Need Clarification

Hi I.,

I will agree w/ most of the other mothers below (not Julie L). I have had issues well not really issues but my 4 yr old loves to be naked... we had a time where she would show us her privates and say look at me!! She has since stopped that and when she would do that we would just say " little princesses don't show anyone there private areas" and move on. Please don't discipline her as it will make her feel shameful of her body and maybe cause her to never tell you IF someone was to touch her. I picked up a book that was recommended by my OB/GYN called "from diapers to dating". It talks about just about every subject that may or may not come up. It has helped me learn how to talk to my 4 year old about a lot of things. I hope that you have a chance to pick up the book and I hope it does help you out.

Yes, this is masterbation. As a grandmother, I can tell you it is normal. Rather than discipline her, you should talk to her about the fact that this is something that is very personal and private and should only be done when she is alone. People know that boys do it but forget that girls do too. Just try not to tell her that it is bad because that could cause her to think there is something wrong with her

My son went through this too. Simply tell her that while it's OK to do that, it should be done in the privacy of her room or bathroom. Tell her it's not nice to do in public.

Dear I.,
Please don't discipline your daughter for doing this! By doing that, you are teaching her that her body is "dirty" and "wrong"...which it is NOT! You should, however, instruct her that if she wants to explore herself in that manner, she should do it in the privacy of her room. Eventually, she will understand her body better and the novelty of it will wear off. You should also ask her what she means when she says it "feels good". If she is masturbating, then fine. However, she may also be scratching an itch which could mean a yeast infection or something else that needs to be treated. Best of luck!

I wouldn't discipline her for it because it's a natural thing. Kids don't have inhibitions so they don't understand that certain things aren't acceptable to do in front of others. It's like picking your nose, we all do it but we do it in the bathroom with a tissue because we can't get it all out any other way but we know it's not acceptable to do it in front of others. It's best to just explain to her that although it feels good, it's not something to do in front of people. If you discipline her, you are telling her that it's not okay to allow that area of her body to "feel good" and when she becomes an adult she will have a hard time being sexual with her partner because she was taught that it was wrong. Don't make a big deal out of it, because it is completely normal but take this time to teach her about boundaries. You know you would be freaked out by a man or woman touching themselves in public but if she they are doing it behind closed doors it wouldn't be a big deal...and honestly that area is very sensitive so once kids discover it they are going to do it. Best wishes.

Julie L is a little nuts... I am willing to bet that her daughter DID do it, but was so afraid of her mom that she did it in her room, under the covers, late at night. Those are the types of kids who become the most sexually active later in life.

I guess I'm not saying anything new when I say it's totally normal and to PLEASE stop disciplining your daughter!

My daughter is 5 and started doing it last summer with some frequency. So much so, that she was getting red. I called the doctor and she said that it is normal for girls to continue to do it once they figure out that it feels good and that it won't hurt her or turn her into a sexual deviant. It's not in any way sexual for her at 5 years old. She's not fantasizing about a boy; just human nature. We do what feels good and don't do what hurts or feels bad. We have told her that it is okay to explore her body, but it must be done in her room. We have also nicknamed it "vagina time".

She still does it, though with less frequency than before. Sometimes she'll be watching TV in the living room and will actually ask me if it's okay that she has a little "vagina time" and I tell her it's fine, but she has to go to her room. Then she has to decide which is more important to her at that moment: The Backyardigans or "vagina time". 9 times out of 10 she picks TV...

Ease off. Don't try to "catch" her doing it and she'll slow it down. As long as she does it in private, it's no big deal.

