My Husband's Mom Gave My 5-Month Old Banana Bread.....Am I Overreacting?

It was wrong of her to step over what you had decided as his parents. It was also dangerous. Babies who have not eaten food yet need to have liquidy foods like baby cereal or they will choke. I would have a short discussion with her that you prefer her not to feed the baby anything other than you've approved. If she won't promise, don't leave him with her.

I would be very upset also. I would have my husband talk with his mom and if she did it again I would limit her alone time with the baby. Also I breastfeed and you do not have to feed the baby at 6 months if you do not want to. Good Luck!!!!

Wow, I would be angry!! You are definitely not overreacting, I would have a serious conversation with the grandparents and remind them that times have changed, and they need to run decicions by you, especially decisons regarding what they are feeding baby! It may be akward but it sounds like you need to set serious boundaries and rules for baby sitting!! Good luck.

E.

I understand your concern for wanting your babies diet to be perfect. I, too, might be upset over giving my baby banana bread at 4 months expecially since he threw up afterwards. I wouldn't be upset because I have grandchildren and have been introduced to the current plan for introducing solids while remembering the old ways.

You could casually "educate" the grandmothers in a calm way that accepts them as people loving you and your son and wanting to do the "right" thing.

How often do they have their grandchild without your presence? Sounds like it's once in awhile since they live 2 hours away. A bit of banana bread is not going to harm your baby in any way. Vomiting is normal. Babies vomit often. He may have vomited even without the banana bread.

You are a new mom and understandably wanting to do the best thing for your baby. Food is only one issue in parenting. Family relations is also quite important. Eating banana bread may cause an upset tummy. Tension between Grandma and Mom may also cause an upset tummy.

These 2 grandmother's have successfully raised at least 2 children, you and your husband. Could you work on trusting that they do know how to care for a baby and that even if their way of caring is different than yours it is still OK?
Love them for loving you and your baby. Leave who's right, who's wrong out of it. Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

We do have different ideas concerning food and diets now than we have had in the past. There is no proof that any of the ways are better than any of the others. You want to try your way. You'll still be able to use your plan even if Grandma slips in a tid bit of something else along the way. I doubt that they "snuck" this banana bread behind your back. They just did what they know.

Without trust in relationships, relationships become difficult. Life has enough serious issues without over focusing on one. If the grandmother's had left bruises or completely ignored your baby I could see having to deal with it. A bit of banana bread really is no big deal in comparison to the rest of your baby's life and your relationship with his grandmothers, one of whom is your mother.

Please relax and enjoy your baby and your family. And for your baby's sake don't get too rigid trying to make things work exactily the way you want them to work. It can't be done. If you allow yourself to be relaxed and focused on raising a healthy happy baby you will learn what works and what doesn't. And you will accept and evaluate ideas from other's. Some you'll try. Other's you won't. There is no one right way to do anything. Some ways work better than others for some situations and people while other ideas work better in the same situation for others.

When you said, "a solid food plan" did you mean a plan to introduce solid foods? A food plan has to be flexible enough to allow changes, especially when what is happening doesn't work. There are guidelines for what is generally thought to be a good food plan. But there is no plan that can be strictly followed for weeks or months. The grandmother's have not violated your plan. They've been themselves. Did they know that you want your baby to absolutely not have anything that could appear to be a solid food? One bit of banana bread does not interfere with your plan. You're going to continue feeding with your plan.

If your baby is to stay alone for an extended period of time with a grandmother than yes, you'll want to explain your plan to them in a calm, rational, non-judgemental way. Perhaps write it down. Above all do not accuse them of purposely going behind your back or imply that you know that your way is right and theirs is wrong. Don't feel that they have done a serious thing.

By the way, my daughter followed the recommended plan for introducing solids and her first child has food allergies, along with asthma and excema. She was diagnosed with allergies, including one to milk, while she was being breast fed. Experts do not know why we have had a large inrease of allergies, asthma, and eczema in the last few years. I note that changing the way in which we introduce solids has not stopped the increase in allergies. I agree that it may prevent allergies for some kids and is worth following. But it is not a cure all. Allergies, et.al. are the result of genetic and environmental influences and probably other things about which we know nothing. Food is the focus now. In a few years I can almost guarentee that we'll have a new feeding issue. (remember when coffee and wine were not good for us? Now they are a recommended part of the diet. Same with eggs.)

I say, lighten up, enjoy your parents enjoying your baby. And realize that in reality you will never have total control over your baby's life. You will have even less control as he grows up. Begin now my figuring out how to let go of some things so that you are able to focus on others. You do have responsibility to do the best for yourself, your baby and your family. Try to see the big picture.

I wish you well in this difficult role of parenting while maintaining other family relationships. And as the book says, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff."

at first I thought the banana bread was five months old....even so, this may be worse. Banana bread usually has nuts, not to mention other ingredients like wheat and stuff that baby's tummy isn't used to.

I would make sure you tell her the next time that he is only to have breast milk and whatever foods you bring over. If they knew that he wasn't on solids, they should not have given him anything. However, if they didn't know it could be an honest mistake.

It can't go untouched, but I wouldn't make a huge deal about it. Just make sure they are aware for the next time and have your husband be there when it's said or be the one to say it.

Good luck. I know all too well about in-laws who think they know it all.

I tend to think you're over-reacting. They did, after all, manage to raise their own children without anything catastrophic happening. And I tend to think they didn't give the baby a huge hunk of bread that he even could have choked on. Plus the chances of there being an allergic reaction to anything in the banana bread are extremely minute unless there is a family history of allergies, so it's not as if they abused or neglected the baby.

But, having said that, your child = your rules. And they SHOULD respect them. But don't expect the grandmas to respect them no matter how you convey them. (They are going to rely on the combined years of their own experiences and will almost certainly decide that you're just a paranoid, nutty, first-time mom and will either ignore your directions OR it will start a big family fight.)

I would really recommend that, for the sake of family peace, you stay calm and let this incident go. The baby is fine. The situation is over and done with, and nothing can be done to erase it. I'd also recommend that you not leave your son in the care of anyone without you being present unless or until you are absolutely positive your directives will be followed to the letter.

F.,
Yes, you are overreacting. Having said that... this is your first and that is what we do with our first. =-)
Please take a step back and evaluate if this is a pride issue. I'm reading a lot of very "self rightous anger" over this issue and can understand the emotional reaction.
We have three and my husband was the one who thought it would be fun to see if our first born son would like his bottle of breast milk (the kid hated and would not take a bottle) better if it had a little Hershey's syrup in it. Of course he did! I found it on the other end and thought my babies insides were coming out. He had to fess up pretty fast on that one!
I guess my point is this...we do what we can but we also have to learn real quick to adapt to things that are thrust upon us. This is a valuable lesson for us to master and pass on. We can't change what has already happened. We can only add the resulting knowledge to our arsonail for the next time. If you don't like the way they babysat don't have them do it again or at least wait until he is able to eat solid foods before trying them again. Don't be suprised thou if they do it again with some new unapproved food, in fact you should expect it. It is a bummer that they are not as respectful of your desires for the way you want to train you child but now you know how they operate and the choice is yours.(I hear a lot of blaming and not much proactive action) Depending on the closeness of the relationship your husband could talk to them but it might be better to forgive, store the knowledge away and use it to everyones advantage later. Send him to Gramma's house when it is time to try a new food on him, send it with him and issue Gramma with the "challenge" of getting him to eat it. This way you at least know what the new food is and Gramma gets her little adventure all taken care of in a controlled way.
At any rate, I'm glad you care what your kid eats cause that bodes well for his nutritional future but even more important make sure he has a Gramma in his future too.
Happy eating!

