Need Advie on What to Do After a Miscarriage

Dear Justine-

Though we’re never met,
you died before you were born.
My love for you is endless,
and I couldn’t love you more.
I’m torn between my children now,
and what could have been.
I never forgot you and think of you
every now and then.
The doctors told your father and I
we could have more children;
I can’t help but think
they don’t know how I’m feeling.
I want you back and in my arms
sheltering you from any harm.
I wish you could meet your siblings
and for them to know you too,
but now that’s impossible to do.
So, in closing, I want you to know:
I love you, I’m thinking of you,
And wishing you were back home.

Love,
Mom

Poem by: Anngie

After 2 pretty normal pregnancies, I had a miscarriage almost a year ago. It was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. For myself there was no closure, no ending, one day I was 9 weeks pregnant, the next it was all gone :( Time does help you learn how to deal with the loss. My husband tried to help, but he didnt fully get what I was going thru. If you need to talk or vent you can message me!!

Sorry for your loss!

B., first of all I'm sorry for your loss. I myself have had 3 miscarriages and 3 tubal pregnacies. In most cases your body will get rid of the embro by its self, other cases you're body will not get rid of it and you will need to go to the doctor and have a DNC to help.(DNC are not the most pleasant things to go through, but they are to bad, not as bad a the pain of the miscarriage, I think anyway) I personaly would go to your doctor and let him know and see what he thinks. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful with the advice, but that is my best thought.
Good luck and sorry again.

B.,
I am so sorry bout your loss. God is good all the time. I was taught to thank Him for the good and the bad, that everything happens for a reason. I would be thankful and feel very blessed that you have the two you have and go on with your life. When it is meant for you to birth again, God will let it happen. A Believer in Him
queensizechic

I have also had a miscarriages. I have to say that when God is ready for you to have a new little one he will give you one. I had to start to believe that after I had two miscarriages. I had a 1 year old at the time and was ready for a another one so we tried I got pregnant and I had a miscarriage 6 weeks into the preg. so six months later we tired again I got preg. and 17 weeks into it I had a miscarriage. So six months later we tried again and I my second child till term well she came four weeks early but she was healthy. Then when she was three months old I got pregnant with my third child and now have three beautiful children. A 5 year old son and 2 1/2 year old daughter and a 19 month old daughter. So when the time is right God will give you a healthy beautiful baby. God Bless you and your family.

B.

Sorry for your loss, I had a miscarriage back a few years ago, I also had to have a D&C wasnt fun to have to go thru, but it doesnt hurt.

I was saddened by the whole thing but I was told that their is a reason for everything, one person said to me, maybe the baby was sick and its why he/she didnt grow or it just wasnt my time to be a mom, there are so many reasons for a miscarriage, how I got thru the loss, just put in my mind that it was for a good reason.

I moved on and met a wonderful guy and we have a beautiful healthy little 10month old boy.

My life is sooo much better now, I look back on that loss and realize if I hadnt of lost that child I wouldnt have the wonderful life I have today. I wouldnt have the husband or child I have today. In due time you will be pregnant again and have a healthy child and the miscarriage will be something of the past.

Hope that helps, and again sorry for your loss.

G.

B.,
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I, too, had a miscarriage after 2 successful pregnancies, about 7 years ago. I received a lot of help from the ladies at SHARE. They were wonderful. I didn't participate in any of their group sessions, but I did talk with them several times about what I was going through. They have an extensive libray of helpful books that they lend out, even books that can help your other children to handle the loss of a sibling (my girls were about the same age as yours are). They even helped us plan a very private, very simple, memorial ceremony; it was just my husband and I, and the lady from Share (I think her name was Cathy), but I found it especially comforting.

At this point in my life I was sad and confused about my own thoughts and feelings. I knew I had so much to be grateful for, but it was still hard to deal with the loss of the expectation of our new baby. It was nice to have the comfort of someone who had some understanding of how I was feeling. I first called them on the phone and was immediately comfortable talking to them about things that I did not feel right about discussing with any one else, I think part of that was just getting validation for the way I was feeling. It's hard for me to describe why that was so helpful to me because I did have support from my family and friends, but I just found the unconditional love and comfort something that I needed as well.

The books that I borrowed were also especially helpful to me.

There is no charge for anything involved with SHARE and they have a wide variety of programs. You are invited to participate in anything that you feel will be helpful to you, but are in no way made to feel obligated to do anything that doesn't feel comfortable to you. I actually had very few visits with them, but I feel that it was a very important part of my healing process.

I wish you the best. Take care,
L.

