I have been breastfeeding my 17 month old since she was born but cant wean her off! She never liked pacifiers or bottles. she went from breastfeeding straight to drinking from a cup. The problem is that she wont eat anything and drinks very little during the day. Her pediatrician told me that she can get anemia from not getting all the nutrients she now needs. She constantly pulls my shirt down everywhere and anywhere we go! She has a fit and throws these horrible tantrums when I tell her no or cover myself. I have been told by family members and friends to put different things on my breast so she gets a bad taste and the only thing i have tried is putting lemon on myself but she didnt care. I dont want to go to the extreme and put crazy stuff on me that will hurt her. With my other 2 kids it was easy to wean because they had bottles and pacifiers. I never thought i would be one to ask for advise on how to wean especially a 3rd child:) but now I dont know what to do!
Another BIG issue i have is that i wont let dad get anywhere near my breasts when I am breastfeeding (I breastfed my other 2 for a year each not including this one). so my breast have been "off limits" all this time. I have him telling me to wean her almost everyday since her first birthday. I love to breastfeed but i think its time to have my breast all to myself:)
p.s.I hate when people ask me how old she is and then ask in amazement "wow! and you still breastfeed her?!?!"
I cannot leave anywhere!! We don't have friends or family and I am a stay home mom. I do have outings by myself and dad stays with them for a couple of hours. I am not one to leave my kids in a daycare!!!
Can you go away for the weekend? Take a pump with you to help with the engorgement. When you return, she might have become dishabitutated, and you can legitimately answer that you don't have any milk.
Best,
F. B.
1. Under no circumstances should you allow her to pull your shirt down. You need to tell her that YOU decide when, and if you say no and she has a tantrum, you need to stick to your guns.
2. Though you do need to work on the whole demanding/tantrum thing, she doesn't really sound like SHE is ready to wean. I recently read that the age to wean is about 2.8 years old. I agree with those who say to go away for a week or so and dry up so when she goes for the breast there's nothing there for her. That will make weaning easier, if she's not getting anything out of it.
3. I don't agree that your breasts should be off limits to your husband, nor do I understand why you would do that. You're causing intimacy problems in your marriage. I suggest that you reconsider this. Is this a battle that is really worth fighting? Why?
Tell her she is a big girl and no more nursing…that nursing is for babies and that you don't have milk for her anymore. Wear clothes and bras she cannot easily pull up/down. Then just stand firm through her tantrums. It'll probably last a week…be strong. If it makes you feel any better a good majority of people I know nursed their child till they were 2-3 years old, so 17 months does not sound all that old to me. Of course these children were just using nursing as comfort by then…not for their major food source. You say you cannot go anywhere overnight…well how about a day or two of being gone all day. Go to a nearby city with a girlfriend. See a movie and eat lunch and window shop. Drive to a nearby place to go run on trails or do a long bike ride…go to a spa...then meet up with friends for dinner. That sounds pretty awesome to me. Or just stay home and be firm with her. She has to learn other ways to comfort herself now. It will be hard but she'll get it. Keep reminding yourself this is for her own good.
Don't be too hard on yourself! I forgot to wean my youngest and she just turned 3. She only nurses before bed but I don't see it ending anytime soon. I still let me husband borrow them sometimes (haha) but I have to switch off my mommy brain first, he doesn't mind.
I weaned my son when he was about 17 months. All it took was 3-4 nights in a row of daddy putting him to bed and me staying out of sight. In less than a week he never asked for it again. At the time I was SO over it, but looking back I wish I had waited a little longer.
Leave for a couple of days. To away with a friend. Out of sight I bet she will be fine. When you return if she starts, well, you will have to say no and deal with the hysterics.
You're going to have to put up with tantrums. You are not a walking milk container. I weaned for 2.5 years, but I never put my breasts "off limits" for my husband. Perhaps you should remove that barrier because unless there's a physical issue/problem going on, it's an unnecessary limit you're placing on your husband and yourself and that relationship.
