After Extensive Potty Training, Daughter Keeps Having Accidents

She is only 2 1/2. Put her back in diapers until she decides she is ready. She'll tell you. My kids we well over 3 yrs old.

Hi,

I had the same thing with my little girl exept it happend at home and not at school. It use to be worse if I punished her and I tried everything. Eventually I made her wash her underwear even though she's only 2 1/2 and it got better. She still has an accident some times but nothing to complain or worry about. Ignore it and keep telling her she's a big girl and big girls doesn't make peepies in their panties. Eventually that's what helped. It took several weeks though!

Good luck!

I would not recommend punishing her. She is having a hard time for some reason. I would continue to send her in Pullups or UnderJams until she improves. She will. Some kids just take longer than others. She probably thinks playing is more important than going potty. She will get the hint soon when the other kids say something to her. Give it some time.

It's why they call it potty "training." Don't punish. Go back to the basics. Have the child care provider (and you on weekends) set the timer for every 30 minutes. Then when she has a few good days in a row, move it to 45 minutes and then an hour. After a few days or maybe a week, she'll be back on track.

I think you'll do better with positive reinforcement. Her little world has been rocked more than you can imagine. Give her a break and help her through this transition.

This may not be what you want to hear, but unless your daycare provider requires your daughter be potty trained at 2 years old then, GIVE IT UP. She is too young. She is not ready and there is obviously too much going on in her little world. I understand why so many parents want their children potty trained early, who doesn't???

I have 2 daughters and with my 1st I started at around 2 years old, she showed some signs but wasn't really ready. It took over 1.5 years to get her potty trained. Live and learn with your 1st one right?

Well, with my 2nd daughter I didn't even bother with this until she tunred 3. It took only a month.

I say let it go for at least a month and then revisit it once she has settled in to daycare again, etc...

I KNOW how frustrating it can be, best of luck!

As a mommy of two girls-ages 4 and 6-and an in home daycare provider, I have mixed feelings about this. Within the first 6 months, potty training everything is still up in the air on a daily basis-especially with a new baby brother and the change with the schedule now that summer is over. Because I'm not aware of all of the dynamics in the current situation, I would ask your provider to have her sit on the potty every 30-45 minutes until she goes potty, but not longer than 5 minutes with the provider with her. This way your daughter will probably have fewer accidents and the situation will probably go away faster. If she truly is doing this to get attention, give her a plastic bag and send her into the bathroom and ask her to take her clothes off herself. This will probably stop it very fast if this is truly the reason she is doing it. As an in home care provider, I can only hope you provider does have time to spend with your daughter each day. That's one of the reasons why I do my job, and I love it. I've also found many places where there are too many kids, and sometimes it's just not possible to spend the time that we truly want to for each situation. If you have a good relationsip with your provider, just ask her about the situation. If you both arent' on the same page for potty training, it will take your daughter a much longer time to figure things out!

You should definitely not punish or do time outs. She sounds stressed. Don't get annoyed - this is very common. She will get the hang of it again. Just encourage her - in the scheme of things, what is a bit of poop ?:) Also her day care should ask her more often if she needs to go. How many children are they looking after? Do they have enough staff for the number of children? Children often give good clues that they are wanting to go eg they go behind something to poop or they get antsy. Maybe there is a lot going on there and so your little one is engaged in play and therefore not thinking about the potty. Again, that would signal that the day care provider should ask her more often if she needs to go. Good luck.

I have been through this as the sitter. We just put her back in diapers and let the child decide when she wanted to start wearing underwear again. I would NOT punish a child for potty accidents. If she is doing it for attention she would be getting what she was looking for with a punishment and probably continue.

I am currently potty training my daughter who is 28 months old. I think you just need to remember that she is only 2 1/2 and 2 1/2 year olds do not always think to stop and go to the bathroom. We try to remind our daughter to go every 30-45 minutes and that helps to greatly reduce accidents. I think giving her the extra reminder and possibly taking time to go into the bathroom with her will help to give her some extra attention that she may need too! Good luck.

