Going from One Child to TWO!!!

Go to the library and ask for new sibling books- some you can read with him (like joanna Cole's bks) + for you alone.
My oldest is a girl 2.4 yrs older than my son.
The best thing I did was voice my sons needs whenever he cried to involve my daughter, such as saying,
"I just woke up. Hold me. I'm hingry, give me milk!! Poopy diaper. Clean me." So this made her laugh when I use a baby voice and soon she started telling me, "he woke up..."Etc.
He is 9 months now and when he grabs her we say he doesn't kbow how to hug yet, but he likes you!
The first few months I gave my older one tons of special time with me to prevent resentment, but she still felt abandoned when I was with him. Always keep her busy w people she loves, a new game...

You will be fine after a month! And two boys is great--tell the older he will get a friend to jump + play with when baby is a little older!

Also, do playdates w others who have new siblings (preferably older than newborns) and talk about it.

definitely let the older sibling "help out" with the new baby, under a watchfull eye of course. i use to let my oldest hold teh bottles for the baby and cover they witha blanket and get their stuffed animal toy etc. then they don't feel like they are in a competition for your time and at that age they LOVE to help. i added twins when my son was 18 months and they are all very close and we never had any issues. good luck.

Hi Alexadra,
I have seen this alot since I signed up for the mamasource newsletters.
I have 4 kids. My oldest 2 are only 20 months apart, currently 16 and almost 18 (in 15 days, Oh my!)
When I was pregant with my second, my mother told my baby girl that the baby in my belly was HER baby and that she had to help me to take care of HER baby. I don't know how she understood, but she helped alot. I had to find ways for her to help, like getting diapers/wipes, picking out clothes for the day, pajamas for night, she would help me dry her after baths, and sit with me while I nursed the baby, and kept her occupied by showing her toys/stuffed animals, talking to her, singing, pushing her swing, rocking her basinet. She really did alot. It's all part of being a family. You have to include everyone when doing something for the baby, but don't forget to try to spend alone time with the older one while the baby is sleeping.
Good luck

A.,

I'm not sure of reading material but I can tell you that I have three daughters and the one thing that worked was including them in what goes on with the baby. Start explaining to your son now that he's going to be a big brother. Tell him what to expect when the baby gets here and that for a little while you won't be able to play with him as much. Tell him that he'll be able to play with the baby as soon as he/she is big enough. Keep repeating this to your son even after the baby is born. Let him help you pick out toys and clothes when shopping for your newborn. Just letting him know he's loved and will always be included even with a new baby will help ease the transition. As the baby gets bigger you can let him help you change diapers, feed the baby, even hold the baby. I have some great pictures of my oldest daughter holding both her younger sisters as infants. Try reading to your son while nursing if you plan on nursing. That worked wonders with my children. And don't let yourself spoil him to make up for not being able to give him quite as much time as you used to. That will just lead to bigger problems later on. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy and I hope everything works out for you.

J.

A.-

Don't worry so much! It will all work out. And though it is VERY difficult at first -- much harder than I expected -- now that they are 2 and 4, my girls play great together. They truly are a gift to each other.

Prepare your oldest as much as possible. My eldest was so spoiled, I was terrified she was going to be a tyrant, but she was great. Bookwise, I like Joanna Cole's "I'm a Big Sister." I know she has a big brother version as well. Do the hospital tour. Talk about it. And when the baby arrives, keep reminding Will how much is baby sister/brother loves him! "Look, how he's looking at you! He loves you so much!!" Try and carve out some time for the big sibling, too, in those early months. Read books or do puzzles while the baby is napping. Request a performance while you're breastfeeding. Whatever you can do to make him feel included and part what is going on.

It's hard to love them the "same." You'll love them differently and uniquely according to their personalities. (But try to make each one think they are the special one!)

Though it was so much harder in the beginning than I ever imagined, in the long run, I am so grateful I have two. Just know, it gets easier every day. And you will get the swing of it. And they will be so happy when they grow up and have a sibling to share their troubles with. (I know I am.)

Best of luck,
K.

