Need Help with My Boyfriend Who Is Against Me Having This Baby

Place the child up for adoption and then get on birth control until you are ready to have more children. Best of luck. Please don't get an abortion. Give this child life. You are not "giving it up", you are giving it hope and life.

J. - I know this is hard but I happen to know that one of my closest friends jsut adopted a baby out ofthe same type of situation...a woman jsut simply couldn't afford a 3rd child on her own. He has made my friend so happy...Good luck and be at peace with whatever decision you make. Just know there are tons of people out there who can't have babies on their own and want them.

NT must be smoking something!!

It IS NOT just a woman's responsibility when SHE becomes pregnant. Most of the time there is a MAN in the process.
If he didn't want children, he should have taken necessary precautions. Now that there is going to be a child, he may have tucked his tail and ran, but he can only run so far.
Whether he wants anything to do with this child or not, he will be financially responsible for it for the next 18 years. Like it or not!!
I wish you the best of luck. You can do it...you've already got 2 so you're a pro now!!

Hi J.,
I just want to tell you that God loves you, He knows all and see all. When we have troubles He wants us to run to Him. He is the ultimate parent, just like you can relate to your children and you love them unconditionally, God our Father is even greater in His love toward us. Do you know Jesus J.? God says in His Word to us; For I know the thoughts and plans that I think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. You will call upon Me and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity. Jeremiah 29: 11-14 Be encouraged J., seek after the wisdom of God, He loves you and will never lead you astray. I'm praying for you. Here is my personal email address if you wish to be in touch further.
____@____.com

May He richly bless you with wisdom, peace and direction.
G. G.

J.,
I have found that when it comes to having babies, women are pretty much on their own. Marriage doesn’t come with a lifetime guarantee. So when a man says he wants you to have an abortion or to put the baby up for adoption, he means just that. He is NOT father material for the LONG HAUL. I thought was happily married and my husband (who made a six figure salary) wanted me to put the third child up for adoption and he wanted me to abort the forth. I wouldn’t do either because despite birth control pills, a coil and an IUD, we still conceived. I felt this was a message to me that I was supposed to raise these children. I’m glad I listened because they are all grown now and they are wonderful people. I would not want to have gone through my life without them. Their father divorced me after 20 years of marriage and left us when our first child reached sixteen. He couldn't cope and he wanted more of the money for himself. It was very hard for us. We were thrown into poverty because I hadn't worked in 20 years, but we made it (with God’s love). I worked three jobs and the kids helped. We are better people because we were tested. Had he stayed with us we might have turned into selfish shallow superficial people (like he is). You will be fine. Trust in God and pray a lot. Then pray for and find a man who is worthy of your love. And you can find a good man because I did. When I went on my first date with my now husband I told him about all the baggage I was carrying and he came back for more. We have been together for 16 years now and he enjoys having a ready-made family. We have been through the college years, the dating years, the marriages and the grandbabies together. My children consider him more of a father figure than they do their own father. So take heart and start praying. You have a wonderful life ahead of you.

I raised three children by myself with no help from family or friends. They are strong wonderful adults. Their children, my grand children are being raised the same way with lots of love and care. It was difficult. I had to make every cent did count. I worked very hard and sometimes I wasn't sure if I could make it. God always worked it out. We never went with out food or a roof over our head. As long as the car would run and I had gas we went to church. Sometimes we had to watch on TV. We prayed every day in our home and had special prayer on Sunday with songs of praise. God will make a way when there is no way.

Dear J.,
I know this is a very tuff decision for you because I have been where you are at. To make my long story as short as possible, 20 years ago I was pregnant with my first son. My bf at the time was against me having our son. He left me for 9 months, only to return before I delivered. We got married 6 months later. I became pregnant again 3 years later, only for him to leave again and return right before delivery. Than there was baby number 3. He stayed this time, but only to leave again 6 months after our son's delivery. By that time, I had enough and was able to walk away with my 3 sons. I have been raising them on my own for 14 wonderful years and I look back with not one regret. I am not saying it has been an easy road, but I am saying you can to this on your own. I know you can! My oldest is now in college. I have a senior to be (High School) and a 7th grader. In addition, I am a full time student. The source of my strength has been the Lord. It is only by His grace I got through every thing and it is only by His grace today, that I am successfully doing what I am doing. I don't even know you, but I believe in you. I believe "ALL things are possible" and you CAN do it. The most important thing right now is a good support system for you and your children. Whatever advice you have just ask and I will do by best to help walk you through any of your concerns and I know once the mammas on this website read your struggles, they too, will be available for you! Your bf is going through so many mixed emotions and right now, he is not the voice for you. If he where, you would not be confused. This does not mean he cannot change, but only time will tell on that. I just want you to know you are not alone during this time. I truly believe if you choose to have this baby, you will be blessed above and beyond. There is financial and medical help if you are lacking in this area. I am sure you already know resources since you are already a mom. In closing, I still have contact with their dad and we remain civil to one another and he has been very faithful in paying his child support. I know through all the heartache, I came out the head and not the tail and I am so thankful that I walked the journey I had to walk. Each day is a challenge for all of us and God only allows us to see the beginning and a beautiful ending, but thank God we can't see what happens in the middle, otherwise, we would just simply give up. Just know this, there is LIGHT at the end of the tunnel. Be Encouraged and never, never give up! (John 3:16) Sincerely from my heart to yours!