Okay, I agree, that Julie L. lady is stranger than fiction......masturbation is a totally normal thing. It feels good.....so as far as your daughter is concerned, why NOT do it? You just need to explain (like a million other people told you) that "yes, it does feel good, honey, but that's your private area. Just like you don't take your clothes off in public, or go to the bathroom in public, you don't touch your private areas in public, either. You may do this in the bathroom or your bedroom when the door is closed, and only when you're alone." Don't make any issues out of it or shame her in any way. If you see her doing it again in public, GENTLY take her by the hand and lead her to her bedroom. "THIS is where you do that, honey." Then leave the room. Simple! I would do that a time or two, then afterwards, assuming she still needs a reminder, tell her she needs to do that in her bedroom or the bathroom, and she'll probably stop altogether instead of relocating.

Wow, Julie L never ceases to amaze me. This is NOT wrong. Just teach her to do it in private and not in public areas. I'm not uncomfortable about this one little bit and no one should be, it's just a fact of life. Please don't discipline her, you will send her all sorts of confusing messages about sexuality. Just let her know it's a private thing to do when she's not in public, don't make a big deal about it.

I read somewhere that you should explain that it is a private thing to do and that it should only be done in private. Kids that age don't have the sex feelings yet but they can recognize that something feels good. It is normal, although sometimes embarrassing. It's also a good time to reinforce that other people should not touch there

Hi I.:
Years ago,before your great, great, GREAT Grandparents were teens lol.They use to say:"IF IT FEELS GOOD IT MUST BE BAD! In the real world today,Masturbation in children is not only normal,but quite common.This can start as early as 18 months old.It usually begins,when a child is exploring and discovering his body.This is a natural curiosity.They may also find this self soothing,as it relieves tension.Masterbation can cause emotional harm,such as guilt or sexual hang-ups ONLY if the adult over reacts to it and makes it seem dirty or wicked.Parents shouldn't try to get their children to stop by punishing,threatening or scolding them.If they do,they run the risk of giving their children the idea that their genitals are BAD or DIRTY.This can create some real problems for them,later on in life.Your daughter,is to young to know the difference between private and public.If she makes the unconsious mistake of doing this in a store or public place, tell her (Its alright to do that in the bathroom or the bedroom,but not in the store or when other people are around.Your daughters masturbating,has nothing to do with sexual intercourse,at an early age,and She doesn't have to be married to explore her own body. Don't make the mistake,of looking at this as being dirty or sexual,or you will leave your daughter to believe she is not normal,when in fact she is.If you called a dozen Drs.and asked them if Masterbation in children was normal,all twelve would give you an unequivocal YES....Yes.....Yes..... lol

Hi- I understand what she's doing upsets you, but my advice is to either ignore it, and she'll eventually stop. Or to tell her she can do it in her room but not in public. You wouldn't want her to get teased by other children, but this IS completely normal. By reprimanding her, you'll teach her to be ashamed of her body, and she'll think she is a bad person.

I realize it may be difficult to see your daughter doing this, but disciplining her could possibly be the worst thing to do. I also realize that many people have different values regarding sexuality and masturbation. That being said, when our daughter was "caught" doing this, we just quietly said "you should go to your room or the bathroom when doing that" and "it is not something we do in public". Nothing else. It is a completely normal part of human development and to punish and quash it can lead to problems with sexuality as an adult. Just my 2 cents. You will no doubt receive resonses that span the board, so good luck.
E., mommy to 2 "inquisitive" 5 yo girls.

OK so I had to read what others wrote and OMG...I really hope hope Julie L realizes she needs HELP. That is the exact reason you should NOT discipline your child!

I.,

From experience I must say that as a small child I used to do the same thing. My mother as well checked with the doctor, he said that it could be one of two things. One being that I was getting in touch with my body and learning masturbation. The second was that it could be a yeast infection and that rubbing my genitals was helping to sooth the itching. So I would ask the doctor about that possibility, and if it's not that. Try to explain to her that what she is doing needs to be done in a private place and that it is natural for the body to need that kind of release. You should try remember to be open with your daughter, I know that she is only 5 yrs old and a little early yet to have the bird's and bees talk, but you will have to have that talk quite a bit earlier than some families will, as she will know about her body and the way it reacts when stimulated.
Masturbation is not a bad thing, but some people feel that it is. It is the body's way of releasing tension and chemicals that help the body to heal and grow.

