Need Advice for Potty Accidents Please!!

Updated on October 15, 2009
V.A. asks from Pompano Beach, FL
7 answers

My daughter will be 4 in April 2010 and she has been potty trained since March 2009. She has no accidents in daycare but when she comes home she pees in her underwear and this has been happening now 4 days in a row. I don't know what to do and why this is happening. I spoke with the teacher in the daycare and she said Elizabeth doens't have any accidents. I take away things toys, playtime etc for discipline but I don't know if this is normal now. I am worried and don't know what to do? Please someone help me and give me advice.

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for your advice I think they were all great....Elizabeth actually hasn't had any accident now and I have been more patient and trying to spend more time with her to see if that will help....but now she is actually sick with a stomach virus....please pray for her!! Thanks everyone!!

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M.T.

answers from New York on

I would have her use the bathroom before leaving school, you don't know how long it's been since she's gone and maybe she's dying to go on the way home and doesn't make it to the bathroom when you get there. If the accident isn't immediate, then perhaps it is an attention getter. What do you and she do right after daycare? Do you come home and do something with her right away like sit down and have snack, or read a story? If you are coming home and getting busy with other things, I'd shift into a pattern of spending 15 or 20 minutes with her as soon as you get home, despite all the other things calling for your attention, and see if this pattern changes.

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K.S.

answers from New York on

Discipline won't help in this case.
I've always taken accidents very matter-of-factly, getting my kid to clean them up when possible, my cleaning up in other cases (like bed), and moving on to something else.

She is either looking for attention - in which case giving it to her will only reinforce the behavior - or something upsetting is happening at daycare but she doesn't know how to express it, or even what she's feeling, and it's coming out in this way. I would ask the daycare people if there has been any change of staff lately, if your daughter is having a problem with another kid or if there's been any other change in the past two weeks as well.

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M.M.

answers from Rochester on

Have you thought about or tried asking her why she is wetting her pants? At 4 she should be very verbal. Before punishing her try to gather info. Do you forget or get too busy? Make sure she is not in pain from a possible UTI. Try other methods. I personally don't think it is right to punish a child for a bathroom accident. They don't do it on purpose. Good Luck.

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J.P.

answers from Syracuse on

I don't know if you do this or not but try making her try to go to the bathroom at day care when you pick her up. I don't know the whole situation but she could be so happy to go home that she just doesn't want to take the time to empty herself before she leaves. If she doesn't have to go then make her try again as soon as you get home.

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D.S.

answers from New York on

She is probably looking for the attention she gets from you when she has an accident. I wouldn't respond with punishment I would just tell her to go and change herself and do not say anything else. Once she realizes she isn't going to get a rise out of you she will stop. She also won't like cleaning up after herself for too long.

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M.B.

answers from New York on

I'm sorry - that is so frustrating. All of my daughter's accidents happened at the end of the day as well, I think mostly because she was tired and didn't want to have to deal with the potty.

A couple of ideas:
Maybe put her on the potty the minute you get home from daycare to head off any problems. It might be hard for the first few days and she may struggle and fight against it, but setting it as a new routine might help a little bit.

Second, I'm not sure about the theories behind discipline and potty training, but I took the approach of consoling her when she had an accident. "I'm sorry honey - did you forget to tell mommy that you had to use the potty. Next time let's try to remember to tell mommy before you have to go to the potty so that we can have dry pants." I used this when I was originally potty training her so not sure if it would work after a child has been trained for a while. But I found that making it an "oh well" kind of thing actually ended up making the accidents go away within a couple of weeks.

I hope that helps. Good luck!!!

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K.P.

answers from New York on

Encourage her to go before leaving daycare and instead of punishing for the "accident". Try rewarding her good behavior with kind words, praise, comfort, tenderness and love for this may work better than punishment in this case.
Don't discount spending more one on one time with you this may work as well.
It is so much easier to build on a positive than a negative. She is only 3 and not quite 4. Give her some slack and give yourself some patience while you discover what works and begin to do what works.

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