Do You Have a Living Will or God Parents Picked for Your Children?

Great question... I have a simple living will that I printed offline but I'm in a similar boat.. I don't speak to my dad, my mom isn't financially stable, my MIL is the devil ( lol, don't speak to her either) and my FIL is already taking care of his wife that's been in a coma for 10 years....My husband is an only child and my sister doesn't mesh well with children ... I guess I need to start thinking about this.... I look forward to reading others responses..

We went to Best Buy and bought a computer program and did it outselves. Just print the one you want, fill it out and then we got it notarised. Cheaper than a lawyer, just as good!

Godparents have nothing to do with who will raise your children in the unfortunate event of your death. Godparents are a spiritual thing, not a legal thing. The role of the Godparent is to have an active hand in raising your children in the faith in which they are baptised and making sure they have a strong understanding of their faith. They really have absolutely nothing to do with a will or legal guardianship. Please don't think that just because you say the word "Godparent" that you children will go to them if you should die.

Now, this doesn't mean that Godparents can't also be legal guardians to your children. It is just necessary that you have the porper documentation in place for that to happen. In this case, yes...a will is what you will need to have in place.

Yes, get a will. Actually get a few different things.

1. Figure out who would care for the children. Ask them to make sure it's okay. Write it up.

2. Figure out who would be responsible for your estate (money). It doesn't have to be the same people. Sometimes it's actually best if it's NOT the same people, if you want to insure that whatever money you have goes to your kids. Obviously we'd all like to think that our childrens' caregivers would be financially responsible, but it's nice to have something legal in place to insure that.

3. Get an actual living will - write out what you would want to happen to you should you become medically incapacitated and NOT die. This is actually very very important. Would you want to be left on life support indefinately? Would you want your life to be saved if you were going to be permanently disabled? How disabled? Who is in charge of making medical decisions for you - your parents or your husband?

These are all very very very hard conversations to have. But it's so much better to have them now, while you're healthy. EVERY legal document can be changed while you're still alive, but you don't want your husband to have to make panicked choices in a terrible moment, nor do you want your children caught between fighting family members.

Good luck.

As long as you're alive, you can change your will. Make your will for your situation NOW, then if things change down the road, go ahead and make changes as you see fit. But whenever there are children involved and lots of family members who want the kids, it's best to get your wishes in writing. The LAST thing your kids need after losing their parents is a long, drawn-out, family wrecking custody battle over them. Talk to your family and explain who you're choosing and why. We put just as much thought into this as you're doing (and at about the same age as you, actually). For now, if anything happens to me or my husband, the kids will be well taken care of by loved family members and will (luckily) be fine financially, too, because of all the life insurance we have. Nobody wants to think about dying, but getting your estate in order is one of the biggest gifts you can give your children. I've seen what having no wills, or very unclear wills, can do to a family firsthand...it's a freakin' mess for everybody left behind! Good for you for doing this now.

My husband and I got a will when our first child was born. We are not as young as you, but we are not old either. Our thinking was if something were to happen to us we didn't want someone else making decisions about our children that we may not approve of. We wanted to ultimately decide who would take care of them and who would manage their money. The last thing you want is for them to be dealing with the loss of a parent and in a power struggle with where they would live. Both grandparents love our children very much and "in their best interest" would each want them. So that is ultimately why we put a will together.

Yes, absolutely find an attorney and have the following drafted immediately b/c you simply do not know what can happen tomorrow:
1. A Last Will & Testament for each of you
2. Medical Proxy (should something happen to you, who has the ability to make medical decisions for you)
3. Guardianship papers- NOT necessarily the same thing as Godparents.

Yes, we put a lot of thought into who our child's Godparents would be and the same amount of thought into the guardianship. For my son, they are the same couple. When we have a second child, that child will have a different set of Godparents, but the same guardians.