Talk to your pedi and ask for suggestions, and perhaps ask a lactation consultant as well. And talk to your daughter. She's old enough to understand that breastfeeding is for babies and that she's getting bigger and needs kid food too. Don't go cold turkey cause that would hurt. Perhaps nurse when you're out and about, but at home you'll have more control. Take away the least nursed time first - see if there are activities that she can do where she might loose track of time and "miss" a feeding. Spread out the time between feedings and tell her - not yet.
You may want to look into maybe 1/2 day daycare as well. She can't nurse there, and she may have a lot of fun playing with other kids as well.
I breastfed one child to 13 1/2 months (had to stop because I was pregnant again) and the next to 15 months. At the end, it was once in the morning. I stopped because it was enough and I wanted to take allergy meds which would dry me up anyway.
My husband would not go near my boobs...he was too scared! It takes a little while even after you stop breastfeeding to dry up.
My kids are older now, but they still grab into my shirt from time to time!
I remember when I had to stop with my first, I felt so guilty, but my doctor told me that I could miscarry (not sure how true that is).
Try wearing clothes that she can't get into easily. I know that I wore things that were easily removed when I breastfed. I love Bandini bras and she would be hard pressed to get past one of those. Not sure where you live, but bundle up!
It might be a little like Ferberizing, but you might just have to let her cry it out. It stinks going through it, but worth it in the end. You want your body back and you did very good by her for keeping it up for this long. I remember an episode of Desperate Housewives where someone offered chocolate milk to a child who was still breastfeeding at five...it's a TV show, but maybe it's an idea!
Tanturms are tantrums and she's going to have them about lots of things, not just about your breasts. So treat this just like any other tantrum.
After a day or two, she'll get the message. And when she is hungry or thirsty enough, she'll eat normally. You just need to hold your ground...just like any other tantrum.
Don't put things on your breasts to try to deter her. Just don't let her at them. Period. She'll get the message. You're just going to have a couple of tough days while she understands that you mean business.
Neither of my kids would take a bottle or a pacifier when they were little. I weaned both at 19 mths. When it was nap time, I read stories while laying on the bed with them. They loved reading. They would get tired and ask to nurse but I would say no, we are reading. I would read till they fell asleep.
I read a ton of books. Once you decide that you are going to quit nursing, don't feel ambivalent about it. You are just DONE. You gave her a wonderful start, just it's time to transition. Substitute something like reading till she conks out. It will take a couple weeks to three of asking and then it will stop. You will wonder why it was such a big deal!
I have no problem with extended breastfeeding, and don't think it's unusual to still be breastfeeding at 17 months. That said...
I think you need to start teaching your daughter some manners. At 17 months, you should make her use her words to ask for milk. (even just "milk please" or whatever her word for milk is). If she starts to pull at your shirt, say "No pulling, if you want milk say "milk please". Do it every time. She should never be rewarded with nursing by pulling at you. Once you have her asking for milk, then you can respond with "Ok, let's go to our special chair to sit" or "No, momma is busy right now, but we can go to our special chair in 10 minutes" or something like that. If you do this, you can gradually space out your nursing sessions so there are fewer of them, and do a more gradual weaning. (and the having a special place to sit while nursing also helps, because then she will stop expecting to nurse every time you are within reach. You get the message across that when you are in the chair, it's ok. When you are not in that specific chair, it's not nursing time.)
Will there be tantrums during this time? Yes. But you handle those like any other tantrum. I handled tantrums by putting my son in his crib and saying "you can come out when you are all done crying." This might not work for you - but your daughter will be getting into her 'terrible twos' any time now, and you may was well decide on a policy for handling all tantrums now, and then start using it. This won't be the last issue that leads your daughter to be mad at the word 'no'.
As for not letting her dad get near your breasts before weaning - I don't understand why. At 17 months, your body is pretty good at regulating, and it's unlikely you'll leak or anything. I think you should let go of this 'rule'. There is no need for this to be a big issue in your relationship.
