Need Advice, Potty Trained Child Having Accidents Again

Updated on March 08, 2009
S.H. asks from Sacramento, CA
11 answers

I am at a loss! My daughter is 3 1/2 and has been potty trained for about 8 or 9 months. For the last week or so, she has been pooping in her pants daily. I am so confused on why this is happening and what to do about it. Any help and suggestions are greatly appreciated!!

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N.C.

answers from Sacramento on

Anyone or anything new in her life, any stresses? That can cause her to regress. Also if that is not it, it is pretty normal for potty trained children to regress a little. Sounds normal.

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D.D.

answers from San Francisco on

I'd have a conversation with her. She is old enough to tell you what is going on, or at least give you a good idea.

Explain to her that you aren't mad, just frustrated and that something must be going on for her to do this. Let her know that you'd like to help her solve the problem because you know she doesn't want to wear yucky pants.

Stay loving and non-threatening. You can build a real trust if she knows that you are on her side no matter what.

Worse case senerio, expain to her that if she needs to poop her pants that is ok, but she'll have to go back to the diaper until she is ready to use the toilet again, and those pretty big girl panties will get put away.

There will be bigger wars. Don't fight one that you can't win. This is one you will not win.

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G.Z.

answers from San Francisco on

Are there any changes in the home lately? Or a new kid at daycare? Sometimes this kind of stress can precipatate a temporary regression. It will most likely resolve itself soon.

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J.H.

answers from Sacramento on

I'm with Tracey on this one, because I don't consider these "accidents" (unless of course she has diarrhea). She is making a choice to not use the toilet. When she chooses to not use the toilet, she chooses to clean out her underpants, etc.

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T.G.

answers from San Francisco on

S.,
I'll give you the advice that my mom told me. (She did this with my brother and I did it with my son and it worked.)
Tell her that if she poops in her pants, she needs to take them off, dump the poop in the toilet and then wash her own panties. Tell her that you are sorry but you don't wash poopie underpants anymore and that if she chooses to not use the toilet, she will have to clean them herself. (Also let her know that she will have to bathe herself too.)
It took one time with my brother (crying the whole time).
I tried this with my son and unfortunatley he like washing his underpants in the toilet for a while. After about 5 times, he told me that he didn't want to do it anymore and has not gone in his pants since!
I hope this works for you!
T.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

I think children do regress in their potty habits but usually it's a matter of them figuring out that they aren't babies anymore. And they won't be. Potty training is a sign of no turning back. You want to be understanding about it, but there is a place where poop goes and it's called the toilet. If a child wants to poop their pants, that's fine, but what comes out of them goes in the toilet whether they sit on the toilet or they dump the contents of their underpants out and deal with it themselves that way.
Poop is yuck and everyone uses the toilet for that reason.

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

That happened to one of my kids, too. I have no idea why, but we just went back to giving her lollipops and TONS of praise when she pooped on the potty. It seems to have worked itself out now. Good luck!

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S.C.

answers from Sacramento on

It could be her diet.has there been any big changes in your house .someone leaving ,moving .Does she go about the same time every day? If so try to take her to the bathroom then . ask her if she is have trouble. It is common to have problems hang in ther it gets better. good luck S.

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L.F.

answers from Sacramento on

I'm a child psychologist and this is completely normal. Most likely scenario is that she is interested in what she is doing and is putting off getting to the bathroom because she doesn't want to miss out on the fun she is having. She is still learning about her body, what her body signals mean, how long she can "hold it" before getting to the bathroom, and how much power or control she has over her surroundings and her body. Her diet may also be a factor and she is constipated. It is very common for children to have occasional constipation, followed by a painful bowel movement, resulting in holding it in to avoid the pain, and then having an accident. This becomes a vicious cycle. Make sure her diet has enough fruit, vegetables, limited juice, and lots of water. It's also possible that she is backsliding because of stress or changes in the family -- a move, divorce, new school or changes at school, new sibling, etc. Don't shame her or stress her further or it will make it worse. Talk with her about what might be causing the backsliding. Also ask her what might help her to improve -- you may be amazed at her ideas! Give her lots of reminders to go to the bathroom, and praise her when she does. Try a sticker chart again. Suggest (don't threaten) diapers, to see if she might want to go back to them (if she does, it will most likely be for a very short time). She may be struggling with what it means to grow up and not be the baby any more, and backsliding may be her way of becoming a baby again. Help her feel that she has control over this process -- since that is what this backsliding is about! She is most likely NOT trying to "do this TO you." If you threaten, get angry, or get punitive then she WILL make it all about you and control over you. Having her clean out her own soiled panties is ok and can work, but only if you don't make it punitive or put a lot of emotion behind it. Good luck!

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L.B.

answers from Sacramento on

Tracy,
I run a childcare in Lincoln,ca. So needless to say i see this a lot. it normal for a potty trained child to back slide. it could be for a lot of reasons. Possible attention. But like other mother tell you. Have her clean her own panites out. My own daughter had done this. I would get a movie called Potty Power for boys and girls and that helped her. they love the songs and she tells me she has potty power. If that doesn't work. I would also tell her'' I guess I m going to get you some diapers.'' she would tell me because of the video that diapers are for babies not big girls. Im a big girl and no more accidents. I love that video everyone in the childcare would loves it too. You can always take something away from her for having accidents if you feel she is doing it for a reason. That works also. Once she does start going again make a big deal out of it reward her for being a big girl. kids love rewards

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G.B.

answers from Boise on

Sarah, I am always an advocate for a mother's instinct.

What do you think? Do you think she is being lazy or that it is an accident? Can she not hold it? Does it always happen at the same place, at preschool for example? You should ask her why (I'm sure you have.)

Sometimes,kids will just forget.
Sometimes, kids will hold it because they don't like automatic flushing toilets and are scared to go on them. Sometimes, they hold them because they have had pain when trying to go.

Sometimes, children can get encompreses. It is a constipation problem...I think from holding the poo and then the stool dries out in the colon. The body signal to deficate will go away after some minutes, and will not return until the next stool is on top of the first one. I can imagine it might come on too quickly to make it to the potty.

Some fecal issues are due to parasites. Some parasites can live in the intestinal tract for a long time and cause almost no sypmtoms, vauge ones, or extreme symptoms like IBS or bloody diarrhea. Sometimes they are very hard to find, even for doctors who do stool samples, because the egg/larvae/adult cycle goes thru phases with some periods of time when no cyst are shed. Some of the parasites are more common in children.
You can talk to your pedi about deworming your kids, just in case. I personally think everyone should be dewormed once a year, with kids twice a year. (we de-worm our livestock every 6 months, why wouldn't people get parasites too?) Indeed, I have a seven page list of human parasites, and two thirds of the ones listed prefer to live inside the intestinal tract.

Iodine supplementation is a smart choice for everyone. It is antbacterial, antiparasite, antifungal, ect. 25 mgs a day. But with parasites you might need to do more than just Iodine. ( see humaworm.com)

If you do have her clean her own panties, have her wear gloves.

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