Need Help on How to Handle a Situation

Yeah, you need to relax. If he's still playing with Barbies when he's 20, that could be a cause for concern.

Sounds like he's a well-rounded kid and you should be happy about that.

He may be more imaginative than just rolling cars around and making crashing noises, or having the superheroes blow things up. Perhaps he likes playing with the girls because he can make up more scenarios with their princesses, or he may just like playing with them because he is simply used to playing with them. Or maybe they are bossy and likes to be told what to do. My son played with the same 5 little girls all through preschool. They all go to the same school now and they play together at recess sometimes but for the most part he has outgrown them and there was a time where I thought they could never be separated.

I agree with PPer my DS is almost 3 and he plays all day with his sister who is almost 5. He plays polly pocket, barbie, dolls, stroller etc. He loves to wear nail polish and makeup and play princess dress-up with her. When his older brother comes home from school, he plays Beyblade, swords, and shooting the bad guys games. I think it's normal to play with all things at a young age thus it does not indicate sexual preference later in life.

I don't understand why when girls play with boys it is empowering but when boys play with girls, oh my god he will end up gay?

The thing with tearing down gender stereotypes is it goes both ways. The healthy way to go about it is to let the child decide what activities they enjoy.

I guess what I am saying is stop looking at barbies and princesses as girl things just like we no longer see looking at trucks or building stuff as boy stuff. They are all just creative activities that kids enjoy.

It could be as simple as your son is imaginative and the boys who play with trucks lack imagination. Like all they do is bash the trucks together. Boring! Your son wants to know why they bash the trucks, the boys are not filling that need to understand. The girls on the other hand will tell him exactly why Ken loves Barbie. They will tell him the couple's life story. They are feeding his imagination, ya know?

I would bet when he plays with dad, dad is filling in the back story. You wrestle like the guys on TV, the knight is fighting for whoever. You build things and fix things because.....

Kids at this age play both or either. I used to climb trees, play cowboys and Indians, have marble games with the boys at school, and yet I also played dolls and 'house' and my brothers played with me then. We both did whatever we played and the other brothers and sister joined in. If it was all your son did then you could rethink it but if he's doing both girl and boy games then he's just playing with whoever he finds he wants to play with. Maybe he likes those girls some. Maybe he is just trying out what he doesn't do at home. He's still young so I wouldn't worry yet. I would have your husband continue to rough house with him and have him to do things with him too. Compliment his good work when he helps Dad make something, etc. Don't worry and children pick up on that and that will make him insecure.

I think you've sort of answered your own question. You know it's YOUR problem, not your son's, that he enjoys playing with girls. And you're right. Now it's your job to solve this problem.

Two things that are important to remember are:

1. The experience of growing up gay is changing, and changing fast. Whatever your cousin and your friends experienced is tied to their generation; for your son's generation it'll be very, very different. Especially if YOU, as his mom, make a pledge right here and now to be a loving, accepting parent no matter what.

2. Just about nobody is "all boy" or "all girl." We're just not all Barbie or all GI Joe. But 90 percent of Americans are still heterosexual. And sexuality develops with puberty. It just doesn't make sense to project that onto the play choices of a preschooler.

I am assuming your son is an only child. He has the boy stuff at home. The girl stuff is all new to him. It's new and exciting. I would not be concerned at all. Playing with "girl" items is no indication of his sexual preference. If it was this house would be dealing with some issues. I played with Star Wars toys and loved marbles. My brother has been caught playing Barbie more than once. My son, who is six, plays with his sisters toys often. And on our street, there are only little girls to play with. My daughter loves the Handy Manny and building toys she has inherited in her brother. You are over thinking this.

My son at that age played with girls mainly because my son was very verbal and communicative. He gravitated to the girls because he could have conversations with them. I thought it was a good thing and it was good for his self-esteem. When he got into Kindergarten and met other friends mainly boys that were very verbal like him he had both girl and boy friendships and still does. For your son, girls at that age are very communicative and speak well as compared to some boys. So I think your son is just doing what his friends (peer group) is doing which happens to be playing with barbies. No big deal.

