Neighbor Problems - Bothell,WA

We had neighbors who had us pick up their mail when they went away. Besides that I had to feed and walk their dog. They never paid us anything and we never expected them to. It was a kindness to them. Also, I wouldn't take her crankiness personally. She's probably pretty upset since she lost her husband.

Older people sometimes think $5 is a lot of money and it is her way of showing appriceation. Being a good neibor has nothing to do with money.

I think $5.00 is reasonable if all she is doing is picking up the mail. That's not a time or labor intensive task.

I think that picking up mail for a person is just a "neighborly" thing to do! As a 17-yr almost-adult, I feel that she should refuse the lady's money and just do a kindly deed. It wouldn't hurt to try and make the neighbor a friend, no matter how rude she is to you.

The neighbor could also just have the post office hold her mail while she is gone if your daughter would rather not be involved. I think your daughter should decide whether or not to help the neighbor, regardless of being paid for any amount.

Considering the majority of responses have shared the theme that neighbors do these things to be neighborly, not for profit, I don't know if you'll even get to this. Probably not at all what you wanted to hear. Obviously you feel slighted for some other reason than your daughter not getting paid for picking up mail. You should look to yourself, the issues you feel toward this woman, and deal with those separate from your daughter. Putting her in the middle of this is wrong. You mentioned that this woman's husband died: that would cause most to be a bit more generous in dealing w/ changes in her personality.
But as others have said, she can't "use" you or your daughter without your permission. "No" is a very simple word. If she gets upset hearing it, she may learn something about her own behaviour. It may give you the space you want from her. And let your daughter make her own decision in regards to this; your daughter is 17, after all, and old enough to help or not help others as she sees fit.
I wish you healing.

First of all, when you say she "got real bitchy", when her husband died. Maybe you might want to have some compassion, and think how emotional you might be, if your husband died.

Second, if she truly is as evil as you say, then why doesn't your daughter just say "no thank you", to picking up her mail? If she's not evil, but just cheap, then your daughter can request a dollar amount ahead of time, and if she doesn't agree to it, say no.

$5 dollars may not seem like not much, but how hard is it to walk across the street and pick up mail. 1-5 minutes? Multiply that be 8, and you have much less then an hours work, and paid cash, without taxes. Also, when it comes to her age, that doesn't matter, it's the job she's doing. If she got hired at a retail store, at 15 or 17, she would still get their starting wage, not more for being older.

Bottom line is, if you want to help the lady out, do it, and not complain, or tell her ahead of time, how much she expects to be paid. If she doesn't want to deal with her, just say "no thank you".

Let your daughter decide if it is worth it or not. She is old enough to make that decision. We have often gotten mail for neighbors we didn't know, and we have never been paid for it.

Try to be good neighbors and lead by example. Eventually she might come around... or maybe she'll just always remember that you guys were so sweet to her even though she couldn't return the favor.

I am not aware of the things that she has done in the past but maybe it's time to reach out to hear. She may just need someone to be nice to her or to befreind her. I know that it is dificult to do that sometimes but I would just pick up the mail and not take the $5 but we are all different. Not to get all biblical on you but God would want us as neighbors to do unto each other as we would do. Shower her with kindness. If she really is a witch then that will really chap her hide.

why on earth should she pay your daughter more simply because she's older? The task hasn't become more difficult and the responsibility hasn't been increased.. its worth $5 for her to get her mail picked up, and thats what she's willing to pay. Either take it or leave it and suggest she put her mail on hold while she's gone. Frankly, it seems nice she's paying anything - I certainly wouldn't charge my neighbors to pick up their mail. It sounds like you're trying to find fault with her - and that may be reflected in the way she responds to you. As for her taking advantage of your daughter, both you and your daughter have the ability to say no. No one can take advantage of you unless you choose to allow them to do so.

Are you asking what you neighbor SHOULD pay or what she HAS to pay? If it is the latter, then maybe $5 but probably nothing because there needs to be an agreement made in advance - so, whatever your daughter receives will almost certainly be all she is entitled to receive.

