My son is four, and we are lucky to have a lot of kids in our neighborhood. On one side is a boy who will be 5 in December; on the other side are three kids, one who's 5 and in kindergarten and twins who will be 4 this fall. After a couple months of playing with "Walter", the lone neighbor, my son has decided he is too hard to play with. (Example: my son and the other neighbors, parents in tow, regularly meet the daughter at the bus stop. Yesterday, Walter joined them, ice cream cone in hand. He proceeded to neighbor's house, although I told my son he couldn't go--grandma was visiting--and coerced the younger boy to come with him on his bike--alone, on the road--to his house. Dad was mad; children were not allowed to play, which ruined my son's night, but is an understandable punishment. Walter was rude for bringing ice cream and not sharing, rude for assuming an invite to the other neighbors', rude for not obeying parents' rules, and, when he showed up at our house after neighbor dad removed his son from Walter's house, flaunted the "fact" that he'd be going back to their house later...which I knew wouldn't be the case, but Walter didn't believe me and my son felt horrible, knowing Walter would be going to the neighbors and he wouldn't.) The neighbors with three kids like our kid and we have an adult arrangement for how the children are to be supervised when they are together. Walters parents have shown up about twice in 6 months to supervise play time (which is always informal, and always at our house or the other neighbors...nobody trusts Walter's parents to supervise, apparently...besides, Walter's parents let him ride his bike all over the neighborhood, at four, on the road!). So, the bottom line: my son wants to play with the "good" neighbors and not with Walter. And, frankly, I understand and am thankful. But...how do we do this??? I can't very well send Walter away and then turn around and let my son play with the other neighbors, outside. He will just ride his bike back and invite himself (another no-no I'm teaching my kid, and our neighbors are teaching theirs). Yesterday we deferred him three times, but the fourth time, after the neighbors were no longer available, he came over to play. My son sat on the bench while Walter used his toys (which was rude of my son, I admit). What do I do??? I feel bad forcing my kid to play with a neighbor who is rude and manipulative, but on the other hand, I can't justify teaching my son rude behavior because Walter is over-the-top.
I live in a rental townhome so have ALOT of neighbors very close and crammed together. I swear Noone teaches their kids manners or respect and we have alot of "Walters" as well.
With that I have taught my daughter to not act like a Walter and she has her own set of rules with ME and I inforce them. She knows just because the Walters act like wild monkeys, have no curfew, ride their bikes all over the place and take toys off peoples porches etc., that she is NEVER to do so. She has her own rules and expectations from ME and really does a great job following them. She has nothing but bad influences around and tempatations but because I've taught her well I don't have the problems and she doesn't cave in. I can't control or change how other people raise their kids and I can't really control or have much say when their wild kids come over so I just worry about my own child. I sit outside alot and supervise so that I atleast know my child is safe. I know if I do something nice for another child or give out a popsicle the favor will never come back to us but I again atleast know my child is safe. If you do have a great relationship with the other family that has 3 kids do everything in your power to keep it great because it is so rare these days. You could go talk to "Walters" parents but I'm guessing they would get hostile or not care as they obviously don't care about their childs safety or well being as it is. You could write a annonymous note and mail it their house about the lack of supervision their child has maybe that would embarass them enough to change but I doubt it. Usually people like that are just plain ole lazy and aren't into parenting to begin with. As far as Walter inviting himself over tell your son he doesn't have to like Walter or be his friend but he has to be kind and polite.
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T.L.
answers from
Minneapolis
on
Hi E.
If Walter is riding his bike on the street unsupervisied I would assume he is pretty negleted and no one takes the time to teach him how to be polite and a good friend so maybe you can tell walter that if he wants to play at your house he needs to follow your rules and then start teaching him how to be polite and respectful and if he dosen't like it he will go home it is a WIN WIN. It has made a big diffrence in the Walter in my neighborhood. Good Luck T.
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C.G.
answers from
Davenport
on
I can understand why this would be a frustrating situation. But, I have to say...I feel a little sorry for Walter. If his parents allow him to run the streets unsupervised at his age, he is obviously very neglected. Maybe he is "rude & manipulative" because he is starving for some attention.
Your son and the other children probably don't want to play with him because they pick up on all of the adults negativity toward this child.
I definately think you need to say something to the parents about leaving a 5 year old unsupervised.
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B.F.
answers from
Minneapolis
on
Hi , I must agree with Tiffany and cindys responses. This child probobly has no structure at home at all and needs some serious parental guidance. If he wants to play at your house sit him down and tell him the rules and explain that if they are not followed he will have to go home. Soon enough he will understand that if he behaves he gets to have friends. I go through almost the same thing with one of my sons friends. It gets worse as they get older if it isnt taken care of while they are still little. You know everyone is different and some parents are selfish and dont have the time for the children they create. They are the ones we have to worry about when they get older ie...being school bullies etc, they do anything for attention because they have none at home. Its a sad sad thing I know, but you being a caring parent and doing whats right for your own you can pass that on to the less fortunate kids. Because in the end in a community we are all repsonsible for each other. Take care and I hope you find the right advice to follow.
