Need Suggestions on How to Get My 11 Yr Old to Sleep in His Room...

Since he's 11 I think both of you need to go to see a therapist for a few months. I don't think it's a long sort of thing but more of a get over the hump thing.

At age 11 he should have been over this UNLESS a traumatic event happened to him or a friend. Both of you need to work through this because he needs you to be on the same page as he is.

What does he do when he spends the night at dad's house? Make dad sleep with him? If not then he's quite capable of doing it.

Hi S.,

My DS is now 14 and has always, thank God, been a champion sleeper. He always went to sleep in his bed, stayed in his bed and slept through when he was old enough, his entire life, spoiled me rotten on that front :-) .

Until he went through a phase at around 11. I'm trying to be diplomatic here....until one of his classmates introduced him to Slenderman. He was terrified, and who could blame him. He still stayed in his room for sleeping but it was at that age that we installed a nightlight both in the bathroom and in the corner of his room. I never really cottoned to night lights, as the human growth hormone is most effective if a person is sleeping in a dark room but this seemed to help him greatly during this phase. We also turned the bathroom exhaust fan on for him at night to help drown out or dampen any superfluous noises that may disturb him.

He has grown out of his fear and is old enough to get himself to bed at night, heck as early as I get up, there are nights when he tucks ME in before settling into read. So I discover what he's set up for himself when I awaken, sometimes the fan is on, sometimes not, sometimes the nightlights are burning and some nights they're not.

in terms of practical advice, my first suggestion would be to communicate as specifically as possible what his fears are and then try to specifically address them. Such as, is he afraid someone will come in through the window or a door? And then tell him the safeguards you have in place. Aside from our solutions above, I'll take it one step further and suggest, even though he's 11, maybe picking up a monitor so if/when he has a fright, all he has to do is call out for you and you can respond, reassure, comfort and help him allay the fear.

If you can take the unknown and turn it into a known, his fears should dissipate and he can outgrow this phase. 11 is hard at times and it sounds like he needs some unexpected but completely reasonable validation, comfort and reassurance.

It's healthiest for him to sleep in his bed for him to keep growing in all areas, body, mind and soul.

hoping this helps and finds you well. S.

night lights, calm conversation, checking the locks together etc.
if his fear is unassuageable and irrational, counseling.
for now, let him sleep on a nest on the floor of your room. why both of you in the living room?
khairete
S.

I would give him a nightlight, check out his room before he goes to bed, reassure him that he's safe, and leave the door open til you go to bed. Rinse and repeat. If he gets up, then gently remind him he's safe and direct him back to bed. You might also consider a white noise machine.

Did this just happen suddenly? Was this after you and his dad separated? Is he seeking attention or is he really scared? Could it stem from something he did/heard about from other boys and it freaked him out? Has he always been this way?? Too many questions to give a good answer but fear is an awful thing to live with. I'd probably get him someone else to talk with to see if they can get to the bottom line. Maybe a therapist or some adult close to him. Maybe they can help you figure it out.

You have to figure out where the fears come from. Did he watch a movie? Did he read a scary book? If you can pinpoint what started it, you can go back to that instance or book or movie. He can then discuss his fear and you can work through it.

We went to therapy. Here's what they did. Relaxation techniques which you can Google for bedtime for kids.
We went over worst case scenarios. Let him tell you what those are. Then ask him what he would do in each case. Usually kids realize by doing this they are very unlikely and that you have a plan. If they know YOU have a plan, they can relax.
Baby steps. Let him tell you what he needs in order to go back to sleeping in his room. What about leaving light on all night? Just a dim light in corner.
If it's deeper than that and he can't go back to what started his fear, therapist can help.
Good luck :)

I had a pallet on the floor in my room. If one of mine was scared I encouraged them to use the pallet. They could wake me if they had a nightmare but knew if they were unsettled I didn't mind them coming in at all.

I find it is hard to talk someone out of their fears. Yes sometimes it's irrational and he may need help coping. You as his mom are the best judge of that.

Hope you get good rest soon.

Is his room near yours or is it on the other side of the house?
Did you just move to this house?
You can set up a cot in his room and sleep near him till he's made friends with his room.
Or you can set up a cot in your room and he can sleep there till he's ready for the comfort of his own bed in his own room.

My daughter is 10 and still crawls in our bed every night. I don't allow it, if I wake up to tell her no. She says she is scared of monsters. At one point, she was afraid the world was going to end. We try to talk to her about realities.

In his case, I would try not to watch too much local news. I would teach him what to do if someone comes in, and check with your sheriffs department about teaching kids about that type of safety. They probably have some great suggestions that may help him feel more secure.

Just today I shared with my daughter about a camp that she may like to attend. She said she wanted to go, but I said her dad and I didn't feel she was ready. She said, "I'm ready". I reminded her that she doesn't sleep in her own bed and it is something she can work on for next year.

Fingers crossed.