Need Help - Chickasha,OK

Ahh yes the terrible 2's. My son is going through this as well at this time. It's kind of different handling since I also have a 3 month old at home as well. My son has an issue with throwing toys at times. What I do is put the toy in time out instead of him. He gets just as upset if his toy is in time out instead of him, but it seems to work. If it's more serious then I do put him in time out and he has gotten a lot better. He loves to draw and color to fill his time. I hope you find what works best for her. Good luck!

Ah, the terrible two's! I'm in the midst of it right now with my second boy (Ashton), and man is he a challenge compared to my first boy. My advice is distraction. I know, you've probably tried it already, but I think the key is distracting your child with a thought or idea rather than an object.

I'll give you an example that happened just last night. I told Ashton it was time for bed (this almost always starts the meltdown). As we start our routine (pj's, books, talking, snuggling, prayers) he immediately starts the kicking and screaming because he wants to stay up. Usually it is a delay tactic like he's hungry or thirsty (even though he just got done eating a snack and milk). To snap him out of his meltdown I remind him of exciting stuff that happened to him like: "do you remember last summer when we went on the float trip, and you were trying to catch the little fishies in the water? Did those little fishies nibble on your toes? And when daddy pushed mommy into the water and I got all wet..."

For me it only works if I am persistent about mentioning little fun facts about the event, and ask him questions. He slowly starts to transfer his energy from the meltdown to thinking about the event. I think part of the meltdown stems from him wanting my undivided attention and not knowing how to get it other than throwing the tantrum.

For me this tactic works so much better than when I use to get upset and let the meltdown run its course. Ocassionally, there are still times where he is so overly tired that I just have to put him to bed upset. He eventually calms down and falls asleep on his own.

I do impliment time-out in his crib when he is totally out of control. I set him in there nicely, and calmy state that when he cools down I will be back to get him. It sometimes takes 20 minutes of dropping in and out to ask if he's calm. I think timeouts are used best for letting a kid get control of his/her emotions. Temporarily taking away beloved articles (toys, blankets, privledges) should be used in the event of purposeful misbehavior (hitting, swearing, being disrespectful).

I hope this works for you. Good luck!!

Cassandra:

Her actions are totally normal for her age group. Redirect her to another activity, and remember to praise her when she is doing the right thing. She is at the age where you can start introducting a "time out" chair or area, to her.

A. L

Oh boy do I understand where your coming from. My son is 2yrs old right now too. And somedays nothing makes him happy. He was throwing fits over everything last night because he was tired. I usually try to ignore it, but if it seems to go on overly long I well then set down with him and try distracting him or if he's tired like last night I put him to bed. Everyone has some great ideas of handling 2yr olds. I would just try to find what works for you and your child. Just keep reminding yourself on those days when nothing makes her happy that she wont be 2 forever and that your not alone. :)

I don't believe in terrible two's. That is not to say that children do not have a natural will and will try to test limits. However most that believe in terrible two's always make the excuse and chalk up bad behaviour with the tag name "terrible two's" so they can believe it is just a behaviour that will be outgrown. Our preacher plainly put it that there is no such thing as terrible two's, just terrible parents. Yikes, that got EVERYONES attention. He wasn't trying to criticize people that have trouble with their kids, but wake them up to realize that we are in control within reason and the foundation we set, the guidlines we provide is what helps them get through the times that are tough and helps prevent bad teenagers. That being said you have to start with being 100% consistant. If you have a boring routine that can be broken down by the time of day it starts, snacks are fed, naps are had, etc, your child will be happy most of the time unless there is something medical going on. Don't focus on what to stimulate her to keep her interest because that just causes her to grow up needing more stimuli and completely unable to self soothe or be creative. If she is clinging and having a fit because you are trying to get something done, this usually indicates she needs some specific, focused, one on one time from you. As crazy as it may sound, just devoting 5-10 minutes to sit with her, give her eye contact, play something with her, hug her, sing to her, read a short story to her, etc and then explain that you will let her play now while you go get dishes done or whatever you have to do. This technique works well. The more your child feels you are not filling her focused attention need, the more she will whine and complain. That being said this doesn't mean you have to devote every second to her....just 5-10 minutes before your busy times in addition to the routine times you must spend with her. Chances are if you are toting her around all day, you are busy with other things in the process, so she is not getting her mommy time that she desires where she feels like she is more important than a phone call, computer, dishes, mail, etc. It can be a challenge to learn how to balance it out and each child seems to have different needs. My oldest never went thru this because I was able to offer him focused time as I described. But with my 2nd and 3rd I found it harder to learn how to balance time with each child versus time to get stuff done versus time for myself...which is also very important. Hang in there Mama! You can do it! I know it is frustrating. A little joke we had when we got frustrated about things with our 1st was "this is practice baby" because we had no experience. We learned what works and have had awesome results because of it. I wish you the best and hope you can find the balance you need to help with the "Madison fits". God Bless!