If you need to talk please feel free to email me and I will try to help as much as possible.
S.

As I'm sure others will agree that discipline is not the right way to go. Simply explain to her that touching her private area in public is not polite and should be done in private. I know you'll get many other suggestions, so I won't make mine long winded but when my son was about 5 or so he constantly had his hands in his pants. I guess boys need to "adjust" themselves quite often from what I gather. But his father and I just made him understand that if this was necessary, then he needed to do it somewhere private rather than right in the middle of the soccer field : ) In conclusion, I'm not sure what planet Julie L is from, but please don't pay that kind of advice any mind. It's unhealthy for your daughter to think that what she's doing is wrong.

Of course it feels good. It's an avenue of new exploration for her, and you don't want to cut that off. Just let her know that it's something we do in private, not in front of other people. (I'm working on getting my son to stop grabbing his crotch in public, lol, so I know what you mean.)

Please DO NOT discipline her. At this point she's just exploring her body, and NO part of her body is "bad." She just needs to know to do it in private. Masturbation is a normal part of human sexuality, and it's a healthy form of release. If you make her feel bad about doing it, she may have all kinds of body issues as she grows up.

Good luck and enjoy your very normal daughter.

Do NOT discipline your child for normal expoloration of her body, it will teach her shame, which is awful. Just explain to her that is something that is only done in private.

My daughter is six and she has done this too, for a couple of years. I tell her that it is okay for her (and only her) to touch herself there but she needs to do it in private, either in the bathroom or her bedroom.

I try not to make a big deal about it. I just stress the privacy issue - only for her and only in private.

It's not bad, or wrong. "It's a private thing." That's what we tell our son. You do those things in private, when you are alone, like in your room. Our bodies are special and not bad.

Yes it is normal and pleasurable for her. Try not to get too upset (sometimes kids do it more because the like the attention -- even negative consequences from you). Explain it is OK to do in PRIVATE (if she has her own room) NOT at school, around friends, in front of company ---

Hi I.,
My 5 year old niece and my 5 year old son both do their own version of this. We discussed this with the doctor also and it's totally normal. Disciplining won't work because it will only make your daughter want to do it more. Your daughter just needs to understand that it is something you only do in private - not at school or with friends or in the living room with the family. We have made it clear to my son that it is ok but something you only do in private. My son will only do this in his room at night. He'll say it's "private time" and I have to leave the room. He doesn't understand what it is he's doing - he just knows it feels good and it helps him relax and go to sleep.

I hope this helps.

Hi I.,

That is exacly what I have heard too. Everybody I talk to says it is normal just make sure that she knows that she should only do it in private. I still feel very uncomfortable dealing with this issue.

Best of luck
M.

I feel bad for Julie L. she has a very very narrow view of the world. There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a healthy, normal part of being a human. However, our society has decided that this is not acceptable behavior in public. As a parents and care givers it is our jobs to teach children about social norms. Tell your daughter that it is ok to explore her body but it is not ok to do it in public. Teach her about privacy, that we do certain things in private and not in front of other people. Please do not shame her or discipline her for something that is a natural instinct. As for concerns that this will turn her into some sort of sexual fiend, that is totally unfounded and untrue. And the way I see it is I would rather her be able to pleasure her self than constantly seek unfit sexual partners and put herself at risk when she is a teen or adult. But that is just me. Hope that helps.

I.
Please, leave her alone about this, choose your battles. I like very much what one person said to you about self soothing, she is right on the money. I have 3 daughters, they all do it and I just ignore it, I would NEVER make them feel like it was wrong, its their body, I feel the more I would say anything, the more it would draw attention to it and the more they would do it. Listen, I remember doing that as young as 5 years old, and I grew up to be a totally normal person, with a loving husband, children and friends. I have to remind you, that masterbation is a totally normal thing and no matter what people say, EVERYONE DOES IT!!!! Leave her alone and please dont make her feel bad about it, how would you feel if someone made you feel bad about it when you do it??
Sorry for being harsh at all, just don't break her little spirit. I just dont think this is a topic that needs anymore focus, focus on the big stuff, not your daughter exploring with her own body, its not worth the aggrevation.

