3 Year Old Being Suspended for Potty Accidents

Nobody needs to be in school at age 3, so I would keep her home a little longer. As much as she likes her friends and all, it may just be a little long to be away from you right now. I'd just do some "school" at home if she finds that fun and invite some friends over regularly so she gets to enjoy the interaction with other kids. This just may be her way of telling you she likes school but not all day.

I would poop my pants too if it meant I could get away from all the screaming craziness it sounds like is going on there!

Normally I don't like to give drastic advice like this over the internet, but going by what you have said here I would change schools if at all possible. Other than that, I have no idea how to help with the potty situation.

WHAT???? It's 100% normal for 3 year olds to have accidents!!!! The preschool that we use would never have that kind of reaction!! They even require spare clothing (even for my 5 year old!) Personally, if I were you I would look for a new preschool immediately!!!!

There is never a moment when it's ok for your child to be humiliated. And there is no reason why that school "nurse" should not take care of a situation.

Odds are she's just adjusting to being at school. My gut tells me to get her out of that school AND FAST. She might like the kids, but there will be kids at other schools. This is NOT the one you want her in.

If it's important for you to keep her there, I'd have a meeting with her teacher, the director/principal AND that worthless nurse at the same time about your concerns. Remember, YOU are your child's best advocate. They are depending on you.

Sending good thoughts your way.

My 3 year olds school has the same policy regarding being potty trained before attending, however, they would never treat any child the way your child was treated. Lately I have had to bring in new changes of clothing as my DS is having many accidents mostly pee but a couple poop. When DD went there she had accidents too. They will not allow pull-ups but will clean them up, talk about what happened with them, give them clean clothes and then go about their day. They have never called me to pick up my child. They just give me the soiled clothes at pick-up and remind me to bring some more. They talk to my kids nicely about remembering to go potty, that they can stop playing to go and then come back to play etc.. your school is not nice. I hope you don't pay a lot.

OH HELL NO! Those people are NUTS! Get your baby and run yonder to a bettereth school which knoweth the way of a toddler. You child is in a new and most likely stressful situation/environment which is probably causing her to stress poop. It's unreasonable to expect a 3 year old-- who JUST turned 3 years old-- to have pottying perfected. Even older kids can have accidents. Not allowing Pull-Ups? Madness. Not allowing a parent to observe? Shenanigans! Ignoring a poopy child? Psychotic! It's not you, IT'S TOTALLY THEM! Get your baby and go for good and be sure to post a negative online review about them.

ANY SCHOOL THAT WILL NOT ALLOW ME ON CAMPUS TO OVBSERVE IS NOT A SCHOOL MY CHILD WILL ATTEND. That said abundantly clear, observe her class and see what the frigg is going on. Obviously there is a stresser. Is there a pattern to the time etc?

It is normal for schools to not accept those that are not potty trained, they are not equipped for diaper changes and their focus is on teaching not day care. It is perfectly reasonable for them to both send her home and to request she not return until she is fully trained. but if you truly feel you are being treated unfairly then find another school.

My guy's preschool is the same, they must be fully potty trained by 3. A darling little girl stopped going after the first two weeks, I ran into her mom at the store and asked why, she said because she was pooping at school, she hadn't been at home.

Asking the school to allow your child special treatment (pullups,) won't work, they won't agree. I personally would remove my child from a school that is ostracizing her when she's had an accident, and not helping her, but if you don't want to do that I'd focus on why your daughter is doing it, at 3 she should be able to tell you. Talk to her, perhaps she's embarrassed to go poop at school in the bathroom with others nearby, doesn't know how to wipe (my guy's teachers are not allowed to help them) or gets caught up in playing and misses her body's cues. See if you can determine the cause and help her past it.

She's 3 years old--that's normal. What's not "normal" is keeping her in this crappy school. You are paying these daycare people their salary....and they treat you like that? Whoa...they work for YOU, you don't work for them. That's baloney. I can only imagine how they treat your daughter when you are not there. Take your daughter out of that school and like one poster mentioned, write a negative review about this school. Maybe even file a complaint with the state. Save other parents from having to go through what you are going through.