Picking up mail for eight days? How difficult is this, really? My neighbors and I do this back and forth for one another because it is the neighborly thing to do. If one of my neighbors is kind and generous enough to give my child a little bit of spending money in exchange for him running to the mailbox eight times I consider that a GIFT because it would have been free and easy for the neighbor to simply ask the post office to put an eight day hold on the mail.

My opinion: If she gives your daughter $5, your daughter should say thank you and accept the money. If your daughter is being taken advantage of (and I do not believe that picking up mail for eight days is an indication of this but I'm assuming there are other examples), then encourage your daughter to politely explain to the neighbor that she is not available to run errands/do tasks anymore.

I think you should emphasize to your daughter that we do these things to be good neighbors and help each other out. Even if this woman is difficult to live with, your daughter's willingness to help will be going towards soothing that savage beast next door. We pick up our neighbor's mail for nothing, and they do it for us. We also check on each other's animals if asked, all for nothing. Maybe your daughter needs to be learning that not everything has to have a price demanded for it, but that we all need help sometimes, and especially when money is tight for people, it's good to have things to exchange that don't involve money.

No matter what has been in the past, you are addressing about a payment for picking up your NEIGHBOR'S mail. I would hate to think that this is about payment for doing something that is done ( without expecting any compensation) out of being just neighbors. Shouldn't we all teach our children about kind gestures instead of materialistic transactions? I think doing it for your neighbor with a true kind heart will bring forth more good for the future and it will put a nice warm feeling in your lives.

"To love thy neighbor"...sometimes a very challenging requirement, especially when we wish to protect our "children" or our neighbors are difficult to live next to!

Personally, I don't think we should pay our neighbors to help each other unless it's a difficult job. We should do good things from our heart. I try to teach this to my children ages 11, 8, and 5. If your almost adult child wishes not to pick up your neighbors mail, then have your daughter speak to her and tell her the truth as to why, but speak the truth in love...you could go for with her for moral support.

Lastly, you may wish to suggest to your neighbor that she can put a temporary stop to her mail delivery...it's very easy, especially if she has access to the internet.

L.

I personaly would do it for free, even if she has not been nice in the past, maybe she would learn from your example.

Be neighborly and pick up her mail for her at no charge. Be the better person.

I think there are lots of variables. First your daughter should have settled on a price before she agreed to do the task, at this point she will need to graciously accept what the neighbor is willing to give her. If she is gracious about the amount, the neighbor will have a hard time being mean and nasty. If we want change we need to be that change. In other words if you want your neighbor to change you will have to reflect that change. If the neighbor continues to be mean, I suggest you limit your contact. Teaching our children how to be gracious and to have a voice is a great skill to have as an adult. If people are going to be abusive in any form we do not need to subject ourselves. Good luck.

I certainly don't know the whole story, but this doesn't sound in proportion. Picking up mail for neighbors is the right thing to do and most neighbors do this for each other without expecting to be paid. Picking up mail reduces local crime- win win for all. If your daughter is happy with five dollars for only moments of work- that should be fine. The assertation that your neighbor is a 'witch' because she got 'bitchy' when her husband died- hmmm. Many people deal with grief differently, some not as well as others but- her husband DIED. Can you be the bigger person and FORGIVE someone their grief?

Generally, I would say that anyone should refuse the money or say thank you to any amount, no matter how small. The job itself is very small. For the entire 8 days she is gone, she will do approximately 10 minutes worth of work. Does your daughter have a problem with the money? If she's just trying to earn a buck, she should look elsewhere. Picking up mail is supposed to be neighborly.

five dollars a week? a month? or each time? Picking up mail isnt a hard task.