A lot of children her age do this, it's totally normal. I would explain to her that you know it feels good but it's not something you do in public. Kids her age aren't thinking sexual thoughts and don't realize what they're doing, they just know it feels good. I wouldn't raise too much fuss over it, just let her know it's something people do in private and she needs to keep it in her room.

What your daughter is doing IS normal. Disciplining her will only teach her that her body is something to be ashamed of or embarassed about.
That being said, there is a proper time and place for everything, including masturbation. The best thing to do is let your daughter know that what she is doing is fine, but she needs to have options as to where she can do it. Perhaps, allowing her to do this in her bedroom, or in the bathroom would be an acceptable place. In the middle of the grocery store is not.

Hi I.,
Fist off, just some reassurance, this is very very normal behavior. But, I'm not sure disciplining her is the best thing to do, as this is very normal behavior and you don't want her to feel ashamed or that she's doing something "wrong". Maybe you could try and re-direct her, get her involved in another activity so she's not thinking about "it". My eldest daughter would do something similar at nap time but she seems to slowly have "outgrown" it (as far as frequency). Hope this helps a little.

There's very little else to add here. I'll just ditto what Kelly below me had said. It's frustrating, but just remember, this too shall pass! Good luck to you!

Kelly H has it right in my opinion. Your daughter is old enough to know where and when it's appropriate to do these things. It's nothing to be ashamed about or discipline, we just need to know when it's ok. Also, Kelly was right in saying that it's also a good time to let her know who is allowed to touch her there. Good luck!

Maybe its time to start asking questions has anybody touched her in places where they are not suppose to, is she with a baby sitter, a day care, out of your sight, with somebody else. The thought is aweful but dont dismiss this could of happened. Also dont dismiss the fact its a younger person any age could be look upon, you said something she seems to be doing it a lot more, could she have a yeast infection, bladder infection, kids will normally do this maybe in the bathrub, maybe in bed usually in a private time, but if she is doing it all the time, humm have a quiet talk with her,

Blessings

What your daughter is doing is a natural stage in her development. She has been very frank in telling you why she does it, and you should be frank with her as well. What she is doing is 100% natural exploration, and as long as she is doing it in private, there should be no cause for concern. When you discipline her for her actions, you are communicating that what she is doing is wrong. What you are saying, without actually saying it, is that her actions, urges, and explorations are wrong!

Your entry intrigued me. I am not a doctor, but I also have heard that masterbation is normal for that age. I only have a 2 year old girl...so I'm sure I will be dealing with this too later. What intrigued me was not that your daughter was doing this, but that you we disciplining her??? Have you read anything about what to do when you catch them? My first thought would be not to. You wouldn't want her to think negative about something that is natural to her, right? I would read more about how to respond to a child when caught masterbating.

-A.

Do not discipline your daughter, she will learn that making herself feel good is bad, just encourage her to do it only in her room or bathroom. Shaming will not work. My daughter is 7 and did the same thing for a while. After explaining that it was nice and ok to touch your body but that it was really something you do in private she knew what I expected./ Then everytime she began to rub, I said, it looks like you need some private time... Do not be afraid she is abnormal or sexual, she is just learning about the parts of her body and just found one thing that she can do to that makes her feel good.

Hi I.,

It is masturbate not musturbate, and it is normal for all kids/people to explore this. She is doing it because it does feel good. I would suggest not disciplining her when you find her doing this because this could cause shame about her body and her sexuality as a teenager or an adult. Instead, I would suggest explaining to her that it is something she has to do alone and in private (like she should go to her room if she wants to do this)and not appropriate to do in front of other people. If you don't make a big deal out of it, she probably won't do it as much either.

