Appropriate Age to Allow Child to Play with Neighborhood Kids??

S.,

Have you met the other little boy's parents? If you want to let him go and play down the street,I would want to meet the other parent's first, that way I wouild feel comfortable letting him go and play. Just let him know that he isn't to leave that house unless he is coming straight home. And like you said for riding the bike, I would want to be outside watching. My son will be 5 in November, and someone from my family has to be outside with him when he rides his bike. If you set some rules it would help, and then if he breaks the rules, their should be consequences (sp). Like, if he leaves the other house and goes somewhere else, I wouldn't let him go back for a while. I understand about the growing up thing. I'm having a hard time doing that myself.

M.

S.,

I have three children: 8, 5 and 2 years old. NONE of them are allowed to neighbors homes unless I know that family very well. I'm not worried so much about big things going wrong but more subtle ones like watching the wrong type of movie, being exposed to pornography or foul language, or whatever friends the parents might also bring in. When the oldest was still small I would go to all of the birthday parties he was invited to simply because at one, which I didn't attend, the parents began drinking beer with a bunch of buddies.

We have gone so far as to move out in the country to make sure their influences are minimal and only kids who we invite out. Yes, they don't have very many friends but then I have less worries too. I consider that a fair trade off!

K.

It crazy, I was wondering the same thing about my kids. I have a 6 and 3 1/2 yr pld. I let them play in the backyard by themselves...I just check on them a lot, but I haven't let them out front. I am okay if they want to play at the neighbors house but not okay w/playing outside in the front yard. My sister has 4 kids and they pretty much run the neighborhood....they play out front and ride bikes etc. I think it is whatever you think is best.

Hi S.,
I think you definitely need to always trust your "mother's intuition." I think 4 is too young. And I think what bothers me is the huge age difference between the boy you mentioned. 7 and 4 is a LOT at that stage. Now, if they were 20 and 23, that would be different. At 4 your son does not have the judgmental skills needed to get himself out of a jam of any kind. Does he have a friend closer to his own age that you could maybe switch off play dates with the mom of the other child? That's where I would start. And if you feel comfortable watching your son and the 7 year old on their bikes in front of your house, that's a good beginning too. I just wouldn't let them go off together alone. Nothing personal about the 7 year old--it's jsut the age difference that bothers me. (My kids are 3 years apart and I remember at that age there was a world of difference in the way they thought.) Trust yourself, and don't listen to people who tell you you aren't wanting to let him grow up. Believe me, he WILL grow up (whether you want him to or not!<G>) and will be gone before you know it. In these days, you can't be too careful.
C.

I woud look at the parents of the other kids. If they are as responsible as you, then I think your son will be safe and happy for an hour or two. If you have any particular concerns or rules, responsible parents will enforce them while he is in their care.

if the neighborhood (on your street) is safe and have watchful people then you will be ok. i let my daughter to play outside about 4 years old. she knows the rules. let me know if she is going inside friends house. if i feel like its too long i will check on her. most of the time they always stay outside playing in their yard or our yard. they riding bike. i made the rule that if she can see the house then she will be ok. she do not have to get off the bike to see if she can see the house. she HAVE to be able to see the house when shes riding the bike. i usually do not let her ride bike between 5 to 6. and teaching her how to watch the road and if cars come by go to edge and STOP. if any stranger tries to talk. do not reply just walk away.

I have a 4, 5, & 10 year old. I live in a cul-de-sac, i have explained the rules of getting to play outside and my oldest is allowed to play outside alone. He is allowed to ride his bike in the cul-de-sac and up to a specfic house which is only two houses out of the cul-de-sac where some other children live. He can only go down the street if I am outside. If he doesn't obey the rules he doesn't get to play outside without supervision anymore. As far as the two youngest i believe at that age they shouldn't be left alone. They are allowed to play in the back yard with or without the neighborhood children without supervision but are not allowed in the front unless i'm there. Let me give you a few examples why; the older children will be playing with them and find something more interesting and leave my two youngest sitting there by themselves or they take off down the street living them there. If i wasn't out there they would follow them and get left behind and possibly get lost as the older ones are not going to wait on them to catch up. Another reason just because kids live in a neighborhood does it mean that drivers will slow down. I live in a cul-de-sac and people come flying down my road, at four and five i have explained time and time again that when a car is coming to stand on the sidewalk and let them pass. My four year old runs out in front of the cars half of the time, even when i'm there telling him to stay put. Lastly I have explained about strangers and not to get in the car with anyone regardless of what they say, candy, puppy, or that they are taking them to mommy. My four year old everytime tells me that he would get in the car in those situations.

Hi Sara, I am a Momma of two and a Grandma of four. I lived with my children on military bases all over the world. This is what I would suggest to you. There is a world of difference between a 7yr old and a 4yr old. I would have the 7yr old play at my house and in my yard but I don't think it a good idea to allow your child at the older boys house unsupervised. I don't think away play unsupervised is a good idea until they have gone to kindergarten and learned about rules and cooperation, and then it is a good idea to keep them within a years age difference social and skill level.
N. M

I think starting out with allowing them to ride their bikes together outside is great. Do you feel comfortable with the other mom? Do you have similar parenting styles? Don't push it, he's only 4. But if the 7 year old continues to prove himself a worthy companion, be sure and affirm the 7 year old even if they don't get to play together alone yet. He needs to know that he's doing everything right -- even if your 4 year old isn't old enough yet.