Please know that should something happen to you, Godparents ARE NOT the guardians. One is a religious role, the other has legal rights to your children. You will also be asked to identify someone to be their "financial" guardian and that can be someone entirely separate. In our case, my sister and her husband are fabuluous parents, but not great with money. My niece and her husband will be in charge of the kids' money b/c they are similar in their financial beliefs.

This is NOT about feelings, but about who will be the best person to love and raise your child if you are unable to do so.

Also, in some states (NY for one), if something happens to you and your husband and there are no guardianship documents, your children automatically become wards of the state and your family would need to apply for custody much in the same way they would need to go through the adoption process.

You are 27, which means you are an adult, so "creepy" is irrelevant. It's not a fun conversation, it's not "uplifting", it's not "romantic", but it is a conversation that must happen and should happen in conjunction with a lawyer who will guide you through the process.

WHEN you schedule your appointment, bring your address book b/c you will need the correct spelling of each person's name as well as their current address.

You're very smart with addressing this. I would chose the best people for the current situation, and discuss with them exactly what you are asking us. Technically, they would be GUARDIANS; Godparents are a more church-related position and NOT LEGAL guardians. You need to chose the guardians in your will. As time changes, if your choice changes, then address it - you could bring it up with them as well - that you may adjust your choice of guardians as your siblings mature.

You can also have separate FINANCIAL and PHYSICAL guardians - if someone is more loving, but crappy with money, they care for the kids, and someone else is responsible for their financial well-being (managing the money).

Definitely get life insurance - that's a whole different conversation - click on my name and I'll give you more info there if you want it :) (I don't sell it, I just know about it).

Great job!

Hi Lovemybabies. Good for you for taking care of your babies now and in the G-d forbid eventuality.
We have given our lawyer a list of 2 friends of whom should decide who will take care....
We also have a will.
Not a fun subject, but necessary.
Hope this helps.
Jilly

God parents are not legally recognized as guardians, they are strictly religious and courts do not automatically place children with them. We also do not have a lot of money, but will have life insurance. We knew if anything happened to both of us, both sides would fight for the kids and we wanted to avoid this at all costs, because the kids will be going through enough.

We chose my sister and BIL to be the guardians, but my husbands brother is the executer of the will and for any large purchases that my sister needs to make for the girls would need to go through my BIL. This way both sides feel like they are involved. We also have it set up that the girls are required to see his family at least once a year, but more if possible. I know my sister would go out of her way to make sure the girls see his family, but this made his family feel better.

i would ask who you think is the best candidate now. i'm sure that your cousin would understand that you want to switch it to your sister if the time came. its not like your signing a life contract these are YOUR children and you can decide anytime who should raise them if the worst were to happen. no one will be planing their life around if the worst were to happen or get hurt feelings if you change your mind and if they do well...that would be weird anyone with kids should understand that. i don't think its unreasonable to find younger caregivers for your children. parents are not always the best candidate. i love my father but the kids aren't allowed alone with him and his wife becuz of the lifestyle they chose ya know.
i would definately look into life insurance if you do not have it. (its much cheaper the younger and healthier you are) that way if anything happened to both of you the people who look after your children will have the funds to care for them.

I will make this brief as you have already received a lot of great responses. It doesn't matter how much (or how little) you have, everyone MUST have a will. You need to be secure in who will be taking care of your most precious children. You can change your will as your children get older or if you feel the need to change who may be their guardian. But please do it, you never know when something could happen, accidents happen and people die, get prepared.

We're 33 with 2 little kids. Our Godparents also happen to be who we've directed custody to, should something happen, but that doesn't have to be the case.
We established the living will, regular will, power of attourney and all of that after the whole thing with the lady in FL that was a vegetable a couple of years ago.
You should absolutely do it, especially if you have kids. In IL, if you don't have something set up, your kids become wards of the state before anything else. I didn't want them to have to deal with that on top of losing their parents, should something happen to us.

This is a legal, and family discussion. Talk to a lawyer. They can walk you through different scenarios and consequences and give you some ideas.

