Just Wanted Everyone to Know (New Baby Soon)

I have a 5 and 3 year old sons when thier sister was born. They were very excited to be older brothers. I had a c-section and they wanted to be the first ones to hold her. They waited right outside of the room and daddy brought her right out. They thought they had thier own doll. We tried to make her arrival all about them. She is now 9 months old and they are prowd big brothers. She just likes to hear their voices.

howdy We are the proud parents of a 3 1/2 year old little girl. adn a 10 month old little girl adn we now have another on the way due in april. I was very concerened about how our oldest daughter would hanlde the baby because I am a sahm and was home with her fromt he begining. really honestly she adjusted pretty well. we made sure that she was the first one to hold little sister when we got home from the hospital and I tried really hard to make her a part of things and having her help when she could. she is a great child and i may just be extremely lucky. congrats on your new baby and good luck. A. Amboy, Wa

I think it's actually much harder on the parents than the 1st child. Your daughter has been the center of your attention for 4 years now and you are probably much more afraid than she is for the up coming change in life. You might have fears of not devoting total attention any more and being too tired or busy to be at her beckon call. But having a little sibling will teach your daughter such wonderful lessons….like she isn’t the center of the world anymore. Kids are so resilient. I would have the baby come into the world with a nice gift for older sister and she will think that little crying thing is pretty cool for giving her a gift. As for Mom and Dad...just hang in there. Your love will grow and grow. You are giving your daughter the best gift ever....a sibling. She will love you for it.

T.,
My son was 3 when we had our second. I bought a few books and talked to him a lot about the baby. We really played up the role of big brother and how special he is to us. I also had him help me set up the baby's room and pick out some toys for the new baby. They weren't exactly age appropriate, but they were special from him. And he got presents from all the family (not just us) and was told how special a big brother is.

When we had our third, we tried to do the same things. And both kids got to help with everything. I found it best to hold the older child(ren) a lot and read stories about the transition and ask them how they feel: excited, anxious, nervous, apprehensive, helpful, ect. (A feelings face chart is a good game).

One more thing, with my oldest in first grade and my youngest still requiring a lot of attention, my middle child and only girl often feels left out. So I compensate by doing "school" and artsy projects with her during my toddler's nap. That is our time--and her favorite time of day.

My kids are a little closer apart then your will be, but here is what we did that seemed to work pretty good.
Before I went into the hospital I picked out a present for my son that would be from his little sister. My parents watched my boy when I was in the hospital (dad was out of town on a trip when I had her early) and my mom took my boy out and bought a little presnt for the baby. When he came to see my and his little sister int he hospital they exchanged gifts.

Also when he came to see me I passed the new baby off right away after he got to say hi, and I had him on my bed with me and snuggled with him (no baby in sight) so he could have my full attention adn know right away that a new baby wasn't going to stop us from still being close.

When we got home I had him (2-1/2 at teh time) help me out by getting things for me and empowered him to get snacks and some stuff for himself by moving them lower and helping to make him more self sufficient. He felt like a big boy and I didn't have as much to do.

We also got a couple books on being a big brother.

Good luck!!

We never had a chance to prepare our first for the second child. He came 3 weeks early. The first day was really hard because up to this point, everything was hers(the oldest who was 2 1/2). I was taking a bath and she came in crying because Dad would not let her play with anything. He was telling her that she could not get in the swing, it was for the baby. She could not get in the other stuff because she was too big. It was really hard on here. Maybe, get the baby stuff out earlier and have the 4-year old help with getting it ready for the baby. After the first couple of days, things went really well.

My sons are 20 months apart. When I was about 7 months pregnant with my 2nd, I gave Austin (the oldest) a doll. I dressed it up in boy clothing and let him practice feeding it and helping me dress it. When Aidan was born I tried to include him in it as much as I could. He loves his little brother so much now!

buy her a little baby doll of her own to take care of while you take care of new baby. make sure she has some people that she is close to spend some time with while you are resting from the delivery. When you are able... sit down and read books with her or some quiet activity during one of the baby's naps - so she doesn't get jealous of all the attention the baby is getting.

oh.. and one thing that really helped my kids, I think, is when I would say "Look YOUR baby sister/brother is smiling at you." using "YOUR" a lot to help her take ownership of the fact that is her sibling and creating connections - like with the smile..

congratulations.

Hi T., My name is D. and I'm a Grandmother now but I do have experience in this area. Children, my oldest, seemed to do best by me having her talk to my pregnant belly and communicating a lot about her being a big sister and what all that means. I also took her to the library and we found books on being a big sister, as well as ones talking in general about another sibling.

We also picked out the outfit together which I was bringing home her sister in.

I have pictures still today of my oldest holding her little sister with such pride.

Four year olds respond well to being a helper at this age as long as it is not over-done. The feeling of being included is important, and makes the older sibling feel a part of. I have seen many families in the past put too much pressure on the older child, expecting them to be responsible, to some degree, for looking out for the younger child interests too much,this is not wise. Especially if they, the older child, gets repremanded for what happens to the younger child. I can speak from experience when I tell you this does not turn out well. There is a great deal of resentment that starts to form in the eldest.

However creating positive and safe environments in which to learn about the new addition is important. Allowing your daughter to play her part in the upcoming siblings life is just important.

Other suggestions, and these are only suggestions, is to take your daughter to social play places (if you'r not doing this already) and show her examples of big and little sisters and brothers, have her interacting with other children in this way is a solid example amongst her peers.