Dont think of her as a witch or bitchy. Instead pray for her. Dont think of her as being mean, maybe she is having such a hard time with the loss of her husband that her social skills are lacking. Your daughter should pick up her mail out of the kindness of her heart, not because she is getting paid to do it. Therein lies the animosity.
Forget about the money, there is more to life.
Good luck and God bless..
H.

I truely cannot believe that you, or your daughter would even expect to be paid for doing something nice for someone else. Get a grip. If you cannot stand the (witch), then why are you doing anything for her.

I'm not realy sure what the problem is here, how much trouble is it really to pick up the neighbors mail. As the mother you should be setting the example regardless of how she may have changed since her husband passed away. We can not control how other people act but we are responsible for our own actions and the examples we set for our children.

Turn the other cheek!

I have a feeling you're probably not getting the responses that you wanted to, but I'm not clear on what the problem is either. Calling someone bitchy when they are dealing with the loss of a life partner. Not only do people deal with grief differently but there is the stress of having to deal with bills and roles that she may or may not have done before - like remembering garbage day, paying the mortgage, paying for a funeral, wading through life insurance red tape, dealing with the clothes in his closet, etc. It can be extrememly stressful - which people often tend to displace on other people. If she's willing to even pay $5 for a simple task like picking up her mail, I think that's pretty fair. If your daughter just doesn't want to do it - which is her perogative and not a judgement in anyway - than a polite excuse could be that she's going to be busy this week and is worried about her liability of personal information out unprotected and then offer the post office hold form (or online web address). Good luck - it's tough when you don't get along with your neighbors, but it sounds one sided. If I truly didn't get along with someone, I certainly would ask them to pick up my mail! I bet it's a misundertanding. Good luck.

As you can tell from the other responses, this is a pretty petty question and you should already know the answer. If you really don't like the neighbor then quit helping her, even if you are getting paid. And if you don't mind helping her out by picking up the mail then just do it. Its not that hard of a task. I help out my neighbors all the time when they go on vacation and never expect anything in return. It might teach your daughter something about being a good person and doing a good deed for someone. My son used to walk from home from school, he too was taking in the mail to the door for an elderly woman until sadly she passed away. He said that she wanted to pay him, and I told him that he shouldn't except it and he should just do out of the kindness of his heart. He understood, and he carried the mail to her for a few months until she sadly passed away.

It sounds like you don't like your neighbor, but what's the harm in being kind to a neighbor, you never know when you made need them and your teaching your daughter to be a kind young lady and that goes a lot further than money. It's just a thought. I hope it all works out.

I don't really understand the issue here. Unless your daughter has to hike a mile each way to pick up the mail (a possibility if you're rural!), then this is simply a neighborly gesture and shouldn't require any compensation. As others have said, this is an opportunity to demonstrate kindness and generosity toward others.

If your daughter is doing more, like feeding/cleaning up after pets, then some form of payment is appropriate. I'm paying $20/day to a drop-in housesitter when we go on vacation... but she's taking care of our six cats and two dogs.

Reading between the lines, it really sounds like you're looking for another reason to dislike your neighbor. You also don't say whether your daughter has a problem with the situation... just that you do. If your daughter has an issue, then let her stand up for herself. The old adage "no one can take advantage of you without your permission" is true... saying "NO" is one of the most powerful things we can teach our children.

My honest opinion is that your daughter should do it for free. This would be a great learning opportunity for her about helping others for the good of it, rather than for money, and especially helping those that we don't like or we feel don't deserve it. Maybe if people were more kind to your neighbor with selfless gestures, she would change her actions and heart in response. Just my opinion, of course, but if it were my kid, they'd be doing it for free (free of money, but rich in learning experiences).

ETA: I just read some other responses. $10 a week? Seriously? My mailbox is about a two minute walk, which is more than most people. So, both ways, it takes 4 minutes maximum, maybe add a minute for the daughter to deliver the mail. So, 5 minutes times 6 times per week is 30 minutes total effort. At $10 per week that would equate to a $20 per hour task. What teenager makes that? Especially for something so easy that really should be done for free out of kindness?