I have 4 children. The first three are 2 1/2 years apart. It was not as bad as I thought it would be when I had my second child. My oldest (girl) helped out with her brother(s). She sang to them, looked after them, and helped me with them.

Try getting a baby doll for your oldest to "practise" on. Show your child how to hold, feed, and love the doll. That way when the new baby comes it might be easier.

BTW my youngest is 13 years younger than her brother. He already knew the drill..though he refuses to change poopy diapers...lol.

Nanc

My first two children are 21 months apart and all I did different was make sure I "made time" for my daughter after I spent time feeding of doing something with my new son. Now they are in their 40's and can't remember life without each other. To answer your question, I'm 66 and have 4 children total the last 2 are adopted and still at home (20 and almost 18 years old sons)

Congratulations!

My sister and I are 2.5 years apart (me being older) and the best thing that my parents did was involve me in the process of getting ready for her and taking care of her when she came home! This is what my mom says they did...

1. I got to "help" decorate the room- they chose two options and I got to decide b/w them.
2. They chose two names, I got the "final say".
3. They let me hold her first- even before grandparents- once they brought her home. We both have this picture in our homes today.
4. I had specific jobs- get the diapers, hold the book so that my mother could nurse and read to us together, rub the baby's feet, etc.

You will be great! Just make sure that Will knows that his job is important. When the baby is napping, spend some quiet time with Will- even if you lay down and nap together. You don't need to love them the same- they are different people. You just need to love them each and give them the attention that they need.

You may also want to enroll your son in some sort of daycare/preschool program so that he has some built-in peer time (if he isn't already).

Good luck-

A.:

Congratulations on your growing family.

The hospital where I was delivering had a special siblings class and it was helpful and very appropriate for children under 5. It covered what happens when mommy goes to the hospital to how to be gentle when the baby gets home. They also give the parents some tips:
-have the sibling pick a picture of themselves that can be taped to the baby's hospital bassinet
-try and read a book to the sibling when you are feeding the baby
-give the sibling a job to help care for the baby, get diapers/wipes; sing to the baby; tell visitors to wash their hands.

I also bought a special gift for the baby to give to her big brother- I packed this in my hospital bag so it was ready to give on their first meeting. When the nurses were making the footprints I had them put a footprint on a card that said 'I am so lucky to have you as a big brother'

When our twins arrived my oldest was in second grade and his sister had just turned three. We called the school and they had him come to the office to hear the news and then made an announcement to the whole school. We also called our daughter to let her know she was a big sister, and the babysitter gave her a special treat to celebrate.

Remember that as you are blessed with children your love grows ten thousand times more.

Enjoy these last months with your first and then the fantastic ride that will follow.

M.

keep in mind that whatever you project or are feeling, your son will feel as well. so, calm down and relax, all will work out the way it is supposed to. the more you stress over it, the worse it will be when the new baby arrives.

My middle child was 2 when I had my third child. I prepared her from day one about the baby. I'm sure she did not understand everything but I feel the more you talk about it the more they do understand. I let her help pick out clothes for the baby and she helped set up the room. We also recieved a book from our friends called "I'm a big sister now" (they have the same one for boys) It is a great book that explains about the new baby coming into the house and the role the older child will take on. My daughter still loves to read that book! As far as preparing yourself - I did not read any books myself. I just tried to keep things as normal as possible. The hardest part was keeping the 2 year old occupied while I was feeding the baby and of course keeping up the bedtime routine. You will find that you can and will give them both as much love and attention as you can.

Hi A.,
I'm the mother of two boys 3 years apart! I'm excited to share this with you! First of all I made my oldest son know that his new little brother was so lucky to have such a wonderful big brother! I mentioned this a lot to give him confidence and make him feel like a big boy. Right before the birth of my second child I took my oldest son shopping to find a special gift for his new baby brother, he settled on a cute frame and put a picture of himself in it. Then when they met for the first time his little brother also had a very special gift for him. it was a sweet way for them to meet and it made the occasion very special. I wish you luck and hope they quickly become best friends the way my boys did.

