Need Some Advice About the In-law situation...Maybe I Just Need to Vent?

Hi E.,
We're talking one night - here & there, right?...I think you'll survive just fine! In fact, you might discover that the grand nephew will help entertain your own child. I wouldn't do it when the MIL has your older child - it would defeat the purpose of giving her a break. Consider this a challenge - you'll do great, I'm sure! And trust me, in the end you'll feel good about yourself for having helped your MIL! And since your husband offered to help, make sure you bring him into the equation! Provide him with SPECIFIC jobs & duties to help make things run smoothly! Be sure to let us know how it goes!

Honestly? bite the bullet! lol. I'm a mom of 2... 2yr and 5yr old. I also watch a friends 2yr old twice a week. I was nervous about it at first, but it's not that bad. Really. If it were an every day thing SURE..overwhelming. But to do it once in a while? You can do it mama. It's not bad. And your MIL takes your child right? So SHE'S handling 2 children also. Remember that family helps out. Your MIL is doing this WONDERFUL thing when she is beyond her childrearing days... give her a break once in a while too!!!

This may be one of those situations where you imagine things worse than they will be. The boys may end up playing very nicely with each other. And remember, your house, your rules! That means that if you want to put your nephew to bed at the same time as your son, do it! It may not work out well, but you never know. And make sure you take your husband up on his offer. If he's on the phone with friends while you are pulling your hair up, walk right up to him and say "I need your help now". Otherwise, he may offer again because it didn't seem so bad to him.
Good luck, and remember, it's only one day.

You're in a rough spot :( I suggest trying the babysitting out for one night. You may be surprised and the kids may be very good. OFtentimes, kids are much better for a "babysitter" than for their own parents (or in this case, grandparents). If it's horrible and your husband doesn't provide the help he's promised, you have justification to put your foot down if he ever suggests it again... But I do feel your pain! Best of luck!

E.,

I understand why you would be worried about taking on another child close to the same age as yours. But really it's not that bad. 4 out of my 6 kids are pretty close 5 3 y/o twins and a 22 month old. As well as 10 y/o and 4 month old. It's really not as hard as you may think. Yes he may not have rules at home, but it is only 1 night as well as maybe he'll like coming to your house so much that he will be such a sweetheart because he gets love and attention as well as someone his own age to play with. I would try it one night and see how it goes, if it's to much at least you tried it. My parents have my sisters kids and I feel so bad for them. The were looking forward to retirment and now they are in their 50's with one in 7th grade and one in high school. I always took pitty on them and try to give them a brake when they were younger, to give my parents sometime to themselves or to go out with friends. They went from having an 18 y/o move out and then 2 months later found themselves with a 4 and 2 y/o. They have never gotten to "enjoy" being grandparents because they have been their parents. One night isn't so bad:)

i would say just bite the bullet and give it a shot. hopefully your husband will follow through with the help, and if he doesn't then you don't ever have to do it again! if an overnight visit really freaks you out, try an afternoon or something to start and see how it goes. you may be happily surprised to find that the kids play really well together and tire each other out and bedtime will be a breeze! :) ...or it could be just what you are afraid of and things could be total chaos! you'll never know if you don't try, you could be missing out on a lot of fun! think of how much you appreciate the break you get when they watch your kids and how much they could use the break. best of luck!

If they help with your child than you should be helping with theirs. I always have my nieces and nephews for sleepovers, and they take turns with my kids. It's only a little boy not a baby. I had twin boys it's not really a big deal to take care of two. When I have other kids over they actually helps to entertain my kids. Be kind and think of how much you MIL would enjoy a little time to her self. :)

My experience with dreading things like this is that it usually turns out to be much easier than I'd feared. Hopefully, if you do it, this will be the case. I'd try to build in a break for yourself when hubby is in charge, like a trip to the store or something. Make a deal with him. Tell him you know he won't be able to handle all this by himself and you feel the very same way. What can you do to make it work as a team so you can share the work and both get some breaks? If he's like most men, he doesn't "get" your concerns at all, but now if you refuse to do this, you'll become the bad guy, so I'd sweat it out. Hopefully, it won't be too bad if you can keep your sense of humor.