B. :)

Oh do I know the terrible 2's. I got three Grand children and they are all terrible, but smart which is the key word, smart. I would suggest you get a little chair and put her in time out and see what that does. none of them like to be alone and will change not to get that dam chair and sit in a corner where they can't see anything or participate with you. Let me know if it works. Every time they get up, tell her is she does it again, she has to stay there longer. Believe me, sher understands
Queen

Don't feel bad I have a lil boy who just turned 2 in August so I know what u are going through. I borrowed a book from the libary about disclipine and they said do timeouts, if they throw a tantrum put them in their room and let them throw their tantrum in there but don't use their room as a disclipine place because then they will associate their room with being in trouble instead of a place to sleep. Put the time out spot in one particular corner or wall of your home and designate a specific chair as their time out chair. If they do stuff that is a automatic timeout like talking back,swearing,hitting or basically whatever u deem as automatic explain to them why they are going into time out and when u let them out of time out don't bring up again why u put them there because then they get the sense that u are lecturing to them. Also put them in timeout for many years they are.

I used to just ignore the fits until my 5 year old got in on the act. Now I just put him in the naughty spot for the duration and go about my business. I use a pack and play for the naughty spot.

When I remove him I ask him to apologize for being disrespectful to me by not following instructions or accepting my answer. He gets a hug after he says "I'm sowwy"

It really hasn't cut down on the number but it has shortened them quite a bit.

Welcome to the club. My son is 2 1/2 yrs old, plus I have a newborn. I kind of combine a variety of tactics when it comes to him. I try to use love and logic. I give him choices where I can,such as do you want the blue cup or red cup. This helps him feel like he has some control in his life and lets him exert his independence where he can. Also, he is a VERY independent child, he wants to do everything himself. If I can't get him to go upstairs to go to bed I say, "you walk up the stairs or mommy will carry you", of course he wants to do it himself so he goes up. The other thing we do is count to 3. For example, if he is yelling I will say, "Joseph needs to stop yelling" I will then start counting, he now knows if I get to 3 and he is still yelling he goes to timeout. (at first I had to hold him in timeout now he will sit there). Also, don't get too wordy with her. I read "Happiest Toddler on the Block" I believe the author is Harvey Karp, it's a great book in dealing with toddlers. Make sure to praise her when she is doing well, especially when she does play by herself to encourage the behavior. I have to suggest activites for my son and then he will play by himself, sometimes only 20-30mins, then I have to think of a new idea for him. Last, but not least, consistency and do not make an idle threat. If you keep threatening timeout but never do it, she won't respect you or your dispcipline. She sounds like a perfectly normal toddler. Just know that she is overwhelmed with her emotions as her limbic system is developing. When my son goes crazy, sometimes I just sit on the floor and hug him, so he knows I am there for him. Good luck!!!

When you want to disciplin her tell her no and direct her attention to one of her toys. She will eventually leave you alone as well but will always be attached. I hope that makes sense. Also the fits are normal part of that age. Just ignore her and don't respond and she will quit doing that as welL! My son is 19 months old and he already does these things!