Newborn at Home - 5 Year Old Suffocating

Be direct.

"I know you are very excited about the baby, but you can't always be in her face or hold her. Please go play." If you think she's thinking of the baby like a doll, remind her that the baby is a person and she wouldn't like it if someone was all up in her face all day. I would also include her in appropriate ways (like fetching things) and thank her when she's given you the space you needed for x time. I think it will wear off, but like anything exciting and new, you might need to guide her to an appropriate middle ground.

Laying down the law will not harm your relationship with this just like it won't with other issues of discipline. Five year olds are not in charge though they try to be. "Honey, I have to feed the baby now. You cannot be so close to her when she's eating, that's just how humans are. You can play with her when we're done." And enforce. Add in, "Honey, you can't be touching the baby all the time, not right now."

It's an adjustment thing and a manipulation thing. One of my kids suddenly wants to hug and snuggle the minute I ask her to go clean her room, practice her violin, whatever. Before that she was happily playing Barbies or whatnot...kids will use affection to get in your face at times. Better than being mean to the baby for attention!! Be firm with her. And show her affection and include her when you CAN on your terms. This is not damaging. And yes, this will pass, but there's no way to predict if it will take hours or weeks.

if you haven't set firm boundaries before, this will surely drop-kick you into it! and that's a good thing.
make sure she has plenty of 'helping' time with the baby and gets to hold and play with him, but don't be squishy about backing her off when you and the baby need a break. you verbally communicate with love and no possible room for negotiation. 'sweetie, i'm going to feed the baby now, and then he and i need some quiet time. you go out and watch tv with daddy. close the door behind you, please. no. i said go right now. and close the door. thank you!'
naturally she needs one-on-one too, and your husband needs to pick up the slack with that until you've had a chance to get your sea-legs.
congrats, enjoy, and get some rest!
khairete
S.

Congrats on the new baby! I'm sure you're exhausted and this "help" from your daughter just frays your last nerve.

Rules don't damage a relationship. They set important boundaries. Tell her she hd to do this with the 2 year old (even if she didn't), and she needs to do it again. Tell her things take longer if she interrupts the feeding and you'll have LESS time for her, not more.

If you can get her to help you - pillow under your arm for nursing/feeding, getting a diaper, reading a story, making a picture - as others have suggested - great. And get some help in there - a neighbor, the father, anyone, to take her off your hands. Have someone else make lunches for the older kids, do laundry, and let you sleep. Once school is out, you may be able to get a mother's helper (even a 10 or 11 year old) to help with some activities and play (you're there for adult supervision) - and it's a good way to train a future babysitter by starting them under your watchful eye.

Yes, the novelty will wear off and the grossness of poopy diapers will set tin, but you can help it along by bringing in reinforcements.

Ask her to do quiet sweet things for you and the baby. Ask her to go draw a picture for you two. Or ask her to sit at your feet and read a book to you and the baby. Ask her to set up the diaper changing area for you and the baby. Ask her to organize the baby's bed and toys. Ask her to check the diaper/wipes to see if you're running low. Ask her to go get one of her dolls/plushies and the two you can feed "babies" together.

Good luck!

Not sure if you breastfeed or bottle feed, but this could work in either situation. As I was nursing my son, I'd have my daughter pull up her snuggly chair with her baby doll and she'd nurse her baby alongside me. I'd tell her what a good mommy she was and how proud of her I was. If not nursing, you could still do this with a bottle. It was really special for both of us and made her feel like she was doing something important next to her mommy.

Good luck!

Nobody, not people nor animals, want to be bothered while they are eating.
When feeding time comes your daughter needs to be elsewhere or you need to relax in a quiet room till feeding time is over.
You should be able to nicely say "Honey! I need some space for a little while!" and have her go fetch something for you.
The newborn is not a baby doll.
Maybe getting her a baby doll of her own to fuss over will distract her enough so you can catch a breather.

My daughter was 4.5 when my son was born. She LOVED him. She was curious and wanted to be involved. I think your daughter has had a lot of changes in her life with two babies so close together. She's probably being assertive because she's the big sister (too young at the time your 2 year old was born to feel the big sister role). I tried very hard to have her help me whenever I could. I would have her bring diapers, help pack the diaper bag and ask her to get a burp rag etc. my daughter was intrigued during diaper changes. She was very close by once when I was changing him and because he was my first boy, I didn't know the cover trick to prevent him from peeing straight in the air. She was in the line of fire and she never accompanied me again for a diaper change. Your daughter will probably lose some interest shortly. In the mean time, have her help. You could have her read or sing to the baby. There's all kinds of ways to make her know how important she is to her smallest sibling.

Blessings!
L.

"oh sweetie, I love that you adore your new sister, and I love watching you cuddle her and hold her, but can you do me a big favor? Can you be my big helper and play with your brother when I'm feeding her?" Get her helping you.

5 year olds are all about love and pleasing. Mine is constantly kissing and hugging his 2 year old sister. he is constantly telling me how much he loves me. This is all part of the age. You just need to direct it and tell her what you need. All she wants to do is make you happy. So figure out a gentle way to redirect some of her love by making her a helper.

Have you tried talking with her in a loving way? Tell her you're glad she loves baby. Tell her you want her help and describe ways she can do that. Tell her you and baby need more space. Talk with her about how she can help you have more space. Ask her to do this. Tell her specifically what you need. Let her give baby a kiss and then ask her to do something else; perhaps bring something, or to sing a song for baby while she sits over there; perhaps she could draw a picture. Help her learn that it's great to love baby and provide boundaries. Guide her.

Newborns need a lot of attention. Be sure to give her attention when baby is asleep. Help her learn to just watch baby with you. Do the things with her that she enjoys.