Imagination play is big at this age. And girls love imagination play the most. Gender roles are sketchy at this age, so there is no need to worry about things such as sexual orientation now. Movements going on now are setting some pretty big precedents for gay and lesbian people. Just encourage him be who he is and stop fretting over such things like this. It really won't do any good anyway.

There is a little boy at church who's mom worries b/c he mainly plays with girls. We love him b/c he's so quiet and shy and sweet. The boys are so loud and rambunctious (sp??) and I think that the girls are just more easy to approach and are more sensitive like he is. I wouldn't worry about it at all. Your son will be whoever he's going to be and you'll love him either way. Don't worry. It's adorable that your son plays with girls. :)

Relax, let him play. The simplest explanation may be - he doesn't have those toys at home so they're different. He doesn't get to play less rough/tumble at home, so he plays different when he has a chance. Toys don't determine sexual orientation. Do your best to fight the stereotype in your brain.

When you talk to gay men, all they say is they would HATE to do *anything* boylike when they were little. So the simple fact that your son actively and on his own seeks out boy toys and activities seems like he is just a well rounded little boy that enjoys many things life has to offer. Don't worry so much. Good luck!

Sounds to me like your son is involved in all kinds of imaginative play. At home he is doing "boy stuff" like wrestling, playing swords, and doing handyman stuff. He has little or no opportunity to do anything that people consider "girl stuff" (perhaps because you and your husband are worried about it?) so he is attracted to it in school. The fact that he gets along with everyone should be thrilling to you. I think it's fruitless to worry about whether he's gay. He either is or he isn't, and there's nothing that can be done to influence it one way or the other. All you can do is pave the way for him to explore and express who he really is. You say you wouldn't love him less if he were gay but that you worry about what he would go through. What he would go through involves several things: outside societal pressures (which are getting less and less over time), family pressures (which he will sense from you and your husband if he gets the message that certain things are appropriate for boys), and internal pressure (figuring out who he is). The more he knows that you are accepting of anything and everything, the more secure he will be. That includes the outward messages you give him, as well as the subtle messages of approval or disapproval that come from facial expressions or tone of voice.

Meantime, he is engaging in imaginative play, he's learning to relate to lots of people of both genders, he may be learning to express some gentleness or nurturing behavior through dolls (a good thing that makes men great fathers). So why not let and encourage him to engage in this play at home?

Kids need pretend play, if they don't get it the tend to act it out later by dressing in women's clothes or even doing other stuff. It is a normal part of play.

I think you deserve a lot of credit for understanding that your worry is based on your emotions and fear, not reason. Because you have received great answers about why your son is enjoying his play life, I will suggest something different. If you realize that you are not completely reassured, make a plan to talk with someone who can help you with your worry: a clergy person, a counselor or a therapist. Often a few sessions of "talk therapy" can be a good investment for your happiness. All my best!

My son will be 8 this June, and this still describes him. And yes, I've had the same concerns about him being gay. I'm working hard to realize that I love my son, no matter what. I wouldn't stop loving him even if he did some heinous crime, so why on earth would I stop loving him based on who *he* loves? I am completely supportive of gay rights, but I probably am homophobic in the truest sense of the word: afraid of what I don't completely understand. However, I realize, and realize anew every day, that I love him because he is mine, because of who he is: and if that happens to be a gay boy, there will be hardships and disappointments for both of us...but it does not change at all my love for him. Also...my son has started to notice girls; I don't know whether this is cultural or true. But my goal, no matter what, is to love him and support him in who he truly is. It soundsl ike you're doing the same, so I offer you my support. :)

It sounds like your son has a great immagination. It probably enjoys playing with the girls because they are playing games or with toys that require him to use his imagination.

I don't really have advice except try to embrace your sons individuality and ability to play with both boys and girls! My son just turned 4 and he is exactly like you described your son.

