My Stepchildren's Bedroom

Have you ever thought of a daybed? That way you won't have to put the roll away up and it will look nice in the room? Since they are both girls it's also convnient. I have a futon in my bedroom because my kids are always coming in to watch my flat screen tv, so they just sit or lay on it and it makes the room look nice and its comfortable.

Hi K.! I have an idea for you. You could turn the room into a computer room without taking away from them. Maybe decorate the room to their liking and always address the room as theirs but put your computer in there as well. Maybe ask them if they mind, just so they know it is their space. I understand they are only there every other weekend, but it is infact their home and they should feel comfortable not like guests. just an idea! good luck! ~R.'

I think it would be a bad idea to take their room away from them. For whatever reason they are already separated from their real family which I personally find apalling, and turning the room that they stay in when they visit their father may make them feel like they are being further alienated from their family. The children need to feel welcome in your home when they visit because I'm sure they have issues about living with strangers when two of their siblings don't have to. Don't be selfish, if it was me I would re-do the room for the kids to have a nice place to stay, it may seem like it's unused space in your home but to the kids it's their space when they get to come home.

Hi K.,

Is your concern "should you do it?" First off, how old are the children? Have you discussed this with your fiance? I can understand you wanting to change the room and I think it is a reasonable idea. I don't see why there should be a problem. I don't know how old the girls are, but you can explain to them that you need to use the room when they aren't there. Hey, it's your home.

Goodluck, B.

I wouldn't do that...especially if they are living in Fostercare...this is only my opinion..but they still need to feel like they are part of the family and that they have a "home" with you

I couldn't agree more with the other poster's. the amount of rejective experiences these girls have already had will be a source of problems for them the rest of their lives. To take their room and make it convenient for you would be one more rejection. They need to feel like they belong and are part of the family even though they are not there full time. As it is they already I am sure feel worthless and unloved due to the fact that some of the siblings are living with mom or dad and they aren't. This is so damaging to them. I encourage you to look at this from their perspective. a childs perspective. they do not process things as adults do.
I wish you the best.

You should absolutely not change that room to make it your own. Change it to make it more theirs...they need it. Taking it away from them would make them feel like unwanted visitors when what they need is to feel like they are in a loving home. When those girls are there, they are not visitors. They are with their father and they are home. Someone else suggested that you put yourself in the shoes of those girls. I suggest the same, but when you do make sure that you are truly looking at the situation from the view point of a little girl who has too live in a foster home. Those children are going through a very difficult time and I am sad for them. I understand that some environments are unfit for children and they shouldn't be left in those environments. I also understand about foster care that it is not a child friendly situation, either. Please find it in your heart to reach out to these children instead of pushing them away.

K.,
I think that it is foolish to not make use of the "spare" room while the children are away. I would suggest putting your computer in there it is your house. But I don't think that you want to make the children feel as though something was taken away from them or that they are not important anymore. So I would do something to personalize the room for them as well.
C. P

I think that that would cause HUGE problems! Your other children have their own room and the girls should also! There should be no different treatment between the kids! The girls definatley need to know that is their HOME! Good luck!

hello I have an aunt that has adopted two little girls that were in foster care, and speaking from expierience I wouldn't advise the room change. Children that have been in the system whether it be for a short time or for a long time tend to feel alone or sometimes abandoned. Children are beings of habit and the two that you have probably look forward to the visits that they have with you and could possible be devistated if a change so large has been made without them being a part of it. If your children are of older age sit down with them and explain what you are proposing, if they seem to understand and don't look upset then I would say to proceed. I know that having a home office is something that would make ones life easier, but if it doesn't look like a plan that the children like then 10 to 1 sooner or later you will see that it probably won't work out anyhow. Sorry to step on any toes, hope this is helpful.

Being that the girls are in foster care, I wouldn't suggest taking their room away. It's probably very difficult feeling fully accepted being they don't live w/their father full time, so to take away their room might make them feel unwanted. Maybe you can rearrange the room to add a computer and desk so that you can work on it while they aren't their and they can also feel like it's something you put in there for them. But I think taking away the room could be damaging to the girls.

Dear K.,

I really think that you should keep the bedroom for the children. Living in foster care and away from all you know is hard enough. Their visits with you and their father are important and they need to know that they are welcome. Giving them their own space at your house gives them a little piece of home. Maybe you could help them decorate and put some things that mean something to them in the room. Please reconsider, maybe there is another part of the house that you can work from? I had a nephew who grew up in foster care and his visits to us meant so much. Now that he is grown we are the only members of his family that he has contact with. Just a thought.

please a pray that u take this the way that i am giving from the heart.
hello K. w. my name is W. and for some reason or another your question just doesn't sit right with me. until resently i had two step children and i loved them to death (i'm not saying that u don't so please don't take me wrong). i was raised by two mothers and my father. i lived with my mom but every week in, holidays and summers i spent with my father. I don't know how long u and your fiance have been together. but them children need to feel like they belong. by them living in forster care they already probley feel like thier lives is a roll away. i'm only speaking from excperience. i had some nieces and nephews in forster care for awhile until i was able to get them out of the system, so when i did i spoke to them so i can see were they were at mentially and to let them know and remind them that they stay in forster care was out of our control. but they were a little messed up behind the stay in forster care. so my sugestion to u is please don't take them babies room from them. allow them to have a piece of foundation with u.

Hello!

I too am a Mom of two boys and have 3 step children. However I can't imagine how the girls would feel that you wouldn't "make room" for them. I do not know the cirrcumstances of your custody issue or living arrangments but I don't think you should close the girls out. That room may be the only thing that they could call theirs. If the shoes where on your feet, how would you feel? I am not trying to be harsh or anything but, think about it before you do anything.