Hi, I recently had my third child (one month ago) and have had some issues with my 2 other children. My daughters are nearly 5 and nearly 4. They adore their new baby brother and want to see him first thing in the morning when they wake up and want him to snuggle with them in their beds before sleep and want to see him all day in between. (Except of course if they are otherwise happily distracted like playing in the yard with their friends or watching Dora etc). But for example if I am nursing the baby, they are kissing him, playing with his feet etc. I have gone WAY out of my way to give them tons of attention as I do see it as jealousy but despite tons of love and affection towards them they keep constantly messing with the baby. Like poking their hands all over his face while he's sleeping in the bassinet or insisting on kissing his face while he is breastfeeding etc. Today the kids and I went out to lunch with my aunt, and the baby slept the whole time in the stroller, and at the very end of the meal my aunt held him for a little bit. As soon as she did the girls clamored all over her. I end up snapping at them alot, constantly telling them to leave him alone and I feel bad, I should be more patient but ay yay yay! It is a bit much. I thought after a few weeks they'd lose interest but not so far. I have tried talking to them about when they were babies how we did not mess with them so much and bother them constantly, I have tried strict warnings like if you bother the baby one more time you will not be able to watch tv today or something and I have tried ignoring it. Nothing seems to work.
Also, to clarify, I DO make sure they get to sit and "hold him" regularly, and lay on the floor with him to "play" during tummy time, and many other interactions. It is not like I never let them do anything with him. I just feel they will not leave him alone, and it is too much and I'd like to get some good advice from any other moms of 3s or more who've had similar experiences. Thanks so much for your advice in advance ladies!
i totally agree with S.H. kids respond better when they understand why. give them simple, age-appropriate explanations as to why there are times when it's important for them to keep their hands off.
it sounds as if you're doing a great job keeping everyone connected and involved, though! good for you, and congrats on new baby.
:) khairete
S.
I have no idea if this would help, but have you tried getting them both a baby doll each to play with? I did this with my two-year-old daughter when my son was born, and I would encourage her to "take care" of her baby while I took care of my baby. When I was feeding her brother, she would carefully hold her baby and sometimes even lift her shirt and pretend to feed the baby doll (while I was breastfeeding). When he was sleeping, I'd have her tuck her baby in, too, so that both of them would have a good nap. Your girls are a little older, so I'm not sure if it would work as well, but it could be something to try. Good luck. And congratulations on your new little one!
My Daughter was 3 when I had my 2nd child. And turned 4, a couple of months afterward.
What I did, was clearly... even before my son was born (her baby brother), I EXPLAINED to her what a baby is and does. In a way she could understand.
And each month, I explained to her, about what phases her baby brother was or would, go through.
That a baby, cannot do what she does etc. That a baby cries/feeds/sleeps.
That a baby is not a toy.
That she needs to be gentle.
That she wash her hands first.
What a sibling is, etc.
So, this all helped my eldest, once I had my 2nd child.
It made a big difference.
I always... explained to my Daughter, about her baby brother.
I even explained about how a baby gets over-stimulated or over-tired or even irritated... if people bother him/poke at him, too much etc.
She understood.
My daughter was 3 at the time. And she understood. She adored her baby brother... but she understood, what I would explain to her.
Several things come to mind. "New baby in the house" is a great game! It's still a novelty, too, after only a month. Your older ones may not feel quite so chummy when the baby is big enough to pull their hair or grab their toys.
However, you can direct their time and attention. S.H. has an excellent response about explaining things. Kids will respond to that much more readily than, "Don't do that" and "Stay away." It's a fantastic teaching opportunity, so take advantage of it.
When you need to do something for Baby and the siblings want to be in on it, dub them your official assistants and give them each a job to do that will help them feel useful and needed. Give them a couple of diapers and show them how to diaper their dolls.
When it's nap time for Baby, you could try to make it rest time for everybody (I'm sure you'd like to put your feet up, too), or you could read to your older ones during that time.
Hope this helps.
Are they touching him because they're interested in him or to annoy him?
If they're doing it on purpose to annoy him then I suggest that you discipline them when they do it. Perhaps a time out or be sent to another part of the room. Perhaps you can get them settled with an activity some of the time before you feed or change the baby. And definitely talk with them about what the baby and you need before you start the discipline. You do have to be consistent. And you will probably have to stop what you're doing with the baby to administer the discipline at first.