It is extremely important that you take care of this. I know it is difficult and creepy to talk about such things, BUT death is part of life. If something awful were to happen to the both of you, do you want the state to decide who takes care of the children? Get a sitter for the kids and you and hubby have a long discussion about who you want to take care of your kids. Make a list and discuss pros and cons. Then take some time and sit down with each of these people over lunch or something and discuss it with them. I was my nephews guardian. I saw his as often as possible, but sometimes I didn't see him for several months at a time. He is now 18 and the issue is mute, but for those 18 years, my sissy and her hubby, knew that I would take care of him. When I was dating and got engaged, I informed my now hubby of 13 years, that this was always a possiblity and he took on the possible role with open arms. He made sure he had a good relationship with my nephew in case we had to take him in. My sister & her hubby chose me as the primary and then another person outside the family as a secondary in case I wasn't able to for some reason and they placed it in their wills that way.
These are hard discussions to have with those you love. It would be best to have that discussion with any family member who "thinks" they would be the caregiver. You would want to leave the family in disarray if they find out "after you are gone". It won't be easy, but It will be worth it in the long run. Situations do change, so if you need to change the guardians, do so...it is your choice, just keep everyone up to date, so at a difficult time, everyone is on the same page. Also make sure the guardians know where all the paperwork is for life insurance, bank accounts and any thing else.

You are very smart to be thinking of this now. When you say "a living will" are you talking about making a regular will? I thought a living will had to do with end-of-life matters.

Anyhow, when my children were little we asked some dear friends (not relatives) if they would be willing to take our children should something happen. They were willing to take on the responsibility (and expense!) of our four children and, although they didn't need to follow through - our children are grown now - I will be forever grateful to them. We had to make a choice early because our closest relatives were people who did not share our values and/or were just not responsible, and we didn't want the state to determine who would raise our babies.

You need to ask your cousin, however, if he and his wife would be willing to raise your children - with all that it entails - before you put their names into a legal document! If, after careful consideration, they're willing, go for it, and try to get in better touch with them (through e-mail if nothing else) so your children can get to know them. They sound like nice people for your kids to know, anyhow.

Don't delay a few years to see what your sister might do. Plan as if something might happen next month or next week. You can ask your lawyer about what to do if you ever need to change the name.

The way we handled it with our family was not to say much about it. They didn't ask, anyhow.

The money doesn't matter. The will is about who would be raising your children. Please get one, now. It is creepy to have to think about but once you have a child it should get done. Pick the people that are right for your children at this stage in life, you can always update the will later if things change. I personally would pick the people who have the same values, beliefs, etc. over how well my kids know them.

I don't know about Texas, but here in NY children do NOT automatically go to family. If there is no will they go to child services first till they decide who gets the children. I wouldn't want my son whon would already be traumatized that he lost his parents to be put in that enviornment on top of everything else. We made a will the second he was born. It's not creepy it's necessary and good on you to want to be prepared. As time goes on you can add, change , update your will, but you can sleep easy knowing your kids will be taken care of.

A living will is simply a healthcare document where you speak about preferences like life support, dnr, etc. Maybe you are thinking of a will, which discusses what happens to your money, property and children when you die. Godparents are not a legal guardian. A legal guardian can only be named in your will, that is who would get custody of your children in the event that you and your husband both die. I wouldn't hesitate to ask your cousin, the kids don't need to see the person daily or weekly and most likely this person will never raise your child. Your mother does not need to know who your guardian is, you are not required to discuss this and she would only find out if you both died (not likely). If you think that you might change the guardian to your sister, then tell your cousin this upfront when you ask her if she would be willing to be guardian. Good luck.

First, even if you have Godparents named they are not necessarily who would raise your children in the event that you and your husband passed. Godparents are supposed to assist you in the raising of your child in the church/religious beliefs. The Godparents can also be the person you would want to raise your child if something happens to you but unless it they are named as such (legal guardians) in legal documents they would not necessarily be who the court appoints. Seek guidance from an attorney in your area so your papers are legal.