Only you know best, course i'm probably to overprotective...my son is 14 and he has a set area he can ride around in and if i can't him out of it its WW3 and my daughter is 6, has friends and they ride bikes together...

This ONLY happens if I or the other kids parents are outside and watching. If no one can be outside they have to either be in my house or her friends which is luckily just across the street within eyeshot.

It all depends on you and what you feel comfortable with. He is your child and no one can tell you yes he is old enough and no he's not, only you know what is best!!

Hi S.,
I am a 45 year old mom who has four boys and one girl. I don't think that you are being to careful and it sounds like that you are doing the right thing to me. We live in a different world than when I grew up and I feel we have to extra careful with the filth out there. The boy your son plays with I would go meet his parents and if you feel comfortable then I would allow him to go as long as he called when he got there and he came home after an hour of playing so you can know for sure that all is ok. My oldest is 25 and I know all to well how fast our children can grow. Have a great day.

S.

Your child is still entirely too young to be unsupervised. We do not live in a safe world, anywhere. My daughter is 12 and is not allowed to be outside without adult supervision. I would never let her go to a house that I do not know a lot about the occupants. Your little boy has a long time before he will be grown up. It is your job to protect him.

S. Miller

S.,
You have to do what you feel most comfortable with and not what someone else thinks or says. If your son is almost 4, then I think he is too young to be going off with a 7 yr. old w/out your supervision. A 7 yr. old's play and a 4 yr. old's play can be totally different. I think the idea of you sitting out watching them ride their bikes (and since you said it was not a busy road at all) is fine, but I would always, always be within seeing distance to where I could get to my child quickly, if needed. Little boys always want to go the extra bit and have the adventure, that is just within their making! But the time will pass soon enough for all of that.
My kids are 2, 6, and 9 and the older two fortunately share friends, each the same ages, from the same family that live in our n'hood. So they get to truly go and have playdates w/them on occasion and then with us since we all know one another from school anyway. What a blessing! And then the other children that they play w/is another little boy down or up the road rather whose mom, is the school nurse! Small world, not really, but just a coincidence. Other than that, for some reason, our front yard has often been the 'hub' so to speak for lots of kids and n'hood kids to come and conglomerate and play. We live in a very large n'hood and have lots of hills so I am glad it is working out in this way. Each place is different and you have to figure out what ways work best for you and your son that are both safe and enjoyable while he's still little. Enjoy these times-they fly by fast!

I too have often wondered the same thing and have come to the conclusion that its different for each child. Some neighborhood kids you may be able to let him go play, others you may not feel comfortable with. My oldest son will be 7 in a few months and likes to play with 2 boys down the street. Trouble is that the mom of one of the boys does not supervise her kids whatsoever. She lets her 4 year old girl and 6 (almost 7) year old boy ride their bikes up and down the street(Thank God we have sidewalks in our subdivision!). Those two kids often come over and want to know if my kids can play but usually it is not at a time when I can just sit outside to watch my kids while they play. The other little boy lives with his grandmother and we allow my son to go over there for short periods of time (30-45 minutes) because there is constant supervision. I have gotten to know the mom of the other little kids and I really like her, but I won't let my kids go out and play with hers unless I'm outside to watch my own kids.

We would rather err on the side of being overprotective because it just takes one time for something to happen to cause a lifetime of regret.

Anyway, you might want to get to know the parents of the little boy your son wants to hang out with and then if you are comfortable with them, try letting him go over there for like a half hour at a time.

At some point in time you do need to "let go", but keep ahold of the reins so to speak so you can pull him back in if something doesn't seem right about the situation.

To me 4 is way too young. My oldest son was 7 when he was allowed to go over to a friend's house but he was also walking to school on his own...well with the friend but we lived on a base at the time. My youngest son has been biting at the bit so to say on being able to do stuff on his own. This past summer he has been allowed to play outside and ride his bike as long as his big brother is out there. We dont live on a base anymore so Im more cautious.
Do what makes you feel comfortable is your best bet.

I am paranoid as well and I have 4 kids,hahhah. Maybe if you were sitting in your yard or outside doing some yard work they could be semi unsupervised but I still think 4 is too young. I would go with more along the lines of 6-7 right next to home. these days you cannot be free caring as we could be when we were young and could roam the streets at a young age.

My husband and I would not let our daughter play outside by herself when she was 4, even now that she is 5. The world is different now, and you just don't know what could happen. We do have traffic though, and sometimes people coming in our neighborhood asking for work or money. I think as long as you can watch them play, that riding bikes would be fine. I would think it's ok for him to have a play date at the house. Are you friends with the parents? If not, I would stay for the first one and try to get to know the mom a little. There is nothing wrong with being overly cautious. I would also worry a little about the age difference. That is a huge thing at their age. Just make sure there is no bullying going on. It can even happen with kids the same age.