Going from zero children to one is the biggest physical adjustment because all of a sudden you are responsible for the care of another human forever. Going from 1 to 2 is more of an emotional adjustment because you already know that you can physically care for a child but you worry that you won't have the time or how can I possibly love another child as much as I do my first. It's perfectly normal to panic over how you are going to balance the needs to 2 children.

Enlist your son to help do things that are age appropriate in preparing for the baby. Remember that he'll have no real understanding of whats going on (because little kids have no concept of time). If you live close to family have grandparents over to watch the baby while you and your son do special things together or have the grandparents take him out for special time without the baby.

My oldest was 2yrs 2 months when my 2nd was born and my second was 3.5yrs old when my twins were born. I use to focus on the things the older kids could do which seemed to make them proud of what they could do that the baby couldn't. Like they could jump up and down on one foot but the baby couldn't. They could get toys by themselves or eat using a fork but the baby couldn't.

Best of luck with your family. You'll do great. Believe it or not it does work out ok. Just remember to get plenty of rest when you can because your son will be up all day and the baby will be up all night. Makes for a tired mommy.

Hi A.,

Well to start it will be fine. My two love each other so much and they are 5 years apart. I was worried but all is working out great. My advice would be just let the little help out as much as he can. If you separate them the little guy will feel left out. I know you always have to watch them, because he is very young and won't understand he can hurt the baby.

Also, I would make time for your 2 year old just so he does not feel that his mother was taken away. I know he is little still but he will need your time alone as well. They will be closer then you think. :)

I am also an only child and I now have two sons who are two years and one month apart. I had the same fears as you did. We went out of our way to explain to our son that a baby was coming and that he would get to be the "big brother". We talked to him about the baby throughout the entire pregnancy so that he knew what to expect. When I gave birth, I made sure that when my older son came to visit, I was not holding the baby and that he got a ton of attention as the "new big brother". We also had a very special gift for him "from the baby". Addionally, when I came home with my younger son, I made sure to spend a ton of time with my older son and to plan alot of special activities for him--I did have a nurse in the house so this made it very easy for me to do, but family could help out with this too. I am certainly no expert, but I will tell you that we had no jealousy issues and my boys really love to play together and they geniunely love each other. Best of luck!

Hi i am a 29 yr old mother of 2 a 3 1/2 yr old and 2 1/2 year old they are 15 months apart. I was nerveuos at first but, it was great she just wanted to see the baby hug and kiss him. Just give as much attention to the older child as possible like do a special mommy and son thing when the baby takes it long nap in the afternoon so he know he still gets mommy and me time. I also took care of a 2 yr old and his 3 month old brother until recently. All the kids were great with the baby, they are just very curious. Loveing them the same wil never be, but you will love them in different eways just as much. I think you will be fine it will be easier than you think. I can't give you and advise on books i don't know if there is one for more then one child. Hang in there and enjoy every day. Congrats on the new baby.

First, know you won't be able to do it all (give all your attention as you do with just one)... so don't put that pressure on yourself. But know that giving your child a sibling is a wonderful blessing--- the relationship they form is incredible!

Tell your first child about the baby- say it is his baby and have him sing a special song to your belly- if you know the name- tell him the name. Explain as much as you can (I took my son to hear the heart beat each month) Read any/every book you can find about siblings and babies and explaiin how lucky he is- and all the fun things he can teach his baby. Since you never had a sibling tell him how lucky you think he is!

When the baby is born, it will be rough- I would not lie to anyone about that!!! But it gets easier after the first 2 months. Try not to put blame on the baby when you can't do something with your son (don't say "I can't play right now the baby needs me" try to say something like "How about you help me change our baby then we can all play together... can you open up this diaper for me- what a great big brother") Keep thoughts positive...

Good luck!

I think you'll find it's easier than you are anticipating! My boys have almost the same age gap and it was really nice. I bought my older son a book about being a big brother before the baby came... we read it before and after the baby arrived. We also purchased a small gift for him (a new bath toy) FROM his new baby brother. We gave it to him when the baby was born. My husband also took him to the gift shop in the hospital where he was able to pick out a little gift from him to the new baby. The only other thing I can think of is to remember that your 2 year old is used to having you all to himself and while he needs to learn to share you... the new baby won't know the difference... he/she will be happy to share your time - it's just how it has always been for that child and it's fine! I did find that a good baby carrier (I used a sling) was a big help so I could carry the new baby in the sling leaving my hands free to help my 2 year old. This keeps them both happy! Good luck and have fun!

