Friends with Children Get Smashing Drunk at Parties

Are they driving home with the kids in the car? I would be on the phone so fast. Call the police dept and report the license number and the fact tht two parents are drunk driving with kids in the car.

I would not invite them to my house.

MY first question is, how are these kids getting home? If their drunk parents are driving them home I would call the police.

I dont think I could be friends with people like that.

Like some of the other posters, I would be more concerned about how they and their kids are getting home from these parties. If they are driving, the police and CPS need to be involved. It appears that talking to them won't work. I would stop inviting them to parties and stop attending parties where they are likely to be getting drunk. If you do talk to them I would do it when they are sober and express concern for the safety of their children because they seem to be unattended and undisciplined when the parents are incapicitated. If you attack or accuse them they will just get defensive.

Since when has offending people become the capital offense in this country that trumps all other considerations, including that of personal (and communal) responsibility? God forbid someone thinks we're intrusive or judgmental because we call them out on harmful behavior - that would just be the worst thing, wouldn't it??

If these people are your "friends" then every person at that party has a responsibility to them - and to be advocates for their children to cannot speak up for themselves. It's all fine for the "friends" to be whispering about how awful it is when they all get in the car, but who is friend enough to step forward and dish out the tough love, whether it be taking the keys, calling 911 or refusing to invite them to these parties?

Statistically speaking, WHEN these people are in a wreck due to dd, they will not be the ones who die - it will be their children as well as any non-intoxicated victims they hit. If that happens, everyone at the party who failed to intervene is just as responsible for their deaths, in my opinion.

Video it all.... then show the parents how THEY look and their kids, whenever they are at parties.

Really, really... not good parenting.
They are drunks.
Someone could take their kids.
And they could all crash in the car on the way home, since the parents are drunk. And driving.

Next: I can't believe that all these "friends" of the couple, are not saying anything and letting it, happen. If I were a friend of people like that, I would say something to them and do something. FOR their kids' safety.

And I cannot believe, that the parents are only 'drunk' at parties. I am sure, they drink at home too.

Whoa. They need an intervention before someone dies while they drive home drunk!

They would be immediately removed from any future guest lists for my parties. The least they could do is hire a babysitter if they want to be that irresponsible, so that their children are not exposed to this kind of behavior. Do they not stop to think how this is affecting their kids???? To keep inviting them, condones this behavior from them. The children don't need to continue to be placed in this type situation, and you and your other guests don't need to parent/discipline THEIR children when they are being irresponsible. If they want to party this hard, why did they have kids? Should've gotten that out of their system a long time ago in my opinion.

these people are not friends. Why would you even count them as that?

I would stand up and take a stance...either hold them accountable for their actions or report them to the police - tell me - how do they get home drunk from a party with their kids in the car?!!?!

You can discreetly ask, in the future, if these people are going to be invited to the party - if the answer is yes, then simply decline. If pushed as to why - simply state - theirs is NOT the behavior I want my child modeling themselves after...I don't and neither do my children need to witness drunken behavior and unruly children.

Call me evil...but if I see them do this again I would call the police...these parents have no business driving drunk. They are putting their kids lives at risk as well as strangers. If you mind your own business some tragedy might happen and then what...Ok so the cops pull the parents over and yep now they have a crisis on their hands for driving drunk. Tough S**t. Be adults and act responsibly or suffer the consequences.

Definitely and intentionally stop partying and drinking with them. And if they ask why, please tell them why.

However, chances are, they will think that YOU have the problem and they will find substitute 'friends' to party with and the cycle will continue.

The children are at the greatest risk here. Who is driving them home? IF it is the parents taking them home, then I would recommend one more party to set them up so you could call the police to hopefully shed light on their irresponsible-ness.

Why do they bring their kiddos to a party they get that wasted at??? That would be my first question??

My dad was one of ''THOSE'' types of drunks my whole child hood. We never ever went to any of the parties though. My mom was embarrassed for us enough, she didnt need us seeing it first hand.

I remember nights laying in my bed my dad would be throw up drunk...They slept across the hall from our bedroom. they had a bathroom attached to their room and he would leave the doors open. I remember my fingers feeling like they were going to break trying to plug them so i wouldnt have to hear him throwing up. To this day he is the reason I cant handle being around the sound of even my kids barfing(after this past week I have found though I can do this now).

My point to all this is one How do they get themselves and the kids home safely and two...Why do they bring them with?

I dont know if I would cut ties with these people. If they are close friends to you though, I would definitively stop and ask them ''WHY'' . And maybe offer the next time there is party on the calendar to split sitting cost and get a sitter to stay with all the kids. If this is something that is do'able'' maybe then you wont even have to say anything directly about the drinking so much...maybe having a safe place for the kids is enough. That may not be a can do thing though.