In my opinion...
1, your daughter is 17... she's old enough to decide what seems fair to her. 2, how hard is the task of picking up her mail? Most neighbors do this task as a neighborly gesture... for free. Maybe she isn't real neighborly herself, but she isn't required to pay her... the same as your daughter isn't required to accept the offer and help her.
I think it's a good chance here for the "treat others the way you want to be treated" lesson.

Hi Lori!
If your daughter is 17 and has formed a bond with this woman, maybe she knows something you don't! There is no right or wrong amount to pay to have someone help you, that must stay between them. I would imagine your daughter knows haw you feel about this woman, and at 17 that may be enough to motivate her, we lose all sense when they turn 13 and don't get it back till they are about 30!!!! It is one of the hardest things we have to do as parents, but you have to let her learn for herself. Depending on your relationship with your daughter you might want to sit down with her and ask....is she a nice woman that is just misunderstood? I know you don't think she is but that isn't what your after, you put your daughter in control of the conversation and she is more likely to give you information that she would otherwise keep to herself. Nobody told us when we had kids that we had to have a phd in psycology to get our kids to talk! Mine is from the School of Hard Knocks!!!!!! Hope this helps! R.

As most of the other posters have said, picking up mail for an out-of-town neighbor is not something I'd ever expect (or accept)payment for. It's just plain neighborly.

It sounds like you and this neighbor have had issues in the past, and I think it's important to examine your attitude toward your neighbor and how this might be affecting your relationship with her. If you're constantly projecting this sense of entitlement ("We want to be compensated for being good neigbors") it might be a bit off-putting to your neighbor, which would in turn affect her attitude toward you.

I think you should have a talk with your daughter and suggest that she not accept the $5 (since it IS such a small amount anyway), and just tell the neighbor that she was happy she was available to help.

When you give of your heart it should be for free with no expectations of compensation. If this women wants to offer you a thank you for that then accept the amount gladly but don't be expecting a reimbersment for services rendered or maybe your daughter shouldn't be doing this favor for her at all. Neighbors should just help neighbors and not think of every one as a stranger.

I don't think that this is a real big task?! As neighbors you just do things for each other.. (or not)... plain and simple. I can't imagine wanting payment to walk to the curb for someone?! If your neighbor pays $5 then that's that. Your daughter can always decline due to a busy schedule etc. or suggest that the post office just hold her mail.... (it's free). That may be the best solution... your daughter won't be offended by the ammount of payment and your neighbor won't be out $5. Good luck!

Take whatever she'll give you. Neighbors should help each other for free. Sounds like a lonely woman who needs a little unconditional love.

Unless you want to bless this lady....I would find something else for your daughter to do. It is not worth the stress...especially at age 17. MAybe she can find a little babysitting job to get extra money....but don't be taken advantage of. BUT, in my opinion 5 is good just for picking up mail. Hope this helps......

It's only picking up mail, right? Your daughter doesn't have to say yes. I know that I would pick up mail for a neighbor for free.

How about a set daily amount i.e. a dollar a day.

I happen to think that it is perfectly alright to do something for others without being paid. I pick up papers/mail, feed cats, etc., for neighbors just because it is a nice thing to do. These kindnesses come back ten fold in your life.

I do hope that you daughter has a good attitude about all of this. You do not indicate that you daughter does not want to help your neighbor, if she does not want to she can say "NO".

Regards, PBT

Since your daughter volunteered to pick up the mail without any payment discussed then whatever the "witch in disguise" decides is what your daughter will get.
Your daughter can always say NO to her!
Also, I am very offened by the term "witch in disguise" I am of the Wiccan faith and it is a very positive religion. I can't imagine what your neighbor could have done to you if you have nothing to do with her as you stated. I have to say... If your husband were to die wouldn't you be a bit bitchy too?
I will say a prayer for you!
Momma of DJ Vinnie the Pooh and Johnny too!