Jeni let me just tell you fron expiriance . I had 3 kids all at a almost age. and I raise . my kids on welfare for about 4 years until, it was ok to work and than raise them on my own. and every day I sit here my kids are now 20,21,22,all grown and graduated and said to myself Thank you god for being there when I needed you the most tuff time of my life. I Thank all the Tax payers , that now I'm one of them and will be more than proud to pay my taxes for you to raise your childern, without adoption or abort. it has to take lots of love time and understanding that your child will not say my mother gave me away. always wondering if, she really love me. or why did she give me away question for the rest of his or her life not understanding the real reason you had to do the things you did. most improtance of all . my kids now have all full respect towards me that I did not give up in life just because , I had to many kids. And not having a second parent there to give there 100% support. next time if, there's a next time and there will please protect yourself. and don't be to quick to trust another guy in this manner due to the fact that you know what mit happened. trust me at frist it will seem like OMG , but it will get better as they grow up and God always said where's there's a will there's a way and he will make a way " I promise you ". If, you don't mind me askig how old are you. It dose not matter but, also family and friends help me too. I hope you decide to keep the baby and make the best of it. I love my 3 childern and everyday I look back of my life and say to my self pating my back and say good job mom. and for this guy it time to say aloha see ya. remember God dose not give you more than you can't handle. he will make the way. Good luck on what ever you decide and may God be with you and your little family always.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!! if you want your baby..you keep it! I KNOW....tRUST ME I DO...it's tough, but you don't need a man to be a great mother. it is completely selfish of him to tell you not to keep the child that he has help created...i don't know if you are a religoius person...but i have always believed that god will not put in your life something that you cannot handle. I am a single mother myself....and no...i don't have 3 kids but i was 24 years old when my baby was born. she was born with down syndrome. i took all the precautions in the world...minus the abstinence to not get pregnant b/c i NEVER wanted to have kids. now i have my little girl....she has to go to therapy 3x a week...needs meds and constant care....all things that i was NEVER willing to sacrifice for anyone else ...but myself...until i felt her. Being a woman is a gift. We are stronger than any man!

I personally would completely forget about this guy! I only have very negative things to say about a man who would walk away from his unborn child! If you believe you will have problems raising this baby on your own, then by all means, please put it up for adoption. I have a very good friend who has been waiting 3 years for a baby, with no luck yet! Your baby will go to someone who has probably been wanting a child for years and will recieve only the best care!
On the flip side, if you choose to keep the baby I have much respect for that as well. I'm also a single mother, so I'm with ya!

Dear J.,

First of all, do you understand what bith control is? Being a
parent is a huge responsibility. If he walked out on you be-
cause he was an idiot then you really don't want him raising
this child anyway. He would always resent it. You need to
find someone who is willing to love you & stand by you no matter what. You might try marriage first. You need time to
love each other & grow together. I admire you so much for
making the decision to keep this baby. God doesn't make mis-
takes & he wanted you to be it's mother. Try seeking cousel-
ing within your church. Pray & hang in there. You'll be fine.

C.

J.
Your boyfriend may be a little shocked at the moment and stay that way until your child is born. This happens sometimes.
Keep your baby. You can raise your child by yourself if worse comes to worse, but my gut feeling is that he will come to and support you when he sees you mean to keep your child, give birth to it and raise it and he will probably be one of the first people at your side when you go into labour.
I trust this will be so for you.
Put your trust in the Lord.
Jewel

Please, please do not have an abortion. Whatever the problems are between you and your boyfriend, the baby is an innocent bystander. The baby's heart is already beating, and his or her body is already amazingly formed. Don't let anybody sell you the lie that "it's just a bunch of tissue."

Instead of abortion, why don't you seriously consider adoption? That is a loving option. You say you can't raise another child by yourself, and it does sound like your situation is less than ideal. Many couples who can't have children would be glad to adopt your child. You can elect to have an open adoption, in which you would get to visit the child and be a part of his or her life. I have several friends who are ready, willing, and able to adopt your baby. Adoption agencies also have tons of people who are looking to adopt. You can get your medical bills and some living expenses paid for.

You are probably better off without your boyfriend, and you need to work on attracting better-quality people into your life. That's an ongoing process. In the meantime, please do what's best for the baby and make an adoption plan for him or her. I'll pray for you, and will be happy to work with you in sorting things out. My e-mail address is ____@____.com.

PLEASE consider adoption. There are thousands of people who cannot have their own children due to infertility. Your baby would be loved, adored, and well taken care of for its entire life. As a mother of two already, you know how precious life is and how much this child can mean to someone. Your baby already has a beating heart, limbs, and a soul. He or she just wants to be loved so please consider letting another loving couple have your baby.

Dear J.,
It sounds to me like you already love this baby. If you are considering adoption or abortion in the hopes that your bf will come back to you don't. He is not worth a lifetime of what does my baby look like or what might have been, Any man who walks out on a woman pregnant with his child is not a man at all. I know beacause I once gave a baby boy up for adoption and am always wondering if he is ok. From what I hear many women who have had abortions struggle with remorse and find happiness an unreachable thing.
I am a Mom now of five. My husband died 7 years ago leaving me with the children to raise. It has at times been difficult but mostly things fall into place. The truth is you can do it.
Pray about it and do what your inner soul tells you to do.
Rely on God and He will give you the strength you need. I wish you joy. M. S.

J.,

How brave you are to stand up to your boyfriend. Seek the help of the Lord. Please do not have an abortion. A pre-born baby is fully human from the moment of conception. Inside of you is a tiny human being with an eternal soul being formed in the 'image of God.' Please choose the best option for you and for your baby. You will not regret it. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galations 6:9
God Bless You
M.

If it were me...I would ask him to legally relinquish all rights to the child. I therefore wouldn't want his money and if he didn't want any part of this child, then I don't want him to have any part or come in years later when he changes his mind. (I only say this as per the other Mamasource requests about Dads all of a sudden wanting "in" their life - but not in a good way. At least this way I would have some control and say in the matter, instead of a Judge.) And, if I truly could not raise this child by myself, then I would put the baby up for adoption and personally choose the family that I would want the baby to go to. I would feel more comfortable that way. But, consider, it is possible that you are in panic mode. If you have raised 2 others, then you can do it again. I don't know the specifics of your situation, so my advice should be taken into account with the details that you know about. But, given what you said - that's what I would do.

He is scared and not mature enough to be a father. Men are not as strong as woman are, that may be why God chose women to bear babies, because we can handle it. Access to abortion is a temptation that makes women think they can't handle something that is already set in motion, but it can make a difficult situation even worse.

Catholic churches all have programs to help pregnant mothers if you need help. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time with the father being unsupportive - support is what you need most of all now.