L.

I had a little girl like that did that at nap time (i taught pre-school). Try to distract her attention from doing that to something else. If she's 5 get her some pre-school books to practice on, stuff like that. If she's doing it as a comfort thing try giving her a blankie use your imagination. Don't make her feel weird about it, she'll grow out of it.

Dear I.,
I think discipline is not the appropriate action to take here.
Tell her that manstrubation is for private time in bed bath and secret-a very private matter. And certainly not for everyone to see. Those are her privates. She should keep them out of anybodies sight. They are not for anyone else to see.
Good Luck with this...
C. S.

Do nothing, it is a stage, she has discovered an interesting part of her body. I have known lots of little girls that do this. I tell my boys that there is a place for everything, and that exploring private parts belongs in the bedroom. They get it when I ask them if they would pee in the front yard? or would they walk naked to school? Same thing, a place for each behavior. Be gentle, will take several times on your part but she'll get it, even at her young age. Good luck. Ali

Please don't discipline her for it. This is normal. You can tell her that she can do it, but it is something that she can do only when she's in her room by herself. Otherwise, distract her.

Stop disciplining her. There is nothing wrong with what she is doing. It is normal and natural for children to explore their bodies and do what makes them feel good. It isn't something that she should do in public and that is what you can make clear to her.
A

Masturbation is totally normal behavior, and you should never punish her for it. When you see her do it, simply tell her, "I know that feels good, but touching our bodies in that way is a private behavior. If you want to do that you should go to your bedroom." My only concern is your statement that she is beginning to masturbate more frequently. Sometimes kids masturbate to alleviate stress and anxiety. Perhaps she is getting stressed out by your reaction to her behavior. Relax. This is normal and no big deal. Just calmly tell her to do it in private.

My daughter did this too. She would even grind on the playground equipment. My aunt told me it was a sign of possible molestation. That was a bunch of nonsense! My kids doctor said it is normal. Once they know it feels good they will do it. They stop when they realize it is not a good thing to do in public. My son use to walk around holding his "boy" then stopped.
Kids doing this is totally normal.

I used 2 do the same thing wen I was young. Don't scold her sit down and talk with her and find out y she does it. My reason was my father molested me at 3yrs of age,I found out l8tr wen I was 12. So there might b a reason. As long as she don't do it n public. She will b fine. just continue being open and truthful with her.

Don't discipline, educate. All I've said is that touching their private parts is for private places, their bedrooms, baathroom etc. Also,make sure that your daughter knows that no one is to touch her private parts, and that if the do, she is to tell you, a teacher etc straight away.

It is so normal for kids. My rule with my 3 (6, 4 1/2, and 2 1/2) is only in the bathroom with the door closed. I have no problem with them exploring their bodies but it is a private matter. If you give her a set of guidelines it might make it less of a temptation and you won't have a battle of the wills going. It will also help keep lines of communication open if she knows she can talk about it and their is not punishment involved which will be very important in future years.

Hi I.,

You might want to keep in mind that ANYTHING that you do to "discipline" a child, to try to get them to stop doing something, will call much more attention to the very thing you want to stop. The activity will become even more attractive to them BECAUSE you are trying to get them to stop.

The best way to lessen the importance of a behavior is to ignore it as much as possible, but of course you still need to address the possibility that something is physically irritating her skin - for instance, it is possible that she has a yeast infection as others have mentioned, or other type of irritation. I'd definitely be sure to have her checked for that. And don't put fabric softener in the wash with her panties, or use those fabric softener sheets, they can be irritants. And definitely wash her panties in a good organic, non-detergent cleaner (such as the Shaklee products - you might have seen them on The Oprah Show, Oprah LOVES these products. And they are VERY gentle on skin, I use them, and I am allergic to most other detergents and cleaners. You can get them from the Shaklee store, it's on Cahuenga in the Studio City area. Talk to Mary Anton there. She ships, too. Her phone is ###-###-####.)