PUNISH absolutely not. She's not ready. Think of potty training like a 1st sexual experience as a teen. You might think about it, but your just not sure. And being pressured , just makes it feel more not right. Her natural feeling is at her pace, praise is good. Leave out the potty chair tell her it's ok if' she's not ready.... But still praise her when she does. My son wet his bed at times until 10. We never made him feel ashamed. BTW he was going on the potty at 3 but still had accidents, it's natural. Avoid making a big deal you'll be surprised if she's ready you'll need to do nothing to bring on her willingness. She's 2 she probably is rebelling about something just let it go. The more you react, if she is looking for extra attention well she earned it by pooping in her pants. Heck look at all the attention her little brother gets when her poops his diaper. Even though he does it he always get positive results when being changed, and you can bet she notices all.

First of all, 2 1/2 is still on the early side for potty training. It's great that she learned so early, but she's bound to still have accidents. Mine were potty trained at 2 1/2 also, but went back to pooping in a diaper till they were 3. They would come tell me they needed the diaper because they didn't want to go on the potty.
Whether she's doing it for attention or she's frightened do not punish her! She is way to young for time-outs just because she has an accident. There are kids out there who are in diapers when they're 3 and 4, I'd just be glad she's even trying so young.

D.,

You got a lot of advice and I wasn't able to read them all, but one other thing you may want to consider is if your daughter may be sick.

We potty trained my daughter at 2 and 3 months later we were having practically no accidents, just one here or there if she was really into something and I didn't think to ask her if she had to go potty.

Then one day we were at her grandma's house and she had 6 accidents in one day (all pee, thank goodness). Normally she doesn't pee 6 times in one day at all, let alone have that many accidents in one day. Everyone thought she was doing it for attention since her 4 cousins were there that day and it was the first time our relatives had seen her new baby brother, so she wasn't getting much attention.

She kept having accidents for about 5 days (although not as many in one day) and then that fifth night she was screaming when she was going potty at midnight, having woken up to go. The next day we took her to the doctor and they did some tests and it turned out she had a UTI (I didn't know it was possible at that young of an age). Worse, it was an antibiotic resistent infection, so it took 10 days to get rid of it.

She continued to have accidents for a few weeks after that, but only occasionally, mostly when she was playing and didn't want to take a break. Once I got more diligent and started checking with her again, she went back to normal.

Good Luck,
D.

Hi D.!

I also have a 2 1/2 year old daughter that we've been potty training over the summer. Like your daughter, Paige was ready to start potty training too. She still has accidents as well, but that is to be expected when we start potty training at this age. Her pediatrician told us not to start until she's 3 because children are better able to control their bowels/bladder at that time. Also, they are a little more mature when it comes to going to the bathroom on their own. I teach preschool in my home and see this happen many times with the two year olds that we potty train. My advice to you is not to punish her, but use a reward chart for every time she uses the potty! Give it another 6 months and I guarantee she'll be completely potty trained without any accidents! Good luck to you!!! :o)

We went thru phases like this. With us, it ended up happening when her routine changed (even though she like the new stuff we were doing) and/or to get attention. It became a bit of a game - lets see how to get a reaction out of mommy, hmmm... think I'll poop my pants! Yeah, thats a good one! Once I started shrugging my shoulders, not say a word, and have her help clean up the mess, the thrill was gone. Praise her when she keeps her undies clean and dry. If it is a reaction she is looking for, she will get it for the positive things she does, not the negative. Also, I would try setting a timer, when it goes off, everything stops and its potty time. Set it for every hour, or whatever time period seems reasonable in your situation, and see if that helps. Sometimes they get so busy, they forget.

NEVER punish your child about the potty!!! She is still learning and her body might not be as ready as you are especially with all of the changes you mentioned! Give her time, plenty of opportunities to use the potty and LOTS of praise and encouragement. But why punish her for something that might be out of her control? Even if it is for attention, what would punishment tell her? In her mind, there's a reason she needs attention. All punishment will do is confirm whatever her fears might be. Good luck to you and hang there. Be consistent, loving and firm.

She's having too much fun to remember to go to the bathroom or waits until it's too late. Our girls both did it and the 6 year old still does it. They just get so involved they don't want to take the time to go. It will work itself out Mom--be happy she is having such a good time that she can't be "bothered" with using the potty.