If you pray, pray now about what to do. God will lead you to the right decision. Adoption can sometimes be the most loving thing a person can do for their baby, as there are many people who are waiting to adopt.

If you keep your baby, remember happiness is not a guarantee just because someone has money and two parents. Children can still be happy just because they are loved and have a mom willing to make the sacrafices necessary. It is your boyfriend's loss, not yours.

I will pray for you and your situation, I konw it is a very hard spot to be in. Let us know if you need support as I know it must be very stressful. I admire you for doing the right thing for your family in spite of your boyfriends cowardice. Of course, if you keep the baby, file for child support asap!!

Take care.

You are a WOMAN. Being a WOMAN is the best thing. You should have the confidence and strengh to stand up and let him know, you can be with me with the baby if you want. Let him know from the beginning, I'm choosing to have this baby with or without you. I tell you because I went through the same thing. I had a little girl from a previous marriage and my bf had a little girl too so when we got together we pretty much had 2 girls. Then I came out pregnant and he was like no, I don't want it. He even drove me to the place and their were protesters outside, IT WAS TERRIBLE. I was crying so much we drove off and I remember he pulled over on the feeder and told me he was not going to be there for me or the baby and not to bother him etc. Girl, I told him o.k. thats your choice and mine is to keep it, whether you are there or not. And if it's a mistake let it be mine I dont want my baby to be a burden to anyone specially not yours. I let him know if I can make it with one I sure as hell can make it with two. What's one man trash is another man's treasure and I still remember like it was yesterday all the pain and misery I went through but It only made me stronger.I lived with him and I heard a lot of his stupid comments but I still decided to live with him. He finally accepted it and decided to be a father and he is he is a WONDERFUL father we had our first boy, he is named after him and he acts, looks, walks everything like him. I'm not telling you it is easy because I would be lying. But don't lose your FAITH girl, God will not give you something you can't handle and remember GOD does everything for a reason. WE may not know at the time but eventually we will find out. I think he is just scared and wants to run from it. Remember this is your choice and your life. If he loves you he will be there for you and the baby. Feel free to e-mail me at any time I have been through a lot so I hope my past can help someones future. I would say Keep your Head Up & Pray. I'm here for you.
God Bless You and Your Children

Hi J.!

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle! I can imagine how tough it must be for you! For what it's worth, I know many couples who have been so blessed by adoption! There are so many people who want to adopt babies! I also know many who have never recovered from their decision to have an abortion and have "Post Abortion Syndrome," forever mourning on birthdays and other significant holidays. I would really encourage you to give your baby to a loving family if it is not possible for you to care for another. There is a great agency called LifeCare that often helps women in your situation that are not happy with the news of their pregnancy. I have 4 kids of my own and, while extremely difficult and challenging, I thank God every day for each one of them! My prayers are with you as you face this difficult time in your life! Best, K.

J., I know many single moms with three kids you can do it just fine. If you need any help clothes ect, I definately have those you could have and also know a sitter who if you need one is super reliable and likes to help and work for single moms. She will work for whatever you can afford to pay her. I know right now she watches 3 children who will be moving away in the next couple months, and charges i beleve 125or 150 a week for 40 hours.
Being a single mom is challenging, but if you want to keep this baby as opposed to the other options, dont doubt yourself do what is in your heart. If you need anything please feel free to ask as i have a ton of friends who would be willing to give you things there children dont use anymore. that will help with finances for a single mom of 3. You can contact me directly if you would like ____@____.com
Just let me know if you need anything at all. I currently have boy clothes and find out in a couple days what we are having this time around, I am 5 months so you could definately use our grown out of clothes and are more than welcome to them if you would like.
Just remember to do what you want to do, dont let some guy get in your head. if you let him make you doubt yourself you will not be happy with any decision you make. I wish you luck. Best wishes

And once again contact me if you would like I would be more than willing to get you in contact with the sitter, or give you anything you could use of ours.

J., First and foremost you must take care of yourself. After all, you are the one completely in charge of this baby's destiny because he or she is growing inside you. Next, you must consider the welfare of not only your unborn child; but, your other two children. I am not telling you what to do; however, there are many possibilities. What the father of this baby wants at this time is immaterial. Others take precedence over him.

J., why are you not married ? What examples are you setting for these children ? Where is your faith grounded in regards to the Lord and the world in general ? These are all questions that eventually you will have to decide before you are able to be a well adjusted happy woman.

I encourage you to seek counseling immediately. There are many organizations out there that would be willing to help you with any assistance you may need.
Please call someone today and ask for some relief. You are a good person. This is evident by your concern for your family.
The grace and wisdom to handle this will come to you if only you persue the best decisions.

One other thought I would like to share with you is that I am adopted. I have two children that are adopted. I do understand that option. My Birthmother made a very difficult choice when she chose adoption for me. I have never held it against her. She did what she felt she had to do. I also understand abortion. For many years I worked in Labor and Delivery. There are not many stories that have escaped me. It is not my place to judge.

Take care, J.. My best to you and yours.

J.,

Your situation is a prime example of why God wants us to wait for marriage to have sex. God loves you, J., and that's why He has given us guidelines to protect us from situations like yours. Having said that, who is helping you take care of your other two? Is it feasible for you to have another baby to take care of or does it make more sense to allow another married couple who cannot have children adopt your baby to help make their dreams come true? You see, God always has a plan, and He makes beautiful things happen from our mistakes, so trust Him with this. I'll be praying you make the right decision. As for your boyfriend, give him up unless you two are going to get married and raise this child, and the other two, together. God bless, S., SAHM of 7

Dear Sweet J., I hear you're feeling stuck, but you are not as trapped as you realize. Your b/f is not the one who gets to decide for you. He decided for himself when he left. I know this is a sad time for you since the person you counted on is out. Since you said no to the abortion, it seems like you do know pieces of what you want. For the next 2-3 months, take care of your pregnancy and your children. You will know what to do when the time comes. Perhaps not having the discord with the b/f will make the decision about the new baby more simple to decide. Many places allow the birthmother to choose who adopts her baby. You could look into that without making a firm decision--just checking out options not obligations. Many people are unable to have babies but have their dream come true because of adoption. NOBODY can say the mother who chooses adoption doesn't love baby with her whole heart, enough to ensure it has 2 loving parents who will be forever grateful. You are a good person and good mom. It is in your best interest that your b/f is Best Forgotten if he can't handle the pregnancy, he would likely make a poor father. Prayerfully, C.

