Nervous About a Second Baby

Some siblings get along and others never do.
Life would have been much simpler had my little sister never been born.
She's 47 now and still a pain in the behind.

I am due with baby number 2 in Feb and my daughter will be 2 yrs 2 months at that time. I am so excited to be having another baby and I love the fact that they will be close in age. I feel guilty sometimes when I think about it though because like you said I feel like I wont have as much one on one time with her and I feel like she will still be so young that she just wont understand. I know all will work itself out but I still stress
You are not alone in that feeling
Good Luck

I have felt this way twice - with my first two and my last two. The one in the middle was far enough in the middle to get to have her own time and be her own person for several years so I didn't worry so much.

Here's what's cool about two:

The way your heart naturally expands to create room to actually love SECOND person with your WHOLE heart. It defies logic, but it's true.

That you have given your child a best friend. They will always have each other no matter where you go or what you do.

Getting to see the older child become caring, compassionate, a nurturer and somebody else's hero.

Getting to watch them play, tell secrets, have inside jokes.

Getting to watch them fight, because sometimes it's downright hilarious.

Seeing how God, in his wisdom, made them so completely different that they both have the opportunity to be incredibly special.

Bathtime for two. Totally fun.

Don't worry, N.. You are right, the hours in the day won't multiply. But, guess what, your joy will. You will become creative in the ways you make time stretch and every opportunity count. If you want another baby, you just do your part and everything else will take care of itself.

L.

Mine was five when I had my second. I just have to be honest with you...I really miss the time with my oldest daughter. I miss being able to sit down and read for hours with her, play board games with her, etc.

My encouragement comes from the fact that my second child, who is now 17 months, will soon be old enough to join in on these things. (Right now she insists that I or her sister read to her ALL the time, but she won't let me read to her sister. Throws a stinky fit.) :)

I have a 2 year old and I am 32 weeks pregnant with my second I am still a little nervouse that it will throw my two year old off balance and cause jealousy but we have made her a big part of this pregnancy and she seems excited to be getting a little sister she rubs my belly all the time and calls her sissy so im thinking everything will work out in the long run just remember that its ur decision when u have another baby if you dont think its time yet just wait a little longer til u are comfortable with the idea both of mine were surprise pregnancy but i wouldnt have it any other way im hoping they will be close since they will be so close in age

Just writing to let you know that you are not alone to feel this way. I have a 17 month old and am nowhere feel ready to have another. I want another baby but I don't know when I should start trying. Totally confused!
Just today I saw a couple in the park with a 18 month old girl and mom was sitting with a newborn while dad played with the girl. And also my colleague has a 18 month old and his wife is 20 weeks with the second baby.I really don't know how they manage two little ones. My one little guy is a handful.And yes I feel I can't love anyone else as much as I love him. I think if I have another baby and I have to choose to spend time with that baby or my son, I will choose my son. The new baby can do whatever.lol.( Just kidding, new baby will go to dad. I can't even imagine sending my son away from M. and choosing that other baby even if it's for a little bit).
A lot of people suggest having kids closer as they will be each other's friends , really close , play with each other etc etc. I guess it's true for some but my experience has been different. My brother and I are 2 years apart and all I remember from our childhood is fighting for each and everything. My parents would go crazy!

We waited till our first was 2 and then started trying. A 3 year gap is nice since you only have 1 in diapers (usually). I don't understand the hurry to have kids so close. It just is so much harder when they are close in age because you always feel like you aren't able to meet all their needs. I had a surprise baby 20 months after my 2nd was born and it has been exhausting especially since my husband and I were getting up with both every night for 5 or 6 months. Enjoy this special time with your 1st....she's really still a baby. Best wishes whatever you decide. midwife mom

Mine are 3 years apart, and that has been a nice time frame. I also felt the same way, I loved being with my little one, and couldn't imagine how it would be. Well, it shifts! I sometimes feel that my relationship with me daughter would be different if we did't have my son, but - he is so totally sweet and delicious and delightful, I can't imagine our family without him! And - watching the two of them play together is so terrific - my daughter can play with him in ways that I can't! I feel so blessed that they get along so well and play so well together.

I won't lie - the first year was really hard for me - I am an older mom, and felt the lack of sleep acutely! I wasn't always as calm and kind and patient with my daughter when I was sleep deprived, but once the little one started sleeping through the night things got better.

My brother and I are two and a half years apart and never got along so well - still don't! So - I feel really blessed that they love each other and play together so well. 3 years was good spacing for us - at 18 months, my daughter was still so little! I couldn't have imagined getting pregnant at that time. When she was 2 1/2 she started preschool, and that made it feel easier for me.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

My daughter is almost four and I am due in Feb with #2. I felt the same way you did, but by the time my daughter was 2.5 I was ready. Unfortunately, it took me 6 months to conceive, then I miscarried, and two months later got pregnant. Had I known it would take almost a year I would have started sooner. Now that my daughter is almost 4, I feel like she is way overdue ready for a sibling. Do what you feel in your heart, but keep in mind that at least 9 months will go by before the sibling arrives. :)

I have two girls, a two year old and a two month old. I felt the same mix of emotions as you did but seeing the way my girls look at eachother has made it worth it. Me and my younger brother are close in age and always have remained close. The only con is my oldest is going through the terrible two's which was going to happen with a new baby or not and it can be a little overwhelming when they need your attention at the same time. I just think of how they will always have eachother and I look forward to them growing together.