I recommend the following resources...

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t106600.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/az7.asp

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http://drphil.com/articles/article/264/

http://drphil.com/articles/article/38

Best wishes,
J.

I agree with the sitter. Girls usually start earlier - I had 2 boys. The first wasn't interested until he was 3 years and 3 mos. old. I had another baby just before he turned 3. At 3yr 3 mo. he came up to us and said he wanted to use the potty. He was urine potty trained in 24 hours - won't tell you how long the other took to train.

The second child also came up to us at 3 and wanted to go on the potty. He was trained with weeks. It was their idea!

If you constantly ask and keep making them go - who is training who? Put her back in diapers or pull-ups - when she is ready - she will tell you!
M.

My daughter will be turning 5 in January and we are still having accidents. She had one bout of constipation at 2 1/2 and it has been nonstop drama ever since. I have dealt with laxatives, enemas, extended bowels so she doesn't even know she is going, messy underpants, delayed entry into preschool and I could go on. I think your issue is quite minor, yet annoying, and I agree it is probably for attention. Going to the bathroom is one of the few things she has control over. I think you should take a step back and relax. I know you don't want to think about starting over but in the long run it may be the easiest thing to do. When my daughter relapses I try to take a deep breath and let her know that accidents happen and to re-emphasize what we need to do when we have to go potty. Do I want to bang my head into the wall? Of course I do! I have been dealing with this for over two years - even before I started training her! I personally think that asking your 2 1/2 year old to be that responsible is a bit much, especially with a new sibling that still requires a bit of attention. As excited as she was about training, she may still need your help. I hope my next time around with my 2 year old will go a lot smoother. Good luck!

Please don't punish her for this, especiaally not right away. She is going through so much change right now. Perhaps the daycare provider can put her on the pitty at certain intervals. Then, if this doesn't work, maybe she could have to clean it up, or change herself. I just hate to se this transition any harder for her than it already is.

Punishing her won't do anything except possibly make the matter worse. At 2 1/2 the sitter SHOULD be asking her every 15 minutes to 1/2 whether she needs to go potty. It's great that she trained so young, but she has a lot going on and it's a bit much to expect her to be as fully potty trained as a 4 or 5 year old.

DO NOT USE fear as a learning tool! It doesn't work. It creates more fear and will later come back as trauma. Do not use firm discipline. The best thing you can do is to stay regulated. The more you are dysregulated, the more she will have accidents. She is probably having a hard time adjusting to her new sibling as well as your dysregulation. Give it time and love. Love does conquer all -- the absolute truth. I wish someone had told me this early on as a parent. Go into your compassion, see how you would like to be treated, and then adapt that to your daughter's situation. Good luck, D..

I had relatively easy success with my first two (boys). Then I was challenged by my daughter continuing to have accidents. I thought she wouldnt get it together to make it into pre-k although she was ALMOST 4. We got creative with rewarding her. When she went all day without an accident we held a 'parade'in her honor.
I know it can be difficult to remain patient but never punish for accidents. Each child develops at their own pace.

awwwwww shes doing so good for a little one. i kids agree with you, & your husband. it is a new place to go potty. are they using a pottychair is that what you use? she does need to be reminded more. ANd is more distracted playing with the other children no doubt. can you make a chart to give to your provider, & some stickers.. as a motivation tool. its so hard on everyone, With out pointing fingers. even for the little one. have the sitter put her on the potty more. not ask her. but to put her on the potty. make some skittles if she goes. its probably a mixture of everything you have mentioned. good luck to the little girl. she will do this. even if she having a set back right now.

god blessings

D.

Hi D. first of all don't punish her it will only make the situtation worse. she's still very young. Even though she did well at first, just be patient. At that age they'll have accident. Yes it could be that she's trying to get some attention but just keep working with her. My grandson was the same way. Staring off excited about it and than going in his pants again. And one day it seems like overnight he started going back to the potty and he's, 3 1/2 years old and he was older that your daughter when is mother started training him. So she'll get it.