As for how often you see the other couple, it is quality not quantity. Couldn't you make it a point to see them more?

I thought God parents were tasked with helping with the spiritual part of your child's upbringing.

You don't have to create a will to decide who you want to care for your children should anything happen. You could just write it out, sign it and have it notarized. But a will or even a trust isn't a bad idea since there is life insurance money and you should be the one to decide how that money is spent/handled.

Talk to the people that you think you might want your kids to live with and get an idea from them if this is something they would even be agreeable to then you can go from there.

You must ask the people and then go to a lawyer and get a will with a document stating your choice(s) in order for your children. You do not want your husband's family getting them, but without a will courts will put the kids with family first.
We changed ours due to a change in the godmother's health. She was not mentally up for it after being traumaticed. The godparents are dear friends we only see maybe once or twice a year. I wish they still lived here, but they don't. They would be the best parents and love her unconditionally.

This is a very important issue and it does require a lot of thought and a lot communication with the other parties involved or those being left out of the custody arrangement. You probably don't even know if your friends would be willing to take your two children unless you had a discussion about it. Most god parents take responsibility for making sure that the child is reared in a religious environment, they usually don't take responsibility for the child in case of the loss of the parents unless this is discussed in advance. One thing you can do is get some term insurance for you and your husband. that way, if something happens to your or your spouse, the surviving spouse or kids would have a lot more options. What would your husband do if you died suddenly? How would he take care of your children and work? You can update your will whenever you choose.

We do not have a will because of finances, but we do have a couple that we talked to who will get our children if something ever happens. My husband and I discussed it for a long time, and we knew this couple would be the best for our children. When we talked to them, we gave them time to talk it over, and they got back with us fairly soon after. Our family knows that this couple will be the one to get them, so there should not be an issue (hopefully).

We went with my unmarried SIL for many reasons. She is close to my kids but sees them only about once a month. My parents, nor his we felt would provide the stability emotionally that they would need. We asked her formally to be their guardian should something happen. We have her a 3rd party on our life insurance policy and fully trust that she'd take care of my kids!
We do NOT having a living will at this time, but have let both sides of the family that this was our choice, and we have a great family on both sides that have understood.

We had a will leaving the kids to my brother and his wife. When they started divorce proceedings, and after I moved past some of my anger, we rewrote our will. We just used a free online program.

Depending on where you live, you really do need a will. In Il, lacking a will, the kids go into child services until an appropriate guardian can be determined.

<laughing> Oy. My mother.

EVERY time before we travel my mum has us update our will and leave a copy with either her solicitor or herself, along with a list of locations of important documents (birth certs, ssn, insurance paperwork, etc.), and -if she's watching kiddo while I'm gone both permission to seek medical care and travel allowance -as in distance she's been give permission to travel with my son. Sigh I actually had to place a "do not leave the state or country" clause in at one point. I LOVE my mum, but I'm not comfy with my son being overseas without me. It DOES however, allow her to fly with him -like for the last time when my uncle died while I was gone, and she flew with my son halfway across country -with my blessing, but the notorized letter allowed her to buy tickets and do so on the up and up. ((and no, repetition from redoing wills does NOT make you freak out less just before leaving... death death death... THANKS MOM!!))

That out of the way:

Yes. I have a will that has been updated SO many times, that I actually need to do it now and have plain forgotten. (Haven't travelled in a year, but life insurance just changed and I need to set up a trust account, and haven't because I haven't been getting ready for a trip!!! Go figure. Actually, thankyou for the reminder!! Our trust account deals entirely with our life insurance. X amount for school and school expenses - I homeschool, so I upped my life insurance to cover 10 years of private school, in additon to the college portion- , y amount to cover the mortgage (paid either in lump or over time for the tax benefits), z amount for his care and raising, a amount for him when he turns 24, b, c, d,e,f,g,h,i etc amounts for our loved ones, j amount for the executor, k amount for the funeral expenses). It's all quite complicated and quite simple. If H and I both went silently into this good night, we have some whopper policies to pay for everything that we would have paid for should we have been alive, plus tokens of our affection for those we love. I have my death planned out quite carefully. Should I die, kiddo WILL be taken care of to the best of my ability to forethink, and those I love will have one last parting gift.

