Need Some Ideas for Writing a Letter...

Hi J., I have a 19 and 17 yr. old kids the 17 yr old has autism. I know the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Just do the easiest one first, then another time the next one. We made a book when my son went to a special camp and they needed the information. Start with a simple plan for a day and add to it. If I can find the book we made, it's called the book of Greg. I can fax or give you the details. my number is ###-###-####.
Right now I'm really busy with a remodel of a rental house. give me a month...
hang in there, most likely you will live a long life!!
D.

Hi J.! Don't approach this as something negative or you will really struggle with it. You don't have to write letters to your children or their potential guardians as if you are dead or going to die. You should write to them as if everyone is alive and well. My mom died when I was 23. I am heartbroken that she missed out on my wedding and children, but she left behind a gift that has given me immense peace. She wrote me a letter once a year on my birthday. In the letters she told me what I had accomplished throughout the year, what kind of person I was and how she felt about that. I had no idea that she had written the letters until she died. I absolutely cherish these letter because they give me insight. I know who I was as a child and even more important, who my mother was. Look at this as a gift to your children. When they grow up and leave the house, you can give them these letters and they will still cherish them. You don't have to die for them to appreciate what you have done. I write to my children so we can both hold on to the memories since they grow up so fast. I hope that I get to be there to read the letters with them, but if I am not here at least I know that I have left behind little bits of treasure for them.

As far as the guardians are concerned, they should be close friends or family right? Just do the same thing in the letter to them. Write to them as if you are telling them all about your wonderful children. Tell them about their interests and what your hopes and dream are for them. Obviously this changes throughout time so it would be a good idea to write them a letter once a year too.

I know it is awful to think about death, so don't. Think about life and how wonderful it can be. Then write about it...

Good Luck!

A different spin on this... Do a blog for your kids. You can post as in/frequently as you like and if you want to include particularly personal details you can include a passcode in your final paperwork so they can access whenever they feel up to it. You can also include pics and videos. There are several videos on my family's blog that really show how delighted my husband and I are to be the parents of our kids. Alternatively, you can invite members of the extended family to be members of the blog so they can keep up with the happenings of your family all the while even from a distance.
Setting a blog up is easy and free. Check out blogspot or blogger.com and it should walk you through the set up. You could be up and running in about 10-15 min (MAX).

Hi J., I have a book that is called "My Thoughts" and I have writin something to each one of my kids, my daughter inlaw even my middle son's girlfriend of 3 years, I add things as time goes on. Right now sweetie what your lawyer wants you to do, is not practical, for many reasons, number one your children's likes and dislikes are going to change from year to year, your dreams and your hopes for your kids may change over time, mine did. I used to worry so much about what would happen to my children when they were small if something were to happen to me and my husband, there was no one on either side of the family that I would have wanted to raise my children, I have very spacific ways of doing things where my children were concerned, but her it is my kids are 25, 22 and my daughter will be 20 next month, and in June it will be 28 years that my husband and I have been married. Writing such letters is only going to depress you, and sap you of your joy while you are living, and I'm sure that who ever you have choosen to raise your kids, if something were to happen to you and your husband, is someone who knows your kids very well, so they should already know those things about your kids, heck doing the will and living trust is hard enough. You mentioned natural products, kick boxing and walking all healthy stuff, you'll probably be around to raise your kids and even see grandkids, my dad will be 84 this year, has grown kids and grandkids, God willing willing you and your husband and me and mine will do the same. For now just enjoy your kids. And if you want to keep a daily Journal about your kids and family that they can read later on do that, it brings me joy every time Iad something to the page of one of my children. J. L.

I think it's a wonderful idea! I keep a diary of sorts for my son. It has all kinds of things in it from Remember that God always loves you to 9 seconds in the microwave makes a Krispy Kreme perfect. Every day things. As a kid my grandmother lived in our home. She moved in when I was 4 so she was as much a part of my life as my mother. It's been over 10 years since she's been gone. I miss her most when I am trying to buy a new vacuum cleaner or at the grocery picking eggs. That's the kind of stuff I remember. You can't give your kids all of you when you are gone so give them every day stuff. It will warm their hearts every day. Just start writing things down like a list. Stuff I hope I taught you....

Write the letters like love letters to your kids. Don't think about the circumstances(which hopefully won't come to pass) just think about it as a love letter or even a time capsule letter to them. You can even use it that way. Your kids are gonna change as they get older and need a different letter. Write a new letter to them each year and give them the letter from the previous year. Keep it in a book- keep it happy- that's what your kids will need. You can do the same with the letter to their guardians. Think of it as a snapshot of where your kids are at - a journal entry. You could write a separate letter expressing your thanks and trust to the guardians of your children (this letter would not change with time so it only needs to be done once). Let that be the only letter where you mention your death. Your kids will love these regular expressions of your love and the snapshots of what their strengths and weaknesses and needs are each year. They will love the record that will be made. And you will be able to enjoy them while you are living(which hopefully will be for a long long time!)!

Since you are not really dieing there isn't a big reason to feel sad about this. Just think about what you would like to tell your children if you were writing a letter to them to put in a time capsule. Something they could read in the future that gave them a snapshot of how their parents feel about them today. If it were me, I would not want my children to read something that was unbearably sad right after they went through the shock of my death. This letter does not have to be so profound and relentlessly sad. I think it calls for humor and reflection. They will want to remember mom and dad as fun and loving people. They will want to think that their parents are people who where always thinking of them, even when they had to face the daunting task of reading their parents last letter.

I have been writing letters to my daughter since before she was born. So has her father. We write letters and tuck them into her baby book for her to read later. Sometimes it is because of a significant trip or event, but sometimes it is something small, something that we might not remember later.

My best friend lost her mother when we were just teenagers. It made me much more aware of mortality. The items that my friend cherishes most now are the things that her mother wrote or made with her own hands. These are precious.

Even if I live a very long life, I want my daughter to have the letters. There will be times in her life when she is struggling and perhaps some kind, loving words written now, will help her through. These are love letters you are writing. Think of them that way, and yes you will cry, but they will be deep and wonderful tears.

Best of luck.

J.,

I can't start to imagine the grief this whole process has given you.

My only suggestion would be to write the letter as if your child was an infant or toddler and as if you were writing each letter to his new caregiver, daycare provider, or even to his/her teacher to read out loud to your child.

Or write the letter to your child as if s/he were a teenager and you wanted to express your feelings to them as a young adult.

I can't imagine how I'll feel when I have to go through this process.

Good luck, and let me know how this works for you, if it helps ease the pain a bit.

C. B.

Push through this and you will have given your children a gift beyond measure if it is needed. These letters will need to be updated from time to time. What a gift you will give!! Be strong.