I'm a grandmother of only one child and I'll never have any others as my daughter is unable to have any more. When my grandson was born I was always there for them and apparently it became to much and I almost hurt my relationship with both my daughter and son-in-law. I understand your reaction about this but as long as you've put your plans up front to your parent and grandparent and they follow your plans please let the matter drop. Remember they raised their own children and were just trying to be good grandparents and great grandparents. If it continues to happen you'll have to put your foot down. But, always remember with Gods help your child will grow to be a wonderful and precious human being that will love everyone that's around him.

A simple YES!!! you are overreacting is the second thing that came to mind the first was WOW! you don't know if your son is allergic.So give Grandma a break or you won't be getting those "much needed parenting breaks"and 5 months is a little earlie to draw the line in the sand over food .she did't get "Grandma's Boy" tattooed on him, please just take a big deep breath and relax! remember that she was able to raise a son with a reasonable outcome.and back then the doctors told her to go home and have a glass of wine to relax after she got her valume script filled and got her smokes,lots of things have changed,yes you have more education on whats out there that MIGHT be bad but by the time he is five,ten or fifteen, things that you are uneducated about will be mainstreem my point is just relax and enjoy him it really does go by fast.

You know I probably would have been the same way with my first. But now those things just don't matter as much.

His Grandma raised one or more child(ren) well and kept them alive! I wouldn't worry too much. We as mothers today have so many books and information that it can get overwhleming and we focus so much on the "do's and don'ts" that we forget to not sweat the small stuff.

Remember when your sweet little boy is 4 or 10 or 20 you are not going to remember the tiny piece of banana bread he recieved without your permission.

Now to make you feel better about not having that happen again just sweetly and calmly ask your mom-in-law to not feed him anything more while you are away.

Just remember the bread bite won't scar him for life...don't let it scar you!

I breast fed my daughter exclusively until she was 6 mos. old too. Both sides of our family knew that is what my husband and I felt was best for our little girl. I took some grief from family members for sticking to our plan but for the most part our ideas were respected (just a couple of people who thought they knew better...a few in every family I am sure hahaha. I would definitely say something to your in laws or have your husband say something (depending on your relationship with them). I found that if I quoted my pediatrician re: how it can be best for kids to wait until they are 6 mos. old to start solids it worked pretty well. You will probably get some version of "I gave your husband eggs when he was 2 mos. old" but I would just say times have changed and doctors know more about the digestive system/food allergies now. If you don't say anything you will be terrified to leave your son with them again. GOOD LUCK! T.

I just read your further comments. I'm so sorry to hear that your mom died, and I can totally understand you being extra sensitive and wanting to have a good relationship with your husband's mother and grandmother. Yes, it is totally not ok for them to do this behind your back if they knew it was against your wishes. But I still think it would be good to assume that they meant well. They were probably told that babies need solids starting at 3 months, that's what they used to say, so I'd assume they were motivated by caring. And of course they were told that babies shouldn't be picked up and spoiled as well. Imagine how hard it must have been for them to let their babies cry and go against their maternal instinct. And I imagine it strikes a senstive nerve in them, the implication that everything they did was wrong. So I'd encourage you to be sensitve to those issues, appreciating that they did the best they knew how to do with their own children, while also being very clear and firm about your decisions, which are backed up by new research that wasn't available to them. Again, I would give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they meant well, even if they thought the only way to fatten him up was to do it behind your back (fat babies were considered healthy in the old days). I would talk with them (or with just your mother-in-law, if she is the one you want to communicate with), explaining that you appreciate their care and concern and love for their (great)grandson, and that you understand that they were acting on the advice they were given when they had babies, but that new research has shown that it is better to wait to introduce solids, and to introduce them carefully, one at a time, and that you are following doctor's orders (and/or your own knowledge), and that you would really appreciate them honoring your wishes. And that later when he starts eating solids, you would be happy to give them a list of foods he is eating, so that they could enjoy feeding him. I think this could be an important opportunity to get it out in the open and talk about it now, to lay the foundation for a future good relationship. Or, if your husband is willing to talk with them, that might be better, assuming he shares your views. Or of course both of you together. Good luck!

I think you are right to be mad! I would be mad as hell if someone had done that to my son. Research (and doctors will tell you this as I'm sure you know) shows that it is best to wait until 6 months if at all possible to start ANY solids! and at first they can only have very light colored almost liquid ones! No wonder he puked! He didn't know what to do with the bread. The texture alone probably made him do it since he is not used to any kind of solid. I would have had a fit! I would try to find a tactful, yet forceful way to let grandmas know that you are aware they raised children of their own, but you have specific things planned for your child and if they want to feed him ANYTHING other than what you tell them to, to please call and ask if it is okay first.

i think you might be over reacting a bit. im sure it was a very small piece and 5 months is pretty close to when you can start solids.A little piece of bread should not cause troubles in your family. Its not worth it.

How much banana bread did they give him? Probably a very little piece, a small taste more than likely. I doubt if this caused the vomiting. I know that you wanted to be the one to give him his first solids and that it's important to introduce single ingredient foods so you can watch for allergies. When you've calmed down to where you can talk with your Mom-in-law about how she introduced foods to your husband, you listen and then share with her what you and your pediatrician have discussed. You want to keep the lines of diplomacy open, and by showing her respect for her experiences she can show you respect for your concerns and wanting to establish your routine, your process. Even our own mothers have a tendency to do things their own way and aren't comfortable with the latest and greatest information and programs that we have been introduced to and encouraged to use. I wish I had a nickle for every time my Mom told me 'well when you were a baby I did..... and you're still here'. They mean well, it worked for them and we survived inspite of all the trials and errors, just like your baby will. Love the fact that they were so eager to give you a break and love this new grandbaby. Happy Mother's Day!!!

Which is more important to you, a piece of banana bread that likely didn't digest too well, but really was no harm done, or your continued relationship with family?

If you value your relationship, you need to sit down and talk it out with your mother-in-law. Be respectful of her feelings, and don't invalidate them. Then let her know that you really appreciate her help and advice, however this is the way you have chosen to raise your son. Suggest some special things she could do, or some special treat she could give him. She is just trying to do what all grandma's do best....spoil the boy!

I hope you are able to work it out without hard feelings between you and your family.