PS: Sorry, I thought you lived in St. Charles, MO, where Share has its national offices. They do have a website, and although I have never used it, it looks to be helpful, with chat groups, etc. Also, it looks like they will mail you a packet if you request it. Here is the website, I hope this helps you. www.nationalshareoffice.com/

I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage--I have had 2 myself. A dear friend of mine runs a non-profit to help moms during this difficult time. It's called Heaven Born--please visit her website at heavenborn.com .....Take care and love on your girls...

I had a miscarriage in January. My dr advised me to lay off the trying for at least 3 months. Take it easy. but explaining to other children isn't something i can tell you how to do. I don't think i did a good job. they just didn't understand y the baby wasn't growing, and that there wasn't one anymore. Basiclly after all of that just take care of yourself.

it really depends on your body how things will go. Just like every pregnancy being different every misscarriage is different too.

Just like after birth your body can bleed for 2-6 weeks. The worst part is the waiting for your body to start bleeding in most cases. I'll tell you about 4 of mine and maybe you can be informed enough to make a plans

My first was pretty violent and I woke up bleeding heavily. Like in the movies, it was awful. I bled for the next 8 weeks but it finally subsided and I was back to pregnancy ready in 6 months.

Then there was the one where I had some spotting went in for an ultrasound and was told I had already expelled the baby. I only bled for 6 weeks after that one.

Then the worst one I went in for an early ultrasound and found the baby didn't have a heartbeat. It was well past time to see one. The doctor arranged for a D-N-C and the pain was awful. I felt like I was in labor for the next week. The painpills did weird things to my digestive tract and I bled for another 4 weeks.

My tubal was just the craziest. There were endless blood tests every M-W- F for 6 weeks I had dye injected in my tubes to make sure they weren't damaged, and they also mri'd my intestine while I was in the hospital and then they told me that my levels had dropped enough I would finally miscarry in another 4-6 weeks!!!! I just didn't want to wait. I was also really sick with pneumonia so I asked for birthcontrol and after the three weeks of active pills I finally bled but only for the week I would have normally.

I hope that will help you prepare for what ever comes your way. If you ever get to the point that you're thinking of another pregnancy I would suggest getting healthy first.

Meanwhile take all the time you need to grieve, talk about it. If you need to, seek out a support group. There's one on WebMD.com called Pregnancy:Coping with Loss then there are others that follow you through concieving again and pregnancy.

Best wishes for a fast recovery.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.I've never had a miscarriage but several friends of mine have.You need to stay well hydrated with lots of fluids and get rest.Give your body time to heal,just take it easy for awhile.If you still want more children wait about 4-6 months then go get a check-up at the doctor.He/she will tell you if the time is right. :~}

First you need to allow yourself to heal after the hurt. You may feel responsible for what has happened and the truth is, many things happen for a reason. The feelings that overload your heavy heart will subside in time. I'm not saying you should forget, just understand and look at things differently. Talking to other women who have experienced the same loss do know how you feel. I myself experienced a miscarriage in March 2004. I was rear ended at a stop light and was 12 wks. along, I had to have an emergency DNC. I was in such denial that the fetus was no longer living and had a very hurtful and heart breaking decision signing the papers to have the surgery. I was very sad and distraught for a long period of time, but came to the conclusion that I was not being punished and it was nothing I did on my part, it just was not meant to be. Good luck, and I hope this will help you in some way.

first off I want to say I am so very sorry! It is not easy and at this time of year not fun!

I too had a miscarriage at about 7 weeks.. They did a sono and said it was a tubal. but I had not felt the same.. I had alot of clots pass and dr said that it would happen... I ended up getting a D&C.. Not all need them.. I dont understand why I did but hey... It is very normal.. Does not hurt and it in and out really. just get rest!!!

As time went on.. I guess I knew that something just was not right... It just would not of worked out, Many problems.

It is hard Yes it is... but The next will be ok.. Just because it happen one time does not mean next will be the same.. Dont let that worry you!

You have 2 wonderfull little ones... Give them some extra hugs as you need them.. and it will ease the pain.

If it makes it any easer. Name the little one, Thought I never did.. I just said a Praier that one of my grandparents would Please keep an eye open for a wee little angle on the way up. could they keep this little one for me till one day We can meet!

It made me feel better!! and I dont tend to bring it up at all. I was on a trying to conceave board.. and many have children listed and all the miscarriages they have had.. I felt sorry for them. The best thing is to live well In the now... Yes it is sad... but sadly It is over now... Get some rest!!! and take it easy and in 2007 IF you want try again for a little one! I am sure it will be ok!!

Sending hugs!!!! and get some rest wishes!!!

T.

again I am very sorry!