Neighbor Has 7 Yr Old Boy & She Needs Advice!!!

Okay, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but it sounds like this child has some deeper issues than just simple misbehaving. I think that the parents should consider taking their child to a mental health professional before the behavior gets worse. He may be just cutting mattresses now, but down the road he could be cutting worse. Just my two cents!

If this kind of behavior was coming from the toddler I would think that it was a disciplinary issue. Unfortunately I think that this kind of behavior in a 7 year old points to other underlying problems. If it were my child, I would seek therapy/counseling immediately before his acts escalate.

The 7 year old is obviously acting out his frustrations about he situation between his parents. He doesn't know how to cope, so he acts out. Since he's entering dangerous behavior, I think it's time the mother gets serious and gets that child into counseling immediately. The child is a threat to himself and others with this behavior.

Mother and father need to decide on appropriate punishments and follow through consistently. I suggest the book called 1-2-3-Magic. It has great techniques for disciplining and building relationships with your children.

If they can't afford counseling, call the United Way or 211 First Call for Help or the Women's Bureau and ask for free or reduced price counseling services.

Honestly, his behavior is classic warning signs of being sexually abused. Your neighbor should take him to see a counselor or talk to him or consider if he's being put in any situations where he is alone with a man or older boy.

It sounds like severe emotional problems to me too. Counseling- including some for mom and brother should really be started ASAP. Mom needs someone impartial to explain her role in the behavior issues and help heal that family. If she won't seek help, then I'd say it's your responsibility to call child protective services.

It sounds to me like this child is having serious emotional problems that go far beyond discipline. A seven year old that pees in his pants as well as habitually destroys things is crying for help. It also sounds like he will do whatever he has to to get Mom's attention, even if it is negative attention. As a neighbor and not a family member, there isn't much you can do but make suggestions. I would suggest some therapy, before that boy becomes a criminal or hurts someone for real. If you suspect that the mom is not treating him well, don't hesitate to call CPS because there is something going on in that little guy's head and he needs some help.

My 3-year old had discipline and behavior problems similiar to your friend's son (not quite as extreme) and I got him counseling with a social worker @ Ben-El Child Development Center (completely FREE if you are on the government assistance!) and it has really shown to have worked. He's much better and being the oldest of 3 children, he probably wasn't getting the attention he deserved from me and they helped me realize how to share time between all of them. So that 7-year old definitely needs PROFESSIONAL HELP of some sort. Also, it's UNEXCUSEABLE to have box cutters, knives, matches, etc. accessible to ANY CHILD!!!!!!!!! If he's shown problems with sharp and dangerous items before, she needs to put them somewhere where he WILL NOT find them or cannot GET to them. He is going to hurt your friend, his 2-year old sibling, or more likely HIMSELF!!! That IS something SHE needs to take care of ASAP!!!!!!!! And you are being a good friend asking advice for her... hopefully she's willing to accept some suggestions. Good luck!

Honestly, I'd suggest counseling for the boy, then for the mom, then for them both together. And if she's going to discipline, she has to be consistent with it, and the time has to fit the crime. Does he wet his pants on purpose or is it an accident in the night, or while getting too involved with playing? My 7½ yr. old son still wets his pants at night, on occasion, and he's been known to have an accident while playing because he tries to hold it. If he's doing it out of spite, I don't think spanking will help, honestly. It sounds like that's his way of getting attention from her and she needs to address that issue, which is the root of the problem. The knives and matches scares me and makes me wonder where this child is, emotionally. Setting aside a date day each week, for her and him alone is a terrific idea, but again, consistency is necessary. And being a single mom, I know it may be difficult for her to commit to that. I have 2 boys, the same ages as your friend. And I try to make sure and steal away some special time with my oldest on a regular basis, because I know I get wrapped up in my youngest, due to his developmental delays. So if the older one has a dr's appointment, or just for the fun of it, I will take him to Dairy Queen and we get ice cream cones, or we go to the park, just us, or whatever I can think of. And I make sure to stress that I want to spend time without his brother, and just with him, because I love him and miss our time alone together. I make the focus about him. He was the focus of our lives for 5½ years...so it's normal for a child of that age to feel jilted and left out of the loop when a new baby comes...especially in our case where our youngest was 8 weeks premature and has had problems ever since. So sometimes I just have to step back and put the focus back on my oldest. But I still stand by the counseling advice for your friend. It sounds like she doesn't know which end is up, but wants to fix the situation with her son. And it really sounds like he's going through more than she may ever realize. I hope they can get this straightened out.

sounds to me like this little boy is really crying out for attention from his mother. that means not just when he does something bad. he could be doing all those drastic things because that is the only way he gets time with mommy. i would seriously suggest some alone FUN time with just mommy and seven year old. tell her to talk to him really talk to him and see what he says about it. i think it would be very benificial to set aside one day aweek atleast that is just his special day with mommy. when the 2 year old takes nap everyday make at least 30 minutes of time out for the seven year old sit down talk or even go play catch. when he does something good or positive even something as simple as washing his hands before he eats have her praise him for it like that you so much for washing ur hands ur turning into such a big boy. hopefully this will help him want to do more positive things for attention instead of the drastic measures he seem to be taking now for some of mommys attention

hope this helps C.

