Nervous Grandmother?

Dear J.:
Your son's grandmother does indeed sound nervous, hyper, and know-it-all, but she also sounds very loving and caring. As far as the not wanting to take him to the park or the library, it probably all just seems like too much, what with trying to get him into his car seat, and worrying about his feeding schedule, etc. Most grandmas I know don't go on a lot of outings with their grandbabies. Remember, she is older than you and she hasn't done this for a long time. Be that as it may, a loving grandma that does well with a baby that stays put is not always the best babysitter for an active toddler. Sometimes grandmas have forgotten what is was like to have mobile little ones around, and once they have to chase them, it is too exhausting for them. It sounds like your instincts regarding Grandma and your baby are right on target, and now might be the best time to start shopping for a daycare arrangment more suited to an active little one regardless of what Grandma says.Perhaps your son can still visit her on the weekends. Remember, even though this is your first baby, you will always know far more about the situation at hand than someone who had her family decades ago. Trust your instincts.
Good Luck,
J. H.

I think I would be worried about leaving your son with her from what you said, #1. She is too nervous which could mean (regardless of how much of an authority she is on childcare)she is not confident about caring for him. #2. She has a bad back and infants your son's age and on up have to have a caretaker that can lift them and chase after them at any given moment and with back problems this might not be possible unless she keeps him in a playpen all the time which isn't good either. On one hand, she may have called you about his little fall because she thinks you want to know about every incident that happens right away OR it could be a way of letting you know that she is not confident in herself without actually saying that to you. My dh and I have been caring for our grandson since he was born (4 yrs), but we are both retired and we work together as a tag team, lol. I admit when you get older and it has been 20 or so yrs since you had little ones, it's tiring and a little nervewracking sometimes! It could be that maybe she doesn't want to let you down, but she might not feel up to it anymore. As for the daycare, that's your decision. Many people are afraid of daycares, but if you check them out thoroughly before choosing one and make frequent unannounced visits, I see no problem with them. Good luck!

First of all, you are such a nice daughter-in-law! I bet lots of MIL would like to have someone as understanding and forgiving as you.
I'm not sure you can ever stop her from worrying to much and being so nervous. If that's who she is then I wouldn't waste too much time and energy trying to convince her it's much nicer to live stress free :) As far as the daycare thing goes you have to do what is best for your child and your family. If that means she's not the one taking care of him regularly then so be it. Just make sure she has her time with him whenever possible (probably will be harder to do when you move though!) Good luck with the move, we've got friends in CO and it's so beautiful there!

Hi J., Maybe you and daddy should sit down and just explain to her, that you are the parents here and she has raised her own how she chose. Let her know that you love her and want her in your life,but she needs to relax a little. Maybe after you move to Colorado, things will ease up.

J., If I were you I would start out small. For example, start taking your mother-in-law on outings with you and your son. These outings could include the park, mall, etc. By doing this you can help her to see his habits and how he reacts in different types of activities. She will also be able to see that every child is going to get bumps and bruises in practicly everything he or she does and the only thing we can do is sit back and let things happen and let our children learn from his or her mistakes. (To a certain degree) Most importantly, even though it will be hard, talk to her about how you are feeling! She may not know she is showing this type of behavior.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do. My first suggestion would be to sit her down and as respectfully as possible tell her how you feel, but be firm about it. Explain everything just as you did in your posting. My experience with others tells me that it isn't going to change things though.
Don't let the way she feels and the things she says make you feel guilty. You sound like a wonderful mom... especially the whole bumps and bruises thing (I wholeheartedly agree with you there!) You and your significant other have to make decisions for your son... not her. To me she sounds like a little bit fo a control freak. The key there is to find small ways to let her feel as if she's in control. I know what I'm talking about here, I'm a bit of a control freak myself and it's taken a lot for me to calm down.
The bright side here is that you are moving. My mother in law wants to have her hand in every little thing dealing with my son. Thankfully she lives far far away from us so it isn't feasible for her to do much except tell me what to do... through my husband who is leaving for Afghanistan soon so I won't even have to put up with that much longer. My point is that distance will help. It's much easier to ignore the stuff that bothers you when it comes in the form of a phone call.

hi J. i think i would start with seeing if you could talk to your husband and if he can talk to her. write down all the points you want brought up and talk to your husband than go to his mother as a united front. that way it wouldnt be one sided. tell her you want the very best for your son and you believe daycare will be a good thing when you get there. other than that dont know what else sorry not much help W.