A. Congrats, this will be the ride of your life enjoy it, children are such a blessing. You have received very good advice, here are my two cents. I just went through this I had a baby girl in Feb and my oldest turned 2 in Jan. Know that you can do this and you will do fine. You will love them both for who they are and the joy they both bring to your life. Also know that 2 yrs and 5 mo is young, they do understand a lot of things but there are things they won't be able to comprehend. Do everything you can to prepare your son for the arrival but know that it probably won't sink in with him until that baby actually comes. I used the Dr. Sears book titled Baby on the Way it was very good but again while my daughter looked and acted excited it really didn't sink until the actual arrival of the baby. Not sure what kind of relationship you have with your son, ie is he very close to you etc. I was/am with my daughter so when the baby came there were minor issues, when she actually came to the hospital to see me and meet the new baby she didn't want to do anything with me, she wouldn't even kiss me or sit near me I was sooooooo heart broken I still get teary eyed as I write this. It took her about 2 hrs in the hospital to come and sit with me and want to be near the baby. I made sure that when she arrived I wasn't holding the baby, the baby was in the bassinet as per the advice I got from books/internet/etc. but still she didn't act as happy as in movies or as I was expecting. This is to tell you to be prepared for anything and everything and keep in mind that he loves you very much this is just a big change for him of having to share you. I also nurse so that made it a bit more complicated so keep this in mind if you plan to do the same.

Things you can do to cope and help your son is let him be with the baby, don't reprimand him for being rough unless he is really hurting the baby. Babies are very resilient and stronger than you think so your 2 yr old won't hurt him/her by poking at him/her touching the soft spot etc use your judgement. I even let me 2yr old hold the baby and she loved it. Engage the big brother role as much as you can, it makes them feel important. Have him get you the wipes, the diaper, the cream etc. I have my 2 yr old put the diaper cream on the baby of course she puts the cream everywhere but where it needs to go :o) but that is part of the process. After 3 mo she is not as curious because I did let her curiosity take over from the begining so now she is over it, she would even help me give the baby bath and now she is more interested in watching her tv show. Our daughter was increadible with the baby however she changed a lot with me and my hubby, but specially me since I am the one that spends the most time with her and I can tell you it hurts as heck but again remember is therir way of letting you know they are dealing with change. Your 2 yr old will test you in every way he possibly can but keep in mind that he loves you. My life has kind of returned to normalcy what ever normal is for me now and my daughter (the 2 yr old) is back to being my little girl. So in our case it took about 2-1/2 to 3 mo for her to adjust to our new life as a family.

Now while I think all mothers feel at some point or another that they are not good enough, those feelings certainly became very frequent for me during the first month of adjustment. Having my 2yr old asking me for my love and attention and not being able to provide it on demand was certainly heartbreaking.

Hopefully this will help you and let you know that you are not alone and everything will go back to a new definition of normal for you :o) Again congrats and many blessings to you and your fam.

Hi A.,

My son was 3.5 yr old when I had my daughter. We talked about the baby often prior to her arrival. He helped me get her room ready and we included him in the planning so that he felt important. The best thing we did was buy him a present and wrap it and when he came to the hospital to meet the baby, we gave him the present and told him that it was from the baby. He really believed that the present was from the baby and he was thrilled!!!

My son is now 11 and my daughter is 7, It is obvious how much they love each other. They fight like cats and dogs which is normal.

I love both kids very much for very different reasons, they each have their own individual special qualities, you will find out this is true for your family. Don't worry so much on dividing the attention equally all the time, there will be times when one gets more than the other, it is quality and the over all nurturing that matters and often you will give them both attention at the same time, it just comes naturally.