J.,
First, this is a human being you are talking about. If you can't raise another child by yourself, and he doesn't want it, there are many loving people out there that would jump at the chance to have a child of their own.

Secondly, you have two children. Both of you need to be responsible with your relationship if that is what you choose. Otherwise, you are putting a lot of "garbage" on this future child.

Sorry to preach, but responsibility is extremely important. When it comes to trust and sex, the best choice is not until we're married.

This decision is huge. I think you need support in more than what to do about this pregnancy. Life is complicated and our choices have eternal consequences. I hope you will contact an agency such as Austin LifeCare who can offer you options in order to make a decision and can assist you with multiple resources and support. I pasted contact info from their website. Austin LifeCare,1215 W. Anderson Lane, Austin, Texas 78757
Confidential Help Line ###-###-####
Email: ____@____.com

I hope you will call them right now if only for someone to talk to.

I am praying for your situation.

Forget about him! (Easier said than done, I know). But the baby is not the issue. If he really loved you, he would stick around. What if you had gotten a life threatening illness or something instead? Would he bail then, also?
And pleeeeeease don't get an abortion -- I'll take your baby!
I bet others would too. Find some counseling in your area, maybe through a church or something. They can help you sort things out.

By all means, you should keep the baby if you want to, if you are prepared to do it by yourself.

I don't want to sound harsh or cruel, but I'm kinda on the fence about forcing a man to be a father, to be responsible for the welfare of a child. You've got the choice of having a baby or not, while his choice is just to go along with whatever you decide. That sucks. You both lay together and irresponsibly made this creation without any agreement in the event that this would happen. Now, you alone get to choose to have a baby, and he's tied to you for life and forced to be financially responsible for this child. He has no say in the matter. Would you have warm and fuzzy feelings about it if you were in his shoes?

Think long and hard about why you would choose to keep this baby. Don't do it to manipulate him or the system.

J.,
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Good for you for standing up for yourself though.

Unfortunately, if your boyfriend is trying to manipulate you to change your mind by leaving, the odds are he would probably leave eventually anyway.

You don't have to raise this baby alone. He is legally obligated to pay child support- whether he stays with you or not. Also right now you are only two months pregnant so you have some time to figure things out. There are also organizations that can help in your situation. You can call 1-800-672-2296 for crisis pregnancy help and more info on your options.

You've been put in a very difficult situation but the blunt truth is it looks like you need to make a choice - boyfriend or baby. You can't control his behaviour or stop him from leaving (as you've found out). It's a choice only you can make. And it won't be an easy decision and whatever decision you make will have repercussions but I do believe that if you ask God will help you make the right choice (and I'm not one of those that thinks PRO LIFE is always the right choice) and help you get through whatever difficulities you encounter by making the choice you end up making. Best wishes to you.

DO NOT have an abortion. you will regret it for the rest of your life. if your bf left you, and wants you to have an abortion then he isn't ready to be in a grown up, mature relationship. much less ready to be a parent. i understand not wanting to raise another child alone, adoption may be your best option. as hard as it will be, it may be the best for all involved. if you decide on this option, do NOT take him back. he is not ready for the committment that you need. and by all means, practice birth control. either abstinence or the pill or something. good luck. my prayers are with you.

I am the mother of two with another on the way and my husband was against this child at first as well. I am completely overwhelmed at the idea of another child and even with my husband am unsure of how we are going to handle 3 kids. But I look at my 16 month old and know that I could not live with myself if I had an abortion,I also know that I would never follow through with an adoption. I know it may sound dreamy but I have to have faith that this is how things were meant to be and know that somehow things have a way of working themselves out when I get out of the way. There are people out there with 4 and 5 kids and a lot of them doing it alone. It's not easy and its not ideal but it can be done. Be strong, have faith and set up a support system for yourself. If he comes around then great and if he doesn't get paper work ready to file child support on his childish selfish butt! Good luck, let us know how it turns out and don't be afraid to ask for help! I have an aunt who does volunteer work with a pregnancy crisis center they help with maternity clothes, baby items, formula, etc. let me know if you want more info and I will get it.There is a common misconception that God will not put more on you than you can handle, but that's not really the truth, he doesn't put more on you than you can handle through him, if you could handle it all on your own you wouldn't feel much need for God, L.

TAKE CARE he sounds like he would not be good to have around with this child. That is how many children get HURT. He may change his mind later but you both made this child and he is still going to take his part even if it is the money part. Talk with his family and let them know also. They will be a part just because it will be their grandchild also. At least I hope for the child's part anyway. PLUS know that you are loved and that this child isloved.

Let him go. Can you imagine how horrible life would be with someone who doesn't want you around? Now imagine all the resentment he's going to have toward your child. It may be hard on you, but give this baby a fighting chance and let the guy move on down the road. Your babies are always more important than any boyfriend.

J.,

You don't need a man who would up and leave at such and important time.
Good for you on having your baby! Life is so important one day this child may have an impact on the world. Even if it is a small act of good it still effects many.
Motherhood is diffiicult and not very glamorous at times, but it is rewarding. God made women strong of heart inorder to bare hardships and difficulties. You can do it! If however you feel that you can't, there are plenty of people who are unable to have their own children and would love and take care of your little one. Pray and consider your options. Do what your heart tells you.

Much love and prayers,
M. K

Well, you certianly do not want him around, as he has stated his views on your pregnancy. As it sounds, you have two options...raise this baby with your other children or give this baby up for adoption. If you are unable to care for this child because of financial reasons, I think the best option for this baby is adoption. This baby deserves a chance at life, and a parent or parents that can care for it correctly. Good luck to you and your unborn baby.