F., I think that it is important to look at it from a distance. Did they do it to do something behind your back or were they just being grandma's and not thinking like most grandma's do? I don't know how important family is to you but if it is important to you to keep the relationship I would suggest that you don't over react to them. You said that you were calm at first.thats good, let it go, Don't have a "talk" with them just let them know that he is too young for solid food yet and you would appreciate it if they didn't give him anything until they made sure it was ok first. Tell them that you realize that they may not agree with everything that you are doing with your son but that it is your choice as his parents and would appreciate the respect of those choices. If they are anything like my MIL she probably didn't even think when she gave it to him. My oldest was given apple juice when he was 9 weeks old by his grandma. good luck, J., SAH mom of five, 3 boys and 1 set boy/girl twins

My first suggestion -- give up on having anything like a strict plan for your son. You'll end up crazy gnawing the carpets and do him no good. Instead, assume that every week his horizons are going to expand in some completely astonishing way, and you'll always be a step behind. Expect to spend the next 20 or 30 years being "a bit shocked."

(I'm not unsympathetic -- just this week my baby girl announced she's thinking of staying in Salt Lake City to take college courses this summer instead of coming home, and I know she'd never have thought about it if my mother weren't there, offering her a bed and letting her try all sorts of things. And, frankly, I'm much too little to have my baby staying away all year.)

Because, yeah, it sounds like you're overreacting. Chances of anything really bad happening while two experienced mothers are doting on their grandbaby are pretty slim. Nothing bad happened even when I was the same age and my careless teenage aunt gave me a whole chocolate chip cookie, loaded with extra walnuts (although as I was told the story, it took several relatives to keep something bad from happening when my mom got home and found out).

But here's my second suggestion: You've got a plan worked out for how you'll react if the baby ever shows signs of an allergic reaction to food, right? You've researched lists of possible symptoms and resources for help. Go over that information with all your babysitters, grandmas included. Bring them in as interested parties as the list of safe foods grows, and show them the charts you'll be using to record any side effects of new foods.

Nine out of ten grandmas will throw up their hands and stick strictly to approved foods.

Mind you, they'll still let him stay up later than you like, talk to kids whose parents you haven't met, sing songs so gross they turn your stomach ...

I have to confess, your request made me chuckle... oh, those well-meaning grandmas!!! Well, girlfriend, the best you can do is to lay out exactly how you want things to be done with your little one. I mean, do not leave ANYTHING unsaid or assumed. With my first baby, I was known for leaving written instructions (PAGES... hee, hee)on the rare occasions that I would leave him with someone. Hhere is the bottom line: you have to be able to trust that the people in your baby's life will care for him as you and you husband have decided, or you just cannot leave him with those people. You don't have to make it a source of contention or even let anyone know that the grandmas aren't having him alone anymore. You can just not leave him (that is, if they are unwilling to respect your wishes). When my kiddos were babies, people loved to give them things: a carrot to teeth on, a large peeled apple to suck and lick (not kidding), you name it. There really was never anything but good intentions, but I did have to make my wishes very clear. Also, you will probably mellow out about those kinds of things as you have more kids. I know I have. But that still doesn't nullify the fact that you have to be able to trust that your wishes for him as a parent will be followed. Just for the record, bananas made my first son barf, so I never tried 'em with my second. Not only that, but I am sufering morning sickness right now (third one on the way), and the sickest I have been so far was after eating a banana (the evil, wicked fruit from Equador). Good luck!!

A 5 month old is too young for solids such as banana bread. Shoot, the baby could choke, have an allergic reaction etc.
I'm sure your baby will be fine but just be honest with your husband and mother in law. Maybe even a note from your ped. stating what foods are ok and what to avoid. Rice cereal should be first solid, as it's gental on the tummy.
good luck.
D.

Dear F., Get over it...it is not worth the grief you will cause by making this a big deal. Sure things could have happened but they didn't. You will find that through-out your child's life, things can happen but don't. The most important part of raising a child is that you need to choose your battles very carefully, whether they are with your inlaws or your child. Make sure that if you are going to war it is worth it. This just isn't worth it! Good luck. J.

F., I totally sympathize. All of the grandparents dote on my little guy, but they all try to give him inappropriate food. I caught my mom letting him suck on a peanut butter granola bar when he was 8 months. I didn't get angry, but I did try to educate her on why I didn't want him eating that. "Did you know that if they have peanuts in the first two years of life, it makes them more likely to have a peanut allergy?" She immediately took the granola away and hasn't given him any peanut butter since. When she started to watch him two days a week, I posted a list on the fridge of foods that the baby was better off not eating - cow's milk, citrus, peanuts, etc.

I totally understand your reaction to the banana bread. My son was fed bananas at daycare before I started him on solids and I was just livid - he doesn't go to daycare anymore. But with family I think you have to have a more patient approach. Try educating them rather than scolding. I find it's fascinating to read about their little digestive system that's developing and share it with others. "Did you know that giving a baby wheat makes him more likely to develop an allergy? Wouldn't that be terrible?"

And have fun once your baby eats solid foods! It really is adorable and fun to watch them eat!

Hi F.,

I remember these days. Simple truth is, our parents raised us based on what the Doctors and professionals told them 35 years ago. We know a lot more now and we are told WAY different things now than they were. She is still working off of what she remembers (most moms 35 years ago introduced foods between 2 weeks and 3 months). So this didn't seem like a big deal to her.

Personally I wouldn't worry about his health for the one time thing, but the idea of them doing stuff like that "behind your back" shows that you guys should probably have a heart to heart. Let them know what the docs are telling you about introducing foods. Talk about allergies today versus 35 years ago and everything else you know as fact that might convince her not to do it again. Try to keep it to fact though, instead of emotions so, you don't come off as the over-protective, paranoid new mommy. Grammas hate that, usually! If nothing else works, you only have one more month or so before Gramma can happily shove spoon after spoon of baby food into that little mouth. Maybe just keeping him with you for that month would be enough.

All just suggestions, so apply with humor and lots of deep breaths! Good luck!

you are over reacting IF
you didnt convey your strong objections to food before leaving him in their care. A five month old can handle eating a bit of food and unless you told them not to they (and I) may have assumed it was ok. My grandpa feeds all new babies a bit of chocolate. Its a tradition, it doesnt hurt them, and it happens only once (we are talking a tiny taste here).
If you did already explain it then you now know they arent going to follow your instructions so its now your choice to leave him with them or not.
This was NOT a life threatening event. Your baby is fine. His Gramma loves him and would never hurt him, she just does things different then you do. Grandparents are supposed to "break" the rules. You get treats at grammas but not at home.

Did you tell her about your plan to introduce solids? You have to be fair. Remember, in her day, they introduced solids, much earlier. Try to keep perspective. You are lucky to have family around that helps out.

Our parents did these sort of things with us and I'm sure she didn't think she was doing anything wrong. I went through this with my mom and MIL. I tried to talk with each of them about the prevalence of allergies now compared to 25 to 35 yrs ago. I also explained how I wanted to do food testing with my babies as I introduced solids. Then when ever we we're over I'd share what foods we've tried and the reaction. Thank goodness my kids have no food allergies.
You probably have a lot more shocking moments to go with the grandparents so be sure to think ahead for what they might do. I have been mad and worried many times! :) Eventually they wont be babies anymore and you won't have to worry so much. Grandparents can be a great learning too and a godsend on those tough to parent days.

Yes and No. Children do better when they are raised by a village with their extended families lovingly involved in their lives. So, I wouldn't recommend a power struggle with your MIL.