My husband and I have NEVER been well off financially. We're still not now, although we're finally starting to break even. In the beginning our "will" was just a litany of who would be given guardianship (and we had/have a 6 tier series : "If she is unwilling or unable....then x... if SHE is unwilling or unable then y if SHE is unwilling or unable, etc. so forth and so on."

Which is my suggestion:

Place your 20yo sister FIRST, and your cousin as 2nd "if your sister is unwilling or unable or in the event of her death Suzy Q shall go to Cousin X."

That way you can ask EACH of them. ((ALWAYS get permission before placing someone as legal guardian in your will)). Ask your sister, and then tell your cousin that you have your sister down in the will a potential guardian, and would your cousin be willing to if your sister is unwilling or unable when the time comes?

Yes we have a living will as well as life insurance. I was 25 and hubby was 28 when we wrote it out, shortly after my daughter turned a year old (I wanted to do it sooner, but as you said it is hard to think about and hubby just did not want to think about till I said I am getting a living will you can either have some say or be ok with whatever I put down).

Anyway, for a guardian we picked the couple that we think is the best right at this moment. It happens to also be our daughter's godparents, my hubby's sister and her husband. We see them once or twice a year but my daughter knows them well. They are great with kids, loving, same faith, good standing with both sides of the family (we would want our daughter to have equal or clost to it family time), wise with money, hold the same education vaules as us, and above all would care for our daughter as if she was their daughter.

We told the guardians that we will revisit the living will every now and then and when reviewing it we may want to change the guardianship if we decide that another family couple fits better to our current living situation (daughter in school, might want the family couple that has same views but also lives in the area so daughter would not need to change schools right away or could finish that school before switching). They were understanding, we also said that if it should change we would let them know. We figured that if we are picking a good guardian, who will only want what is best for our child that they will understand if it changes.

You need to legally designate guardians for your babies. Guardians are different than godparents. It will be a difficult decision to find someone, but your cousin does sound perfect. Most likely you will be changing details over the years as life situations change.

A living trust is different than a will. As I understand it, a trust makes the whole legal process a lot easier and disposition of the estate happens much more quickly. I highly recommend talking to a lawyer or trusted financial planner for their advice. It will cost some $, but I think it is the best way to be sure your wishes are followed to the letter, should, God forbid, something happen to one or both of you.

Good luck! D.

YES!! You absolutely need to have a will, and in it you need to spell out what your wishes are for your children in the event you and your husband both die. This should include who you would want to care for them, as well as a back up arrangement in the event that your first choice is unable for some reason. Yes, you can change these plans as circumstances change, and you should update your will as needed, it really isn't something you do and forget about. This is not a creepy issue, we are all going to die at some point, may as well get comfortable with the idea. Making preparations for your kids is the only responsible thing to do as parents.
At least one other poster mentioned that she didn't have a will but had a verbal agreement with a family member to care for her children. That won't cut it. This needs to be in writing, witnessed, notarized, the whole nine yards. This will avoid the court making decisions about your children and assets after you are gone.
Please talk to your husband and get this taken care of as soon as possible to protect your family.

Yes, if you have children you need to have a will - regardless of how old you are. Don't mean to be morbid, but accidents happen. If you and your husband were gone tomorrow - who would you want your children to be raised by? God parents are NOT picked to be guardians of your children. They are chosen to have the responsibility of continuing your children's religious education. Meet with a lawyer and get your wills in order.

This was the most important thing that my children need to know. Who would raise them if I died and yes I made a will. I picked out godparents for each child when they were small.