Maybe she could just be kind and do it for free? Picking up the mail doesn't seem like a major chore but maybe I don't understand what is involved. We have done that for our neighbors and they for us. Give her a break. She may be a little misunderstood... There can never be too many kind acts in this world if you ask me.

Maybe it could just be counted as a good deed and not require payment. :-)

To me it sounds like $5 would be plenty for such a small task. Most neighbors would do this type of favor for free. The woman is probably trying to be kind, figuring that your daughter is a teenager and needs to earn a bit of money. With that said your daughter is old enough to make decisions on her own. If she feels that this woman is taking advantage of her, she needs to speak up. There are plenty of excuses that she could give as to why she cannot perform this job...I'm sure she has given you many of these excuses for jobs you ask her to do. If you are concerned with your daughter having contact with this woman ask her how she feels and her thoughts on the woman's personality. Your daughter is going to meet many people in the real world, she needs to decide how she is going to handle them. If she chooses to befriend the ugly than that is her way of trying to make the world a better place. Good luck

Lori,

If the woman is that "difficult" =) then I would just think it's nice that your daughter is willing to do it, and hopefully she didn't really "do it for the money"....and just accept any money the neighbor bit..., I mean lady, gives her as a "gesture", and not so much as "payment for a job"....

It'll probably keep the whole thing simpler, and saner.

Just my thoughts, though....

I'd focus on talking to your daugher, and making sure her "boundaries" and self-respect type issues are healthy and intact. Maybe she's just doing it to be nice, and as long as the lady isn't harming her (or her self-esteem) it seems like an OK thing for your daughter to do this nice gesture. If the woman is harming her, or compromising her in any way, then I'd feel differently. But if it seems harmless enough, I'd just try to make the best of it... and feel proud of my child for being kind.....even to someone "difficult."

I would tell the lady next door it is 10 dollars a day to take care of her mail and or tell your daughter to tell the neighbor lady that she has a busy schedule and can't do it.

How does your daughter feel about helping her ? Was money discussed before she started getting the mail for her ? Your daughter can always tell her she cannot do what the neighbor requests. Sometimes the older people don;t realise the pay issue, she is probably just giving her a token of appreciation and not really considering it a JOB with a rate of pay. Good Luck

Please don't take offense here but, it sounds like you despise this woman. If that's the case, it is my opinion, you shouldn't be allowing your daughter to take her money or do any odd jobs for her at all. You especially have no business expecting anything less from her as far as being "cheap". Remember, she does not like you or (your family) and vice-versa. I'm puzzled why you'd have anything to do with her. Anyhow, if you or your daughter feel she should be paid more for her work, then a real job might suffice. She's old enough for a part-time job. Good-Luck with your endevors.

Hi Lori J,

Maybe your daughter could just pick up her mail. When she goes to pay her, just say no thank you I enjoyed doing it for you. Maybe she hasn't been treated well by others in her past. It may help her learn do unto others as they would do unto you.
This could be a learning thing for your daughter too. The world is filed with nasty people, she will be experiencing this when she becomes an adult and moves out on her own. The world can be a cruel place, help her get prepared for it.

It sounds like you and I have the same neighbor, I have found, that by treating my nieghbor with kindness has helped a lot.
Hope this helps,
D. M.

I think she is allowed to pay her how ever much she wants to pay her because she is not your daughters employer. If your daughter would like her to pay her more than that is something she needs to discuss with the neighbor otherwise, it is an agreement that they have acquired and can break at anytime. your neighbor is not required to pay your daughter more or less.

Hi Lori-
Your daughter is clearly being taken advantage of. Your daughter is almost an adult, so maybe this is a good time to use this as a learning experience and teach her to stick up for herslef because she is going to run into people like your neighbor her entire life.If she feels ahe is being taken advantage of you should ease her into confronting the neighbor about discussing a rate that is bothe fare to her and the neighbor. I am not saying throw her to the dogs I would be present when she talks with the neighbor if I were you, and if the neighbor does not see things your daughter's way she should stop picking up her mail. By the way she should at least pay her $10.00 a week, that only seems fare.