Best to you and your family.
Sarah

No specific advice, except to relax about it - two children is so much easier than one! I know, it sound crazy, but in my experience, it's true. I always remember trying to cook dinner after my first was born - her fussy time. I was always cooking with her in a sling, unable to use a sharp knife, afraid of burning her leg. I used to invite my niece over just to sit with my daughter in her exersaucer and keep her company so I could get something done. As she grew up, I felt like she was my CONSTANT companion - I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone (useful for potty training, but none too private). When my second daughter was born two years later, what a change! My two year old would sit by the exersaucer and entertain her sister when I needed her to. At four, my oldest would take her sister potty and 'read' her books. My girls, now 5 and 7, are best friends, and play beautifully together. Your kids are at the perfect age separation - sibling rivalry will not be an issue for you. Just include the older in what you're doing with the baby. Nursing time for the baby was always reading time for the older kids here, and the older ones helped by getting diapers, playing with the baby, bathing, etc. Don't worry!

The Berenstein Bears and the New Baby is a good book, esp. if your son already knows about Sister Bear. (She's born in this book.)

Froggy's Baby Sister is another good book to read together, because Froggy's mom goes to the hospital to have a baby, and he has to wait for his sister to grow a bit before they play together. He turns more "red in the face than green" when he diapers the baby and the diaper falls off. It's a cute story.

If your son's still in a crib, transition to a toddler bed/big bed before giving birth, so he doesn't feel like he's getting kicked out of his bed for the baby. Also, get him used to walking while holding on to the stroller (if possible), to minimize the need for a double stroller on short trips.

When you feed the baby, it's a good time to snuggle on the couch and read to your big boy, too, so he gets Mommy time.

HI A., Congratulations! As the mom of 5 I guess I did not worry about integrating. Your son knows you have a baby in your belly? Talk about the new baby and how he will be a big brother, get excited. You can find books in the library and there will be no problem loving two. At first the baby will sleep a lot and you will still have time for Will. Try to include him when you care for the new baby. Try not to say "don't" just "we must be careful- the baby is so little" You will soon see if your son is jealous or accepting (depends on personality)You may want to watch to see what he does and do not leave them alone until you are sure. Nothing is easy but you will see that having more than one is great! My good wishes, Grandma Mary

I was in the same boat just a year ago. My kids are 2 years and a couple weeks apart. I was nervous about taking both kids out and the best thing I did was hire a mommy helper. Maybe there are girls around the neighborhood that can help watch or entertain the older one after school or on the weekend just until you are comfortable doing it yourself. When I was pregnant I told my daughter that she was expecting a little brother and as soon as we decided on a name we began calling the baby by the name. She was also into Dora and there was an episode called Big Sister Dora that she loved to watch. Of course we had to explain to her that we were only expecting one and not two. Good luck! You will be fine!

I do not know about reading material, but I am pregnant with my 3rd and when I was planning my 2nd I mad sure my oldest was in the room I needed him to be, we started to potty train right after I got pregnant, and I always let him help me set up the babys room, I bought him a baby doll ( Baby Ernie) so he could take care of a baby. I made no promises I could not keep and I had him go shopping with daddy to pick out anything he wanted to give the baby no matter the appropriatness of the gift, I also had the baby buy a special gift for him so when he visited the baby he always got something. When he would see me change the baby I always made comments like I wish he would go on the potty just like you. I always told him he was my favortite (say his name) in the whole world, Eg You are the best Cole in the world. You are my favorite Cole ever. This made it so I am not favoring one child over the other but made him feel so special. He loves his brother and they are 2.5 yrs apart too. Yes they fight but for the most part they love each other and play nicly. I never had any regretion in behavior. Good Luck and I hope I have been of some help.

I am not going to read all your other advice so sorry if this is repetitive! That was my first two children's exact span and it was awesome! They will be close in age but the big one is independent enough that you won't feel like you have two babies. You'll be surprised what he is capable of (bring me a diaper, etc.) My daughter loved her brother immensely, never was jealous and didn't seem to care about the nursing or anything. I now have 4 and they are all great!

As for reading, I read "From one Child to Two" by Judy Dunn. My husband got it for me when we found out we were pregnant with #2!

Best of luck - it's great!