And be sure to only use white panties, all cotton - sometimes the dyes can cause itching, (and rubbing an itchy area does feel good). Polyester and nylon panties can cause itchiness too, especially in the summer, since they don't absorb moisture.

And use toilet paper that is white and unscented. (I am allergic to LOTS of different toilet papers - they give me a rash! The only one I can use is Scott, in white.)

Personally, I happen to think masturbation is healthy. My doctor ALWAYS hollered after his teenage boys as they were leaving to go on a date, "did you masturbate?". LOL! This Doctor knew his sons would get aroused by their cute teen dates, because that is just human nature, and so, he very practically, encouraged them to take the most natural route toward the least likelihood of things getting out of control. Pretty smart, I think, and probably prevented an unwed pregnancy or two, at least! He had several boys!

But, anyway, even if you think masturbation is not OK - in fact, ESPECIALLY if you think that- you would want to focus LESS attention on her behavior, rather than MORE attention on it, if you prefer for the behavior to lessen in appeal.

I'm a mom of 8, all grown, I've pretty much seen it all. ;-)

STOP disciplining her. It is very normal for a child this age to demonstrate this behavior. I would let her know that the appropriatee place for this behavior is in her bedroom by herself. If you leave it alone, this will stop!

Hi I., lots of little kids do that. I wouldn't discipline her for it. Just tell her it's something she should do in private, like getting dressed and going to the bathroom. If you feel comfortable this is a great lead in to discussing appropriate and inappropriate touching. Anything a bathing suit covers is inappropriate when done by others. There are excellents books out there. Good luck.

My daughter did the same thing. It is embarrassing though. But, don't discipline. Just explain that it's a private thing. When you catch her, remind her it's a private thing and ask her if she'd like to go to her bedroom, bathroom, or elsewhere or remind her she'll need to stop until later. It'll pass.

Hi!
My daughter does the same thing. It is masturbstion. My daughter has been doing this since she was a couple of months old. The doctors also told me it is 'normal'. It is kind of unsettling to see your daughter doing this, I know. My daughter does this when she is stressed, bored or tired. My suggestion is don't discipline, you will make her fear the feeling and action when she gets older. Instead, distract her when you catch her doing this. Ask her for help in making cookies or read a book with/to her. My daughter is 7 years old and the frequency has dwindle. When she was a baby, this was how she put herself to sleep every nap and night time... Don't worry, it is 'normal' :)

I agree with everyone(except Julie L). Masturbation is normal. Please do not discipline her or tell her it is dirty. Educate her(and yourself). Explain to her that masturbation is normal and that everyone does it but it is done in the privacy of one's room.
Also, this might be a good time to have the talk about not letting anyone else touch her in those areas except for a doctor and you.

Dear I.,
The variety of responses here are huge. I hope in your sincerity of asking such a personal and important question that you choose the right responses!
Here is something a little different than the others:
If we grow up knowing that sexual relief or pleasure is something we can give to ourselves, it should result in less anxiety over issues of love (married or not, male or female)
A young man or woman that isn't mystified about masturbation is far less likely to be manipulated into a sexual encounter on the basis of "urge"- from their
date or themselves, or both.
Since you are writing about your daughter, consider that if she has a healthy understanding of her ability to relieve/enjoy herself, this understanding will result in far less tolerance for the type of sexually agressive partner who claims they can't do the same. Furthermore, a partner who places far too much emphasis on sex and/or tries to coax her into "doing it" before she is ready or in the mood will more likely be abandoned.
Since your daughter is only 5 now, I have to say that the other responses encouraging her "private activity" or concern over possibility of irritation might be best!

