Need Advice About Troubling 3 Year Old Behavior (Competition & Comparing)

Oh dear. At this point I would give up, totally, on the idea of impressing idealistic egalitarian views on the little guy. He's a happy self-centered little primate full of the joy of accomplishment... BUT you can address it as a matter of good manners.

--Teach him how to shake hands and say, "good game" when he wins--and loses. Play games and run races with him so he gets used to the idea of winning, and losing.

--If he is sad about losing something, ask him to think of what he learned from it.

--Praise trying, not just success.

--When he is bragging about something being smarter or faster or stronger or bigger, or his toys or his house or money or anything), encourage empathy. "How would you feel if a big kid came over to you and laughed at you for being little?" "How would you feel if someone said she was better than you because her house was bigger"? "Would you want to play with a little boy if he was always talking about how he was stronger?"

--If he says something belittling to another person in front of you, model empathy for him by example. "I am so sorry that my son said something unkind about your dog... I apologize. I feel very bad for you. Your dog is adorable and looks very healthy. It doesn't matter who has the bigger dog." But don't force him to apologize.

--Brace yourself for the possibility that you will have a little guy whose feelings about winning and losing are rather different from yours : ) Sometimes it doesn't come from school.

--I think that avoiding competition might make it worse, because he will never get used to winning and losing gracefully. It will always be a "big deal."

I think it will all work out, simply because of you grounded attitude. It is just a age thing, I think, My son did the same thing. I too, am a not old, older Mom of a now, 5yo boy. At your childs age, I started refering to things a not nice and just plain rude. It's a good time to start 'replacing' those bristling phrases with more positive ones. For example, we had the 'I won, I won' with the annoying little dance too-we told him it's ok to be happy you won BUT, never make the other person feel bad about losing- it's rude. Instead tell the other person- 'Wow, nice job, you made me work hard for that' or 'great try'. Maybe ask him how he would feel if someone said it that way to him. Good sportsmanship, modesty and manners- it's all very hard to instill especially in todays world. It's good he is able to tell the difference of things, but it is never to early to nail it all down with good manners. Thank goodness as those new older mothers- WE actually remember what they are!

You may be able to teach him about competing with himself later, but right now society puts much empahsis on outside competition. Just a fact.

You are right to be concerned I think , because it is rude. My daughter is 5 and is just now starting to do this. Because she's older, I can expleain to her that it's rude and ask her to put herself in others' shoes. Since she's a bit of an empath like her father and I, she understands. Then it's just a matter of reminding her. She's learning control (and we parents are their main teachers!) so gently but firmly guide him in getting along with others.

Just do what you would do in a situation where they would taunt someone else. Ask him if he would like that done to him. Do unto others fits so many situations!

-S

i think your kid is mathematically advanced if he can tell that something is bigger than another thing -- i think that's what he's doing and I would be impressed, tho i can see how it would be troubling. maybe you can ask him which is smaller, or what thing is medium???

as for "I won", this is how i get my 3 year old (son) to do things. I tell him his 5 month old brother is going to beat him into the car, or fall asleep before him. maybe i'm doing him a disservice, but i can get him moving and get him to do things if i turn it into a contest. also racing him to the potty will sometimes get him to go into the bathroom and sit on the pot. is that wrong?

My son is 3 1/2 and he started some of this behavior recently as well. He would taunt when he won and dance around and say ha ha ha ha ha. I think it might just be somethign they discover at this age. A lot of it probably just comes from observing the fact that you do have a bigger or or your son may be faster than his friend. I explained on a few occasions that it is not nice to act like that. I told him that his friends don't like it and they might not want to be his friend anymore if he is taunts them like that. After a few talks he has stopped the singing and dancing when he wins, thank goodness. Oh, my children don't attend school or daycare and they are around just a handful of children. I am always there when my son plays with others and have never heard this behavior from them. Maybe you should address the issue with your son before going to the school since it might not have come from someone else. Remember in the grand scheme of life this is a small issue and not to get yourself to worked up about it.