Kill her with kindness. She's probably dying inside - I would be if I lost my husband. Include her in family activities, take her treats when you bake, have her for dinner, etc.... $5 is fine - she probably doesn't have much. In our neighborhood we watch out for each other and pick up each others mail and newspapers for nothing. She may become your best friend or a grandma to your kids which would be awesome. She just needs some love. Kim B.

Hello,
I don't know this neighbor, but I do know what it is like to lose someone that you love. You feel like your emotions can be such as being on a roller coaster ride. Perhaps her getting bitchy is her trying to cover up her hurt and loss and other feelings that come with the death of a loved one.
If she has done unbelievable things to you and your daughter maybe you should talk to her about this if you haven't already.
Does your daughter feel like she's being taken advantage of? If so, then your daughter should just talk to her and let her know that she would like to be paid a little more...maybe $10.00 dollars? I'm not sure either.
I hope that things work out for you, your daughter and your neighbor.
Sincerely,
D.

I would be the bigger person and if you feel taken advantage of then just don't have your daughter do it next time. You don't need to give her a reason . I don't think that by you or your daughter saying anything to her it will change who she is, obviously a woman who needs to fight her own demons.

If she's that bad a neighbor I'd stop helping her out and suggest she have the post office hold her mail for the time she is away. As far as the money goes, if all your daughter is doing is picking up the mail $5 is cheap but reasonable. If she's taking care of plants and pets then she should ask for more or just say she can't do it anymore.

DITTO, DITTO, DITTO to the other replies of just doing it out of pure neighborly kindness...think of the lesson you can teach your daughter about being kind and giving. Volunteering or helping out the elderly can be a very rewarding expierence. And maybe doing it for nothing will actually soften the heart of the grumpy ole' lady next door.

I wouldn't let her pay my daughter anything. What's wrong with extendibng a helping hand to a neighbor? Maybe she would be a lot nicer and less bitchy to you. Picking up the mail is not a big job, or require much effort from anyone. Sorry if this isn't the answer you wanted, but that's my point of view on this one.

Getting someone else's mail doesn't take alot of work -- just having to remember to do it.
My opinion? $1.00 a day for eight days= $8.00. I get our neighbors mail all the time and they just bring me back a small gift. I do not expect any $$$-- just doing a neighborly thing. Even it she isn't the nicest person to be around -- turn the other cheek and just be cheerful towards her. Maybe she has a lot of problems you don't know about-- give her some Grace. I do understand where you are coming from. That makes it hard to be around her if you have an attitude towards her and understandably so. Just treat her like she is the nicest person to be around -- maybe bake her some cookies? That would shock her to death!! Good luck!
Just my opinion but that is what I would do-- I've done that.
It change that person into a lot nicer neighbor.

If your daughter has chosen to pick up the mail, then maybe you shouldn't worry about it. Obviously, it's worth the few bucks to your daughter regardless of the past. The neighbor may be mean and crouchity, but she also need help sometimes, like all of us. By asking your daughter to pick up her mail, shows trust in her and I don't know about you, but I'd never ask someone I hate to do anything for me.
I think $5 is plenty for picking up mail.

Take my opinion for what it is worth. Picking up the mail is not a huge deal or amount of work. If your daughter was willing to take the job without a contract, she is at the mercy of your neighbors' whims. $5 Seems an appropriate amount for me for simply picking up the mail. If she was housesitting or caring for animals, then that is a different story. If you think that $5 is too little an amount, than encourage your daughter to look for work elsewhere.

I would let this go. It's not worth the energy. Maybe she doesn't have much. Maybe she's a little cheap. Who knows? Think of it as act of goodwill.