I feel so bad for your daughter:(

I work at a daycare, and whilst I understand the suspension, and the reason they won't allow pull ups or for you to visit ( believe me, it really is very disruptive at that age, and you would gain nothing from the experience because children act differently in front of parents), I do not agree whatsoever with two things in your post about the school. There is absolutely no reason the nurse should have disrespected you and your daughter in that fashion, and there is absolutely no reason to make your child wait in their own poop until you arrive. That is stressful for her and does not show your daughter the respect she deserves. It also teaches her nothing. At my daycare, we are not as strict about potty training as we understand each child is different and learns at their own pace (plus various factors can lead to accidents) however preschool and older teachers are not supposed to clean up children's potty accidents. This doesn't mean they sit in it, nor that they go home-we encourage the kids to clean after themselves-believe me, at three a child can take soiled underwear off, put the solid bm in the toilet, put soiled clothes in a bag and put clean clothes on herself with some slight help that would not include a teacher touching anything soiled. I would recommend taking her out, its really not worth staying and fighting as it sounds like they have a strict policy, and chances are they will not budge (frankly they aren't concerned if you stay or go). Your daughter will adjust to a new school, and quickly because she is still little. Good luck, I really wish the best for you and your family!

This school sounds terrible. Time to find another. Any school that made my child stand in poop until I got there, which could take more than half an hour depending on traffic, would be fired.

Wow - I only have a 2 yr old so maybe I have not experienced the potty training pressure yet but this seems extremely harsh. Can kids be expected not to have accidents at 3? Seems too early to be accident free.

I would bet that the reason she is having accidents is because of the mean, pressure filled atmosphere there and what sounds like an unsupporting staff who laughs at 3 year olds instead of being loving and supportive. I would not have my DD in a place like that. Consider it a blessing and get her out of there. Good luck.

This is not a school you want your kid attending. Find somewhere else.

What has your daughter told you? Has anyone asked her why? That is probably the key. My son pooped his pants because our toilet seat had a crack in it and it pinched his bum. He was afraid to sit on it again, and he pooped his pants. When he told me why I was able to buy a new toilet seat. I had a child pee his pants at the Y because he was afraid of our automatic flush toilet. I asked why and he told me. I know to put a post-it note over the sensor for him now. It is normal that staff at schools (not day cares) can not clean up or change a child who had an accident, and if the accidents continue to occur it wouldn't be fair to your daughter having to wait in poopy pants, or to the teachers and other students who are no doubt distracted by this.

I would take her out and enroll her somewhere else after 3 days of standing in her own poop while being ignored.

First off, MANY three year olds are not fully potty trained. Period. My DD was 3.5.

Second, a preschool should have protocols for dealing with accidents, wet or messy. And they should not involve shaming a child because they had an accident. If my child had gone to that school, she would have been suspended when she was having pee accidents earlier in the year. The teacher quietly talked to me, they worked with me and DD, I worked with DD at home and it was resolved. I have overheard them quietly talk to another child's father and I see that a number of the younger class (3s) have spare pull ups in their bins. Nobody shouts about accidents or spare clothes. That's disrespectful!

In our school, it's just handled, and they move on. I was embarrassed and frustrated, but they assured me we'd all get through it. I keep spare clothes in DD's bag every day and one day she went through both pairs. The school also has spare clothing that I've seen other parents return to the school. I'm not saying it shouldn't be addressed, but I think they are wrong in how they are doing it. The rule for the 4s classroom is that they are to be potty trained, but the teachers realistically understand that trained does not mean perfect. My SIL works with elementary school kids and sometimes they too have to go to the nurse to get new clothes.

So, bottom line, regardless of how much SHE likes the school, if they can't treat her appropriately when she has a developmentally normal problem like this, then I'd take her somewhere else. I would look for a smaller program where they CAN give a 3 yr old individual attention when required.