I really liked Lisa's reply. Especially how their fighting can be so funny. The other day DS 7 and DD 4 were arguing and she told him that he was "Boringist and way Boringer". Totally not nice but I was cracking up.

Yes I felt the same way when #2 was coming but it all worked out.

Oh and it was really nice to share the pregnancy with someone. DS was 3 when I was pregnant and he was so interested in everything. I would show him the monthly pictures of what the baby looked like and he was there to feel her kick. He was so excited - it was great.

I felt the same way. For us, having two was much easier than one. And watching them love and play (and fight) with each other has been awesome. We also see how much they love having each other as much as they love having us. I was worried that my daughter would feel left out, but she seemed to love it more. It keeps you busier, but it's busier in a good way. Another sibling really won't ruin the first sibling. It seems to bring out new parts in everyone. I've loved having more. And, you have a good spacing!

We were in the same spot. Things were getting comfortable and we debated what to do. We have small families and I wanted my oldest to have someone since we really aren't close with any cousins. We just kind of went with it, not trying but not not trying and it happened right away. I freaked out a little at first. I think I didn't expect it to happen so quickly. Then I embraced it because I knew it was my last. It was a little hard at first managing the 2 but seeing them interact is priceless. My 10 month old lights up when he see's his older brother. I am so so glad we did it and love watching them play together. And hopefullly it will only get better as my youngest starts to walk and chase his brother. Ours are almost 3 years apart and it works great since the oldest is somewhat independent. You won't have as much time to spend devoted just to her but you will need to have special days just for her still. All I can say is it will work itself out!

Well if you ever need babysitting email ____@____.com. :)

I havent been there myself yet. But I have to ask what the rush is?

Things sound pretty wonderful right now. And its working for everyone. I understand wanting your daughter to have a close sibling, I too am close with my sister but she's 8 years younger lol.

And you said you are having so much fun with her right now, and you get to spend lots of time with her. That will all be altered when you have another one, and you might regret it. You cant get this time back.

Dont dive into things, keep thinking it over, keep discussing it, and find out what is really going to be best for all of you.
Your daughter is still pretty young yet. Not even two, there is still time for her to get a little older, and enjoy being with just you and your husband at home. Why not wait until she's 3? Or just about, they will still be super close and glad they have each other and by then your daughter will be able to help you out with the new baby too. She can get you a diaper or hand you things, and she will feel good about it, and still needed and feeling close to you, without feeling like the new baby took her place.

There is still time dont forget. You dont have to decide right away. Waiting a little longer might be a good thing. You never know.

You are nervous, because you are a great mom. It's the greatest thing to have two blessings, they will have each other to play with, they will learn to to deal with each other. They will learn how to love a sibling. Its amazing how you will just know what to do and will be just extra special. Enjoy your 19m one on one, it will be just fine.

My two daughters are 2yrs and 2months apart almost to the day. we knew we wanted our children to be close in age. Luckly my oldest loved the idea of a baby and still to this day i would consider a loving/protective sister. I am so glad i have two. Yes you have to share your time, but thats why you include the older one with what you can and take seperate you and her time. still to this day. Naptime for Ash= Jaz gets to pick an activity to do together. It'll all work out. I think its more work, but more fun too! well worth it. Have people help you out to have alone time with the eldest and she shouldn't feel too left. good luck!

I'm surprised by everyone's responses! Everyone is being negative about it. I totally get it. I was so in love with and obsessed with my first (a girl) that I didn't think I could ever love another kid anywhere near as much as I loved her. I never wanted an only child, but I just couldn't get over the thought that a new baby would take away from our relationship and that I would end up resenting the baby. My husband really wanted them to be close, so we started trying when she was 14 months.
Long story short, I did have another (actually two more!). Now I have an 8 and 6 year old, and a newborn. And I can honestly say I love them all. Your heart just grows with each one. And I'm glad I had the first two so close. They have always been best buds.
And if she's such a good girl to begin with, she'll probably be great with a new baby. They love to be involved. And it won't change overnight either. Remember how much newborns sleep? You'll still have lots of time where it's just the two of you. So as the baby becomes more active and alert, your daughter will already be adjusting to having another person around.
Good luck in whatever you decide.

I totally felt this way when thinking about having a second baby. I can't imagine my life without both my girls and to watch them together is priceless. When I was first thinking of having a second I felt like do I have enough time to give to both my girls/do I have enough room in my heart to love both my girls because I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I love my first. The answer for me was yes - they both complete me. I have a 5 1/2 year old and 2 year old. I struggled with taking away from one to give to the other - we somehow find the way to make them both feel so special. I also only work 3 days a week and my 5 1/2 year old is now in kindergarten and now I can spend more one on one time with my 2 year old. Whatever your decission I hope it's the right one for you and your family. I feel blessed to have both my girls and again can't imagine our life without both of them so glad we decided to have another baby. Best of luck to you!

Giving your child a sibling is the best gift you could ever give her.
Ever.