My daughter, who I love dearly and I believe her to be a outstanding mother, has done all of the above examples, she also is good at understanding each childs needs. How each child needs their alone time with a parent to read a book, play a game, brush there teeth, learn to ride a bike or to just sit, snuggle and watch tv. These are healthy ways of working through the transition period.

My daughter is my youngest, she is now 22 and is going on her third child (due the end of March, first of April), she has a degree in teaching but is choosing to stay home and raise her children first.

I commend you are reaching out to other mothers, I believe mothers don't get the credit they deserve. I can tell you are a caring mother. Good luck!

Congratulations! How exciting to add one on to your family. We had a great transition bringing home our newborn son to our center of attention 4 year old. During the pregnancy we talked a lot about how we were going to experience change, some good and some more difficult. We got a couple of books from the consignment store and checked out a video from the library about bringing home a new baby. We even watched a few videos on exercizing or massaging your baby as we practiced on dolls. My daughter was so excited. She has never had an ounce of animocity towards her brother but she seemed to go through a phase of acting out more towards us. I have no way of telling if that was a result of her new sibling, or just a part of being 4. Many of my other friends with 4 year olds and no other children reported similar behavior though.
One day I said jokingly to my daughter "If this baby doesn't stop being so fussy all the time I think that we should send him back". She looked horrified for a second until she realized that I was kidding. Last week when she had a stomach virus it was the closest thing she has ever known to tourture when I asked her not to kiss her brother for a day or two. She is great at entertaining him when I need a second and has given me hours of free time in her attempts to make him giggle.
Good luck and
enjoy!

We wrapped a small gift and brought it with us to the hospital, it was from the baby to the older sib. The older sib was so pleased and it entertained him while he was there.

T.,
Our pediatrician gave us the suggestion of not holding the new baby when the sibling comes in. It's kind of like someone is taking their spot with mom. So when the sibling comes to visit have someone hand you the baby. He also suggested having a present from the baby to the sibling. This worked great. Congratulations and good luck.
S.
Mother of three girls 12,8 1/2 and 4 1/2

My daughter is almost three and when her four week old sister was born, we had a baby doll at the hospital for her, she carries it everywhere still! We also gave her a "big sis" necklace, which she is also still wearing every single day and very proud of it. Her favorite book was and still is "The New Baby" by Mercer Mayer, which someone else mentioned. We bought her a few books while I was pregnant, and that one was definitely the favorite! So far she loves the baby, sometimes too much, just takes out any whininess, etc..on us not the baby, but we can handle that, right? Good luck!

When we had our second son born, on the way home from the hospital we picked up a small doll for our older son (who was almost 3 years). Even though I have a son, he really appreciated being able to take care of his baby when I had to take care of the little one. The baby was just a small plastic one, that had a small potty, and bottle, and stuff... they have some pretty cool dolls out there... anyways, he really likes it... even today he sometime likes to tuck the baby in. It also can go in the bath with him.

Also, we went and got a trampoline... because our son loved to jump on the bed, We were terrified that he was going to jump on our youngest... and in case I couldn't get out, he needed a way to get out his enegery. It was a blast.

Congrats with your little one.

S.

We did two things. We got a gift for my oldest to open at the hospital, but for a month or so before my 2nd was born, we read "The New Baby" by Mercer Mayer to the oldest. It's an awesome book!

My sons are 9 and 6 now and are best friends, but when we were expecting the new baby, we spent a lot of time with my older son reading books, talking about what babies are like, and reassuring him that when a mom and dad have a new baby, the amount of love that they have increases, rather than being divided between the children. We did explain to him, however, that sometimes he and his new brother would have to share our time. We also went through his baby equipment and let him help decide what the baby should use, since he was so "big" now (made sure that he was in a new big boy bed for about 6 mo. prior so he wouldn't feel ousted out of the toddler bed/crib by the baby)

We made sure that our older son was the first one to the hospital to meet his brother (and the baby had a present for him, of course). My husband had taken my older son to Build-A-Bear to make the baby his first teddy bear, which he presented at the hospital. When other family arrived, my older son got to introduce his brother to them and tell them all about the baby. We also made sure that if someone was holding the baby, either my husband or I was paying special attention to the older one.

When we got home from the hospital, we presented my older son with his first big boy bike to offset all the new things that we had for the baby. When people gave presents, we let my older son open them for the baby, making sure that he understood that they were birthday presents for the baby, but that he could help his brother out by opening them for him. Of course, the presents that babies get are a lot of boring clothes, not like the fun birthday presents that older kids get...

I also made sure that if the baby was fussing and I was in the middle of something, I would call to the baby, "Hold on, I'm helping your brother right now, it will be your turn in a minute!" Of course, the baby didn't understand, but it helped the older one realize that I was making time for him and not just immediately rushing to take care of the baby. I also would nurse the baby sitting on my bed, and ask my older son to bring some books that he would like to read. He would hold the book and turn the pages while I read to him and nursed the baby. This helped a lot I think, because what could have been time that I was spending with only the baby became special snuggle time for all three of us, and my older son got the benefit of a lot more of my time reading to him than I would have been able to give otherwise.

My older son has always loved his baby brother, and it quickly became apparent that the baby's eyes would follow his big brother wherever he went. As soon as he started being able to roll, he was off in pursuit of his hero. As the older one was REALLY into Rescue Heroes at the time, we played this up that he was the biggest hero in the world to his little brother, and that relationship has endured. Although they are more peers now and the younger one is starting to go his own way, they are extremely close.