J.,
Find another school. Besides all of the other issues I see with their pooping policy, I would switch schools on the sole fact that they leave your daughter standing in soiled clothes until you arrive. That is completely humiliating and unkind.

There are all kinds of reasons that kids regress. And little kids have accidents. It probably wouldn't help for you to put her in pull-ups or to be there and observe. However, there is never any reason that a child should be shamed for this and anyone in a childcare profession should be compassionate to deal with it.

You are not over reacting. Their response in handling the situation is completely inappropriate. I'm so sorry.

Have you ever thought that their negativity toward her "accidents" may have created this fear of going, and then she cannot hold it anymore and does it in her pants? I think because she's not having them at home and only at school that is your problem - the school.

Yes, it is not uncommon for preschools to require all 3k to be fully potty trained. But they also are aware that accidents at that age are bound to happen, and should have appropriate measures in place to deal with it. If she's newly potty trained, you should have a minimum of 2 changes of clothes at school each day so they don't have to call you and make your daughter "wait" in her soiled clothes.

This school doesn't sound like a very nurturing environment from they way they are handling your daughter and your proactive approach to observing and trying to help them find a solution. And don't get me started on that rude nurse! If I were you, I'd give my notice and pull her out and find somewhere else.

Good luck!

It's "normal" for a school to have a policy for potty trained kids. If they only accept potty trained children, then a child that is not potty trained would take away from the rest of the class. A school must decide what they consider "potty trained" and evidently 3 accidents in a certain period of time means they are not potty trained. I understand their rule about the 2-week suspension and the no pull-ups rule. Either a child is potty trained or not. Children have accidents (of course) but pooping 3 days in a row is more than an accident.

I also understand them not cleaning your daughter up, in a lot of situations they aren't required to clean up a child if they've soiled themselves. That doesn't mean a person can't have compassion and try to help out, but they are not required to. When a child vomits or soils themselves, as a day care worker I am not required to clean them up. However, that doesn't mean I never did.

There is NO EXCUSE for the school to be rude or embarass you or your daughter in any kind of way. It's traumatic to poop your pants! No wonder your daughter did it more than one time! She's probably embarrassed.

Observing one day may be disruptive to the school--and if they let you observe, then they have to let everyone observe.

If I were you, I'd just talk with your daughter and her teacher to find out why this is happening. This doesn't sound like a potty training issue at all, it sounds like a school issue. Is your daughter nervous at school? Sometimes kids feel the need to poop when they get nervous. It's a normal reaction. She may also not feel comfortable asking to go to the bathroom since she probably has to raise her hand and ask in front of EVERYONE. That in itself can be embarrassing! Find out what the bathroom rules are. Some kids feel nervous around the teacher and her authority, some don't understand the rules, and some are uncomfortable. You just need to find out what the issue is, and also what their bathroom policy is.

Some kids also aren't comfortable pooping in a "public" or strange restroom. I know I'm not and I'm an adult! If your daughter is feeling like she has to go out of nervousness, but then can't bring herself to go in a public place, then it may come out later when she can't control it. She's only 3, still very much a baby.

She may also feel rushed in the bathroom. Pooping takes time, no one likes to be rushed. She may also want to get out of the bathroom to go play, something my daughter used to do. She'd hold it because she was so excited to be playing, and then it would come out later.

Some teachers also may not fully understand. They are busy, and if your daughter just went to the bathroom, if she asks to go again the teacher may say "but you just went!" Your daughter may have to poop the second time, but is being turned down.

You just need to find out the "why." There are lots of possible "whys' and I agree that sending her home to be "retrained" won't help. It's not training, it's something else that needs to be addressed.

I think that 3 year old are still babies, and people need to be more understanding. We are so into our kids growing up so fast that we forget they are so young.

Good luck! I hope you can figure it out and your daughter can stay since she loves the school and the kids. If the school won't help you figure it out, then I'd find a different school.

Why are you waiting for them to do something? That is not a nurturing environment, pull her out NOW.