What you can do is be very respectful. After all, she didn't do such a bad job with her kid - I mean you married him right? You need to respect that she successfully did what you are doing now and recognize that when you speak to her about it. Admit to her that there will be times that you will need her "expertise" and advice and that it's really important to you AND HER SON that they talk to you before doing stuff like that. You AND HER SON know your baby best and how ready he is for certain stages, but thank you so much for loving him and wanting what's best for his growth and supporting you AND HER SON when you need a break.

I know you want to spout of how much you know and how things are different. But the truth is, things really aren't that different when it comes to making a baby into a boy and a boy into a man. Respect that each step can't be taken without taking the one before it (meaning she was the first step in creating her son and now you are able to take the next step because of it).

I think the real problem is not so much that the grandmas gave your baby banana bread, but that they did not respect your rules around feeding. That said, a "strict plan for your son" will eventually drive you crazy because as he gets older, there are more and more things that will lend to deviation from your plan (for food and everything else).

You asked for ideas how to convey your feelings to the grandmas. I think your husband needs to be the one to deliver the message, or at least deliver it with you. It is, after all, his mother. Tell them you understand their eagerness to give your son the world and more, but right now you're just content to let him be a baby. (He has his whole life to eat banana bread, but only a limited time to be breastfed.) If they protest, tell them doctor's orders! nothing but breastmilk/formula until ____ (insert your own timeline here--they don't know your doctor!).

In my experience, grandmas will do whatever they can to spoil a grandchild, and often that means ice cream for dinner. (Yes, my mother-in-law.) It's only taken 5 years for her to get the point that we are in charge of how we raise our children. Good luck to you.

It sounds like you'd better make yourself perfectly clear before hand (who would have known they would have done such a thing!), and make it conditional on whether or not they are allowed to babysit again. They probably also think car seats are too much trouble, so what would stop them from driving around with baby on the lap or something. There are idiots out there who run around suggesting people give their babies whiskey to settle them down.

How about sending them your plan for your son's eating - literally a written plan - maybe even one from a book so they see you are following what is recommended. I would send it very casually - like, "can you watch remy again for me? I want to send you his diet schedule too so that you know what he is eating..."
Just a suggestion.
A.

Should Grandma have given your baby Bananna Bread? Probably not. Are you over reacting? A little. Your baby probably vomited because the bananna bread may have been to "rich" for his little tummy to handle. If he had been given baby food before the bread incident-he may not have vomited.
I am 38 years old, and my mom and mother-in-law are in thier mid 60's. If you think about this generation of women, they raised us kids with:

-No carseats or seatbelt laws.
-Lead paint on the cribs, toys, and walls.
-Fluffy bed linens, crib bumpers and pillows in the cradles and cribs.
-Feeding us baby food and baby cereal at 2-3 months of age.
-Very few of us being exclusively breastfed (most of us were bottle fed with formula).

I have conversations with my mom and mother-in-law about things like, feeding babies solids too soon, carseats and having them properly buckled, etc. My mom understands some of the ramifications of things, but my mother-in-law used to blow us off (me and my sister's-in-laws). My mom said it's a small miracle that we have all survived our childhoods. I have heard my Mom and Mother-in-law say more than once "well it was good enough for you and your siblings". The Grandma's need to remember-they are the Grandma's and not the Mommy's.
I'm sure they ment no harm to your baby, and I'm sure the piece of bread was very small, and I'm sure there were no nuts in it. But, they need to be reminded of your decisions and plans for your son.
Personally, I was one of those parents who introduced food early to her kids. My 12 year old, was a month old, was not breastfed (he was not interested and took to the bottle like we were starving him to death). He would drink his bottle and still seem unsatisfied, and would want another bottle 30 minutes to 1 hour after I fed him. I made him some rice cereal, that was very, very thin, and he ate a few bites with a baby spoon, (like 3-4), and then he was fine. I introduced Stage 1 baby food to him when he was 3 months old, and Stage 2 when he was 6 months old I believe. He was and always has been in the 80-90th percentile for height and weight. He had a check up last fall, and his pediatrician told us that Mac (my son) is one if the healthiest kids he has. He's not to skinny, not to fat or big, rarely gets sick, and is a great kid. And, he's not a picky eater, with the exception to green peppers and fresh tomatoes. When I had him, the "don't feed your baby solids until he's 6 months old" was in full effect.
My 6 year old is a different story. He was born with a life threatening birth defect, was born without a diaphram. He as on life support from the time he was born until he was 7 weeks old. Because he had a tube down this throat, he didn't learn to "suck". He could swallow, but he had to be put on a feeding machine because he couldn't eat. When he came home at 3 months of age, he came home with oxygen and a feeding tube in his stomach with a feeding machine. To make a long story short, I didn't want food to be "foreign" to him (like I had seen with another patient who was 1 year old, and was introduced to food for the first time at age 1, gagging on mashed potatoes). After getting the permission of 4 doctors to see if it's okay to give him a spoonful of Stage 1 baby food, I started feeding my Special Needs baby at 4 1/2 months of age. It was only a spoonful or 2, but it was something.
I guess what I'm trying to say is. Yes, we read alot of books, and we listen to our children's pediatricians. But sometimes, if our/your baby is ready, it's okay to break the rules in regarding food (that is one of the only rules that is okay to break). You should always start them out on Stage 1 baby food, and then go from there. I also had a rule "I won't feed it to my child if I wouldn't eat it myself".
You mentioned food allergies? If you or your husband are violently allergic to (meaning throat closing when you eat it) certain foods, you should have your son tested as a precaution.

Wow! I can't believe she did that. You fully deserve to be undone about that. For all the reasons you said and more.

I would definitely talk with her and explain your plan and why you have that plan. Ask that she not feed him any more food unless you have given her the ok. If you do it in a very calm, matter of fact way, hopefully she will hear it and receive it well. My mom makes comments all the time about how different things are now than when we were babies. It might be worth it to just acknowledge that up front with her and then explain what you plan to do. I would also be clear that if she can't accept and follow your plans and directions when babysitting then you won't be able to leave Remy alone with them.

There could be so many reasons he threw up. And until you start feeding him individual foods, you won't know how he'll react or if he'll have allergies. I do know that with my first, we figured out he had an egg allergy because he vomited almost every time we gave them to him (we stopped after two episodes). Just keep your eyes open for that as you introduce new foods.

Good luck! That's a tough situation to be in.

No - you are not overreacting. Not only is bread inappropriate for babies, it has egg and butter in it, two allergens that babies shouldn't have before the proper ages (egg; 12 mos or later, butter, 12 mos, plus wheat!). When my second child was 6 mos old my mom gave her a tsp of whipped cream that was sweetened with honey. I flipped, and in front of my mom's friends too. I told her about the dangers of honey in children under one, and then called the MD to discuss what I should be looking for as far as possible signs of probems from honey. There are big problems with foods given too young, and you need to educate your in-laws of the harm that food given to babies too young can do. I would circle back with your in laws and send them articles or some sort of educational information from Web MD or another like site that discusses the issues around doing so. This way the information isn't coming from you, it's coming from the scientific community which will be less confrontational. Then, if they babysit again, give them written instruction and bring your own food(s) for the baby. I would also stress how important it is to adhere to the guidelines set, and if they cannot do that perhaps you would be better off hiring a babysitter who will listen to you. Best of luck!

