New Big Brother

This isn't a gift idea, but ... when I was prego with number two, a friend shared a phrase with me that has become very common in my household. It is, "Mommy's hands are busy." Instead of saying that I was changing, feeding, etc, it was a nonpersonal "my hands are busy" comment. There was never any problem. My kids are now 4, 5 and 6 and know that when I say my hands are busy, I will be there to help them as SOON as possible. Like needing a bottom wiped or help with a craft or reading a book or something. I have shared this with many expecting friends and it has been widely recieved well. Good luck and have fun!

I actually wasn't a big fan of getting the older sibling excited about the birth of a new baby. The way I figured it, new babies are pretty darn boring from the perspective of the sibling. They sleep. They poop. They cry. And they take attention away from them. Not a whole lot to get excited about.

My oldest was not-quite-three when our twins were born and I was so worried about him getting neglected and feeling left out and resentful of his brothers. (One baby attracts a lot of attention, but twins are a magnet like you wouldn't believe!) I didn't do anything before the twins were born except to mention it anytime he expressed interest in my stomach or the baby furniture. After the twins were born, I made certain to include him at EVERY opportunity. If a stranger approached to ask a question about the babies, I would introduce them as "these are Alexander's little brothers." This would bring him instant attention and he started introducing them as HIS babies. If I was doing something with my oldest and one of the babies started to cry I would say "I'm sorry baby, I know you are very very hungry but Mama is reading a book to your big brother and I need for you to wait until I'm done." My oldest was mostly potty trained when the twins were born, and every time I would change a diaper I would heave a HUGE sigh and I would say "baby, I really wish you could go pee pee in the potty like your big brother because Mama doesn't like changing diapers!" These small things worked SO well. My oldest felt so special. He'd say things like, "don't worry baby. I teach you go pee pee in potty when you get big like me!" And sometimes he'd give me a disapproving little look and tell me that the babies were hungry right NOW and I could finish reading him a book after a fed the babies. (SO sweet!)

We are expecting any day now and I went and bought some things for the kids (coloring books, crayons, books) and plan on hiding them around the delivery room when their new sister is born and having them do a sort of treasure hunt type thing when they come to see her. I've already told them that she bought them some presents and they're very excited about it all.

we recently just went through this, i have a now 4.5 year old and a 6 month old.
We prepared my older son for the reality of a new baby, that they cry, sleep, and eat alot.
We let him help pick out lots of the babys stuff, from blankets to outfits, he loved pickin stuff out for him , still does.
Also we got him a special bear (his baby) that he could feed, change etc if he felt the need.
He loves his baby brother so much and thinks of him at everything.

I would buy big brother a baby doll to take care of while you take care of the baby. It can just be a small little thing, or a bear, whatever you feel comfortable with giving your son. My son took great care of his baby. He will be a great dad someday. Anyway, get bb his own baby. Give him chores to help, like get a diaper for the baby, have him help pick toys that he would like to share with baby, have him pick a book he could 'read' to baby, etc... Congratulations on the new baby.

Prior to the new arrival, get big brother a mini stroller and baby for him to push around. They love these.

My pediatrician also gave us some great advice for when the baby is born: bring big brother to the hospital for lots of visits -- but have whoever is bringing him call you when they're on the way to the room so that you can put the new baby in the crib and have your lap free for your son. Also make sure he comes to the hospital to join you when you leave with the new baby, so that you can all return to your house as a family.

And finally, don't place too many expectations on the big brother. Jealousy and self-centeredness is normal and it's ok if he doesn't immediately transform into a loving and giving big brother.

Good luck!

Hi B.,
When I was prego with #2 we read a bunch of books about being a sister (I have 2 girls - 18 months & 3 1/2. That was about all we did to prep the oldest for the new arrival.
For the gifts:
We purchased a new back pack and had it fillied with puzzles, coloring books, and a new doll as a gift from the baby to her big sister (she is totally into dolls... for your son it might be a race car).
My husband took the oldest shopping to pick out a gift for the baby. They selected a blanket and made a tedy bear at build a bear.
We tried to pick out items that would be used every day. It was so cute when the teacher made a comment about her new back pack and she said "It's from my baby sister". She was so happy and proud. When it was time to put the baby down for a nap... the oldest would run and grab the blanket that she picked out for her.
Congrats on the new baby... it will be hard for the first few months but seeing your kids form a life long bond is the most precious thing ever!!

MB

PS - One more thing... when we introduced the girls it really helped to have the baby in the bassinet. This way the oldest does not walk in and see his replacement in your or your husbands arms. We let her walk over and say "hi" to the baby first and then asked if she wanted to hold her and exchange presents.

Earthmamaangelbaby.com has a great sibling bonding CD. I've always found my kids like toys that will be shared so they can play with the baby together. I found- only once- a baby blanket designed to support the baby so big brother can hold him. It had a teardrop shape of foam inside one corner of the blanket that was as long as the baby. You would then swadle the baby and he would have alot of support.
Congrats!