Run, find another place for your child, this is a red flag that has, thankfully, happened early. Schools have policies in place for a reason and if your child falls out of the “norm” then you will not be happy with the responses you receive from them in reaction to anything your child may do that is age appropriate yet outside their box.
My 4 year old has had 3 “accidents” since starting her new school in Jan. mainly she is in a different setting now that is more focused on academia therefore she is adjusting to not having a bathroom in the classroom anymore plus having to verbalize that she has to go. With that said we, in conjunction with the school, have honed down on the issue and are working with her. This is what you want at this age, to have people involved that are going to strengthen your children, not bring them down by making them feel bad about something that is age appropriate

I haven't read the other responses, but let me tell you - I would pull my daughter out of there so fast someone's head would spin! I completely understand schools that want children to be potty trained, and who will tell a family that a child isn't ready. So, no issues with their policy. In fact, I sent my girls to a school like that too. However, they MADE HER STAND THERE WITH POOP IN HER PANTS??? That's a huge red flag to me.The teachers should be aware of a three year old's potty needs and work with each child to ensure they make it to the bathroom in time. And if the kid has an accident, they help clean it up, discuss with the child, and move on with the day. If they're not doing that, they're not properly caring for your child. There's absolutely no reason why you should have to rush over there to change her. My girls both had a few accidents and their school dealt with it like it was no big deal. There were a couple of boys who had ongoing accidents and the school asked them to take a few weeks off to work on potty training because at some point it starts to disrupt the class when the assistant teacher is spending half her time wiping the floor and changing kids clothes.

Daycare will work with you on toileting issues, but preschool is not childcare and every preschool I've encountered has required that 3 year olds be toilet trained in order to enter school. This means telling the teacher when they need to go to the bathroom. Poop accidents three days in a row does not equate to fully toilet trained and what she does at home isn't what is at question here. Typically they expect an occasional accident (my son had one wet accident during his first month of 3 year old preschool, and then never again) but multiple poops is not an occasional accident. I've never heard of a parent coming in to preschool to observe the toileting issues. Your daughter may just not be ready or fully understand at 3 how to communicate with teachers that she needs to use the bathroom. At home, moms tend to be in tune with their kids' cues and stop them from playing to use the toilet, but at preschool, more independence is typically expected.
However, I feel that the nurse's comment was inappropriate and I don't agree with leaving a kid in their poop for however long it takes for mom or dad to come over.

I've worked at preschools (and had my own) for a long time. Please find another situation for your child. Heaven forbid she age-appropriately acts out toward another child.

Childcare is supposed to be about providing a reliable service for the clients who use it, not just making things easy for the parents. Pants-messing happens sometimes, and good teachers will confer with each other as to a plan (as in, noticing if there is a particular time of day this is happening, is she distracted by playing in her brand-new situation, making a plan to get her on the potty before any accidents occur, watching her for signs that she might have an accident-- like hiding in a corner and squatting, etc.) Helping the child should be placed first.

I won't even tell you how ludicrous I find the 'two weeks... and start that over if she's having another accident' rule. That is beyond absurd.

So, while it isn't super-common for this to happen as frequently as you describe, I don't think it's a reason to suspend her from care. People who work with kids and respect them know that the "in care/out of care" is only going to be MORE confusing for your child, not less. Kids need consistency, not being jerked around. A parent who seeks care also wants consistency.

Just a question: did this edict come from the teacher or director? Is the director the teacher and this is more than she can handle?

Now you know what their policy is.... if it were me, I'd find a preschool that does accept kids who are still needing some support with toileting. They are out there. When I ran my preschool program, (and the preschool my son went to is the same way), it was fine for kids who were just starting to use the potty to attend my program. Good teachers and programs know that not every child is going to be 100% dry all of the time. It's not fun to clean up those messes, but there are lots of us who do it without suspending a child from preschool. Please find a new situation. This is something you *can't* fix from home.

Hugs. Sorry your family is off to such a rough start in this regard. Preschool is supposed to be fun, not a set of hoops to jump through.