F.,
I don't feel you are overreacting. Since it is your husband's family, he needs to put his foot down. If they can't be trusted with your son then don't leave him with them.
End of story!

ok so i don't have time to read everyone's responses so sorry if this is a repeat. i would have been ticked too. in fact i was in the same situation with my younger daughter. she was exclusively breastfeed for a long time and we discovered she had dairy and egg allergies at 8 months because she had eczema. luckily my MIL lived far away so i didn't have to deal with it too often but whenever we would go visit, she would always try to feed my daughter something without checking with us first. the only advice i can give you is to have your husband be the one standing up to his mom and lay down the rules. make sure he points out that there are so many kids with food allergies these days. it's not the same as when she brought up her children. after he tells her enough times, it should get better. my MIL finally got the point and stopped trying to give her food. good luck! MIL's sure are challenging.

My sister walked in once to find my stepmother feeding her toddler son a sip of COCA-COLA!!!! Heart attack insued and some serious conversations about proper protocol when mom was not around.

This is a tough one - particularly when you're dealing with moms and grandmoms because they ALWAYS think they know best (mine continue to tell me not to raise my arms over my head even though I explain that my doctor has me doing prenatal yoga - they just think they know better). I think my only advice would be "be firm - stand strong" - whether they like it or not or agree with your plan or not, this is YOUR baby - not theirs - and they need to respect that. Maybe you could show them your parenting book that states that the baby should not be having these items yet - and that fruit is a no-no (particularly citrus fruits) in those first months to prevent allergic reactions. I'm sure they want your son to be happy - they aren't feeding him banana bread to torture him - so hopefully, they will understand the wisdom of waiting.

GOOD LUCK!

Overreacting? HELL NO! I would be livid & I can guarantee you, that would be the last time she babysat my child until she could prove to me that she would follow the rules.

It is YOUR child, you make the decisions. What she did was not only dangerous to your baby, but it was disrespectful to you as a parent. Besides being dangerous, what about the idea of the MOTHER & FATHER having a special moment with their son when they introduce solids? It was a really cute moment that my hubby & I shared with our daughter, & oh....it was rice cereal at first, then mashed banana!!!! Not banana bread...big difference.

Someone else said it best: she did it for herself, not you or your baby.

And someone else said that you are overreacting because she raised her son & he's alive. I totally disagree with that statement. Mothers used to drink when they were pregnant, they rarely used car seats, they used to give babies vodka in juice to make them sleep. Should we do all of these things, too??? Um, no. Because as studies evolve, so do the safety practices for caring for babies.

There is no way what she did can be deemed appropriate. She endangered your child, she was disrespectful to you as a parent, & she was just plain selfish. I honestly, would have a come to God meeting with her. I would tell her in no uncertain terms that if she EVER, EVER does something that doesn't follow your parenting plan, then she will never watch your son again. Ler her be mad at you....better that than her endangering your child.

Is that harsh? Maybe. But your innocent 5 month old cannot defend himself. You have to be his advocate & I can't think of anything more worthy of advocacy that safety issues. Good luck!!

I would have blown a gasket. As you mention, not only the allergy risk but the sheer choking hazzard is enough. And some banana breads have nuts - even worse.
Would the mother and grandmother be accepting of writen material from your doctor or any reputable website (mayoclinic.com, aap.org, ama-assn.org)? IE - can you appeal to their logic. This would educate them on 21st century practices and research without it coming directly from you. Moving forward I would write out all instructions for them or any babysitter regarding what Remy can or cannot eat, can or cannot play with, etc - even though it seemed obvious. As last resort, would your husband be willing to talk with them..."Mom, we've decided on a particular plan for introducing food to Remy and would love your help with it - but we need to stick to the plan even if it's different from how you raised your kids. Does that sound fair?" Embrace their help and they'll be more willing to follow your way.
I wish you luck - you need to be able to take a break for a few hours without stressing about leaving. Don't give up!

Hi F.,
I'm hoping that your husband is right along side of you. Some things can slide but some things can't. Giving him a solid piece of a million ingredients can't.
The good thing to think about is that mothers did that years ago, and were all still here.
The sad part is she wasn't thinking about anyone but herself. Surely not her grandson or you. I hope you can have a heart to heart with her.
I make a do's and don't list for anyone that cares for my son. I really think Grandparents shouldn't get to do what ever they want because that is the norm. I would have my husband talk to her too. Start rules and boundaries now before it's too late- a few moms told me that the other day at a moms group- regarding my mother-in-law
Lynelle

F., I do not think that you are overreacting. You want what is best for YOUR child. I am sure that the banana bread probably did not harm him, however, that is not the point. The point is that your MIL did not respect you as the mother and took it upon herself to make a decision for YOUR child without your consent. If she is going to babysit your child again, I would make very clear guidelines about this and what you expect. You don't have to be mean about it but you should DEFINITELY let her know that her action was not okay and that you need to be asked before any large decisions (and I consider that a large one)are made. Didn't she even consider that maybe you wanted to be the one to give your child his first food (considering that YOU are his mother)? She already had kids and got to enjoy those "firsts," now it is your turn. I realize that since she is your MIL talking with her could be difficult, depending on how close you are. Could both your husband and you both talk to her together? Bottom line, NO you are not overreacting so don't worry. You simply want to be respected enough to be consulted beforehand for things for your son. This is not unreasonable and if you let it slide, your MIL will learn that she can get away with things like that with you. I hope this helps for a sticky situation.

Old folks are use to feeding kids foods because they have raised kids themselves and MOST (not all) knows what they are doing. For her to give him a taste is ok. It's actually normal.
I know how ya feel. Wih my first my mom inlaw did that too...But I learned they can teach you so much and make things lot easier when it comes to babies because her, moms on Moms source and I have gone through the baby stages. So, dont overreact unless there are known allergies in the family. They arent causing harm to him.

Have a great weekend

You are not overreacting. However, please remember that parenting has changed ALOT over the years. My parents gave my 2 week old icecream! Even in the last 10 years stuff has changed and I get dirty looks from my babys doctors allmost every visit because I've done something wrong AGAIN that was perfact and encouraged just 10 years ago. Once upon a time a 5 month old had a full diet of fruits and grains. This was encouraged because babies slept so much better with a full belly of rice or something. They probably did not realize this was wrong and just think you are overproctecive parents. Take some litature from your doc about when and what foods can be started and maybe let them know that if they do it again they will have to face your doc themselves!

I'm also a 35 year old first time mom whose mother-in-law sneaked some illicit food too early. In our case it was some berry jam at thanksgiving when my daughter was 4 months old.

I was very upset, as it sounds like you are. Regardless of the fact that as her parents it should be OUR decision when to start what foods, and they KNEW we were waiting, berries are listed (on the list we follow, anyway) as something you wait until after a year to start. I would have been even more upset in your situation, since banana bread, as you noted, has many ingredients AND could be a choking hazard (even a very small piece).

