Letter to Guardians

I would request that whomever is caring for my children in such a situation raise them in Christ the same way that I am. That is very important to my husband and I. Other than that, a loving stable home is all I can ask for. Here's hoping that never happens!!!

What an excellent idea!! Here's my synopsis of my letter (I better get to writing ours too!)

Most important thing for us regarding parenting is to be there for them, love them and care for them as your own. For specific parenting - here's what we planned:

We view parenting as 'life teachers'. We try to let our kids explore as much as they can. We try to let them fall, because they need to know how to get themselves up, dust off and move on.

As they get older, we want to give them increasing freedom - but with an equal amount of responsibility.

We want to keep the lines open about sex, and will probably begin "the talk" about age X.

We know dating may depend on the situation and maturity, but we want to make sure they know that a good mate is independent, self-sufficient and intelligent. We also believe that we need to try and raise a good mate, so we try to raise all our kids to be independent, self-sufficient and intelligent.

We also talk often of living mentally healthy.

We want to encourage our kids whenever we see a skill. We believe it is good parenting to observe a skill in academics - and to help foster that and point out careers. Likewise a child with a skill or interest in working with their hands should be similarly encouraged.

And tell them that daddy was an alcoholic. He's in recovery - but they need to know that it might run in families. I'd appreciate it if they could be taken to a few Al-anon meetings in their teen years.

Teach them that life isn't fair, and that's ok. They are only in control of themselves.

Volunteering is important to our family. We believe in the campsite rule - leave it better than you found it. We also apply the campsite rule to relationships, jobs and actual campsites.

Lastly, tell them how proud we were of them.

HUM good question-I think I would probably write down the rules for our house, the values we want to instill in our children and what we hope our children turn into as adults.
Respect, Independence, strong will, determination ect

That would be a hard question to answer. Maybe, if you're still struggling with it, you could instead have them your philosophy on things. An example, for me, a messy house is okay, so long as I make sure to play with and talk to the kids every day. Or, if you have core religious beliefs, like the 7 principles of Unitarian Universalism, or etc.

I don't think I would have to put most things in a letter, since the guardians we have chosen (a cousin on my father's side of the family and her husband) share many of the same values that we do and have pretty much the same parenting style and philosophy as us. But I would hope that, since this my dad's side of the family, that they would try to maintain a relationship with the rest of DD's family (my mother's side, and of course, my husband's). And since there is family of ours that lives out in New England (and guardians live in the same state as us), that they would make the effort to travel out there and get DD to spend some time with them, at least once a year.

Since they are not family members, I would include a detailed family tree. Try to jot down stories of your childhood, how their grandparents met, any other interesting information about family, etc. I would include information on how you and hubby met, stories about when your kids were born, etc.

For the guardians, I would make sure they are aware of your educational hopes for the kids, religious practices, and medical issues (family history and kids). Also, write down any traditions you have (like the kids get to open 1 gift on Christmas Eve or that you put 100 balloons in their room on their birthday, etc).

Kind of sad t think about, but important!!

Hmmmmm....I probably wouldn't do this. IF (God forbid) they end up raising your kids, since they know you and you chose them because you thought they would be the best possible pinch hitters, I think that's all that's necessary. Just reassure them of that.
(We are the guardians of a teen. He and his mom asked us because they thought we had the right morals, sense, resources, etc. to care for him.)

If something should happen to you and your husband and the kids go to live with these friends they would be living far away from family. I would record a DVD and tell them about your lives and family members. Tell them funny stories from your childhood, the story of how you met, fell in love and about yor wedding day. Talk to them about the cherished memories from your childhood and your parents and grandparents. Also reassure them that they are loved and were wanted and your hopes for their future.
You can explain to them that you hope they go to college and become the person they want to be.

Make sure you are specific. If school is important to you then specify that you want them to both attend college no matter what. (this will help in preparation in life choices ie. not too many sports etc.) If you are into religion you need to specify that and your wishes. If you want them to either a. go to school, hold a job when they are 18 specify. These things are very important, as are others.

I would just write letters to each of the kids, with what you would want said to them.

Secondly, I would say things that are important, like do you want them to go to church every week, or be pushed to go to college or not. It won't really matter because you won't be there if this does come about. If you chose people you trust and love, they will do the right thing.

I have a joke with my husband that I need to write down whose clothes are whose, and whose toys are whose, and what to pack for the girls for lunch. Our daughters are 4 and 5. I handle all of the domestic stuff since I work pt from home. They wear the same size clothes, and hubby never puts their stuff away. Once in a blue moon if he has, he said he just asks them whose is whose. LOL. I'm sure he could figure out a system...
obviously these types of things are so much less important than things like religion and education and values, etc.

We didn't write a letter, although our attorney mentioned it. The guardians that we specified are very close to us, so we talk about parenting all the time, and we chose them because they parent very similarly to the way we do anyway. We don't see a need for a letter. Good for you for taking care of something as important as naming guardians; so many people don't.

Just think of all the big decisions you are going to make and include them. Schools come to mind. They are 16 do they get a car out of the trust or earn them. Should they work when they are 16, should you pay for college out of the trust....stuff like that.

I never had to spell everything out because my brother is guardian and pretty much parents his son like we do our kids. If he was to do something off the wall we would never allow we would spell out our wishes.

If you trust the friends and you share the same values (which I assume you do since you chose them as guardians!), I would write the letter just to reassure them and give them something to cling to in the event they ever need to read it. This is morbid, but think of how they and your children will be grappling with losing you. Think of what you'd want them to say to your children to comfort them. Don't worry about the details -- how long their hair can grow; what grades they need to keep up -- just let them know you trust their judgement and ask that they love and respect your children. Thank them profusely for what they are about to embark on. And let them know you'll be watching over them to help them along the way.

I would include an religious preferences such as raised in a particular church or not taken to specific denominations.

I would include any family members I did not want them to spend too much time with and why, not for anyone else to see just for the guardians to see so they would have the knowledge of why.

I would include stories about how you and daddy met, what kind of things you went through when you were a kid, etc...so they would have a sort of story book about you and dad to look back on an know you.

I think that the likelihood of your demise is very limited but being safe is always a good idea. Great job here mom.

I like the idea of writing down the things you want them to know, so that if you aren't there to say it, it can still be said. Hopefully you have chosen guardians that would raise your children in the same generic way you would. My sister and BIL are my DD's guardians and they have the same big picture on parenting as we do - they have similar values, attend a similar church, etc. We wouldn't have chosen each other if we thought we'd have to leave micromanagement instructions.

I told my sister, "We want to live forever. In the event that we don't, we want you to raise our daughter as well as you raise your own son, to continue to raise her with our extended family's values and to continue to raise her in the church."