ETA: I just reread your post and caught the whole 'leaving her in her poopy pants and not talking to her"..... report this preschool to the local child care resource and referral agency, please. Or find the appropriate number... I am appalled. Just get her out of there now. They are trying to punish her by shaming and silent treatment? What the hell are they trying to prove, behaving like this to a three year old? Get her out of there now.

Most preschools require that children be completely toilet trained prior to entering because they do not have a diaper changing facility. Yes, this is a health and safety requirement and what differentiates a "daycare" from a "preschool" setting. Did they use the word "suspend" or is that your word? I'm asking because it's not uncommon for preschools to ask students to stay home for 2-3 weeks to deal with a behavioral issue that is not a "school problem"... biting, toileting accidents, significant behavioral issues, etc.

Ask yourself this question, what is different about home and school? Just some "guesses"...
1. You may prompt her to go to the bathroom on a regular basis. They may not.
2. Home is quiet and less interesting than school. Who wants to stop a cool activity to go to the bathroom?
3. At home she has certain things in the bathroom that make her comfortable (not sure what they are, but they probably don't exist at school).

Ask them to work with you on a toileting schedule. Have her go to the bathroom every hour to "try". She HAS to go, even if she says she doesn't have to. When she comes out, ask them to mark whether or not she went and "what" she did. Gross? Maybe, but you'll start to see a pattern. Maybe she only has to go every-other-time. Maybe she has a BM around 10:00 and 1:00 each day... look for the patterns and then around those times, she is sent to the potty.

Please keep in mind, this is NOT the nurse's job. She does not have a changing table and is not likely permitted to change your daughter in such an intimate way. You may not like it, but this is why the school has asked that the child be completely toilet trained PRIOR to entering school. It's their policy and they really don't have to bend for you. If you are hoping that they will, I would strongly suggest changing your mindset towards them. If you need to, switch from a preschool to an early childhood center until the issue resolves.

Sounds cruel and unusual. Find another preschool. And report this place. They shouldn't be dealing with kids.

No offense, but your school sounds horrible. What kind of person would leave a 3 year old with poop in her pants, seriously? I would leave.

I have not read all of the other responses.

I agree that you need to find a different school. The problem may not be your daughter, but the school. Not just because of the 'sitting in soiled clothes while being ignored', but in general.

It has only been 8 weeks, so on that point, it could still be that she is getting used to the school and new people.

If this is the first time that daughter has been away from you for a long period of time during the day, she may not recognize the potty warning signs. When she is at home, she is able to go to the bathroom when either a. you remind her or b. when she wants. At school, they have a routine and specific bathroom breaks. It may be that she is skipping the first break, and not able to hold it until the 2nd one. It may be that they line them all up and she is in the middle or end of the line and by the time its her turn she's messed herself. I tell mine that whenever it is bathroom break time, they should try to go. Half the time they complain, but they do end up going. Hmm, didn't know I needed to go.

When we were looking at toddler daycare for my son we checked out 2 schools. He was at an infant center where they worked on training and would take them every hour, clean them up, bag up their clothes, etc. That school was for kids until age 3 or potty trained. The school associated with them next door was for the olders but you had to be accident free.
The cost was on the low end of the list so we were very interested in the school. During the walk through the director mentioned that they had a 'no touch' policy. What does that mean? That means that when/if your child has an accident that we would clean up the floor, change your child's clothes, but we would not clean your child. You will put clean clothes on my messed child? Yes. That was the end of the tour, I didn't need to hear anymore.

We went to another school a few blocks over. The cost was $20 more a week. Taking the tour I asked about they accidents policy. They do require the kids of a certain age to be trained, but accidents do happen. When they happen, we take the child in to the bathroom, clean them up and change their clothes. I was sold! My son was trained, had not had any accidents at home for weeks. Hubby took him to the school 2 half days to help him get comfortable. Each day he had an accident. I was shocked. Turned out that he was so busy playing with his new friends that he didn't want to stop and go to the bathroom. Until we explained that if he kept messing his pants they would say he couldn't go there anymore. For the first few weeks he did have about 1 accident a week. Then it got better. Then it got to where, he made it to the bathroom, but the teacher had noticed that he had messed his pants a bit, so they changed his underwear.