I was bothered by the person who responded that you were overreacting because your in-laws managed to raise their kids safely and that the piece probably wasn't that big. My baby didn't have teeth at that age, so it wouldn't take a very big piece to choke, and many grandparents, well-meaning as they are, have LONG FORGOTTEN the ins and outs of having an infant around. Let alone what foods they gave their kids when and what doctors have determined is good for the baby thirty-five years AFTER they raised theirs.

So, just for the record, I think you were right to be upset. And maybe we'll both be more relaxed with our next baby. But we're not there yet and right now we're trying to do the very best for THIS baby.

That said, I'm not good with confrontation, and didn't want to have a bad situation with my in-laws, who luckily don't live close enough to do this kind of thing regularly. So I didn't make a big deal about it, just said we were waiting to start her on solids until 6 months, as advised by our doctor and research I'd done. I also made a point of mentioning to her that resources now advised waiting until after a year to start berries.

Of course, I complained a LOT to my husband, who agreed with me, but also didn't want to tick off his mother. :)

All this generally agrees with the other feedback you've gotten here, but just wanted to give you another supporting opinion that you're well within your rights as Remy's mother to do what YOU think is best for him. Diplomatically telling your MIL so, well, that's a different story. :) Good luck!

I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think a small piece of banana bread is going to do anything. Especially since he threw it up. I've had 3 kids now, and they are very resilient. One is 20, one 9 one 6. I've dealt with food allergies, (gluten) seizures, and a whole host of health issues with my kids and myself. I know a lot about health from a natural standpoint.

Relax, mom. It'll be OK. Just explain what you want, and everything will be fine. Sometimes Grandmas forget what is appropriate at what age.

PS about the "let the baby cry" - Psychologist have now found out that if babies are left too long to cry it out, they become depressed. This is something you should NEVER do. They will never trust anyone any more and the bond and trust with you will be broken. I had post traumatic stress disorder for a long time becuase it was done to me - which I had to deal with in my 20's when I was pregnant with my son! It was one of the things that contributed to my hatred of my mother at a young age. Luckily God healed me of all of that mess, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

You aren't overreacting at all! Hello, people often put NUTS in banana bread! Not to mention the allergenic qualities, but also potential choking...and the complete violation of trust in your in-laws care. I hope your MIL learned her lesson--to see a five-month-old vomit on something you did should be a hard and valuable lesson that I hope she takes to heart. Yeah, that generation loves to pull the old "we raised babies and they turned out fine" line, but come on, they used to think that teething killed kids. And here, take some Thalidamide while you're pregnant! It won't give your baby horrible birth defects! They had their delusions, we have ours--be still, through the passage of time, we are farther ahead of the game.

You have every right to be upset! I know I would be quite angry!!! Your MIL should always ASK you first with things like that. It's called respect. MIL's tend to think they know it all and they know best......but your baby is still YOUR baby.....and you have every right to do things YOUR way and your MIL needs to learn to be the GRANDMOTHER......
Good luck.

hmmmmm, if he had no reaction I would just say your ped. said not to introduce things until 7 mos (or whatever you choose) and say you want to start him out on vegtables and not sweets (it's a hard habit to break) and most babies will go for sweet stuff so starting w/veggies is a good thing.
I do understand, my Dad would dip the babies pacie in his coffee, now I know it wasn't goung to give the baby the jitters but tell your dad that!
good luck,
H.

Oy, what a tough situation. She must have meant well, but it crosses the line. I think it's normal for grandma's to feel defensive if criticized. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and go to her saying that you know she meant well, but that you're waiting to introduce solids until six months. Give her some paperwork from the pediatrician if you have some. Tell her that he threw up after the banana bread and you're not sure if it's related but you'd just rather not chance it by introducing one food at a time when you're ready. Hopefully she takes it well. If not or if you find out she's done it again then you have a problem and he may need to spend only supervised visits with grandma until he's old enough for you to feel comfortable with whatever she might feed him. Maybe we stress out a little too much about food stuff, but grandmas should respect your choices. They had their kids, this one is yours!

When talking to the grandmas about the issue, you can say that your child's pediatrician doesn't want him starting solid foods until 6 months (if it's true). Also mention that you have a plan, which is important to rule out possible allergies etc & you appreciate them respecting it. Making it sound medical will let them know it is important, and might make them feel less attacked or unappreciated. Perhaps in the day when their children were that age, it was normal to feed them table food, so they may not have known better. Let them know you appreciate them spending time with him & the break it gives you. When he does start solids, maybe you can bring the food he's allowed to have if they feel he needs a snack.

I would have also been very concerned about the banana bread and possible allergies. Good luck!

I was a frist time Mom at 28 and breastfed. I think it's a bit unrealistic to adhere to a strict plan, You're not giving yourself room for things to happen.

Realize that grandparents are prone to spoil their grandchildren and just not do what you think is best. They are thinking, we raised you and you're fine, so what's the problem? Sometimes, their way is harmful as in this instance. However, I don't believe that was their intent. Try approaching your in-laws about feeding your son in this way, he's being breastfed and we need to slowly introduce him to solid foods so he doesn't get sick again.

There are going to be other things that your in-laws will want to do differently than you and your husband. If it's not physically harmful to your son, then you'll have to ignore it. If he asks why I can to this at grandma's house and not here (as my daughter did numerous times). That's how grandma does it at her home and this is how we do it here. Neither one is wrong just different. It's an early lesson to our children that there are many ways for things to be done and to learn to adapt.

Keep your head up, it's going to be OK. E.

Please keep in mind that your MIL was taught very different things about child-raising. Some mothers were told to start solids as early as 6 WEEKS old back in her day. It was a totally different world.

Just so you know, my daughters were exclusively breastfed for 7 months (1st child) and 8 months (2nd) so I completely understand wanting to wait for solids. I was very very specific to our extended families and watched my girls like a hawk when they were too young for food. I actually waited until my children had at least a couple teeth to start giving them food since I skipped purees and went straight to table food.

Still... one bit of banana bread one time at 5 months isn't too big of a deal. It might take a couple weeks for his gut to be back to normal, but after that, it should be fine especially since he threw it up, so it wasn't even in there for very long!

So, I would take a deep breath and discuss your feeding plan, and especially the health reasons for your plan, in depth with your MIL if you haven't already. I would be much more concerned if you did make your feeding plans clear and she violated them. In that case I wouldn't be leaving him *alone* with her unless she could agree to feed him (or not) according to your plan.

Best wishes!
~B.

I understand your concern. Since they live so far away maybe this will be a non-recurring issue. Next time they see him, he will be eating and you can provide approved foods. I personally wouldn't confront about this. There are going to be potentially many more issues come up between you and MIL and this doesn't strike me as a good place to start.
Having said that, if you think it may come up again, or other issues have come up where she is ignoring your wishes, then I would address her. How to respectfully insist that you know best for your own child to family members is an age old problem! Have you ever heard of NVC? (non-violent communication) This method teaches how to communicate with others effectively and respectfully. Book is by Marshall Rosenberg. Anyway, some of the keys are to remain calm, acknowledge & respect the other person, and make sure they understand and acknowledge you.
Good luck!