Personally, I believe in doing things for friends and neighbors as a kind gesture not needing to be paid. However, if your daughter is being asked by them to do something that she understands as being a paid job then she should talk to them about it. She's old enough to go over to your neighbor and have a discussion about it. As far as her being older now should not change the rate of pay. If she is being asked to do more than grab the mail then maybe an increase is justifiable. Grabbing the mail is not a hard job. If she doesn't want to do it for the pay being offered then she should just turn down the job.

Lori, I think it's good learning/teaching opportunity for a teenager to be able to help out an adult, even an unpleasant one. Does picking up the neighbor's mail take more than a few minutes a day? If not, $5.00 for 8 days is fair, although I agree it's not very generous. (At 5 minutes a day, it's about minimum wage.) But doing a kind act for another person has its own rewards. Does your daughter mind doing little jobs for your neighbor? If she doesn't, then there's no problem. If she doesn't want to, next time she's asked, she can decline. Maybe there's someone else in the neighborhood, possibly a younger teen, who would want to earn a little money. Your daughter could give your neighbor that person's name.

Your in the wrong. 5, 10 ,15 you won't be happy because you don't like her. Even though she is not the best of neighbors, picking up the mail takes zero effort. So be the bigger better person and have your daughter pick up the mail with a smile.

I'd be bitchy too if I lost my husband. What about having your daughter do it out of the goodness of her heart without expecting anything.

I'm confused by your question. Of course someone is going to be upset when their spouse dies and your comments are very disrespectful of that situation. Maybe you didn't explain the entire situation and I apologize if I'm not seeing the whole picture. Instead of being negative you should explain to her that she can stop her mail at www.usps.gov and that way you won't have to be put in this situation in the future.

I believe that a person should help another person because they want to. Your daughter has a choice. Nobody is making her do this. If she doesn't think it 's worth a gift of five dollars then I doubt that any amount of money would be worth the problems this woman is causing her. Also, your neighbor lost a LOT when her husband died. She needs someone who will sit and listen to her and just spend time with her. She needs someone who will stand there ground and not be disrespected. I would tell your neighbor specifically and respectfully that you don't appreciate how she has treated your family and your daughter will not be picking up her mail anymore unless an agreement can be reached. Put some boundaries in place. For example, if your daughter chooses to continue picking up the neighbor's mail, have someone go with her to deliver it to the neighbor's house. Don't have the neighbor pick it up from your house! If she picks it up from your house, then she decides when she wants to leave. She will most likely want to talk about everything and not leave when you would like her to. Again, people who are going through such a huge loss are very difficult to be around, and to be around them is very draining. I would definitely understand the decision not to help your neighbor, but if you could put boundaries in place and communicate with your neighbor it could be life changing for everyone involved.

Hope this helps,
K.:)

How about NOTHING.

What happened to giving and helping out?? Today I see our culture dwindling on the service side of things. Why can't we just help out when someone needs the help? It seems that most people expect something in return. I say just give her the mail and graciously decline any offers of payment. Maybe that's why the lady has become so foul tempered. She doesn't have her husband around to help her out and now she has to ask neighbors to help her- knowing that they'll expect something from her. Just think of the uncomfortable situation she's been put in. Do you ever think she might be asking your daughter to help because she is familiar with her? Try and think: what would it be like if you had just lost someone you dearly loved and had to venture out of your comfort-zone to ask for assistance for the everyday tasks that you wouldn't normally ask assistance for.

Think about it.

We are all longing for human kindness and the first place to start is in our homes and neighborhoods. Just do the task out of the kindness of your heart. And if you can't do it for that then graciously decline and tell her you won't be able to help her. You don't have to help, but it might be nice if you did.

i.e. Maybe next time she's asks for your help you could help her fill out a post office request to hold her mail. The U.S. Post Office will hold your mail for the dates you request and then deliver it all on the day you return for NO CHARGE!