NO! Do not punish her for them. She has had so many transitions in the last few weeks and that will always derail potty training. She was very very young to start it in the first place!

She is not getting enough attention and yes, you SHOULD still have to ask her if she has to use the potty. My son is 3 1/2 and has been potty trained for 4 months and we still ask him all the time. Her babysitter is not paying enough attention to her needs and perhaps you should look elsewhere for childcare.

It is also very very normal for her to regress with a little brother around. You said you are a teacher... you should understand that she is going through all of this, right? She SUPER young for potty training in the first place, and then to have all these transitions to make... she is reacting VERY normally. I would be surprised if she were *not* having accidents, actually.

I am a teacher, too. (that is where my education is, after college I never worked) and maybe I can see things here that you don't see because you are her mom. I am not trying to be harsh, but I think you are expecting an awful lot out of such a little one.

Hello D. G:

First of all, D. I am touched and understand your uneasiness about the potty accidents of your daughter.

Take a deep breath, get rid of the stress it is giving you and be ready to plan a strategy that will get rid of potty accidents.

Remember the difference between a child and an adult. Both are same human but an adult's wisdom is matured with real life experiences. A child needs help with every thing and still does not master the activity as his/her experiences for a particular activity are limited. A child's brain learns much faster,but is not able to learn different diversified situations to use the same activity that he/she has learned.

Now when your daughter is going to the day care, she got confused to apply, potty training rules as she was doing at home, as at the day are many time she is involved in group activity and is not able to practice her own individuality rules of potty that she has recently learned.
You will have to reinforce potty training, in a different situation. You will have to remind her how to go to potty at the day care also. Day care is a positive social influence for her, and still takes away
1. 24 hours of mom's attention.
2. Takes away the comfort of 24 hours of home sweet home.

So, do the following:
a. Be very positive, happy and warm when you tell her about potty training and its importance.
b. While talking potty training show confidence in her.
c. Tell her how her child care provider will help her when she asks for it, as she wants to help her to be potty trained.
d. Tell her how she can run to the washroom even at the daycare, instead of making an accident.
e. If you have potty story books dvd's let her read or watch every day.
f. Give her examples, even of pets, that every one has to do it.
g. Create and discuss a very attractive reward once she goes to potty one full week without an accident.
for example.
* Potty graduation party at the day care (if she likes it)
* A toy that she wants to get for a while.
* Give her several choices to choose from.

Also use any stickers for every day potty achievement with no accidents.

I am sure all this will bring her back to normal. Love attention and positive behavior solves the biggest problems and so will help you re achieve skill of potty training for your daughter. Remember, the practice of normal potty training, asking and reminding her to go potty will still go on for a while, as she is living a very busy life as a child.

I forgot to mention that before,when you start the revised potty training, make your child care provider commit and ask her to take her to potty at least 4 times in the first few weeks and ask her in between these four times if she needs to go. This will help the provider not to face accidents also.

I am sure. your daughter will be back to normal. she will soon start practice no accident potty training.

Good luck, have patience, and be determined. You will win.

Do not punish her for not being fully potty trained, which is essentially what you are doing. It's a process. They can have set-backs. She can be doing this for attention or she may still not be fully competent in her abilities. This is not about you and your success in potty training her. Keep being consistent in training, encouraging her to go before and after every meal and beverage and sleep times. Reward systems are good. She will get back on track. Just keep the experience positive. To expect her to "ask to use the potty" everytime".... even when my children were potty trained, you have to remind them, otherwise, you may have a child who forgets and holds it waaaay too long. Scary. If you are paying a day care, they can pay a little more attention to your daughter to encourage her to potty train, especially in a smaller home setting, that you describe.

It's her will against yours - she will win at this, regardless of the outcome. There is no reason for you to be upset. Possibly frustrated - yes - but no one can predict how long it will take a child to potty train, even when you have done EVERYTHING right! And, while you are in the "potty training" process, there will be ALL KINDS of people who will brag and tell you that they potty trained their kids at 1 1/2 years old or younger! According to my sister in law, my niece potty trained at 10 months old. It's amazing. I'm still skeptical! Years later, it's not unusual to see that kids potty train, even as late as 3 1/2 years or possibly older.