Grandmas! Well they do want to feed the little tikes. But I feel you are correct. He's to young to be eating things like that. Do to food allergy concerns its important to introduce one food at a time. Banana bread has many ingredients that even adults have issues with in the way of allergies (eggs, nuts, bleached flour). Being that your son vomitted after eating this food it was oviously to much at once for his delicate system.

It is important that you simply let anyone who takes care of him for you that he is to only eat what you have provided. And ask them to please respect you and your husbands choice in raising your son. That once your son is older and is doing fine with eating a variety of foods at a sitting at that time he may have little goodies (limited) like banana bread. Understand that every generation is different and raises their children different.

But, whats done is done. You can either express your feelings or simple leave it alone and be warned.

Good Luck!!

You are freaking out a little bit, but I wouldn't say that's abnormal. :) He's your kid.

FYI, here is some good info I read in a magazine. I'm sorry I can't find the reference: A recent study by the American Pediatrics Association found that allergies are not CAUSED by being exposed to certain foods while under 1 year of age. Babies are born with or without specific allergies. However, they still want you to avoid feeding infants those specific foods because babies are less able to inform us of their discomfort.

Very calmly talk through what foods are and are not allowed. Perhaps try some role-playing with your husband to make sure that it comes across alright. Actually, since it's your husbands family, you should make sure that he is very involved with this conversation.

I know it's hard to deal with the grandparents sometimes, but be gentle and firm. Try to step back in your mind and evaluate if your parenting is being stepped on. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page.

Good luck.

NO, you're not overreacting! He's your child and YOU decide what and when he eats. I went through the same thing with my mother with my first child. I was very young, didn't know any better and depended on her advice. She's from the "old school" and believes that big babies need cereal and would slip it into my daughter's bottle when I wasn't around. We constantly got into fights about it.

I never regretted confronting my mother about it. Maybe it's a conversation worth having, just in case the situation arises again in the future.

I understand your fustration. My sister does the same thing to my son. She give him all sorts of things I dont want her to when she is around him. I would just have a talk with them and explain your plan for him and you would like it if they didn't give him anything without asking. Also bring up the point that its better to ask you first because there may be allergies he has that they are not aware of.

Good luck!

I'd say the banana bread probably didn't digest too well, especially as a 5 month old baby doesn't usually have teeth to chew with. Just tell your mother-in-law that your baby is not yet ready for solid food.

This is a tough one, but probably something every mother and grandmother have come across in some way or another. When my first child was that age I would have flipped out if someone, anyone, had given him anything solid at all. All you want for your children is to keep them safe, and this send up all kinds of read flags to your sensibilities. I would have felt the same way. I think the biggest thing to remember is that she loves that baby just as much as you. She would never intentionally bring him harm. Whenever a situation would come up with my mother-in-law or aunt (they watch my boys while I work) then that is the first thing I would tell myself. If you approach the impending conversation about the "banana bread" (next week it will be something else, I can a sure you) with that in mind, that she loves him just as you do, you will have a much better chance of her understanding why you are so careful about these things. Always use the love you both share for your son, and husband for that matter, to deal with disagreements. I promise 9 times out of 10 it will soften the disagreements. Good luck.

Hi F.,

My husband and I seem to be on the same feeding plan as you and yours, our daughter was not introduced to rice cereal until 6 months. I had a few battles with my mother and grandmother about the same issue (they seem to remember me eating steak by now!) They say I am over cautious, and I don't care, I agree with them all the time. My daughter is one decision I will not regret hurting peoples feelings over, never. Believe me you have much more information than the inlaws on child development, trust yourself and back yourself up. Lay down the law strong and with confidence, you know what is right and wrong for you little one, make sure people follow your decision. Remember, it is not what you say but how you say it...

I know exactly how you feel. The truth is, it is your child and your choice whether and when you want to give your baby solids. Banana bread has a lot of ingredients in it, and although it probably didn't cause any harm, there still is a rule that you're supposed to introduce foods one at a time. It seems a little too complex for a 5-month-old's digestive system. Have you told the grandparents beforehand that you don't want your baby eating solids until you introduce it to them?

The truth is, you are the person who makes the decisions right now, and you need to be firm with this. I understand that a lot of first-time moms(I am one)overreact to certain situations, but I think you are definitely not out-of-bounds with this one. I am a very passive-aggressive person myself, and I ended up having to tell my mother-in-law to back off too(whipped cream! the sugar!). You should consider reading the book "Super Baby Food"by Ruth Yaron. It changed my whole way of thinking about baby food and gave me theconfidence to deal with the situation. Hope this helps!

I dont think you are overreacting. I think as grandparents they think they know what is best for any child be it their grandchild or someone n the street. My MIL and mom would give my kids stuff all the time without my consent. Or they thought i was being nuts saying that I didnt want my kids to eat such and such a food. My oldest is three now and my sister was talking about taking him for the weekend here soon and she was trying to get him excited about and told him they could go to McDonalds. I very quietly but firnly said..We dont eat that anymore and she snapped back at me WHY?? I told her it was a health choice and a family choice that we would no longer support that chain or any other fast food chain. I know she is going to take him there regardless of my wishes but I also dont want o tell him he cant stay with his aunt. I think people think they know whats best for other peoples children and they wont really listen to you even if you have certain requests. You can try to talk to them and try and get your point across and hope they will listen. But you need to be prepared for them not to and then you have to make the choice if it is important enough to you to take the measure of saying if you are not going to respect my wishes then youcant see my child. I weigh in my situation me needing to have sitter sometimes and i have to bite the bullet and just know that things are going to happen at grandmas or aunties house i may not like. But i also only trust them to have my kids so it is the price i pay. Decide what you and your hub really want to say to them and let it be known that you feel strongly about your son not having anything before you are ready to start feeding him solids. They may not know the different allergies and what that are out here now days. They didnt worry about stuff like that when they were raising us!! Good Luck!!

No you're not overreacting! Things are not the same now as they were "back in the day" when there were very few allergies and other things to be concerned about. Yes, they're doing you a favor by giving you a mommy break - but that doesn't mean that you should ignore their behavior.

When you feel calm and collected, have a chat with them and let them know that while you appreciate the support, you were taken aback by the fact that they would feed solid foods to a 5 month old. Even if they know already, tell them that you are exclusively breastfeeding your child for now and that you plan to until he is X months old. Even when he turns X months old...the diet will be very bland, introducing squash and other single ingredients until you get a feel for what he might be allergic to (if anything). Let them know about your concerns for allergic reactions, choking, etc. Fill them in on some recent statistics about allergies and children these days. Let them know how important this is to you and that it really bothered you.

I had the same thing happen with my mom. There is almost someone in every family who thinks they know better about raising your child, and it's really not a very pleasant situation to be in. Try to find out the motivation behind the feeding. Do they think he's too thin? Are they trying to placate him? If they are intent on feeding him something, leave a bottle of breastmilk for him if he will take a bottle. If they have a strong need to "take care" then help them do it the right way.

My mom is a control freak and I found that even after I directly confronted her, she would try some of the same tactics...just behind my back. I had to stop leaving my son alone with her when he was young. Hopefully the ladies in your family have some sense in their heads and won't do this again. It really can be dangerous for your son.