Dearest I.,
I too went through the same thing with my, now 8 yr old daughter when she was about 6 or 7. I come from a Catholic Hispanic very traditional family. Talking about this "kind" of stuff in our family isn't really permitted or talked about. And honestly I didn't feel comfortable talking to my mother about it. So I talked to her pediatrician. Yup her pediatrician said the same thing. It's normal. He said not to make her feel uncomfortable or ashamed of what she's doing. He also said that children begin to get masturbating feelings around the age of 4. Honestly, when he said this, I was shocked. But took everything he said into consideration. When my husband and I would see her doing this, we would bring it to her attention and talk to her about what she's feeling, body wise and what she feels when she masturbates. I wasn't surprised that she opened up more to my husband than me, considering that this topic was never talked about while I was growing up. But I got courage and I sat down with her and explained that what she was doing was normal. That she was beginning to get to be a big girl and her body was going through some changes. I used the example of getting taller or her hands and feet getting bigger. Her body little by little was going to go through changes. It's important to use words and language that is appropriate for the childs age. Just make sure she understands and what's important is that you don't want her to hurt herself in her private area. What I realized was that she was doing it when she was bored. I would suggest going outside and playing or having her help me with chores that she like to do around the house. Many times she would wash dishes. Mostly make a mess, but it kept her busy and her mind and body's feelings occupied. So maybe keeping her entertained with activities, even just going outside and riding her bike or playing ball. It's a faze. It does go away if you approach it correctly with no shame or embarrasement.

Good Luck,
E.M.

I actually feel sorry for all the negative rap Julie L is getting because she said masturbation is wrong. How sad! Well, from a Christian standpoint, she may actually have a point (not to step on any toes :).

Here is some advice I'm sharing and quoting from a good parenting book I read: A child's sexuality is present from the earliest stages of life and this is a good and beautiful thing. Sometimes genital sexual activity may be observed by the parents in their child from the earliest age and it's up to them to correct such habits gently, lovingly, and consistently. Early childhood would be a good age to give some guidance on basic modesty. You can explain that the parts of our bodies covered by our swimsuits should be kept private. Children sometimes play with their genitals as a kind of mindless method of self-comforting and while it can be upsetting for the parent and must be addressed, it can be done in a sensitive manner. I think it's enough to continue gently redirecting the child, the same way you would redirect other bad childhood habits that feel good but are inappropriate, like thumb-sucking, ear-cleaning, and nose-picking. You can say, "No, thank you, honey, we don't touch ourselves that way," and then offer another way for the child to feel comforted (i.e. scooping her up in your arms, tickling her and telling her that you love her, or encouraging her to play a particular game she enjoys, or asking her to find her favorite stuffed animal to cuddle).

Hi THERE !

Oh Divine Mother Nature !
...when my daughter was in that young , young age -
and I saw that she was having pleasure in that department ...
I felt the need to wanting to protect her and her privacy ...
so I talked to her and tried my best in explaining
that those things are very private and sacred ...
and should be enjoyed only in privacy
and later in life with a beloved husband ...
and ... it worked well ...
she understood .

flowerpower

There was one view point not coverd so I will add to a very commented on subject. You talk about the frequency bothering you. When I was little, my mother really scollded us (I also had two sister) for this. Unfortunattly, non of us were nearly as sexually represhed as we should have been! But back to my point: latter in life, I read about what motivates a child to masterbate frequently and I became aware that lonliness and lack of attention from the parent can instigte over doing it. While my mother stayed home with us, and God bless her, did a wonderful job, she very much busied herslef with housework and other duties and spent little time interacting with us on our level. I think I was a needy child and needed more attention than she gave me, so I self soothed in place of the attention I really wanted. Food for thought. Good luck and don't beat your self up about scolding her. Most of us with healthy sexual attitudes were bitterly scoloded on this one- am I wrong?

Have you ever heard of a monkey trap?

A monkey trap is where someone leaves some kind of goodies appealing to monkeys in a container that is too small to extract by hand. So the monkey reaches in and will forever be trapped there because it is too greedy and selfish to let go of its prize. Nothing is forcing the monkey to stay there save its greed and selfishness.