I agree with what others have said - don't punish for accidents.

My kids both had a hard time remembering to go when they were newly potty-trained when there were other exciting activities going on, and there are probably a lot more distractions there than at home.

The daycare provider should be able to remind her and lead her to the potty every hour, at least for a couple of weeks until she is more on track. Part of being a DCP is helping with potty training - both of my kids were trained at daycare and at home at the same time.

My daughter is 2 1/2 also and she is completely potty trained. We went from her wanting to do it all by herself to mommy can you help me stage. In the beginning she did great and then she started having accidents at the sitters. I later found out that she wasn't getting any help in the bathroom or wasn't getting sent frequently enough. I do agree with you husband that the sitter may need to give a little extra help or attention while she is going through this phase. Try a reward system like a sticker or a stamp daily when she stays dry all day. She is still at an age where she will need reminding to go. Eventually she will start asking to go. I had to tell my sitter that she needed help going to the bathroom and after I did that the accidents stopped and she now doesn't even wear any pullups to bed. So good luck.

We had a similar experience with my dd when she was about 2 and had been accident free for about 2 months. Suddenly she reverted back to accidents all the time, including poop, which was really hard. So I totally get where you are coming from.

Here's my two cents: nothing worked. Don't bother trying to punish OR reward her. The truth is, it's her body. She's going to do what she wants with her body, and if she hadn't been accident free and in undies before, it wouldn't be a big deal to you to change a diaper now. So start over.

Each morning we asked dd: Do you want undies or a diaper? Reminding her that if she chose undies she'd have to use the potty. She chose a diaper for another 2 months (ugh!) but then one day chose undies. She's been in undies with maybe 2 accidents ever since. (She's almost 5 now and when I tell this story so many people have similar experiences.)

The only thing that worked for us (and we tried everything!) was respecting her- that it was her choice to use the potty or not, and giving her some time to adjust to everything being so new (especially with a new baby). Be gentle, be loving, be kind.

If our experience is anything: your dd will change her mind, as soon as you change yours- letting go of all the reasons why it's important to not be in diapers. (Really- as soon as I really relaxed, she wanted her undies back.) Good luck!

First thing calm down. Right now this is the one thing that your daughter can control. She is controlling the situation. It is for attention, I don't doubt it for a minute. Do not punish her, reward her for no accidents. Reward her with alone time with you, her dad, or both of you together. It needs to be alone time. Away from the baby. Even if it's just going to the park for an hour. Our daughter decided not to eat when we brought her little sister home. I begged, pleeded, cried. She has always been small for her age, so not eating made me crazy. She wouldn't eat more than a bite. She skipped most meals. She was depressed! Her once bubbly personality was gone. It took months for her to get back to herself. Our friends noticed, our family noticed. I wouldn't let her go play at friends houses etc. unless she ate. She didn't care! She just would say "that's okay". Finally, we started leaving the baby and taking her out. We took her out the first time without any "deals". She had so much fun and for one afternoon was back to being herself. Then we told her if she was a good eater all week we could do it again next weekend. It worked. She wasn't back to her bubbly self 100%, but it was a great improvement. I just wanted my happy little girl back and I would do whatever it took. She finally came around once her sister started crawling/ walking and she could do things with her besides just hold her. My daughter used this as her control over us and yours is using the potty. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Try to take her out this weekend and do something with just her. Let her know that if she has no accidents this week then next week you can do "this" together. But,if you make a promise you need to keep it. Make sure it's something you can really do alone together.
Good luck. Everything always works out in the end.

if you think she truly gets it and is having accidents because she is being lazy or trying to get attention then I would NOT punish her, but wait a few minutes to change her. Take her to the bathroom and make her sit down (she is not going to like sitting in wet or poopy underwear) and tell her you will change her in a few minutes because you are in the middle of something....if she is upset by this she is going to stop the behavior. IF she could care less then you have other problems. I would make sure you are comfortable with the provider as well as sometimes these things can be a sign. But it is also VERY possible that it is just all the change in her life right now. Make sure she is getting a lot of special time when mommy and daddy are available!