Wow!!! That sounds like my 1rst husband. I was given 3 choices (like 28 yrs ago) have an abortion give it up or get out. Needless to say i got out. Back then it wasn't a big thing making them pay child support like it is now. So i raised her on my own. And glad i did. It is harder now a days for sure. I had all his rights taken away cause if he was gonna give me all those options he was not gonna have no say so in the way i raised her. Hard as it maybe let him go you will bounce back and be the better person. Good luck D.

You will never forgive yourself if you give away this baby. Ever.

Hi J. I am pro choice but in saying that this is your choice I know you have allready made it keep your child!!!!! There is an old Peruvian saying "every baby comes with a basket of bread"Much Love to you and your family you are stronger than you think actually you have done this a couple times allready you got it goin on.

Oh honey. I feel for you. It sounds like your boyfriend didn't care enough for you to help you through this tough time. (which wouldn't be so tough if he would just stick it out). I just had a recent scare that I was pregnant with my third child too, and I'm married so I know your situation must be scary.
If you know deep in your heart that you can't take care of this baby, the choice is up to you. There are a lot of willing families to take in children who are not able to have their own. That was definitely my first choice when I thought I was pregnant again.
Of course, there's the dreaded abortion choice as well. I'm not "against it" per say..but I wouldn't get one. My BEST friend of 5 years got one not too long ago and she said it was the worst experience in her life.

What's important here is to do what YOU think is right for that child. Don't listen to all the negativeness you may experience in the choice you make. It's YOUR choice.

Oh and P.S. Don't you dare take that loser boyfriend of yours back. Lol.

I wish you LOTS OF LUCK!!

your baby comes first. the boyfriend isn't worth the trouble. leave him alone tell him to get lost and enjoy your children

First off your bf is a jerk among a few other things, 2nd can't can't do anything, 3rd I raised 5 children by myself(I had the 1st at 16 and the 2nd at 17)and 4th, can you live with yourself if you have an abortion or give your child up for adoption? I am pro-life mostly, there are exceptions and I believe it is one of the greatest gifts in the world to give a childless couple a newborn, but can you do either of these and not regret it every time you look at your other children. Get the jerk for child support if you decide to keep the baby and tell him where to go.

I dont know your circumstances, but from what you are telling, you already have 2 children, your boyfriend has been with you for a little while, he's had to learn to have a relationship not just with you, but also with your children (I assume that he has met them).

You moved in together and have talked about marriage and future baby.

That's a lot right there, in approx. 1 year.

I can think of my own story, and when my boyfriend talked about marriage 3 months into the relationship. I felt overwhelmed, I got scared, I reacted VERY strongly, but deep down, I knew I was totally in love with him, I just needed more time. We ended up dating for 1 year before getting engaged, another year before getting married and again another year before deciding to have a baby. That's a total of 3 years and I would have waiting longer had I not been worried about my age (biological clock).

Desiring a baby together, deciding to have a baby, trying for a baby, these are beautiful moments for a couple to experience together... Maybe he was envisioning those moments...

There is a big difference between talking and dreaming about a future together and being pregnant NOW. Quite a few steps were missed in your case... and it sounds like this is more than your boyfriend's shoulders can hold at this time. Without the new pregnancy, it is already A LOT of responsibility (individual stories, children, and probable baggage you each have).

It looks like you have already made up your mind, you want this pregnancy, you also know your boyfriend, you can probably tell whether he is father material (you have children). Maybe he needs time to adjust, maybe he wont change his mind, you know what you guys have together, you know your stories and your feelings, you are best placed to make the assessment.

You can't force him to want a family with you, but maybe you can give him a little bit of time, without pressure, to think it over and adjust.

Good luck
A.

Hang in there sweetie! I am so sorry that your boyfriend is not being supportive at the moment. Who knows what is going on in his head to make him have such a negative reaction. But you told him that you were having your child and no matter what happens between you two, in time he will appreciate your brave attitude and be grateful he gets to be a dad. I know your heart is hurt and overwhelmed right now but yes you can do this. All you have to do today is be a good mom to your kids and take care of yourself for that precious little one you are carrying. Sometimes the greatest blessings in life come wrapped up in packages that seem hard to understand but looking back things make more sense. If you need someone to talk to about your feelings or need help in any way a local crisis pregnancy center in your area is a great place to get the love, nurture, and even physical support you need. You are stronger than you know, and you will get through this. I will be praying for you!

if you can't raise another child, then adoption is your only option - with 2 other children, be the adult and do the right thing - get rid of the boyfriend immediately - what kind of adult!! makes you choose like that!

I know it is easier said than done, but I would choose the baby and let the boyfried go. In my opinion this is a strong indicator of the type of person he really is.

You made room for the other two. Let this man go. He will bring you nothing but heartache. You will never forgive yourself if you have an abortion or let them be adopted. You will look into your children's eyes everyday and regret. You can raise three by yourself, is it preferred? Heck no, but it can be done. Make sure he pays child support, just because he wants nothing to do with this baby doesn't mean he doesn't have responsibilities. I will say a little prayer for you and hope you can come to a decision you can live with. CB

J.,
You've gotten some good advice from some single moms.

I recently learned about the Gabriel Project here in Austin for crisis pregnancies. It's not just for young teen moms, etc. It's also for moms who are in some kind of tough place emotionally, financially, etc. There is one is El Paso as well.

Reverence For Life
499 Saint Matthews St
###-###-####

They can give you spiritual, emotional, material (clothes, cribs, etc) and possibly a little financial help.

You do sound as though you are already bonding with your baby that is inside you. And as another mom said - it IS a baby.
Please cross abortion off your list of options. Adoption is a viable option if you truly feel unable to care for this baby in addition to your other two children.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers

K., mama to
Catherine, 4.5y
Samuel, 18m

Your boyfriend has made his choice and you need to make yours. I got dumped after I discovered I was pregnant and my future plans got drastically altered. 8 years later the Dad is still a jerk and has seen my daughter about 12 times in her life. His loss and I am glad he left, we don't need the negatives and the drama. He has a false sense of self entitlement with little regard to what is best for the child, good luck and take care!