The point is, you need to find a school that will help your child. Children have accidents, even when they are trying to be good. You need to find a school that will accept that and let your daughter know that it's okay every so often.

Private care or another school...this one is/seems pretty rude and without compassion.

She has tons of distractions momma. It's totally normal for kids to have a period of time like this when they start something new. I suggest that they are a school I would not allow my child to attend though.

If they have a live feed though, that might change my mind. It is very distracting during class time for a new person to be in the classroom but if they refuse flat out and do not allow you total access to your child then that's it, she's out of there.

I'd pull her out and find another preschool. My son's preschool (He's 11 now) did NOT require the child to be potty trained by age 3 (thank goodness) -- they were aware that all kids are different and would work with them in addition to what you do at home....And this thing with letting her sit in her own poop--PLEASE!!! I'd be running out of there screaming!!!!...Oh, And have you talked to your daughter to get her perspective on her words what's happening? Good luck!

Is this a school that is associated with the public school district? If it is, complain in writing higher up the ladder. The nurse yelling this at you in front of other parents is against the privacy rules.

If this is a private preschool, there is probably nothing you can do. Most daycares don't provide for changing or cleaning up a child who isn't potty trained. It may be that you have to keep her at home until she fully trains.

What you DON'T want to do is have an "attitude" towards the school in front of your daughter. If you DO, what you will end up with is a child who will be so stressed and scared at school because she might have to leave, that you'll actually make her poop her pants over it. Instead, when she asks why she isn't going to school, hug her and say "Sweetie, until you can go to the potty in the toilet all of the time, you have to stay home. Those are the school rules." Don't put pressure on her. Don't act exasperated.

In the long run, if you handle this well, your daughter will be fine. Be careful how you deal with this with HER. That's your main worry.

Dawn

Unfortunately, rules are rules. In today's world teachers are not even allowed to hug a child. Change a child never. All you would in one child to say "teacher touched me" and the s--t would hit the fan. Maybe keeping her home will make it lick. Poop at school, home. Worth a shot IMO.

What is the conversation like between you and your daughter when she has these accidents? Does she give a reason for why she's pooping in her pants at school? Is she embarrassed to use the bathroom there? Scared? Unable to do it herself for some reason? Too busy playing to stop? Too shy to ask for help?

Since this started happening, has she ever pooped in the toilet at school? Or does she only go at home on the non-accident days?

I think you need to start at the root of the problem, which is establishing why your daughter is suddenly doing this.

While I realize the two week suspension sounds hard, it might actually work better than you think. Maybe she will miss school enough to change the behavior when she is there. Sometimes a punishment is enough to change the behavior, even if you think the punishment is excessive.

As for making her stand their in her own poop, that is ridiculous. I can see if they have a policy against wiping or helping her, but they should at least take her to the bathroom, hand her a plastic bag and some clean clothes, and let her clean herself up.

Find another school. She is only 3. She should be allowed to have accidents. In fact, accidents may happen until 5.

It's not normal. There are other places to go so I'd leave there. No reason to have any issue with where you place your child.

Over the top. My son never had any accidents at 3, but the school ALWAYS had a change of clothing for each child. Maybe she's so excited to play with other kids that she doesn't want to stop?

I certainly don't think how the school is handling it, is appropriate. If they treat YOU that way, don't you wonder how they are treating your daughter or what they are saying to her before you get there??? I would!

That being said, it IS school policy...so you need to figure out what to do so that everyone is happy. As a parent, I'd leave just because of how they are handling things. Then again, I decided to homeschool so I KNOW how my child is being treated and how much they are learning. No child in my family is left behind.

That is just crazy! My son just started preschool for 3-4 year olds at a public school and they ASK us to send a change of clothes JUST IN CASE. I would talk to the teacher first in person. If she supports the lack of a need for clothing and seems to think that your daughter SHOULD stay home, I would pull her out and consider a different type of schooling.

I just can't believe a THREE YEAR OLD is being treated that way. My goodness two years ago she was an infant.