If they are driving themselves home that is child endangerment and you should report them to CPS.

Its not that they get smashed down drag out drunk...I think it is the fact they do it in front of the kids that is so disturbing.

Please for the kids sake dont mind your own business. Sometimes you have to put your neck out on the line. Go into it knowing you may loose a friend. Hopefully though they are not easily offended. My guess would be they are the type that would be...most people dont want to see or hear what they are doing wrong...or what they are doing is selfish.

They are not gonna wanna hear that they are screwing up. But someone has to be the whistle blower in this one. Before someone gets hurt.

I think you should say something, if they get pissed and end up not being your friend, so what... the world won't end... I'm sure you aren't the only one that feels this way... they can't hold their liquor and need to be told that...

I had a previous answer, but then read your changes...

Why is no one taking away their keys or calling the police when they are driving home drunk? I'm not excusing the parents, by the way, their behavior is horrible because they are incapacitated.

When we see people making dangerous choices, sometimes we have to step up and stop them.

Being a parent who won't allow friends to drive home drunk (and modeling that for your kids) will have an even more positive impact than pointing out someone else's sad behavior. By not stopping them or calling the police it's not just the family that's endangered, it's everyone on the road with them.

I've lost 3 people in my life to drunk driving. My sister is a widow because of this; her five kids don't have a father now. It's worth it to make that call, and modeling doing the hard things is going to be more impressive to your kids than telling them what not to do. You would want your kids to make that call, to not get into a car with a drunken driver or drive drunk themselves.

Why in the world are the other adults (parents themselves for God's sake) letting them leave the parties wasted with their children in the car!!!??? This would NEVER happen at any party my family was attending or my close friends. We love a good party, if it's a family thing the adults drink but not to the extend they might if it was a kids free event but no one that's been really drinking ever drives home. What about the rest of us out on the highway with these jerks? If you ever witness this again it's your responsibility to do something, I'm sure if you speak up others will find a voice too. What they are doing is unhealthy, dangerous and against the law please tell them to call a cab!

Hello,

If this was a reocurring theme, I wouldn't invite them to any parties I was hosting.....and if they asked why not, I would tell them. "You both have a tendancy to drink too much and allow your kids to get out of control; and it's not safe for anyone."

In my opinion, it's the host's responsibility to tell the parents about their kids and not leave it up to the other kids to point it out....of course they're going to be blown off by parents who are drunk. Adults need to speak up and I'm sure there would have been quite a different response to another parent.

If you're a friend and you think it's a problem, let them know.

S.

Wow, I don't think I could stomach that, even if they are likable when they are sober. I know if my husband and I had "friends" like that we would let them go. We like to drink a little too, but it's disgusting to be around adults, especially parents, who can't control themselves. It's alcoholism, pure and simple. How sad for their children :(

You can do one of two things... the direct approach where you say to them that their drinking/lack of supervision of their kids is not something that you are interested in participating in OR you could start backing away from them.... slow down the invites to parties, start skipping a few of the parties that they are invited to and work up to just not going at all.

Think about it... this is going to be the house that all the kids are going to be drinking underage at in a few more years...... you probably don't want your kids to be that friendly with them anyway.

Maybe you should offer to give them a ride home and if they insist on driving tell them you'd like to give their kids a ride home since they are in no condition to drive. Or call 911 and report drunk driving.

.

I wouldn't say anything to them, but I sure as heck would not be friends with them.

Anything you say to them is only going to piss them off. How would you take being called a neglectful parent? Not so good, I imagine, regardless of whether it is true or not.

Just end the friendship and move on.

Good luck!

l would stay away from them. But if I witnessed that, I wouldn't let them get in the car with the kids. I mean, I don't care if it got physical or what, they would NOT be leaving a party drunk with kids in the car. period.

That is absolutely ridiculous and yes, you should say something. Like you said, it's one thing to get together and have a couple of drinks over several hours and with some food, so that everyone is having a good time but is essentially sober. Pounding drinks is an entirely different story. I don't even know why that's fun for them, but that's just me. Additionally the fact that their children are present when this is happening is pathetic. And then that they are driving them home is unacceptable. I would also have stopped inviting them to parties. And the next time you find yourself at a party with them and they are planning to drive, offer to split up and have your husband drive them home while you take your kids home. Your husband can call a cab from their house. I'd make a scene about it if they are adamant that they are driving themselves. I should hope they'd be embarrassed by it. And hopefully if they let someone drive them home, then are embarrassed by that in the morning too.

Imagine having that many hangovers with kids in the house?! It's like they never left their early 20's...sad.

I dont know WHAT you should do. I feel sad for the children. I guess I would not invite them to parties, and, if they asked why, I would tell them why.

For the kids sake, I might suggest that they get a sitter for future parties that include drinking.