If they're doing this because they're interested in him, I suggest that they will get their fill and stop. In the meantime I suggest you explain about babies as suggested by S. H. and then set some definite times during which they can be involved. When they start to touch, etc. remind them of the rule.(times) If they persist it's a time out.
Choose a word, such as stop, when they head in the baby's direction. I think it's mostly a matter of them getting used to this new baby, a new experience, and developing rules and consequences that are consistently, firmly, but kindly enforced.
Congrats on your new baby! I suggest with your other kids that for instance if auntie is going to hold the baby, she holds and pays attention to the older siblings first. Make a big deal about them---say how wonderful they are and how great they are doing being big brother/sister etc. Kids love praise and will do more and more of what you really praise them for. So if you want them to touch the baby gently--say something like....I really love how you are so soft and gentle with baby riley. Or if they are having a hard time not touching baby's face while nursing etc, say---I really like how you are waiting patiently to touch riley. When he is done eating, I will give you a turn holding him and touching him gently. Reinforce what you want them to do. Things will settle down in a few months.....don't worry--- Best wishes!
M
I have 3!! Yikes it is a handful to balance all 3 of there needs! I had to put up a SPEACIAL TIME just for them!! JUST as NURSING is for you and baby! During that time I made it all about how SPECIAL it was for them!!! They soon looked foward to that time I would most of the time try to envolve them in her care like there SPEACIL time may be to help lotion babies leg! Then when it was mommy special time I would give them a small job to do like draw baby a picture or I always had a little basket of the babies clean clothes for them to HELP fold for baby!! I tried to have there hands busy while I was nursing!! If you are offering a punishment to them for not obeying make sure it is something that you can truely follow through with! On the other hand when friends and family held the baby my husband and I then focused all our attention on the older 2 like the baby wasnt even there!! This was very successful for my family! I hope it help with yours ;-)
Hmm. When others pay attention to the baby, the older siblings rush to get into the middle of it.
There's no question a new baby is a natural attention magnet.
Also, you are postpartum and feeling protective of your newest.
The older kids need attention from others in ways that are not baby related.
Also, if a dog were eating, you'd tell the kids not to bother the animal (or they might get bit (and they'd deserve it)). In the same way they need to not fuss with the baby while he's eating (or you might chew them out so to speak).
They'll all grow and adjust, but it's only been a month and it's all very new.
Mmmh, a brand new baby doll for them. I think that may be how they see him. I remember when I had my son, my daughter was almost 3 and there were times I would wrestle her for him because she wanted to be the one to mother him. I agree with getting them each a baby doll and explain to them why he needs time without being touched. Ask them how they would feel if they were trying to eat or sleep and someone kept grabbing at their face or kissing them. Sometimes turning it around like that helps a little bit.
I read your question on my phone a couple days ago and had to come back and find it so I could commiserate with you! I have a 3.5 month old and a 4.5 year old and I laughed out loud when you said "keep constantly messing with the baby. Like poking their hands all over his face while he's sleeping in the bassinet or insisting on kissing his face while he is breastfeeding etc." OMG that is EXACTLY what happens in our house! And you're right, NOTHING works! not even time outs. And it IS so hard to be patient. My parents were trying to tell me that I shouldn't snap at Mya about poking the baby (or whatever she was doing at the time) and I just had to tell them, that's easy for YOU to say. You've only seen her do it THREE times today, while I, on the other hand, have corrected her MANY MANY times already today and it just DOES NOT SINK IN.
So I guess I am no help at all, BUT I gotta tell you that now that my baby is 3.5 months it has gotten better, maybe because she's a little less fragile, maybe because the novelty has worn off, or maybe because she is starting to interact with her sister by smiling at her and laughing at her crazy antics.
I have a feeling that as the baby gets older my older daughter's behavior towards her will get better and better, and there will be less jealous poking, and more entertaining and loving caring.
Good luck (to us both).
It sounds like you're doing everything right. It's a hard adjustment for them, and you should be thrilled that they're being sweet to the baby to get your attention rather than messing with him - or each other. Just keep doing what you're doing and they'll learn that it's not okay. I think they'll start acting properly again with time too. It's so hard when all 3 are home all day and not yet in school.
As for tips - I found that "special time" worked. Each day, I would set aside an hour of special time for each child to choose the activity (during the baby's nap(s)). We could do crafts, or Play Doh, or play in the yard, make a project or brownies - anything that would make them feel special. I think they liked being in "control" of something too.
It does get easier. I found that with each milestone (smile, laugh, roll over, walk), it gets easier. Mine are 2,4,& 6.