I really think that this child needs to get some counseling (along with the parents). One of these days, this child might start to hurt the younger child. I think he has a lot of anger issues and probably some jealousy issues. Biggest thing is consistency with punishment, follow through with punishment, and he needs fun time with mom alone.

the 7 year old is deffinately begging for her attention, my teenager done the same thing over my 7 and 5 year old but she was old enough to tell me why she was acting that way. You are right on her spending time with the 7 year old, but it is going to have to be 1 on 1 time and a lot of sincere talking between the 2 of them. She needs to show him that he is very well needed, and depend on him ask for his help and his opinion but he is also going to need his play time with his friends. In other words he wants to know that he is needed, after all he is a male and they love that but it has to be done remembering his age, don't over load him.

It sounds like your neighbor is a lost cause if she won't follow through with anything.....i say call SuperNanny!!! I know it's kinda a funny thought but i think she seriously needs it.

Her older son is jealous of the younger one because she seems to give the little one more of her time she needs to try to divide her time evenly and do something with her older son by hiself to let him know he is still important to her

I don't want to offend, but after 5 years in treatment foster care, I would venture to say that this little boy may have been abused. It is not a definite, of course, but it would benefit the child if it was kept in mind...All of the children I worked with had been abused or neglected and most children that age will act out as a way of dealing with the emotions they are feeling. They just don't know how to properly deal with what has happened. It could have been another kid (there are many sex offenders in grade school these days), a baby sitter, even a neighbor of family member. I've worked with teen girls who at very young ages (8,9,10) sexually abused kids in their neighborhood.

Sorry that he is going through this, and that the poor mother also has to deal with this, it is no fun :(

M.,
I belive you need to seperate yourself from her no matter how caring she is you have children of your own to deal with and you wouldn't want her son hurting your children. I also belive all parties involved need some counseling, and mom and dad need to put up all sharp objects and matches anything like that where he can't get them before he hurts himself or someone else.

Sounds like this woman has had plenty of good advice and doesn't follow through. There is not anything you can do if she won't help herself and her children. I would tell her this and then tell her you will not listen to her anymore. If she wants to follow through with the advice she has been given and do the work that comes with it, then you will help her. Until then she will need someone else to complain to.
You need to be firm with her and maybe then she will find the strength to be firm with her children.

I concur. Those kids are around dangerous items in the house - I WORRY for the littlest one when mom's asleep, if the kids gets up and starts in on the litle one. PLEASE call the authorities. We have all heard horror stories about the kids getting taken away - but they are at such high risk right now from your description. It sounds like the oldest boy is being abused for sure and it's only a matter of time before the youngest is able to demostrate whether or no he's having similar problems. YOU are obviously not getting through - the parents are overwhelmed and/or uncaring and/or abusive. No kid in a stable healthy environment acts like that even with a lack of discipline. Lack of discipline would be kid talking back to mom, throwing temper tantrums, stealing, hiding stuff. NOT violent destructive things.
Mom and dad and kids all need help. Who knows whats going on at dad's house too.

One of the things that worries me most is that he KNOWS if he gets grounded, he doesn't get to visit daddy. RED FLAG there - destructive at home on purpose?

Sounds to me like you are too involved! I know it has to be hard to watch this go on but you have to take a step back and let her figure it out on her own. She obviously isn't open to help.
As far as her constantly complaining about it... I would flat out tell her that you understand she is having a very hard time but until she is willing to seriously do something about it, you just can't be part of it any more. And if you really want to give her a suggestion that might help... the boy needs to go to counseling and it sounds like she does to.
Good luck

M.,
Poor little guy. Sounds like he's acting out to get mom's attention! You're right a day out w/just the two of them might help and definately putting the baby down at the same bedtime. Discipline might work but could backfire on her too. Keeping him from his dad isn't the answer, it only makes him regret her more. Have you ever talked to the dad? I think just making sure she knows that her older boy is suffering for lack of affection, might do the trick.
Tough situation!!
Good luck!
Oh, is she a mamasource mom or can she read some suggestions from us??
R.

i know this isn't helpful but maybe you need to distance yourself from her. If she is looking for advice but not following it there is nothing you can do. I too think I can save everyone and it is very difficult when you can't. Has she talked to anyone at school? All this destructive behavior sounds like more than just a lack of discipline. And just to be on the safe side, keep your children away from him because you never know when this self destructive behavior will become violent.

That child will get violent before too long, if he hasn't already. He needs to get help IMMEDIATELY. The fact that a 7 year old has ready access to a box cutter is really scary. Why is it a place where he can get it? You really need to help this family NOW! I don't know what you can do, other than call CPS and it doesn't sound like you want to do that. And honestly, I don't know if they could do much. Could you check around and see about family counseling? I seriously fear that this child will become a sociopath if he's not helped now. It sounds really harsh, but it's true. You need to say or do something to wake this mom up ASAP. Good luck! Hopefully you can help them somehow.

Sounds like she doesn't care enough to do anything about it. So when her 7 yr old gets arrested or kicked out of school she'll be looking around at who to blame when really she is who to blame.
There is nothing you can do if she won't do anything herself. The 2 1/2 yr old will start mimicking the behavior.
I could go on about how to help her, like take everything out of his room ( I mean everything) so that he can't be destroy8ing anything, but she doesn't follow through. So really nothing can be done. He is acting out for attention and she isn't giving it to him. Hitting him with anything is only promoting his violent/ destructive behavior.
I am sorry to say, but she has to take charge. You should keep your distance from her and if she asks why, you can explain that you just can't watch this happen anymore. When she is ready to finally do something, then that is fine.
I hope things work out for her and you all as neighbors!