I know you are getting a lot of advise and most of it is very good advise and I may not be the one who knows what is best, but I do know you don't need the boyfriend to survive. As many have said there are many people out there that can help you and I hope you have family that will help and support you. My only concern is your statement that you have 2 other children and you can't support a third. That is not true. I am all for adoption and realize there are many wonderful people out there that want a child desperately, but how can you have 2 children and someday try to explain to the 3rd one that you kept the two and not the third? If this was your first pregnancy I could understand the decision, but it took two of you to concieve this child and both of you need to handle this. If you keep this baby, which I hope you do, he will be involved whether he likes it or not. We can never afford children. The more we make, the more we spend, and when we don't have it to spend we budget and manage. I just don't know how you would be able to handle this for yourself in the future if you give this one up for adoption and how do you explain it to your other children? You will do fine and again there is help out there. Please do consider keeping this child and loving it and raising it to be a good person as I know you are doing with your other two. This child deserves the love and attention from its mother just like your other two. I just couldn't say I will keep two and give up the other. No way! However that is me and if you really feel that you can not support, take care of and love this child then please do consider adoption for the sake of the child. But remember this child will grow up and ask why did you raise two and not want me? Then someone is going to have to explain to that child who will not understand that you couldn't make the dollars stretch and let the child grow up with its mother and siblings. A very sad situation but I do know from experience from my husband that later in life that child will find you and ask questions and they truly never agree with the decisions you made because even though they are happy with their adoptive parents they still feel they were given up on by their biological parent who didn't try to work things out, love them and be a family.

Please do not just jump out there and make a quick decision. You are still early enough in your pregnancy to think long and hard on the decision you are making and whatever decision you make you must stick with it and do the best you can. I am sure whatever decision you make will be what you feel is best for you, but don't say I will give up the child just because you are made at your boyfriend or think that will make him come back, which is looks like he won't, or just because you are scare. We were all scared raising our children. I was a single parent with two children and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't worry about raising them, money, how will I do this etc. They are now grown with children of their own and I thank God everyday that I wasn't in a position to have to decide I couldn't take care of them. They are my life.

Good Luck to you.

Have you thought of an open adoption? Then you can still play a role in your child's life while giving him/her a better chance at a happy life if you feel you can't.

First I would like to start by saying ignore the response from NT. HOW DARE NT BLAME YOU. If he didn't want more children he should have kept in his pants. I had decided to read a few response so that I would make sure not to repeat too much of the same info and I'm appalled by what NT responded with. It takes two to make a baby and if he didn't want another baby then he should have taken precautions. So I think my little rant is over. Now for what I had planned on putting. LOL
Just because he has decided to leave doesn't mean that another GREAT MAN won't someday come along or that you even need a man. If he isn't willing to stick around then he's not worth it. Yeah having kids as a single mom is tough. I was there for 7 years but you'll get through it. If you have already done it with 2 you can do it with 3. You'll be amazed at what abilities God will give you. If you have already told him the answer is No to abortion or adoption then I don't think you should do it. It seems to me that you have already made your decision. If you are trying to talk yourself out of second guessing yourself then think about giving one of your kids you have now up for adoption. Could you do it? If not you probably couldn't with this one either. If you decide you should do adoption there are options to stay in touch with your child. My brother and his girlfriend gave their son up for adoption and his family have become a part of our family and we see him on holidays, birthday both his and when my son has a bday party and even on special occassions. Him and His family all came to my wedding recently. It was nice to see them again. God chooses when you have kids and when you don't. Either way you are the only who can make that decision for you but you are already a good mom and don't let anyone tell you different. Being a single mom is the hardest job but you know you can do it without your ex (he should def stay an ex). I'll be praying for you.
M. :D

As hard as it is going to be, place this baby up for adoption. If you feel you cannot raise it on your own that is the best. And, do not go back to this boyfriend. He doesn't care about you enough if he is going to leave you over something like this.

You have survived with 2 and probably didn't think you could do that! Three will work out, too! And in years later, they will admire you for the unselfish hard work you have to put in now. The child is not the problem and it was not the child's fault the relationship is not perfect. He/she will be a blessing to you and will help you when you most need it. L.

I wish you would have known more about this guy before you got pregnant. All I want to say is-whatever you decide-please don't go back to him. He put you (I know it takes two to tango) in a bad place. I hope and pray that you get through this. I wish I could say more.

It sounds like you need to take him out of the equation...if he is willing to leave your new family at such a crucial time doesn't say much about his character. If doesn't do any good to ask the obvious questions at this point, not your Mom. But you need to ask yourself some questions, can you really not handle this by yourself? Make a list of what you need to do to make this happen on your own. Reach out to family for support and love, you need this network.
If your man left so easily, how much was he contributing anyway?

Just throwing some ideas out there. Wishing you peace and strength.

J.,
Obviously your bf was not in it for the long haul, otherwise we would've never walked away from you & your children. Sounds to me like you already love your baby. Don't make a decision so that you're bf will come back, you will regret it plus who's to say he'd come back? Make the decision for yourself b/c you're the one that has to live with it. I wish you luck sweetie.
Take care,
M.

While I understand how much more satisfying it is to have the father around, in the end, if he opts out of your child's life, then see that as his loss. I say this because my two older kids, ages 9 and 6 rarely see their father although he initiated a custody battle; he wants his parents to raise our children. So the visitations are among the grandparents instead, since he wants to be a bum. He will occasionally see his children, but has absolved himself completely regarding emotional or financial support.

I am also with child, due August 13th by a second man whom I fell in love with; the same situation in regard to talking marriage and children. The pregnancy was not planned, in fact I was on birth control and had cysts on both ovaries, so once I got rid of him in my life (had him arrested for beating me one night), I found out I was pregnant and had to make a decision. Overall, while I am pro-choice and it is up to the WOMAN to make the decision (it is your body afterall), I finally had to realize that I could never allow myself to abort. Nor could I allow myself to give up my child for adoption; to know a child I love was without me.

