My Two Year Old Won't Stay in Bed at Night

2 years old is a time of GREAT flux and change in a child, all around, and this includes sleep patterns too.
It really is not an easy time for a child... the 2's are basically a lot of "growing pains" and being told how "not" to do things and being told "no" all the time, and being at the end of irritated parents looks.

The best thing you can do is offer consistency and comfort. At this age- developmentally & cognitively- a child starts to develop 'night-time' fears and nightmares. They can't help it... we cannot wish it out of them or make their dreaming stop, nor their fears.

Imagine, being locked in a room, gated in, lights off, left alone, you are told to just cry and cry and cry and NO ONE will come and support you and that all you will get is a verbal "shhhh." Imagine, if when you were a teen or even now... that you could not sleep and just needed some extra emotional support...but all your Hubby would do is turn his back on you, tell you "get over it, you are irritating" and tell you "be independent...if I help you now and empathize with you, you will get TOO dependent and turn into a wimp."

HOW a child overcomes this transition in their life, depends on how they are understood or not.

For us, it didn't matter "where" my daughter slept.... all that mattered was that she DID get a good night's sleep & that it was peaceful. And no, we did not believe in punishment/threats/rewards. To us, certain things like eating, sleeping, and toileting- is not a matter where you manipulate a child into it.

My daughter often would just want to sleep on the floor of her room. Or, she'd make a pile of blankets on the floor of our room and called it her "nest" and she'd want to sleep there. Or, she'd want to sleep on the sofa. Or, I co-slept with her, as needed. The thing is we kept it flexible... because a child's ever-evolving development is never static...
And no, contrary to what many say, our daughter nor my son, is a wimpy/over-dependent child. And I am one of those "co-sleepers" and I co-sleep with my children IF it is needed.
We have a floor futon on the floor in our bedroom. That is where the kids are allowed to sleep, with us. Its perfectly fine with us. And if they want company or are sick, I just lay next to them until they fall asleep... then I can get up and leave and do whatever I want!
Its a happy medium that works for us.

My daughter, even at 5 years old and even now at 6 years old, has night-time 'fears.' This is normal. Just the dark, the noises outside or hearing the wind/rain at night sometimes just gets her uneasy and 'scared' to go to bed at night. So, can you imagine a 2 year old experiencing this? They are not yet mature enough to FULLY understand "abstract" things like this or making sense of their imaginations.

2 years old to 3 years old is a hard transition for many kids, they are changing SO SO much at this age....and they have to deal with so many things and "expectations" that adults have on them. So, it's really not easy for them either... nor do they have "coping skills" at this age. AND on top of that, their "emotions" are still developing too. Thus, for us, we never expect our kids to act "perfectly" at this age. BUT we have definite bedtimes and sleep routines which we enforce....and this consistency helps too.

All the best,
Susan

K.,

My son is 2.5 now, and will be 3 in July...and, this is totally normal! As many of the other posters noted, toddlers of this age can and do start seeing, hearing, experiencing and interpretting the WHOLE world in a very different way.

For us, it was a matter of being scared of the dark and shadow monsters. But, it took me two weeks of waking for him to spit out what was really bugging him. So, just make sure you're consistent about reassuring her that you guys are there for her and she can tell you anything. My son and I, had a 'night light' party with my parents and it was great. He has flashlights he keeps around the room that he can use whenever he's scared.

Also, I don't make the 'bed' a big issue. There is Mommy's bed, there is my son's bed and he can sleep wherever he wants to sleep. If we're done with bedtime routine and he hops into bed, only to come and get me twenty minutes later I let it be. I've slept on the floor in his room, in my room and really for me it's about the good night sleep. Making sure my son knows that Mommy is always there and will always be there if he's scared and needs some extra comfort.

I've also co-slept with him since he was 2 months old. My son was premature and was on meds and monitor that made it so stressful to sleep at all. When I went with my gut and let him sleep next to me, not only did I get sleep but we bonded. And, no he is not a clingy/needy little person...he's very strong and independent, and is thriving in preschool two days a week.

Begging and bribing kids in my opinion can be counter productive. It becomes the only way many kids will do something, and can lead to the thought that no matter what they do they should get a treat/reward for their behavior. Keep the bedtime routine consistent, but be there for her and offer her comfort and love. Contrary to many beliefs this is okay.

I know with a 7 month old this can be a huge transition for everyone. And, this may also be a part of the waking at night. If you are waking to tend to the baby, and she notices this change and this may also be effecting her sleep patterns. Make sure your oldest is getting one-on-one time with Mommy and Daddy...park time, reading time and maybe girls day out. When I was a little girl, my sister was born when I was 3.5 and I did all sorts of stuff to get my Mom away from the baby. My Mom and Dad set up a cot for me in their room, and this was my special sleep spot. After getting woken up by the baby every night, I gave up and moved back into my room.

You may also want to introduce what some call 'lovey'. My son has a dinosaur that we use when he has tough night sleeping and this is his comfort on most nights, even when he's in my bed.

Good Luck!!!

Hi K.:
Some excellent responses.At two Years old,your daughter has developed more of an imagination. She observes everything,and has a keen mind.This is the time,to be particular and selective in what she see's on the television,or in books. What may appear trivial to you,may stick in her mind,as frightening. When she is laying there all by herself,she can reflect on those,and her little imagination,can see or hear things.She will have more dreams at this age,and even though she wakes out of them,its very confusing to her,as to whether it was REAL or fake. This scares her.As adults,even though we understand we dream,there are those nightmarish ones,where you wake in a panic,not sure if you weren't actually living it.K.,you know your daughter,better than anyone.There's nothing wrong with asking for advice or ideas,but remember,that your daughter is her own special little person.Contrary to what some believe.Its not all black and white,its not one size fits all.If a child cries at night,its not always because they are spoiled. Follow your motherly instincts. Your daughter,has always been a good sleeper. Shes not likely to abruptly change,without reason. She is fearful,and wants the comfort of knowing your there to protect her. Tell her about dreams,that they are make believe.Tell her you have scary dreams sometimes to.Take the time.You certainly wouldn't want to be left alone and scared. Practice patience.Letting your daughter know, that you understand and showing compassion, will get you both through this a lot quicker,and it will create a trust,and closeness,between mother and daughter.I wish you and your imaginative daughter the best.J. M

Don't be alarmed, but does she ever seem to see things that you can't see ? or wake up screaming and or crying?

My Son used to do this. He would sleep really well, then all of a sudden his sleep paterns seem disturbed. We thought it was bad dreams until we had him awake for a while and he still wouldn't snap out of it. It was as though someting or someone had his total attention and was frightening him out of our control. Our son would point to a seemingly moving object. It would anger me that something would do this to an inocent child. I finally took him to a neurologist to see if something was going on in his head. the neurologist said that he was totally normal and that he is seeing or hearing something.
Children at this age and younger are very much connected to the spirit world. Which might explain why they are affraid of the dark.( Even before they ever learn about monsters)They often need the company of parents to fall asleep.
Ask her what's wrong when she can't sleep and really tune in and listen to her. (Leave what you believe behind and go into her experience)
This happend to us just before our son turned 2. he would start acting affraid, cry and point. It only happended at a certain home. Try changing her sleeping arrangements if no improvement. When our Son got a little older and could speak better, he remembered the whole thing and told us that there was a Woman he would see and sometimes a small child. When I told my mom of this, she was not surprised because she said that when I was little I would call them bad people.

At this age, she may not need a nap anymore. Some kids do, others don't. I would try not doing the nap anymore, and see if that helps her sleep through the night. Good luck!