Hi Lori! We had a similar situation with a neighbor and I let my daughter finish what she had promised to do that time, and then the next time the neighbor wanted her to pick up her mail, I talked to her and told her my daughter was a busy teenager and that she should call the Post Office and have her mail held for her while she was away. Your daughter could be held responsible if any of the neighbor's mail comes up missing and it's really not worth it, for any amount of money! I know it's hard to say no to people, but sometimes it's necessary. This is one of those times where there is another solution-the neighbor can call the Post Office and all will be taken care of. Jessie M. (I am the mother of 6)

Does your neighbor know that she can have the post office hold her mail for however many days she needs? All she needs to do is fill out a form and turn it in at the P.O. Her saved mail will be delivered when she returns. If your daughter isn't happy picking up your neighbor's mail, she could inform your neighbor of this service.

You have got to be kidding! Why are you taking money from a neighbor that you say is bitchy? How is she taking advantage? Did you negotiate price before your daughter starting picking up the mail? If she was a good neighbor whould you expect to be paid? Seems to me it's a neighborly thing to do and I wouldn't expect payment BUT if my neighbor is such a pain in the butt,I wouldn't do her a favor. Looks like you put yourself in this predicament.

i used to pick up my nieghbors mail when i was a kid and feed their two cats and for a week i got twenty dollars and for two weeks i got fourty. she should get a little more in my view because she is doing her a big favor! I not to be greedy but thats how i feel. You should probably say something to her when she gets back becasuae your daughters time should be worth something no matter how simple the task at hand.

I don't know the history, or need to, but I think at 17 this would be a perfect opportunity for your daughter to negotiate a deal that works for her. If SHE is not happy with the arrangement SHE needs to speak up. It is also good practice to learn to say no if she does not feel it is fair to her. If it were my daughter I would be there to offer support and feedback but would stay out of the middle. These are skills she will need for the rest of her life. Good luck!

It sounds like you all have had some harsh situations with this neighbor. Here are some suggestions: 1)break all ties to this neighbor and tell her to stop her mail delivery and pick it up from the post office. She cannot take advantage of her if your daughter breaks the ties completely. 2)See your neighbor for what she really is; a grieving, sad person who needs a little TLC. Your daughter could learn some compassion for people who are not very lovable. That's a great lesson for teenagers. However, if it gets abusive and you and your daughter are being treated badly, it's best to bow out gracefully. 3)$10.00 seems reasonable for a teenager picking up mail for 8 days.

Lori,

Other than your personal distaste for this woman, it seems like there is nothing else going on. Your daughter is being a kind neighbor, and is being paid for it. As for the payment in general, is the $5 for the entire 8 days, or $5 a day?

I really don't see the problem here.

Kindly,
Melissa

I think $5 sounds perfectly fine. It's a gesture of goodwill more than anything as is the mail picking up. It's more of a very minor favor, and not real labor.

Dear Lori,

Don't you just love neighbors! If it were me, I would charge her a $1 a day for the peace of mind of having her mail securely (sp?) picked up by a responsible young women and then if she is still a "witch" let her know that she can put a vacation hold on her mail with the post office that delivers her mail, they will then redeliver to your neighbor when she gets home, everybody will be happy and you won't have to deal with her. Hope that helps. I just saw some of the other responses to your question and I guess I am the only one who is sort of on the "tough love" side of the street. But, ultimately, it is your daughters decision as to whether the payment is correct or not. Let her decide. Boy, I take it back that I am the only one using tough love. Go Starr! Yikes!!!!

Lori,
A very wise friend of mine told me last year that I need to learn to say no.
We live out in the country and we don't have neighbors close by to pick up our mail. What we do is have the post office hold our mail until a specific date. When we get back, we stop at the post office and get it. It doesn't cost anything.
Since this neighbor has exhibited poor behavior I feel that you and your daughter don't owe her any favors.
It's difficult when you have to deal with someone who lives real near, but the sooner you say no, the better you will feel.
About the dollar amount, that's just plain cheap. She's just a penny pincher.
Save yourself the grief of being responsible for her mail and JUST SAY NO!
Good luck.
A