My opinion is this:
If you wouldn't leave your child in your own home without supervision, why would you allow him to leave the home without supervision?
Of course, if you know the parents of the other child, you could watch him walk or walk him to their house, if they are okay with assuming responsibility for your child (after all, they are accustomed to caring for a 7 year old, and a boy of almost 4 needs a much more watchful eye). But I surely wouldn't let him loose at this age, he's much to young in my mind.

S.,
Go with your gut feeling. Your son isn't even 4 yet. At 5, mine is still outside playing with supervision, front or back yard. And 7 is double your son's age, so trust yourself.

L.

S.,
You should do what you think is right for you and your children. It doen't matter what another parent might think. We are talking about the safty and well-being of your child. You do what you think is best.

Hey S., my suggestion would be first to get to know the other mom, if you don't already. then you still lay down the rules not only to your son but you make sure the other boy and his mom know what they are. you stress to your son that the boundries that you have laid down override anything the other boy suggests. A 7 years old will tend to be more adventurous than a 4 year old needs to be sometime. You have to start somewhere and with another child that plays well with your son and he rides his bike where you can see him should be ok....and of course at the other boys house or in his yard should be fine as long as you know the other family...good luck...R.

I have 4 kids, ages 6, 5, 3, and 1, and I dealt with this at age 4 or so. My rule was that the oldest had to stay in the yard at age 4, unless I was on the porch. At age 5 I let him ride his bike as long as his sister was out there with him, for short periods of time, I would go check on them frequently. Age 6 is when I let him go ride bikes, only on our street, by himself.
Hope this helps!

I found this an interesting concern. First, I'd say, follow your own instincts -- and if you're uncomfortable with the situation, then go with your uncomfortableness. (Frankly, the mother with five children is probably glad to get them out of the house!) DON'T EVER LET ANOTHER PARENT "SHAME" YOU INTO DOING SOMETHING YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH. Isn't that the same advice you're going to give your child when they go to school (just change "parent" into "friend")?

A seven year old child has three more years of growing up over your child. He's already gone to school and knows a lot more than your child.

I think you've found a solution you're comfortable with -- watch them ride bikes up and down the street while you sit on the porch. I don't think you're afraid to let your son grow up -- if that were the case, he wouldn't be playing in the yard alone or riding bikes on street. You'll know when he's old enough to do more..... just wait until he's ready to drive a car!

M.

Do you have concerns about the neighbors household? If the parents are home and you believe they will supervise the kids then I would definately think he is old enough to play at their house. Take turns inviting the 7 yr old to your house for every other play date. I think you will soon love the hour of freedom that comes from playing with neighbors. Just remind his parents that your son is 4 and requires a little more supervision than a 7 yr old.

It sounds like the 7 yr old is allowed to play outside without supervision. I know this is the norm in many families/neighborhoods. Personally I prefer my kids and their friends to play in the backyard. Then I know where they are and who I am responsible for. You have to be sure the child will be able to handle any situation that may come up while outside alone and make good decisions. (I really don't fear them being abducted - that almost never happens. But I worry about them darting in front of a car or falling off bike far from home.)

At 10 I just started letting my daughter walk the dog or ride bike in the neighborhood. At 8 my daughter is allowed to walk to a friends house (after calling) or to ride her scooter in the front yard. Sitting outside while he rides is a great compromise. He feels like a big boy, but you are there to help in a crash or if he decides to ride too far away.

My girls are 8 & 9 and I still have a hard time letting them go around the 'hood on their own, but we have some pretty freaky drivers and disturbing neighbors around here too. But I know all their friends' parents in the area and we keep in contact, so that would be the first thing you should do, especially if he'll be going to the same school with these kids and even eventually riding the bus. The more neighbors you know, the more considerate and aware they will be of your children, and more likely to help out if they see one in trouble. I also highly encourage the buddy system (never go anywhere alone) and switching monitoring time with friends' parents. Hope this helps :}

Well, I myself wouldn't let my child go to another persons house unless I am extremely comfortable with the other childs parents. Then I would walk him down there myself and either be sure the other parent walks him home or calls you to come get him. EVEN if you & the other parent watched him as he made it safely home and you were in front yard to welcome him.
As far as bike riding be strict on where he is allowed to go and the cut off point. Always have your eyes on him. Kidnapping usually happens REAL close to your house.
THese days there are so many people out there just looking for an opportunity to hurt little ones.
Good luck letting for is so hard to do.
Jan

The appropriate age is when you feel comfortable with it!! Only you know your child's maturity level. Maybe just inch into it and see how it goes a little at a time. Riding the bikes in your eye sight etc. Every child is different. Just make sure that he knows to get out of the street for cars etc.And can maneuver steering and braking real good so that he can get out of the way. Even though you live on a dead end street, there are cars that pull out of their drive - probably in reverse, if they have something on their mind, or simply don't see the little one then tragedy could happen. To me, I would feel more comfortable with him going to the other little boys house, if i had been in there before (checking out the area) and met the parent/parents and other siblings. I run on fear factor when it comes to these areas so i say listen to your own intuition. I have a two year old and i still get panicky when he goes in another room.