You count them as friends, interesting.

What are you going to say to them, oh, we have noticed you are lazy drunks?

Don't invite them to your parties and don't go to parties that they attend! Easy peasy.

How utterly rude and ignorant of them!

Okay, first and foremost if you know or suspect that these people are driving drunk especially with children in the car and no one is bothering to try to stop them, then call 911. The police will have to come to check things out with these people the instant they get in a car. The police can deal with these people driving drunk AND deal with endangering the lives of minors. This is that serious.

When we have parties or attend parties where there's drinking we always make sure that someone is a designated driver. ALWAYS. If there are people who have to drive home together one of them must remain sober that whole night, no exceptions. When everyone shows up we have a bag at the door and we take everyone's keys and don't pass them back out until the person driving is sober. We're in our fricking 30's.

My own husband is pretty much a teetotaler so if I drink a little too much I know I have a safe ride home. If he's not there then I plan to sleep over. If my children are there, they don't ever see me drunk. Ever. I'll let them see me drink but I want them to learn how to drink responsibly, so I never let them see me drunk.

Yikes. This is a really unhealthy situation for the adults and kids.

My first concern is how they are all getting home. If they are both wasted, who is driving them home? If they are driving... that's a massive problem and someone needs to call the police and have them pulled over. That will stop the behavior really quickly.

I wouldn't say anything "in the moment" b/c it will not be "heard". I would, however decide how important the friendship is to you b/c when you say something they may not react so kindly. I honestly don't think that I would say something, but I would make sure that the children are safe and cared-for. In most circumstances I'm pretty outspoken, but in this case it seems like their behavior is probably indicative of a real problem and your best bet may be to refuse to allow them to take their children home from a party and allow the authorities to get involved.

Going that far in front of your children is not ok. Ignoring your children and their needs (disciplinary needs, attention, listening to a problem are included in needs) is not ok. I wouldn't be at a party with them; I wouldn't want to be friends with them. I love parties, I love to have fun, but my children come first. Any person I would consider good enough to be a friend would do the same as I---control themselves or get an all night babysitter. That's just me. But more importantly than anything else: they're both falling down drunk. How do they get their children home after the party???

wow!, they sound like cartoons

I would talk to them about their public drunkeness. and i would certainly discuss the driving home drunk with kids.

Thats a good way to lose your kids!

I would have an intervention and/or call 911 when they leave. They are going to get someone killed driving drunk...

This happens so much in my husbands circle of friends. I no longer drink but when I did my children weren't even around(as in not home for the night). I have a hard time with this. Just because you aren't driving far doesn't mean an accident won't happen or what if you have a light out on your car you don't know about? You get pulled over and what happens to your kids then? I was at a birthday party this weekend and the mom of the birthday boy was more worried about pounding beers and playing cornhole then opening presents and singing happy bday. It felt like more of a picnic then a bday party for a 4yo. I actually had to ask if we were singing(three hours after we got to the party) and then a half hour later if he was going to open his presents. It makes me sad when it is more important to get drunk then spend time with your kids. I am ALWAYS the only sober person at every function(kids or not) and I get so upset for the children and we end up leaving because I start to have a hard time controling my mouth.

I am surprised by their evident irresponsibility as parents.

If I were you, I'd definitely say something. I'd rather ease my conscience by pointing it out to them what danger they're posing for their children and themselves, and risk hurting the friendship. That's what friends are there for...
One day, they'd surely realise that you did it only out of concern.

I'd probably have to stop hanging out with them. If you have a party, just say no kids allowed, they have to get a babysitter. I would definitely say something to them about their behavior, it's not okay and scary to think about how they're getting their kids home. Maybe no one is saying anything to them so they don't see what a big deal it is to be falling down drunk while their children are running a muck. For the kids sake, I'd say something to them when they're sober...start with, "Do you remember what happened last night??" I'd enlist some other couples to back you up on your opinion as well, so they can't say it's just you who has the problem with their behavior.

these are the kinds of parents who have set the example for their young kids who will start drinking at age 12 or younger and they will all party together. this is SICK! I hate drunks, I don't drink and I don't have friends that do. I have hated it since I was very young being raised by a single mom who had parties and boyfriends like this. Personally, I would find new friends. Good luck!

I you are embarrassed how do you think the kids feel. You need to sit them down and have a real frank conversation about their behaviour and the impact it has on the kids.

Al-Anon/Alateen
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org
This is a support group for family members and friends of alcoholics. Call: (888) 4AL-ANON this is your best resource in the situation and please give the number to those kids.

Honestly, if they were just hurting themselves, I would probably say to stay out of it. But they are risking their children's lives when they drive drunk. Please tell them that you are worried about their children and you want ot help. Ask them if they would consider any help??? GL

M