My kid would be out of that school, pronto.

I have a child who absolutely detests school, even though he is a good student, athlete, and has always been liked by other kids. I think some of these feelings got their start waaaaay back in early pre-school days. If I were you I would tread carefully on that issue. Maybe a shorter program each day or week would be better.

JMO.

Wow! Sounds like a bunch of people who know nothing about children. Many 3 year olds aren't potty trained. In our school a mother was allowed to be at preschool with her 3 year old because of his issues. The teachers are adults, are they distractions? She was not a distraction. She was another adult who interacted with all the children. She was an extra set of eyes and hands, a big help. Our school only takes children at that age if they have issues. Preschool here starts at age 4. The teachers ask that the children have pull-ups and a change of clothes in their backpacks. They don't expect all 4 year olds to be potty trained. The paraeducator changes them if needed. They don't go to the nurse because there is nothing wrong medically. I would have said something to the nurse in private.
I don't know your circumstance. If you are a stay-at-home mother, I'd say that that was a fun introduction to preschool. I bet you can't wait to go when you are 4 years old. That way if you decide to take her out of school, she won't think it's a punishment. She doesn't need to be told the reason. Just say it was just for a little while this year. She didn't start at the begining of the school year, so why does she have to stop at the end?

Good luck!

Most schools clearly state upfront that they must be potty trained and they enforce it.

You can't work with the school it is a rule they told you upfront. You need to be honest with your child, she will not be allowed to come back if she keeps having accidents so she needs to communicate her needs better, like a big girl, if she wants to stay.

Wow... this really sounds harsh!

Maybe it is time to find a new preschool, one that understands that there will occasionally be accidents?

From your post it seems like this is a public school that you are taking about, so my response is based on that:

Document your interactions with the school up to this point, as objectively as you can (i.e. I walked into the school and the nurse said....). Then put all future communications in writing. Request a meeting, and/or the proper form to fill out to have a meeting regarding this. Contact your local parent advocacy organization and find out exactly what your rights are in terms of observation, etc. Then act on your rights.

I hope that you continue the conversation with the school even if you pull your child before resolution. This situation points to some major fallout from taking the care out of education for our youngest students. I understand that most school are scrambling with reorganization based on the common core... but honestly, this is a three year old. She needs help. They are human and have her overall growth and development in their best interest, I'm sure. They might just need some reminding of that!

Good luck.

It's normal to have accidents and regress at 3.
Sadly, my experience is that it's also normal for schools to expect you to somehow control what your your child does when they're at school. I mean, you do have a magic wand that can fix this, right?

if its a pre school and not a daycare they may not be able to change her. it has nothing to do with them being uncaring, or neglectful, they can GET IN TROUBLE. my son was sick and had a poop accident in kindergarden and they called me to come get him, and guess what he was sitting OUTSIDE on a bench in his crappy pants. at least they are keeping her indoors. my son sat there for 45 mins, i was at my dr and left right away, but still took me a bit to get there. My friends son was also suspended for having to many accidents at his preschool, why because they cant change the kids. if your that bothered check the states policy on the matter.
Added: wow I'm surprised how many people say kids are not expected to be potty trained at 3. My son was fully potty trained day and night just over 2. I have worked in preschools and yes almost every 3 year old was potty trained, and if they weren't they DID NOT move to the 3 year old class. And about parents not being a distraction I assure you they are! I HATED when parents lingered because they are a new face and the kids went crazy trying to get attention from this new person.

i totally understand their potty-training rule. if i ran a daycare i'd have it too.
but since i'm not batshit crazy, i'd also understand that at 3, littles are not perfect and will have occasional relapses.
if she loves this school, i suppose you have to suck it up and abide by their rules, but i'd be unhappy about it.
i'm also curious- how will they know if she has a 'home accident'? are they actually demanding reports from you when your child is under suspension?
i don't think i could tolerate that.
khairete
S.

This is why I love private schools--they can do whatever and mommas have no recourse. I would not like my child being treated that way but I love it that whining cannot get them to change.