Need Book on Coping with the Loss of a Parent

Where do I begin. My dad passed away July 28, 2008. We have not had a good relationship for a long time. My dad was an alcolholic for as long as I can remember. My mom was married to him for 23 years before the finally divorced. As soon as they were divorced my dad remarried and had stopped drinking. He however, did not like the man I was in a relationship. We stopped talking, and didn't see each other for many years. I got remarried to a wonderful man and my dad and his wife divorced (after 10 years)----he started drinking again. He called me December of 2004 and we started talking again. I told him I would continue to as long as he was sober. We spoke on the phone several times, but never had the chance to get together because he started drinking heavily. During the time we started talking I had my son in January of 2006, I sent my dad pictures and he really never asked to much about him when he would call....it was always about what "he" was doing. After, numerous cards/pictures with no response from him I finally decided I had enough and was not going to put my self through this anymore. I had a daughter in July 2007 and he really didn't know about her either. I received a phone call the 1st part of July from a relative letting me know my dad was in the hospital and not doing very well. At first I acted like I didn't care, but as time went on I knew I needed to go see him and try to make things right at least for my piece of mind. My husband and I went to Kansas City to see him one weeked (I hadn't seen my father for about 15 years). I knew it would be hard but I also knew he had been in the hospital for over a month and he would be sober. When I got there, he was in such bad shape. The nurses were asking me what I wanted done if he would code....I was so overwhelmed I just didn't know what to do. I'm an only child and my dad had no one else. I stayed the weeked and he did know who I was, but he really couldn't talk. He did want to see pictures of the kids and I brought plenty to show him. I called on Monday to see how he was doing and the nurse said he probably wouldn't make it through the day and I needing to start thinking about making arrangements on what to do when he passed. I called back 15 minutes later and he died while I was on the phone with the case coordinator. My dad was only 56 years old-his liver was gone, his kidneys were failing, he was septic, and there are too many other things to mention. Most of this was due to drinking, smoking, being a diabetic and just not taking care of himself. I'm so overwhelmed dealing with his estate/probate issue. I have some good days and some bad. I just feel so bad he died alone and I wasn't there. I wish we could of had the father/daughter relationship everyone dreams of. He just couldn't kick the alcohol. I cry when I think about all he has missed out on and how he won't see his grandchildren grow up. I'm sorry for rambling on, but I'm just to the point I need some friendly advice. I told my husband I couldn't even remember if I told him I loved him when I went to the hospital (my husband says I did) I just sit and wonder if he was scared, did he know people loved him. If anyone knows of any books or has any advise I would really appreciate it. I keep thinking it will get better, but so far it hasn't. The more I think about it, the more upset I get. I just wish there was something else I could have done.