I know this sounds crazy, but I would let it slide, unless there are known allergies in your family. I know it is so endearing to Gmas to see their grandbabies eating, etc. I started my large son, 19 pounds at 4.5 months on solids and he did fine. And with my second at 8 months all he wanted was cut up food and no pureees. I know everything feels so wild with the first baby, but maybe you could have just said, or even say it now: Wow, I thought you knew we were going to wait until 6 months, as that is what is suggested by Drs. these days..... so they got your message without you having to lecture. Next time be very specific about what you want, as it is your baby not theirs. My mil does things like that with my two, but they live in England so only deal with it 1-2x per year..... lucky me. My Mom follows my wishes to a T.

I don't think you are overreacting. On the other hand, I also think you did well by not reacting too much when they were there.

They are the grandma and great-grandma and there is a certain intitlement they probably feel that they "managed to raise their kids and look how well they are doing....". The thing is, they have probably forgotten what it was like to be the mom of a 5 month old, and their rules for feeding babies was much different back then.

I'm not sure how much discussions with them would help. I have tried and tried and tried to discuss how we want things done with my children when my in-laws babysit, and no matter what I have said the result is that the grandparents do whatever the heck they want and don't listen. As a result, they are not invited to babysit very often and when they are my husband and I just know in advance that it will be an "anything goes" sort of situation and we accept that it is part of the price for having the time to go out by ourselves. Granted, our children are now older (5 and 3.5), but this has been the case since they were babies.

They probably don't understand the breast-feeding thing (my in-laws didn't, and even my mom didn't really get it because she said it just wasn't done when I was a baby). It doesn't hurt to try to explain things, and even try another babysitting attempt but be very clear about the food. Or you can wait until your baby can have solids and then give them some options they can use for feeding him. It could be that just the act of feeding him makes them feel good, and when the baby is entirely breast-fed it seems to take part of that experience away for the grandmas. My mother-in-law was constantly asking me when I was going to stop breast feeding. She just didn't get it.

On the other hand, if they aren't willing to comply with your requests then maybe they shouldn't be babysitting anymore. They can still visit, just not be left alone with him until you feel that he is older and able to withstand (food-wise) more experimentation.

Good luck, and try not to get too frustrated!

Sincerely,
J.

You are not over-reacting. I'm sorry this happened to you, and that these women were so disrespectful to you and your family.

Dr. Sears had a good, diplomatic way to deal with this. You can explain that even though when they raised their children, the experts may have recommended one thing, that now there is a lot of research that indicates that introducing solids before 6 months is flatly recommended against, and that introducing solids before 1 year is not necessary if the child doesn't want it and is gaining weight well. Also that there is a lot of research that proves this is more beneficial to children in the long run, and that there is still a lot we don't understand about early childhood nutrition (but it's looking like our culture hasn't been doing so good!).

Me, I'm not so diplomatic. We keep our distance from the grandmas. They get supervised time only. Different reasons, though.
Best wishes, and glad to hear you are sensitive to the "right time" for your child. Science has yet to fully acknowledge how amazing breast milk is.

I know how you feel...my mother in law gave my 3 month old a cookie!! The only way I was able to keep mother in law or my mother for that matter from doing things I didn't want them to do was to not leave my kids with them. My oldest is almost 4 and I haven't been away from him or my daughter for more than 12 hours...that was just to have my second child! There just isn't a way to keep other people from doing what they want with your baby unless you are there to stop it. I keep getting that I am WAY over protective...but if anything happens to my babies...it will be my doing. It's just so much give and take with grandparents. Good luck!!!!

Oh! I would be mad too! My ex mother in law always tried to do the same thing! My one year old didnt know what candy was until she stepped in the picture. She would aways tell me my exclusively breast fed babies were "starving" and would try to give them crackers and apple juice! Apple juice can give infants diahrrea! I look back now and I am still furious. We still have problems with her not respecting our wishes. My only advice for you is to get a handle on this now. You must make your husband and your mother in law know the rules and respect them now or it will get worse. I didnt get a good handle on it early, bc I always came out looking like the bad guy and we needed her help with childcare. Ugh=Best of luck to you. You and your baby deserve it. By the way, almost all of my exes brothers and sisters and my ex have digestive problems or food allergies- probably bc of all the table food they were given as infants.

No, you are not overreacting. Perhaps gathering some information from your pediatrician or parenting magazines, all of which support your position, and forwarding it to Grandma with a note explaining why this is so important will take care of it. The new recommendations are no dairy till at least one, no eggs till 2, and no peanutbutter till three. As a mother of a son with peanut and egg allergies who must carry an epi-pen with me at all times, you are definitely not over-reacting.

You are not over re-acting. The grandparent's should abide by your rules when they have the children. I have nine grandkids and am very active in raising them as I have raised (am raising still ) three of them. My oldest daughter went through a very bad relationship with her first husband and after the divorce she got into some things that made her put the kids' well-being in jeopardy. So we have had them since they were 3 mos, 22 mos and 3. They are teenagers now.
But all the other grandkids I have daycared also because I have a daycare and I have always abided by what they want done with the kids.
Both of my daughters have nursed and the children were not on food until (except for some cereal at night) for the first almost a year. After a year they were gradually introduced to certain foods and they did it that way because we have so many allergies in our family. They were all healthy correct weight and growth...but they had mother's milk for most of the first year.....except for the little one I got at 3 months old.
I think that it is really rude of them not to abide by your decisions in raising your son and go behind your back and give him the banana bread. That for one seems like a strange thing to give him when they know he does not even have baby food yet.
I had issues like that with my MIL and I just never left her with the kids until they were older. I did tell her that her son and I had made choices that we had discussed together on how we wanted to do things. I told her that she was free to make her decisions with her own children and this was our turn and we had definite ideas on how we wanted to handle things such as: introducing foods,potty training, pacifiers and the such. She got a little mifted at me but it blew over.
I just figured that with seven children of her own she had her chance to make choices and this was our turn. L.

What is done is done. But just keep stating that you have a plan about what he is going to be eating not eating. And your pediatrician agrees with you. Good luck!

first most of our parents gave us solids (thick cereal) in our bottles before we were 2 months old so it could be a generation thing.
That still doesn't excuse them feeding your child.
Second your son may not be allergic at that age the solids may have been enough to upset his system. He may be ready for solids just not thicker or things that needs some chewing like bread.

Hello F.,
I know you've received 20 responses all ready, but I just wanted to tell you that I do not think you are overreacting AT ALL. I live in California and my friend who lives in Spokane emailed me your post because I'm having the same problem with my family, although my daughter is 10 months old. I looked down the table at a family dinner a month ago and saw my cousin giving my daughter soda! Caffeinated, full sugar soda. I was so mad! I could not even imagine how mad I would be if she was 5 months old. I find, as a first time mom who (as my family puts it) "plays by the rules" I feel judged for doing what I do, despite it's what I believe and not abnormal. Thank you for your post, it made me feel better about my upset and I got some great ideas on how to handle this…besides packing my bags and moving to Spokane. =O) I wish you the best!
C.

I'm sorry i don't have the time to give you a long response! I would have FREAKED out! really not ok! many very dangerous allergens and before you have even introduced solids! i'm so sorry!