Parenting is difficult, but aborting is a psychological roller coaster from hell, especially when you are against it- something that is obvious in your post. Adopting is also a hard decision, especially when you have succeeded in raising two other children. I understand, through my own decisions and moral choices, that while my life is not easy, I will have my three children and we make do. There are resources out there, and I would suggest looking into them.

Including CCDS, so you can get on the waiting list and contacting 211 for United Way to see what other resources are out there.

In the end, it doesn't matter what the father wants. If he chooses to be part of the baby's life, then I commend him; if he realizes he is being juvenile and amends his ways, I commend him. However, I have seen it too often, where the man wants to "play house" and then for whatever reason, runs and hides. So us women pick up the pieces and do the best by our children because their father's choose to fail them.

You are a strong woman and I am sure you are surrounded by friends and family who love and support you. Do not let a selfish man persuade you to do something your heart, mind, and soul is vehemently against. Do not allow him to persuade you to absolve him of his responsibilities because he wasn't responsible now and especially then. I have a friend who recently went through a similar issue and she aborted; she is still contending with the depression even though in the beginning it was "I'm glad I did this for US..." which translated to HE did not want the child after all. He too had wanted a baby while they lost the first one to miscarriage, they tried again, only to have him realize he didn't want the additional burden on his life.

The circumstances around a child can be difficult, hard, and sometimes seen as burdensome. However, to see your child grow up from an infant to a self sufficient, loving, and intelligent adult is a wonderful gift.

Only you can make the decision of what is right for you and your family. Do not allow anyone, including the father to make that decision, especially since he opted to leave you. He walked away with his opinion and does not have the right to tell you what to do with YOUR life and YOUR choices; because he decided he didn't want to be part of that life.

If you need to talk, feel free to find me, my email is ____@____.com as is my yahoo ID.

Hey,you are not alone. You got us moms and you have god!!
He will not leave you & theres a reason for this situation you are in.i know, you may not know why or even understand why but he does. For such a time as this he brought you to this place in life. Take heart there is someone (better) out there. I also know how hard it is to wait and be alone while you wait.your deserve soooooo much more. Take care and love your children the gifts of god.i know in his time mr right will show up. Most of the time its when you are not looking or ready.your hair is standing on ends or you have on your only at home clothes.be of good cheer this too shall pass and when it does you will be stronger and wiser for it.this bf does not know what he is missing and if he is going to be negative,then for you its better hes gone.it doesn't hurt any less now,but soon it the hurt will lessen. You will be wondering what was so special about him anyway. Just remember to look up,thats where your help will come from. Surround yourself with loving,kind and caring people go to your church. You will find such help and kindness. Also church will be good for your children.i pray gods richest blessing on you and your (new little one) little family.

Let the boyfirend go. Clearly he is not the supportive man that you need. Get him to sign away his parental rights when the baby is born and never see him again.
There are programs out there to help you keep your baby. Plus, it would be difficult for your other children to understand why Mom gave away their sibling.
There are nice men out there that would want and love your children. They are worth the wait.
Find a church that you are comfortable with. They should be able to provide the family support you need if you do not have one of your own.
Good luck.

I hope you had the baby. There are 3,600 + babies killed every day in this country alone by abortion. I know for a fact that you will regret it forever and the guilt will stay with you through life. Choose life.

Forget him and, by all means, do not have an abortion. Besides killing a human being there are too many people out there who want a child more than anything. Look at open adoption.

Good luck and may God be with you.

Well i've read some of the responses to your message, and I agree with alot of them.

#1 - don't sell yourself short...you CAN raise 3 kids by yourself even though it will be hard...
#2 - all the people i've talked to that have had an abortion regret it later in life...personally I don't believe in abortion anyways, but I see the pain that people go thru once they've had an abortion...they don't talk about it much but I can see it...My suggestion is not to put yourself thru that. This child deserves a life. Children are blessings and miracles from God. Could you imagine one of your other 2 children NOT being in your life. I know that although my son wasn't planned I cannot imagine my life without him...I'm willing to bet that although you can't imagine your life with 3 kids, once the 3rd is here you won't be able to imagine your life without all 3 of your kids. Just give it time. God made women strong for a reason...You CAN do this.

Do you have family and friends that are willing to help you thru this time? Good Luck and i'll keep you in my prayers...I know how hard being a single mom is bc i'm one myself. It IS going to be hard, but it WILL be worth it and it CAN be done! You just have to make up your mind to do it and focus on the positive. Just remember YOU have to live with the decision that you make.

Oh and in regards to your boyfriend...let him go...i can't say that he never loved you, but if he talked about wanting to get married and have kids and now that your pregnant just ups and leaves when you stand your ground about having the baby maybe he isn't the right one for you...He could just be scared, but don't wait around and do something to make HIM happy. If he really and truely loves you and wants to be with you and marry you like he said, than doing things out of order shouldn't have changed that...if it does, than maybe he's not as ready as he said or thought he was. It's one thing to say things but actions are completely different. I hope all this makes sense. I wish the best for you and hope it all works out for you in the end...If you ever need anything or need someone to talk to please know i'm here for you. I know you don't even know me, but we all need people to talk to whether we want advice on something, or just need someone to listen! You deserve to be happy and so do your kids!!!

If you want this baby it is your choice. What if you respected his wishes and he left you a year later? You would be never forgive yourself for that choice. Do what is best for YOU and what YOU want? He may come around. Maybe he is just scared.

Dear J.,
I'm so glad you are getting a whole network of support! I am also praying for you and your family. I worked as a counselor at a crisis pregnancy center and know they help with maternity clothes, baby clothes, parenting and other classes, as well as emotional support and referrals for getting medical, legal, spiritual and psychological help. You weren't meant to carry this load alone. Since the man isn't being responsible God will provide other means to make sure you are taken care of. Avail yourself of all the resources He has for you. I saw many in your situation who later were filled with joy as things worked out. I also met many who had previously had an abortion who had multiple consequences to their decision. In fact, many women get pregnant again to try to make up for the loss in their life yet feel inadequate and undeserving as a parent. There's no easy choice once you've become pregnant but there are choices that you can live with. The Lord says in Deuteronomy 30:19-20 "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life...." May God bless you with hope, faith and love for you can handle anything with these 3 gifts!

