I have a 4.5y daughter and a 2.5y son and they are continually fighting. They fight over who sits in what chair, if one of them touches something of the other, if one is being too loud the other gets mad, they don't share. Sometimes they play really nice together, but we feel as if we are continually trying to make them be kind to each other. I've tried putting them into their rooms when they are fighting, sitting in time out, but nothing is working. Any suggestions??
My mom used to tell me and my sister we were not ALLOWED to speak to each other for the rest of the day.
I loved it, drove my sister insane.. Hey, maybe that is her problem...even today..
My 4.5 and 3 year old girls are the same way. And you know what? Unless they get physical with each other, I let them fight. I'll sometimes ask if I need to take the toy their fighting over away....they say no and figure it out themselves. Honestly, if I tried to break up EVERY 'fight' of theirs, that's ALL I'd do all day!! I think if we intervene ALL the time, we're robbing them of the skills of problem solving, learning to get along with others, and disagreeing nicely.
Do one of two things: 1) ship one of them off to a preschool boarding school for the next 3 years, or 2) have your husband take one kid and move out and get their own place for the next 3 years (separate residencies makes for excellent birth control, too)!
Okay, all kidding aside, I have the same problem and it drives me nutso every single day. It is our fault for having kids so close together in age. In my next life, I will space out my kids at least 3 years apart from each other. I don't have any suggestions. I really don't think anything will help except for the gift of time - give it a couple of years. Until then, drink plenty of wine (that's what I do).
I could have written this (same ages, but my son is 3).... In fact, I almost posted this today!!! I don't have any perfect answers. Sometimes I've had luck with telling them - "Mommy needs a time out" - and going into the bathroom for a couple minutes.... one time it got really quiet and they were both standing there when I opened the door!!! Other times we do separate them to do different activities in different places. I heard of a mom that would make them HUG IT OUT when they fought... sounded good, but mine refused of course.... If they fight over a toy I calmly take it away and say uh-oh can't play with this toy anymore since we aren't using our nice words. Then they get angry with me and try to have a "fit" or tantrum... I ignore it and then they move on, but oddly the enemy becomes me and they stop fighting with each othere... My biggest challenge is to remain calm... breathing (and wine) helps. Hang in there and enjoy the good days.
Mine are 3 years apart and it doesn't help. They are experts at pushing each others buttons! When I get sick of it, they aren't allowed to be near each other. If it gets bad enough, they lose the right to do fun stuff like special crafts, watch a movie, do anything special outside of our home. The threat is usually sufficient to make them stop. If they can't stop fighting over a toy, Mom gets it.
Most small kids don't actually play together they parallel play. They sit close and each may play with the same type of toy but they don't really interact. Watch them carefully and you may see this behavior. As far as the sharing goes, kids this age don't share. Get a couple of boxes her toys for this morning go in this box and his toys go in this box--put some space between them. In the afternoon switch boxes. Put their names on the chairs with maybe a flower for her and a car for him, this one is yours and this one is your brother's.
I promise it will all work out, enjoy them before you know it you will be picking out prom dresses and deciding on colleges.
At my daughter's school they do a lot of parent ed. One suggestion is that it is a sure way to get your attention if you continue to intervene. You can help them to express themselves and give messages. "We can take turns. I don't like that." Etc. They may always argue but once they use their words a little more, 6 months - next year maybe, they can work it out. When that happens, unless they are physically unsafe, let them work it out. Completely stay out of it. Right now, its a lot of teaching of HOW to negotiate. Its really important that they give clear messages about what they do and do not want rather than "be nice." Too vague. How can they handle conflict in way that is acceptable to you. Be very specific. Conflict is inevitable.
We have the same problem, its like they thrive on it and we have a hard time seperating them. I wish I had an answer and I'm hoping to read some good responses. =)
Welcome to my world :) Almost 4 year old daughter and 2.5 year old son -- same issues here! We usually REMOVE whatever they are fighting over (mommy or daddy gets it or it is removed from the area), take away privileges (like our daughter's barbie dolls or son's trains) if the fighting escalates to hitting or pushing, or explain human nature to our daughter (if you just wait long enough, your brother will abandon whatever it is and then it is free-game). Just like yours, most of the time mine play VERY NICELY together (thank goodness) but there are times -- like brushing teeth in the morning and at night when they fight over the BIG stool (we have 2 and one is higher than the other) -- we have started the "whoever gets there first, gets it while the other one reads a book and then they switch. Other times when it is less expected, we just do one of the above I mentioned. Good luck! I am about to add a third child to our chaos next month! (Oh Lord Help me :)