Your son sounds exactly like mine. Same age, same likes (except mine also loves my little pony). His friends (who are girls) say he is the nice boy, is polite and wonderful to play with. He's smart, observant, kind. What is wrong with this?

If my son wants to play with girls and wear pink - I let him. He's only 4.5 so hasn't had our ideals thrust upon him yet. If he is gay, he will have challenges to face, but there are benefits (like no accidental teen pregnancies!) and he can thrive with supportive parents. If he's not, then you'll have some super cute stories to tell his wife.

Basically - indulge him.

i would not worry about it at all and try to find a way to get over it. Would you be so concerned if it was a girl wanting to play with trucks or play football? To many people think boys should play with boy things and girls with girl toys. My daughter loves playing with her babies and preatty things but will also play trucks with my son and she is 2. She loves baseball also. My son who is also almost 5 LOVES trucks and baseball and golf and any sport out there. Loves monster trucks and wrestling but also really enjoys the kitchen set we have. His favorite color is pink and likes to help me cook and clean. He is very sensitive and i think it is great that he is well rounded and enjoys playing with both boys and girls. He is young yet so stop worring about it and just enjoy spending time with him doing whatever activity he choses!

That all sounds very normal for his age. I have two boys (now 12 and 15) and boys go through phases where they play with dolls, like to have their nails painted, etc. No big deal. My youngest loved playing with the neighbor girl, who was several years older, until she entered her teens and was no longer interested in playing with him. She came over so often for dinner I sometimes called her the daughter I didn't have! I have to admit it frustrates me that this concerns people and I used to get upset (although I just tuned it out) when the grandparents would express dismay at my boys' polished nails. My boys always had a toy kitchen available to play with too. They are "all boy" now and sometimes I wish they still played with dolls and toy kitchens! Although my youngest still has a penchant for stuffed animals.

I think the bigger issue is for you to stop "focusing on it" and your recognition of this is a great first step. Maybe you could talk to your cousin or your friends about how their experiences could have been made less difficult? It might give you a different perspective. But overall, your son sounds very typical for his age and it's great that he can go back and forth between the boys and the girls. Oh, I had almost forgotten this! For my youngest son's 5th birthday party, his first party to which he was allowed to invite friends, he invited ONLY girls and the theme was Care Bears. We've got a great photo of him surrounded by all of these cute, adoring little girls. Now he's all about Legos, video games, baseball, hockey, etc. and can't stand most girls. (-:

When my youngest was small he loved playing with his sister who's 4 years older more then his brother who is 5 and a half years older. She would dress him up in dresses and use him as a living doll. He liked having his finger nails polished and his best friends at school in Kindergarten was girls. I know I had that "is this normal" thought at times too but when he got to the teenage years he turned into my casanova. Girls called the house all the time, he always had one or more girls hanging around him and I should have locked him up when I found condoms in his laundry at the tender age of 13. He met his wife when he was 16 and when he was 19 he became a daddy. He is also the one who in 7th grade, would go to one of his friend's mom's house when his friend was sent to live miles away, just to be supportive to the mother who was missing her daughter very much. I found that out at his funeral when the mother told me how sensitive he was when she was dealing with such a horrible time.

I don't know if your son is gay or not, but being best friends with girls and playing prince to their princesses, isn't something I would worry about.

Well, in my life, I have found that knowledge is really power.
So educate yourself on homosexuality!

Then maybe it won't seem so scary to you.

Your son is perfectly fine and typical.

Just a quick note to say it's ok to have "fears" for your children. It's part of loving and protecting them. We can't always decide or control what life will bring, but we can try to manage our expectations and our reactions. When the fear and anxiety hit you (be it about his choice of friends, toys or to skateboard off a stair railing some day), just keep breathing. Slow and steady. Take that moment to thank your god or the universe for giving you such an healthy and amazing boy/man. Let time, not society's conventions, reveal who he is. Good luck!