I'm not sure what to do about the bf but I know for sure that you shouldn't have an abortion. There are plenty of people out there that can't have kids and would love to adopt one. My sister can't have kids and she wanted alittle girl so bad. There are good people out there but there are also not so good ones. Maybe the bf will come around the futher you are along. Good Luck!!

Keep the baby! Give him/her the chance of life. If you feel overwhelmbed there is always the option of adoption, but be strong and turn to the LORD and you will get through. Here if you ever need someone to talk to. ____@____.com

You didn't mention the ages of the children you already have. If they are very young (pre-schoolers) there wouldn't be a lot of necessary explainations should you decide on adoption. We have someone (now adult) in our family who was adopted because her single mother already had two and didn't want a third one. We were so lucky to get the baby. She has had a great life (multi-degreed from college) because the family who adopted her really wanted her and could provide for her. Should you decide to keep the baby, I agree with the suggestion to have him sign away all rights. Granted, the child support would be a great financial help, and the state would definately see that he pays it, but the comfort and pleasure of not having to share the baby with him and have him to at some time re-enter your life with the demand to share parenting decisions just isn't worth it. If he can't/won't be there thru the diaper changes and teething, why should he be allowed to re-enter and enjoy all your hard work?.....GOOD LUCH AND GOD BLESS!!!!

I don't know why you "can't" raise another baby by yourself, it sounds more like you really don't want to, and that's different.
What you "can't" do is control your EX-BF behavior. You "can't" abort a child against your will. You "can't" go back in time and avoid another untimely pregnancy. So now you HAVE to deal with the reality of your situation.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life w/ someone who is so willing to treat you that badly? I would hope not, but it sounds as though he's taken that choice out of your hands anyway. You are the caretaker of yourself, and all 3 of your children. Do not allow some jerk to bully you into doing things that you will regret for the rest of your life. If you truely have found yourself in a situation that will not allow you to raise yet a 3rd child, then please consider adoption. If you abort this child against your will you will never be able to forgive yourself, and you will resent the man that made you do it forever.
Consider seeking the advice of a couseler, clergy member, or family member that can help you to see your situation more objectively, because you are undoubtedly an emotional trainwreck at the moment and are not thinking clearly. Good luck with everything, and remember, you are the only one in the whole world who is in charge of you and your children's happiness, safety, and security. I hope you are able to make a choice that will really be best for all of you.

I think you need to listen to your heart and think long and hard about not only this baby's well being, but your other two children's well being as well. Put pencil to paper and really evaulate your options, pro-con lists sound corny but they really do help.

Adoption is a loving option, should you decide that you just can't care for this child the way it deserves, and the way your other children deserve to be cared for.

Its not an easy choice, I know, and maybe your bf will come around, he might just be scared out of his mind right now. But if he doesn't, and you decide the best thing for all your kids is to give this one up for adoption, it will help you get past the pain to keep reminding yourself that you made the most unselfish choice a mother can make, you put your child first. At least thats what helped me.

The responses you got saying you will never forgive yourself if you choose adoption, don't listen to that. It is very painful, yes, i know I did it 17 years ago and I still miss her, but in my heart i know i made the right choice, and when i see the life she has because of the choice i made, i know there is nothing i need forgiveness for because i did what was best for her, not what i wanted for me.

You don't mention the father to your two other children. Why would any woman in this day and age leave yourself so vulnerable to get yourself in this situation again? It is just as much your responsibilty to protect yourself as it is the man's. Why would you allow yourself to become pregnant without the security of a committed relationship. Living together is NOT a committment!! If he doesn't want to be apart of the child's life is ok, but that doesn't release him from his finicial responsibilty. Why should the system have to pay for your and his carlessness. Ask yourself how your life got to this place. I sincerely hope this all works out for the best for you and everyone involved. Remember you have three choices. Choose wisely!!

WELL I AM SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU. IF HE LEFT YOU @ A TIME LIKE THIS, YOU DIDN'T NEED HIM ANYWAYS. THAT BABY SURE DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS SO YOUR CONCERN HAS TO BE FOR THAT UNBORN CHILD ^ YOURSELF.
REMEMBER GOD WILL NOT PUT MORE ON YOU THAN YOU CAN STAND & TAKE CARE OF.
LOVE & PRAYERS,
D.

First thing- breathe. You can do this. It is much better to find out now how he feels than right before or after the birth. Babies have a way of making it onto this earth- and sometimes it doesn't matter how they started- but they will be a blessing in your life and the world.

My own father who was born during the Depression (to married parents) was an 'ooops' baby- he had sibs in their teens and my grandmother described crying all the way through the pregnancy because they didn't know how they would feed him. But he turned out to be the one that kept the family together and I cannot tell you how many wonderful things he has done in his life. (Yes- there was 'choice' back then- but it was illegal and as potentially deadly-) Thank God my father was born!

There are Crisis Pregnancy Centers all over town that specialize in supporting women. Your sisters are out here- and we care. You had the good sense to reach out in your message- which tells me how strong you are.

I also know the panic of being alone. My estranged husband died when my children were very young and his family took everything from us. But- my friends, famioy and church family got us through and God sent me a wonderful man who adores me and loves my children like they were his own. ANd they love him. So- just don't give up!

Hi,

My sister-in-law works for the Catholic Diocese of Austin Gabriel Project Life Center. They help pregnant women with their pregnancies, and new mothers to get baby items. They speak with pregnant women who want an alternative to abortion. They also offer counceling and parenting classes.
They sponsor several maternity shelters.
The phone number is ###-###-####.

God Bless,
W.

If he left; there was not much love for you in him. You will be fine, YOu can put this baby up for adoption or just raise him with your other 2, he will prove to be a bundle of joy either way. Take care of yourself and start attending church, this way your children will find hope in life.