Need Advice on How to Handle a Difficult Situation with a Friend...

This is very hard.If this person is important to you, yes you should say something.She needs help,and the problem today is, nobody wants to get involved anymore.
But it should be not to much involvment.You should say,that you have noticed about the drinking, and you can't be witness to it anymore.You feel bad about saying something,and you can tell her about AA groups, maybe a phonenumber etc.If she feel insulted and freaks out,this could happen,than you have to tell her,you can't be with her right now,until she gets help.
Being involved with an addict is very hard.
Good luck

Ok, I will shoot to you straight....If a person was having a seizure would you walk by or help clear things out of the way? If a diabetic had low blood sugar would you help them or walk away?

Your friend has the disease of alcoholism/addiction and NO LONGER HAS THE ABILITY to help herself nor see the reality of what she is doing. If she is the 'talk of the town' then everyone knows.

Do not let her drive your kids. Be a friend and have playdates at her house.

Your friend does not want to be this way and doesn't understand why she is. She needs professional help from someone CERTIFIED in addictions.

Are you close to hubbby/family? Can you get a feel to know if they see this also? If so help them talk to her and set up an appointment. She needs help to stop drinking.

If not, and you want to, tell her how much you love her and that you are concerned about her. Tell her she is too important to have to play this game with herself. Let her know, again, you love her and want to help. If she is angry it is not at you, but at her shame for not "controlling" her problem. Ignore the anger. If she runs out give her a day or so and then check on her. Stand by her so that her shame doesn't push you away like all the other people talking about her and not helping her. Then sit with her as she makes that call, go with her to the appointment, or watch her kids so someone else can go.
She will tell you she doesn't have a problem and doesn't need to go. Tell her you believe what she is saying, but would like to get her checked out anyway.
The alcoholic/addict is THE LAST ONE TO KNOW they have the disease. Please feel free to email me.

You are a good friend. She may not like you at first, but will dearly love you when she gets her life back!

I would talk to her husband and see if he is aware of the problem. I would also talk to her discreetly that you have noticed her odd behavior and while you sympathize with her struggles that her drinking has become a problem. I would offer to help in any way that you can but that you can't stand by mutely while she endangers herself, her children, and others with her drinking. She will probably be very hurt and angry but that is just the shame of her addiction talking. If she continues to go without treatment, I would contact the school and mention that you suspect her of having a drinking problem and are afraid of her drinking and driving when she picks up her children or other children. Schools often are better versed in how to deal with someone who has a drinking problem.

i don't think u should do anything too drastic , it is afterall her business & you shouldn't really get involved. Maybe say somethig to her hubby - but don't do it in a busy body kind of way. It is her life and she is an adult & makes these decisions. Obviously i would not let her pick up my kids from school ever again if she is driving or walking. Is she someone you want to be involved with anymore? she is acting irresponsibly & stupidly and could be a danger to your kids if she ever bbysits them or whatever.....

She sounds like she has a problem. It isn't normal to have a water bottle filled with liquor in your purse. I would actually contact her husband. Tell him your concerns and ask if he has noticed alcohol abusing behavior. You may have to fess up and tell him about the water bottle with liquor in the purse. Don't be ashamed. Yes, you should have checked. If she is abusing alcohol her judgement is way off and you are her friend. To be a good friend you may have to do something that isn't exactly kosher but needs to be done so that other action if necessary can be taken. Start with the husband, if he isn't receptive perhaps call a hotline or something and see what advice they may have. Sometimes hospitals have these hotlines.

Wow. I'm trying to think what I would do if this were a close friend of mine. I'd have to go with another poster and suggest that you meet with and talk to her husband. Or, if it would be more comfortable, have your husband there, too.

She has a problem, I think most would agree. And yes, she is an adult able to make her own choices, but addiction isn't a choice. Personally, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't speak up and something tragic happened to her kids or she caused harm to someone else.

I also agree with another poster that you need to be prepared that your confrontation could damage the friendship. But, if it takes losing a friendship in order for her to possibly get help - I'd take that loss.

Good luck to you and I hope you can help your friend.

Some years back I had someone in my life like that. I wrote her a letter. I was careful not to let my children go with her after that. Anyway she was very angry with me. And we really did not remain friends. She went on to suffer horribly, lost the home she lived in and so on and so on. I cared for her but could not save her. She may or may not still be drinking but the last time she was one the wagon she told us she wished someone had told her to stop. Well, I did and apparently she forgot. For you I would say to protect your children they are first, be nice to her and if you tell her or someone in her family she may not stick by you. But you will be doing what is best. And you are keeping your children safe.

I am not sure what you should do but you have to do something. Her child is in danger with this behavior. My advice would be to possibly share your feelings, stories, evidence to her husband. I think the priority here should be the child's safety and her drinking can put them both at risk. She definitely has a problem if she can't even go to a playgroup without drinking. Please, please say something to her husband. I am so sorry you are going through this but it sounds very serious and so scary. I wish you luck. You are a better friend for doing something about this and not pretending it isn't happening!!!

You absolutely must confront her and talk to anyone who interacts with her about this. She has a disease and is out of control. Secret drinking is a very bad sign. She is not only endangering herself, but also other people on the road, her children and possibly other people's children who don't know that she has a drinking problem and let her drive their children somewhere. She thinks she's hiding it, but if you have noticed it, I guarantee you others have as well.

The main thing of concern is the well being of her children and others she may be endangering. She may have even gone through treatment before, she may know she has a problem and just can't get it under control. Imagine - she's driving her car up to the elementary school where hundreds of children are - she could fall asleep at the wheel or make a mistake and hit the gas and plow into them. How would you feel if you did nothing and something bad happened to her children or another driver or someone else's children?

Not only would I confront her, I would tell her that she is endangering her children, other drivers and other's children. I would tell if if she doesn't get help immediately, you are going to make others you know and the school aware of the situation (her teachers should know what her kids are dealing with and this may be an issue where social services may need to get involved - she may be passing out at home and by drinking and driving, she's endangering her children.) Please take action right away. Your concern should not be about your friendship, but about the danger she is posing to everyone around her - all innocent victims.

I think you should talk to your husband first. If you are going to say anything to your friend be honest with your husband so when she tells him what you did to her he will be in the know. I hope you understand if she is doing this she will most likely say hurtful things to you to turn this around on you. "What are you doing in her purse? Are you in her business? etc" You must also prepare yourself to loosing a friend if she doesn't think this is a problem (which could also mean your children will not be allowed to play together so you might be ready to give your children that answer).
I beleive you should help your friend to the best of your ability but be prepared! You sound like a very caring person and it is too bad more people do not reach out becuase of the unknown!
Best wishes!

I disagree with the first poster, you don't stop liking or loving someone just because they have a problem or make a mistake. She oviously has a problem and needs help, so I do think you should talk to her, tell her you are concerned and care a lot about her. I would not let her pick up my kids from school or play unless you are there with her. Good luck, this is a very hard situation that you have to deal with.