You have a LOT on your plate. Make a plan on how you can take care of you. I'm sure it will be hard to find the time but this will make you a better mother. I've heard that having a child with difficult issues is a major stress on a marriage and many of these marriages end in divorce. Get some counseling to help you deal with the stress in your life so this doesn't happen to you. Talk to the counselor about this pregnancy and let her help you figure out what is the best decision for you. Take up yoga/meditation and keep walking. Maybe this pregnancy is God's way of saying you need to concentrate on taking care of your body, your self, your mind and you need to start ASAP. Listen to this.
Hang in there it can be done! I have a 6 year old bipolar child and when I found out I was pregnant with baby #2 I was scared! I didn't know if he would be stable enough to be around a baby or if he would resent baby. He can be the sweetest boy one min then snap and at over 70lbs there's not much stopping him. But thank goodness he adores his little sister. It's tough somedays, but we make it, and you can too;)
Hmmm, I'm pro - choice but the comments re: that choice in your situation are ABSURD. You just need time to come to grips w/ having another child... as others have mentioned it may take the whole 9 months to do so.... but it will come.
Is 5 children a lot - yes, but not a ton of children - you're already playing zone defense as it is, so what is one more??
Re: your older child - I'm sorry for your issues with him and I hope that you get the proper diagnosis and help - if he's 6.5 and you're just now getting help that tells me that his issues can't be that over the top b/c he would have (at the VERY least) been flagged at pre-K screening ... so I think that you're just overwhelmed with ALL that is going on and that once you've got a few answers for your son and him on the right path you'll be able to feel better about all of this. Do, however get your hubby to a Dr. for the big V and have the Dr. tie your tube after the birth (my neighbor had number 6 AFTER her hubby's V.).