Now, imagine you are God. You are fully aware that for anyone to qualify for such glory they MUST be unselfish. Enter the subject you brought up.

God is a God of love, not lust. He asks us to consecrate that part of us to the one we will marry. He sets the standard and fills us with the wisdom of WHY as we grow in a healthy relationship with Him and those around us. He sanctioned those feelings to be given us by the one we marry as a symbol of that selflessness we are choosing. I promise you that God's love is worth letting go of all monkey traps forever for. The rich, sweet wells of God's wisdom are too vast to even begin to discuss here. What I will say though is that we were created for a divine purpose, but it takes trusting that and learning to discern the monkey traps that stand in the way.

First you have to trust God to let go of the monkey trap one is in before you can get some distance to see it clearly. Some other traps include things like vanity, envy, back biting, scorn, shaming, upbraiding, stealing, lying, and despairing. These are all behaviors that are counter to the attributes of our heavenly Creator whose image in we are made. I mean, imagine if God were vain. Who would want to worship a God who paraded himself around all day and ground his better-ness in our faces? I would prefer to worship a Creator who honored me, spoke to my heart, who respects me and gives me hope.

Anyway, God's wisdom is great. I believe He is a being who respects us with all His heart and that part of finding Him is learning to respect ourself. Masturbation is contrary to this. Those who get some space from it and seek wisdom and counsel see why.

It is like climbing a mountain. Others can describe to you what they have found, but it is best to take the journey yourself. As others have said, do not shame or punish her for it. Those are contradictory to God's love just as unchaste habits are. Your daughter will benefit from wisdom being shared and a respect-filled example of your own. That will help give her the internal confirmations that will allow her to let go of monkey trap bait with confidence and resolution for real.

God be with you, M.

I am currently dealing with the same situation with my daughter. In my faith we believe that our bodies are gifts from our Heavenly Father, and as such we should keep them sacred. This includes saving ourselves until we are married. Not only do we believe that sex should be saved for marriage, we also believe that masturbation is wrong.
I wondered if you had similar beliefs and that is why you were punishing your daughter.
I sat down with my daughter and had a talk. I explained that our bodies are a gift and that they are special, that Heavenly father has asked us not to touch our private parts or let others either until we are married, and that I was going to allow her to make her own choice about the matter. She actually took it really well, and I haven't seen her doing it since.
Thinking about after, I also realized part of the reason she is doing it might be because she is bored, so I am trying to provide more activities for her.
Before you other moms freak out at me, I would like you to know that I do respect your beliefs. I have often heard the quote "If god didn't want us to masturbate he would have given us shorter arms." I can understand that. I would encourage you to talk to your daughters about the importance of washing their hands before and after to avoid vaginitis, yeast infections, and UTIs.

When my kids started doing that, I just told them that they didn't need to be doing that. Every time I saw them after that, I told them the same thing.
I had also been told that it was a normal thing to do, but I didn't want my children to make it a habit.

I., don't hestitate. Don't be in denial. I can't believe your doctor would just say this is normal without erring on the side of caution. You must evaluate all situations in which you leave her with another adult. You must look back in retrospect and calculate when this behavior began. Yes it is natural for a child to touch their privates but a child who does it repeatedly and steadily is a child who may be being touched by an adult Trust your gut, it seems your gut is telling you something. My daughter @ 6 yrs came into contact with a boy of 12 who had been serially asking to see and then touching the privates of a number of little girls. One set of twins had displayed this behavior of masturbating. It turned out the boy had been molested at the age of 8 but never received treatment. Trust your gut and start asking your daughter some gentle questions. Remember she is never to blame because that is what a molester will tell her, that you will hate her if she tells. God Bless, I hope it all comes to be nothing.

Well I read other people's responses and I can't believe no one thought of the possibility of my answer!!! No wonder we have so many women walking around who were sexually abused as children and had no one to help them.

I reiterate, touching yourself is natural but constant masturbation needs to be questioned.