Potty Readiness and Poop Possessiveness.

My son officially potty trained at 3yrs 4mos. he was showing signs of readiness for months but he just was not willing to use the potty either. He is very strong willed and generally does not want to do what I want him to do :) So I backed off for a while and then suddenly one day at daycare he told his teacher when she went to change him that he did not want to wear a diaper and that he wanted to wear big boy pants now. He refused to let them put on a diaper, so he went commando for the rest of the day. We never went back after that! Sure there were some accidents in the first few weeks but that is normal. What I am trying to say is that that day HE made the decision, it was HIS idea and so now he was ready. Before then, I could lead him to the potty but I could not make him actually pee in it! Then he was real excited about being "big" - we made a huge deal out of the fact that he was a big boy now using the potty and wearing big boy pants. So keep your head up - if your boy is strong willed like mine you might have to kind of wait for him to decide and then run with it.

As far as your struggles now with getting a diaper on, would it be easier to use a pull up? I could get my son to stand up and step into a pull up but could not get him to lay still for a diaper. And as far as him not letting you change him, that could work to your favor. Let him sit in the poop. Maybe he needs to feel uncomfortable for a while. If he gets a rash, explain to him that having poop in his diaper gives him a rash and thats why he needs to either be changed or poop in the potty. My 3 year old got to where he understood that... and once he did potty training happened shortly after.

I didn't have to deal with either of my kids not wanting their diapers changed, but my son was not interested in the potty at all. I knew he was ready, but he was not having it. I tried charts, rewards, games, etc. I was not getting anywhere with those. So...I finally just told him there were no more diapers. And I meant it! I didn't buy any more. Once he finished the pack we had, he was in underwear. And he actually didn't complain! He was like, "No more diapers mommy. All gone!" And that was that :) He was 3 also, btw.

Good luck mama!

It's a control issue for him, and then a power struggle. If you know he can hold his urine for a lengthy time, just go straight to underpants and start training. Sometimes you have to demand what you're child needs to do. Sometimes you have to go naked from the waist down. Sit him on the potty every 10-20 minutues, you decide. As he masters each time spread it apart. He will not pee every time he sits but sooner or later he will and then make a big deal about it. Give him a reward for it like a Skittle, M&M or a sticker. Have him pick out his own big boy panties. Any mess he helps clean up. He helps rinse his panties and hang them. Use paper towel and Lysol spray for urine on hard floors. He can wipe this up. On rugs use pet urine spray. Soak up the urine with a towel and then spray and soak that up. Lay towels around rugs that he sits on a lot and do not allow him on furniture until he is not making accidents. Do not punish for accidents but he will need to help with clean up as it is his mess. He washes his hands after each clean up. The BM thing is beyond me. I had one child with this where he'd withhold. I had one who would stick his thumb up his butt to pull out poop to show me he pooped rather than telling me. Kids are nuts, lol. He'll grow out of it as he starts to poop on the potty and he gets rewarded for it. I helped with my granddaughter's potty training. She'd have accidents at home and came to visit me for 2 weeks in another state. She never had one accident, started pottying on her own and only wet at night half the time. As soon as Mom walked through the door she started misbehaving and having accidents. It's a control issue and Mom is the first person they push that big button on! Keep pushing. You're the parent and stand firm!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

My grandson behaved similarly when he was nearly ready for potty-learning (he was around 2.5 years). I never had the sense that he was possessive of anything but his freedom to play, however. Diapering is just a very unpleasant intrusion for lots of kids. What generally worked best, because he was quite verbal, was to tell him something like, "Help me get a clean diaper on you, and then you (we) can do a wonderful thing (brief description). He still sometimes had a hard time staying still. Kids gotta move!

Both physical and emotional readiness is essential for the most common training approach used today. Find a couple of readiness checklists, and answers to just about any potty training question at http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html. It's a really helpful resource!

It sounds like he's ashamed or embarrassed about soiling himself, so he's trying to hide it from you. Obviously that plan isn't working out so well for him, and pretending you don't notice isn't healthy for him. ;-)

I would honestly switch him completely out of diapers and training pants/Pull-Ups type unders. Get him into full throttle underwear. When you see him showing signs of getting ready to "produce" then aim him toward the bathroom. If he doesn't want your help, show him how to put the poop into the toilet, his underwear in the laundry, and wash his hands. Don't attach shame to it.

When he succeeds, give him some moderate praise but don't over-do it. He doesn't appear to want a lot of attention to this whole pee/poop business, and if he's anything like my children he might regress a bit if you give him too much praise by being uncomfortable with something he ought to be learning anyway. That's how my eldest thought of it. Why was I practically throwing her a party when she pooped in the toilet when she was supposed to be doing that anyway? It embarrassed her more than simply doing her business. :-)

Anyway, once he's been successful for several days in a row I would give him a special gift without a lot a to-do but a nice recognition of his achievement.

As far as changing a 3 year old's diapers, I never have with any of mine, I'd change them into underpants and potty train if we'd gotten to that point.

I agree with Tripletmom04 and J E. It's a control issue, and he is exerting power over you (it's one of the few things he has control over) you ARE in a power struggle and he's winning! If he's hiding he's past ready, stop buying diapers and tell him it's time to use the potty or toilet (at 3 he can, buy a kid seat for him to sit on.) My guy was ready at 19 months and I didn't push it, I tried to train him at 21 months and he was past being ready and wanted no part of it, I'd waited too long. I found out the hard way there's usually a short window of opportunity to train, you miss it and it's harder to do down the road. We went back and forth for 6 months, he pee trained and held on to his poop, so I visited this site:

http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

which helped immensely. He was literally running to poop in his potty within a little over a day, all that was required was me identifying his "power incentive" and using it. This site is a wealth of information for parents with potty training refusers, read it through. The bottom line is you put the responsibility of using the toilet on him, he is after all the one being trained.

You can make the process smoother by being the parent and taking the lead, it's "training" like anything else you've trained him to do, so show him how you go to the bathroom, sit, wipe, pull your pants up, flush, and wash your hands. Get rid of diapers, tell him once your supply is gone there are no more and don't buy them, take him and sit him every 15 to 20 minutes until you find his rhythm, set a timer (they make ones that look like watches that he can wear) have him help clean up his accidents, buy him little boy underwear and put him in them. And when you see the face and he tells you to go away matter-of-factly take him to the toilet.

Summer is really the best time to potty train, too! : )

My son did this with his wet diapers from bedtime, but not his poopy ones. I was in that extremely tired phase of pregnancy #2, and it seemed like for two weeks straight he wouldn't let me change his diaper until lunchtime. We're talking a soaking wet diaper he had on since 7:30 the night before and he didn't seem to care! I was in complete despair that he would never be potty trained. But at the end of that two weeks he told me that diapers were itchy and he didn't want to wear them anymore. So I put him in underpants and talked up how nice and soft they are. Day one of underpants we had lots of accidents. Day two no accidents till almost dinner. Day three no more accidents- he even went potty in public! I hope that maybe your little guy will come to the same conclusion!