I say "bite the bullet" and just give it a try. Maybe your husband will help out. Plus, its only one night. I might be a terribly crazy night, but then you will know for sure. Good luck.

Hi E.,

You are just so nice! I don't think you should feel you need to take your nieces son overnight. your mil takes your 4 year old because she is the grandma. A 4 year old is much easier to take care of then a 16 month old, (your 4 year old probably distracts the 16 months old and gives your mil " a little break". Maybe you can offer to help out a little during the day, for an hour or so (if that is any better?)so your mil can get to the store or get her nails done(whatever she likes to do). Good luck

Hi E.,

I definitely would not do overnight visits at this age simply because I would be afraid that your grandnephew may have a hard time handling being away from home especially since his mom isn't around much to begin with. I think the anxiety and stress stems from the fact that you are more comfortable watching and caring for your own children--which is natural while caring for someone else's child always brings on anxiety because you don't want to do anything to upset the child. I've done a many sleepovers and visits with other kids and it can be stressful for both the caregiver and the child. Have you considered possibly offering to babysit your grandnephew at your MIL's house while she goes out? You could bring your son and daughter and make a playdate out of it? I would suggest to your MIL maybe you could take the grandnephew with your kids to a mall or a park even the zoo for the day--maybe get another mother friend (maybe even get your MIL to go) or take hubby so that you have some adult companionship? I would bet that your MIL probably doesn't expect you to take your grandnephew even though it is a thoughtful gesture on your part. As a grandmother, I would think that she loves to spend time with all her grandchildren.

M.

Go for it. Your house, your rules, one can respect the rules at MIL house, however at your house, your the queen, and persons in your home, will live for 24hr with your rules. Keeping this in mind, plan the day, children this age have a lot of energy, keep them buzy, go from one activity to another, play play play, they should all be worn out by the end of the day. Best of luck to you

E.; it does not hurt to be supportive, but that does not mean you have to do an over night thingy, its ok to offer and tell her if you need a break i can help out, not sure how well the baby will do over night, but if you want to go shopping i can certainly help out for a day , and give you a break, after all she is not a young mom, she is grandma, and it is also good for baby to get a bit of releif too, obviously you got your hands full, but if you stayed at her house during day while she was out, you can set your kids there and watch all three, it will be a challenge yes, but nothing says you cant take baby for a ride in the car, or go shopping, and let grandma stay home for a bit by herself too, i would at least offer, she knwos you are not close and my not even ask, its ok to put yourself out for one day or even one over night thingy, and she may be perfectly happy doing it all herself, and she might go crazy with him gone over night, but if you see she is stressed definitely help her, your kids will enjoy getting to be with their cousin, and stuff, its one day , or a few hours, you can do it, and your kids can help, enjoy life D. s

Just try it once. I took in another 20 month old along with my own for some extra money. I did this 3 days a week. They actually played pretty well together. (Most of the time). Time flys when your busy. You will be busy. But it won't be all the time. Just on occassion. Good luck.

hey E.
you said your mother inlaw take your older one how about the baby do they take him? if not i don't see why you should have to where is your nices parents why are they not helping out ? i feal you should only take on what yo can handel and two little one that closre to the same age would be more then you can so i would let your hubby know that you just can't do it and relax over it you only have the two that all you signed up for that what i would do .but my inlaws have only kept my 4 yr once and my 10 yr old four time in there life

Sometimes it's hard to do what is right isn't it. Yes, you should offer to take the baby - either overnight or for a day. Work out what would be best for you and your in-laws. Maybe offer to take the baby at the same time that they take your daughter. That way, you still only have two kids instead of three, at least the first time. I would also parent with your own style - put him to bed (whether for the night or nap) at the same time as your own son. Sit him down to eat with your family. Maybe he'll thrive with that little bit of structure in your own home. It might just go a lot easier than you think it's going to.